Okay… so here's my story. Sorry in advance if this gets a bit long… I am trying to give you background details, lol
I am 18, and I have a part time job supervising at a local supermarket.
There was this girl that works on checkout Friday nights… one of the nights that I supervise. Fridays were generally semi-busy… but then after about 8pm, it would just go dead quiet, which was great… I'd just stand at her checkout and pack for her when she got the occasional customer, and we'd just talk for ages. Sure I had other duties, but I made up for those on other nights
Anyway… the more I got to know this girl, the more I liked her, and the more I wanted to know about her.
Eventually, I couldn't get her out of my head, and I so I decided I had to ask her out.
I barely slept for the 3 days prior to when I told her… what sleep I did get was plagued with dreams of her… because I was just wondering how she'd react, what she'd say, what I'd say etc.
I've never felt so strongly about someone in my entire life…
So anyway… I asked her out… she was surprised, as no one had ever liked her before, and it seemed she really liked me too.
But, both of us had exams (our school practice exams) at the time, so we decided to hold off going out till a while after… but we talked heaps through text messages, and on MSN, and Friday night was just the best day of the week, for both of us, period. She would put a very noticeable effort into her appearance on Fridays, as would I. I did all sorts of romantic gestures when we were alone, and left her little notes which made her really happy, which made me really happy because I made her really happy.
Even though it was only for a bit over a month, we had a really strong connection… I was totally in love, and she seemed to be too.
Anyway… so we finally went out. Needless to say, being so crazy about her, and being my first date, I blew it. I was nervous, and couldn't act myself properly. My heart was beating spastically all day, and I couldn't make those frigging butterflies go away.
I didn't think that it went all THAT badly… and neither did she (or at least she didn't at the time). She said "oh well, second dates are always better" and she seemed pretty happy when she said that.
Then, the next night while I waited for her to come on MSN, I got a text message saying that she wouldn't be able to talk to me much anymore, as she was too busy studying for Bursary (our final exams, on at the moment).
The timing seemed a little too convenient… but I accepted it, because they are pretty important exams.
Then she didn't answer any of my text messages throughout the week. I told my friends, who suggested maybe her phone was off (umm, riiight), or that maybe my messages didn't really need answering. Thinking about it, none were really conversational texts (mostly me showing affection)… although that had never stopped her before… but I accepted that (stupidly).
Friday came. The first thing I noticed, was her appearance. She just looked normal (incredibly beautiful she hadn't put the usual effort into her appearance. Anyway… she basically avoided me all night… scowling most of the time, and wouldn't talk to me unless she really had to. She wanted to get off checkouts and get away from me as much as possible…
She wouldn't even talk to me and tell me why she was acting that way…
It really cut like a knife. I was border-line heart-attack for the next few days, and every scrap of sleep I got was full of dreams of losing her.
Anyway… after that I waited a few days, sent a conversational text, which she didn't reply to, surprise surprise
I ended up asking her straight out to tell me what was going on… she said she didn't know what was going through her head anymore, and that she was thinking about a lot of things. The next day, she sent me another text, saying she was breaking up with me, and that going back to being friends would be good.
Ouch
My friends said maybe she had really high expectations, as she had never been out with anyone before… I couldn't believe that though. I blame(d) myself.
Maybe she was really disappointed, because I was nervous and not myself? I just had bad first date jitters…
I still don't understand why she seemed so okay at the end of our date, but was so annoyed with me later on… either she was hiding it, or was just brooding over it for a while.
Anyway… this was ~3 weeks ago now… and now we act pretty much like we used to on Friday nights, before I asked her out. It is still a little odd though.
Now I am trying to decide what to do…
Although I have tried telling myself to forget about her, that she will never want me back, that it's completely over, and just to see her as a friend… every time I see her I just want to be with her again.
If I remain friends with her… well, moving on will be very difficult. Every bit of time I am with her just drives home the fact that I am still in love with her. Or, I try to remain friends with her, in the hope that eventually she'll come around.
Or I could quit Friday nights, and just forget about her completely, and try to move on (I sooo don't want to do that though… because I still want her in my life, and heaps of cool people work on Friday).
Perhaps I should just try to remain friends with her… but try to move on… which is incredibly difficult. If she ever does want me back, then I'll deal with it at the time… otherwise I shouldn't hold my breath.
But still, I feel as though I'll never ever find another girl I could like as much as I do her…
One of the worst things about this is: Now my heart still sometimes goes mental when I am near her, causing me to get uncomfortable easily. It does it at fairly random times… I can't seem to stop it… when it does stop being retarded however, and I can act normally, I have quite a bit of fun, and it seems like she does too.
Anyway, that's my story. What do you guys think? Any advice would be much appreciated.
