Slagar

The Bag and Poetry ------------------ He's a property developer, Ah, how foolish of me, he drives a BMW, And he likes poetry, and... Any man would love poetry if you asked him, He has his life, I have mine, it seems to work quite well, What a nice life you'll have. I hope it's so convenient in twenty years, When your children bear his name, and his face, Perhaps Louis-Vuitton will keep the sun warm While I follow my heart, And I drive a Mitsubishi, With my wife that hates poetry, And our lives, bitterly intertwined, Becomes a terrible inconvenience. ----- No real editing or purpose, other than to vent a little. I was hurt, shocked, and confused when she mentioned "my boyfriend". I felt like she seriously led me on, considering. These are some of the thoughts going through my head while she divulged some details about him. I realise it's bitter and sarcastic, and not at all attractive, it just had to be said somewhere.

*smiles* Karvala, that is a neat story. Thankyou very much for sharing it Your advice too, is very wise. I especially like your end message "Life is something you participate in, not something that happens to you." Thankyou also, laboheme, for your input Good advice from you both, to be sure. Your points provoke some interesting thoughts in me. That pretty much cements it for me. Thank you! Hmm, well, I'll see how it goes tomorrow I suppose

I'm leaving my current job this week, as I've been offered a better one. Being a single chap, I was starting to get to know one of the female reps for a company that interacted with our own. Now, herein lies my dilemma. I basically can't decide whether I should try to get this girls number before I leave. She is a fairly attractive girl, maybe 2 years younger than myself. I'm expecting "what the hell are you waiting for then??" For me, finding love has been an "either it happens or it don't" kind of thing. I've never been the kind of guy to hook up with girls because they're pretty. In the past, when I've met someone, it's been like *bam* there she is. I guess you could say I've let fate guide me. Now although this girl is fairly attractive, there's nothing really "there". There's also the chance that she might have a boyfriend. So do I try to get this girl's number and see if it heads somewhere, or do I wish her well and be on my way? It's been 7 months or so since my last relationship ended, and I know inside that I'm a different person to who I was before that relationship. More emotionally distant, I think.

Hmm, I think it depends on the individuals involved. I know some girls who think that it is very cute if a boy asks before he kisses them. Those girls seem to be quite okay with the whole shy-guy thing in general, and even like it. Well, I asked my first girlfriend before I kissed her for the first time, on our first date. Our "relationship" pretty much ended that day, lol With the girls I've met since, it just kind of happened when the time was right.

*wrinkles nose* Personally, I've never been so interested in sex that I'd do it when my girlfriend has her period. I mean, sure, I *could*... but, I'd rather not. It *is* kinda gross for a guy, and sex just isn't that much of a priority to me. I did notice one of my ex's was particularly interested in it during that time of the month though, lol. That's my point of view anyway.

Well, in my relationship before last (a long loving relationship)... I learnt that it's fine to trust someone, but sometimes you're better off keeping your mouth shut. No matter how much you love and trust someone, there are some things that talking about can just harm the relationship. Also, since then, I grew a lot as a person. That breakup made me a much stronger person, and I realised that loving unconditionally isn't the best way to go about things. There was a lot I didn't like about that girl, but she was very pushy, and got her way most of the time. After that, I met the girl of my dreams. With the knowledge of my last relationship in tact, I pursued. Looking back at my actions in this relationship, I wouldn't change a single thing. I felt I did everything right; and being with her was the best time of my life. Unfortunately, after about 4-5 months, I felt she started to get bored, and I forced myself to leave. I've gone over it in my mind, and I think it failed because of two possible reasons: 1) Perhaps I treated her too well. Girls seem to get bored when they have everything given to them. The error with this, in my mind, is that she treated me well too - we were equals, or so I thought. And also, simply, because she was such a lovely person, I really loved doing things for her, and didn't feel "obligated" at any point in time. 2) I don't think I had enough to offer that relationship. She was an amazing person with a wealth of experience. Although I had a lot to offer, and I offered it... but I'm not sure if it was enough for her. Now I'm focussing on more on my life, so when my next relationship comes along, I'll be 100% certain this doesn't happen. 3) Lastly, the thing that affected our relationship the most I think, is that we wanted different things. We had different long term goals. Also, I've learned the hard way: No Contact from day one, is the only way to go. But breakups always leave me a stronger person than before.

Have you read majord23's guide on NC? If not, please do. Etiquette? The etiquette, is simply to disappear. There are no special exceptions for breaking it; you simply don't. Because of your situation, you still care very much about her. Too much. Don't say anything - just go. I know this is not what you want to hear, but talking to her is only going to make things easier on her. If she truly wants to continue to be with you, she will seek you out. Let some time pass, before you let yourself talk to her again - only by means of her initiating contact. I've been in that exact same situation before. It seems crazy, but unfortunately, being the nice guy, and doing what you feel is right, isn't always the best option.

I'm trying to figure out if moving out would really do the trick, and help me feel like I'm getting somewhere in life. I know I've posted similar threads like a billion times, but I'm not quite convinced. Moving out would be a huge step for me. I feel like my home with the old folks is a prison in many ways. Although an outsider wouldn't see them as *that* bad, they certainly have been over the years. To cope, I've barricaded myself up in my room to shut them/the dysfunctional family out. The only reason this was successful was because my computer/internet has acted as a "window" to the outside world. A tool for escape. This has affected my studying pretty badly. As soon as I'd get home, I'd barricade myself in my room. To remove the feeling of claustrophobia, I'd resort to my computer. Even though realistically, I know they're currently *okay*, I still live like this - the tension and feelings regarding my parents have built up over the years, and I can't seem to change the way I feel about them, especially my Dad whom I almost never speak to/look at (he is very dominating). I can see the same effect at work on my younger brother, and know there is nothing I can do to change it. Interestingly, also, I have noticed that when my folks aren't around I'm inclined to leave my room. When my Mum is here, I'll leave my room sometimes, and talk to her sometimes. But, when my Dad is here, I'll almost never leave, or especially talk to him. But I know, if I move out, I'll be poor as hell, and I'll have to spend a LOT more time doing things I don't regularly have to worry about... which means, life will most assuredly get harder... But would it be for the better? I have no doubt some of my computer use will resume; I just feel it will be more casual as opposed to necessity. I know I'll make lots of mistakes, but I know I'll also learn a lot this way. I just feel like I'm not making progress currently, and I'm sick of making the same mistakes... and if I can squeeze in one more shot at College, or life, I want to get it right. What do you all think?

Unface, that's a very bleak way to look at life. I think there is much more to love than that... but then, I'm fairly romantic. As for "growing" in love vs "falling" in love... well, I believe, when you're young and inexperienced in the matter, you "fall" in love... but as you get older and wiser, and have been through it before, it's less likely, and the term "growing" in love is perhaps more accurate. If you want to get technical, I'd say it's true that real love for someone is something that grows over time. So that kind of love, at first sight, is impossible. But the phenomenon "love at first sight" is a bit different IMO. I certainly wouldn't describe it as "lust", and I don't think my ex would either. Lust mostly implies something sexual; a strong craving or desire. I wouldn't say that description fits what I felt with my ex at all... it was pretty much, the first time we saw eachother... something clicked in both of us, and shortly after we fell in love. I guess you could say "very strong mutual attraction and chemistry at first sight"... but still, to me, that description seems incomplete. It's kind of crazy actually... I know I won't fall in love that way again; now I have to work for it like most people

I disagree somewhat. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. To say that the female body is more "attractive" is a perspective. With this situation, I would argue that an un-biased perspective is simply impossible, because everyone is either male or female; every member of the human race itself is biased. There is more to "attractiveness" than simply the shape of something. The reason men and women might find women more visually stimulating, is due to our programming as humans with respect to what we are attracted to, and many other nuances. I don't believe the male body is any less beautiful than the female body; just that men and women in general might be more visually stimulated by the female form. The female form has "funny parts", just like the male form. They're just different.

Shyness isn't something you can overcome overnight I think, but with time you can do it. It's just a skill, like many other things in this world. Practice makes perfect. You just have to let go. Seriously. Don't think about what you're going to say, or how you're going to say it. Don't worry about what they'll say next, or the outcome of the conversation. Just say something. Don't necessarily wait for it to "pop into your head" either... as this leads to thought Just say something. Start up conversation. Anything at all will do. "Nice shirt." "Your hair looks cool today." "Damn I'm tired!" "Have you started your assignment?" Anything. You can't go wrong. No one is going to think less of you, or judge you, or even take any notice other than to listen to what you have to say. You're just talking! Honestly, if anyone does actually make something out of what you've said, especially something so simple, then they are the one with the problem. In that case, just ignore them - you have better people to talk to It's harder with attractive girls, simply because you care more about what they think/the outcome of conversation. But deep down, it's exactly the same thing. You just need to say "Hi! How are you? What class do you have now?" Just don't even think. You'll be fine. Practice makes perfect. It's a skill. The more you practice, the better you get. I used to be much more shy than I currently am, even though I'm still largely a soft-spoken person. But I'm quite happy with that and I like it. I simply don't let shyness hold me back anymore. Go to it - good luck

Hmm, I'm totally with melrich on this one. Well said. It's just too much... my hair is currently medium-"long" by guys standards, and it's fine, but I can't imagine how hard it would be to maintain hair that long.

It's hard to pinpoint a clear answer, to be honest. If we're talking physical attractiveness, hair colour doesn't really say much. It comes down to the "overall look" of the person at the time in question. A hot blonde can look boring if she's wearing the wrong clothes, and has her hair in an unfavourable way. There are too many variables. Talking straight hair colour, I have no preference. I've loved girls of varying hair colours, and have had crushes on girls with a very diverse range of hair colours.

Hmm. Can you give us more information? Like specifics? How long have you guys been together? What's the girl's history like? It sounds a bit like she doesn't know what she wants... or perhaps, if you haven't been dating long, that maybe she isn't ready for a relationship yet/isn't over an ex yet... Whatever the case, something isn't right, and I hope you're not getting messed around by this girl.

1.) Why can't you trust people? There is very little "trust" involved in making a simple friend. If you have such an "impenetrable exterior", why are you posting on an anonymous forum for advice? 2/3.) So you can communicate well with adults, but not with people your own age? This could be a maturity thing... but I find it highly unlikely that there is simply no one you can get along with of your own age. If your conversations all come down to "drugs, sex, parties, sports" then I'd say you're talking to the wrong people, as that is quite a generalisation. Why do you feel stupid when you communicate with people your own age? Because you're "smarter" than they are? I can assure you, you can learn a lot from people your own age. You'll get older and wiser eventually, so what's the rush? Make the most of it while you can, or else you might look back and wish you hadn't "wasted" these years. 4.) Fair enough. This will likely change as you get older though. I didn't date until I was 18, and only then because "it just happened". You're so very young, and dating at 15 will largely end up nowhere anyway... (some people like that, but I personally prefer meaningful relationships)... so yeah, don't worry about dating yet. It'll happen when it happens. 6.) Relationships with parents are pretty much like that with most families I think. It's pretty rare to see a family where everything is perfect all of the time, or even half of the time. As for sports... well, you're being forced into it; it's only natural for you to dislike it. Especially considering your personality, and your dislike for authority. However, if you had joined a sport of your own accord, I'm sure you'd find it isn't all just "masculinity and school pride". Sport can be a lot of fun! That said, each to his own. If you don't like them, consider that simply another trait of your own unique personality. 7.) Heh. Well, I hate to say it, but being intelligent will get you nowhere. Applying yourself will. This is definitely from personal experience. A friend of mine said "There are no geniuses at university" and that couldn't be more true. You may not like the work they give you, but if you continue to let yourself slide, your C's will turn into D's, and then you'll have problems. All I can say, is force yourself to stick with it. Not for your parents. Not for your teachers. But for yourself - you'll be much better off if you can get good grades and go through college. It's about setting yourself up for the rest of your life. 8.) Just remember: treat others as you expect to be treated yourself. If you're cold and disrespecting, don't be surprised if others are cold and disrespecting towards you. Don't like being treated that way? Change your attitude. Everyone out there is another person, just like you. They have feelings, love/happiness/anger/frustration, just like you do. Your parents are likely just trying to do their best for their child. It's hard to believe, but they're people too... 9.) There's nothing wrong with that. My brother plays the guitar a lot for the same reasons. Everyone needs some way to get away from things from time to time. Just don't go overboard. Hope this helps

Panacea, glad you like this place It's been a wealth of knowledge, great advice, and pick-me-ups for me over the last three years, and helping out others in need is really great too. I'm really sorry to hear about your divorce though D: That sums it up pretty well! Though I haven't really actively dated, I've mostly been staying away from people because I realise I'm not all that interested. But hey, like hosswhispra said "Go with it. Ride it like a wave." and it's certainly working for me at the moment. Just keep doing what you're comfortable with, and I'm sure you'll find what you're looking for Mmm, also very wise advice Jayar. I've had that happen once before, and it was not nice on the person I was going out with at the time. We fell in love, true, but it was a bit messy for a while, and wasn't fair on her. Needless to say, I learnt what I should say regarding my past, and when to hold my tongue. I think this is also very true. I just hope SHE does come along when the time is right Thanks for the kind words DMXtreme! It's true that you're most people are more productive towards their OWN lives whilst being single. I hope you're doing okay with the dating... just keep at it, and it'll all work out... somehow

Hehehe, age isn't everything my friend. Everybody is different, and it sounds as though you've got at least a fair idea of how things work when it comes to relationships. Mistakes are inevitable, but that is how we learn. Those pieces of advice seem pretty sound to me. Thanks for sharing

Ugh, forcing yourself to exercise is terrible. Even the most motivated person will burnout if that's how you're doing it. What do I do? I play indoor soccer with a group of friends. We just play socially, so it's not a big deal if we lose or look silly doing it - we're there to have fun! (that said, we have gotten reasonably good after playing for quite a few years). It's amazing for keeping you fit, because the game is very fast and furious. We also practice/play outside of the competition once a week also. The great thing about it, is I really look forward to playing indoor soccer each week. Which means, I'll never burn out, because it's so enjoyable! In fact, our club has grown to four teams, simply through friends, and friends of friends that have been interested in it. They come, fill in for someone for one or two games, and then they never want to leave The competition runs pretty much all-year round, and teams are always looking for girls to play. (Mixed teams, 2 girls, 3 guys on court + a goalie; subs also). Our games are 12 minutes each half, so it doesn't take a huge level of devotion. But yeah, I think the specifics vary from place to place. I hope this helps; it works very well for many of us Whatever you decide, I hope you achieve the level of fitness you're after

Myself and one of my exe's fell in love at first sight. Our relationship lasted nearly two years. Looking back, I can't believe we stayed together that long tbh lol.

Hmm, I don't know if that's necessarily true. I know they get a lot of guys asking for sex though... Actually, scratch that, you're right. My female friend doesn't even have a picture on her profile, and has met plenty of guys off a dating website. But I'm sure seperating the good ones from the bad ones isn't all that easy sometimes. I met the most amazing girl I've ever met on a dating website. We went out for about ~5 months, but I ended up leaving her, for various reasons. Even though I'm sure I just got lucky with that one, it's proof that it can happen. However, the odds are somewhat slim... IMO, online dating is good as a secondary form of meeting people. You really shouldn't put too much hope into it. Finding the right person really is no easy task this day in age.

This is very true Lion-Guy. It's interesting though... it's hard not to feel that way a little. In the past, I've kind of "felt this way" about the last girlfriend, naturally, because you miss them. But this time, I swear it's different. Not having been in a relationship since her though, I guess I haven't really tested my words to be true I think continuing the break from dating sounds like a good idea. rmpavlock, that's also a pretty similar attitude. At this point, I feel a little like if I did that though, I wouldn't be quite... onto my game, as I should be... and that I might let possible people slide, when I otherwise could've got things to go deeper. Hmm, this thread has proved quite useful to me. Great advice, and stimulation of my own thoughts and ideas. Thankyou all

Haha, thankyou both for the replies I think I'll continue to ride it, hosswhispra, for now at least *chuckles* I know what you mean, Annie. It's bad, but I can't help but smile. I agree with wholeheartedly with the quote. Actually, looking in my past, when I've been looking, it's found me... to some extent. It's more like, when I'm happy with the way things are, and I feel ready, I'll find someone. It's just I'm not interested in looking at the moment. Perhaps I'll go on the odd date, to see what happens... but I certainly don't have my hopes up or anything. I can only think that maybe time, and change, will make me want to return. Time will tell, I'm sure. Thankyou

I seem to lack interest in dating. I've been alone for quite a while now, and have had a few opportunities with girls, but I can't seem to motivate myself to actually dive in for the catch. I've done a lot of thinking about it, and I guess it boils down to a couple of main reasons: 1) I'm sick of putting in the effort, and getting screwed around in return. Or finding someone that I'm in love with, and, looking back, I really should've opened my eyes. 2) The last girl I was with totally rocked my world, in every way imaginable. No matter how hard I try, I just have very little interest in anyone because she set the bar so high that I know I'll be let down by anyone I meet. 3) Supposing that there is some great girl out there for me, I'm sick of wading through the rest. Often because, I/we will fall in love, and then I'll be stuck with the decision of putting up with what I don't like about her or getting the hell out. In that situation, getting out hurts, but so does staying. Most of the time I don't even care enough to flirt anymore, lol. I'm pretty happy single, but can't help but think maybe I shouldn't get too comfortable. There are things about being with someone that I do miss, and also, I don't want to look back and regret this as I get older (since my age is sort of a prime I guess). I guess I need an attitude adjustment. Any thoughts/suggestions?

Cool post Grokker I like the multichoice... it makes it very simple to see where people generally stand on this issue, rather than reading through mounds of text if I don't really feel like it. I'm B. I'm a white NZ European male. I was never really interested in people of different origins, not for any specific reason, other than I didn't think I'd find a good long term match in someone from a different background. Anyway, by chance, the last girl I ended up going out with an was an asian girl. Now I'm pretty much only interested in asian girls I can't help it lol.

Well, we've given you a lot of advice, but it's up to you what you do about it. But you must do something, because it's better that this doesn't continue. I highly recommend leaving completely. But if you really think he could be worthwhile as a boyfriend, then just give him an ultimatum like the others have said. Tell him, it's either you, or the other girl, but he can't have both. If he can't decide, or if he picks the other girl, then you walk away, never to speak to him again. If he picks you... well, you go from there When he acts nice, you have to force yourself to remember it's only a shell. Remind yourself. Don't fall for it. It's hard, but sometimes we have to do things we don't want to. It's something you just have to get used to as you grow up. As an example, many people are out there, working low-end jobs, just barely getting by. Do you think that's how they want things? No, but many of them just don't have a choice. You have a choice here. So do the right thing. If you think you can't resist him, then just don't speak to him. Don't give yourself the chance to fall for it.