Slagar

Forget etched in your skull... sounds like most guys have never heard of a pen and paper Hmm, that's not nice though ravenfox You should speak to him about it! Have a good old fashioned talk... let him know you're upset, and talk it out. All the best on your special day! Happy Birthday

Like the topic suggests, today I met up for coffee with someone I had found from an online dating site. She was very attractive, smart, funny yet sensible... overall she seemed like a really amazing person! ... But, I got nervous ](*,) I'm trying to figure out what the problem is. I wasn't too bad, per se... just not my comfortable self. I hate being shy. It's so frustrating! Evidently I'm attractive. I'm a nice guy. I think the latter is partly where the problem occurs... I'm quite sensitive, and making a fun of myself (and in doing-so, being fun!) isn't very easy. I'm intelligent, but my "wit" isn't particularly sharp, so making funny remarks doesn't come naturally. Also, my family forced me to be mature at a very young age, because "silly nonsense" was just not tolerated in my family. I know that this girl was/is looking for someone funny and spontanious, which perhaps added to my nervousness I think (because I'm not too great at those things IMO). ...So we ended up talking, for about an hour and a half before I had to go because I had a class. It wasn't too bad... but overall, I'm not happy with myself. Looking back at my relationship with my ex, I sort of wonder how it worked at all We were extremely shy... even holding hands was hard at the beginning. We became more comfortable with eachother over time of course, but it _really_ did take time. In fact, I recall most of her friends were chiding her to dump me because I hadn't done stuff with her within timeframes... though it worked out perfectly for us. Anyway, I can see after today, that I'm going to suffer from those same problems again... it shouldn't be as bad this time round, as I've done most of it before... but just, becoming comfortable seems difficult How do other people do it? Act on impulse and instinct? I tend to be too much of a thinker... any thoughts, tips, or ideas?

Ouch. I feel for you capricorn85 It's not a fun place to be in. Stop seeing him - no contact is important. Don't try to be friends, just forget about him. Every time you catch yourself thinking about him, just think to yourself "No, he is gone, and is never coming back." Just remind yourself. If you still have any possessions that are directly related to your ex, get rid of them if you can. Photos etc, things like that... if you don't want to get rid of them, put them in a shoe box and hide it under your bed As for the "loser magnet", well, it's quite likely that a lot of the guys you meet just seem like losers because you're still hung up over your ex. Remember to keep positive, and look towards your happy, healthy, productive life without your ex. You will find love again, when the time is right. For now, you're still young; just take your time and enjoy life

Maybe the train had a bomb on board, and couldn't go below a certain speed limit, or the bomb would go off? I think people are looking too much into this. It's a neat little passage. Thank you for sharing your findings Prenkle

LOL I'm 186.5cm... ~67kg. So I'm average. C.

I have read, that if you really want to bulk out, then you basically have to force yourself to eat at first. This causes your stomach to increase in size, and thereforeeee you will get hungry easier. Also, as others say, doing physical exercise helps a lot. So if you start using your weights, you'll start to get hungry There are heaps of websites devoted to working out, and will explain a lot of good exercises that you can do with your equipment. Here's a starter... link removed Good luck

What was your relationship with Nicole? Did she like you? Hmm, it seems to me that she may have played a part in it... But it wouldn't have been possible if Mat's feelings for Tanya didn't already exist. Sometimes people can be friends for many years, and all it may take is a little spurring on for those feelings to be fully realised. But I am really just interpreting your own words - you know them/the situation better than I do. ... However! You really shouldn't be thinking about this, as you said yourself It's really not a nice position for you to be in. The best thing you can do is let it be. Whatever caused it doesn't change the outcome - Mat is no longer a part of your life, and you just have to accept it and move on. Sometimes it would be nice to know what *really* happened for closure, but usually you just have to go with it. Try not to think about them. You will find a better love in the future. I wish you the best of luck, and take care of yourself out there

I like this one! You could say it in such a smart tone and perhaps even with a bit of a fruity accent if you're feeling out there/energetic enough... and everyone would laugh and she'd be totally shot down Many great options/ideas though

Hi there renaissancewoman If you want an idea of what your weight ideally should be, you could try working out your Body Mass Index (or BMI). A quick search found this calculator... link removed However, I think the figures are a bit pedantic. I really see no problem with your weight for someone of your height. Good luck with the cooking!

Hmm, I agree with HaloDestroyer on this one. I was with my ex for 22 months, and she started hanging out with some guy at work also. She always told me they were "just mates"... I trusted her and believed her at the time, but the reality is she stopped making time for me, she was always "just too busy" to see me, and then finally we went out like twice, and she let me go. Of course, I find out a few days later she's going out with the other guy, but not from her. You may love her and care for her, but she's definitely in the process of turning on you. She's lying to you to be with Ryan... and it's true, she may not know whether she wants to be with him or you, but the reality is, it's really not fair on you to have to get dragged through this. Talk to her again. I suggest all or nothing, because at the moment, she's certainly not giving you the love, trust, and commitment you deserve after such a long time together. If you have to break it off, enter no contact, and exit from her life. Trust me, I've just gone through this... even though it hurts like hell, you do NOT want to "be friends". If she's not willing to commit to you, then say your goodbyes. Goodluck Edit: Hmm, what ocrab says is true. It's fine if she has male friends, but the reality is, she is _lying_ to be with that guy. She is attracted to him. Let her know the facts, tell her what she has done from your point of view. Coming from someone who has just gone through this, I really have to say if she's not willing to tell you the truth, then cut your losses and move on.

It's true bkjsun, but I'm just not sure how long it will take, or if more time will truly help... Well Dako, I hope you're right... I just hope I can find love again Thankyou both for your replies, I appreciate it

Well, my first LTR came to an end on the 1st of January this year. I had had a very short relationship with someone else before I met the girl I was with for 22 months. She left me for someone else, and I found out she'd been leading me on (and treating me like crap) for quite some time... Now I'm mostly over it, we're "friends". When we were together, we hardly ever fought, and the whole relationship was a fairytale to me. I really would have done anything for that girl, and I was willing to plan my life with her/for her. Boy am I glad I didn't do more for her than I did! My life would be a _real_ mess now if I had gone ahead with some of the plans we had thought about. Anyway, now I'm getting a much greater picture of what that girl is actually like, and I'm not sure if I like the type of person she is. Now I realise, I was willing to plan my life around her, and she wasn't even willing to cut her hair for me, lol. Anyway, now I'm doing fine on my own... but for some reason I just can't see myself falling in love again. Not in an emo "wah, I loved her and she's gone" kind of way, but... now, when I look at girls, mostly all I see now is a lot of flaws. When I met that girl, and beforehand... I truly saw females as something greater than thou. I guess the last of my childish hopes/beliefs have been destroyed and now I truly see the world for what it is. I'm not even sure if I _want_ to fall in love again... I'm still *looking* but, I don't really have my heart in it. At the moment, I can't see giving someone all my love and trust as a good idea at all. I feel that I'll certainly be much more wary next time around... but also that perhaps even if the right person *did* come along, all these feelings would keep me detached, and I just would not allow myself to fall in love with them. Perhaps these feelings would even prevent me from treating a girl properly and correctly, certainly as well as I treated that last girl. But yet, I really don't want to go through life alone. I want to find someone new, to spend my time with, and share my life with... I'm just wondering, will these feelings go away eventually? Am I just not ready to fall in love yet? When/if I fall in love again, will it all go back to being another fairytale, or will I stay much more objective? Is that childish part of me that had so much hope simply destroyed forever? Will time really fix these issues, or am I just simply going to have trouble truly trusting and loving again for the rest of my life?

I'm sorry to hear about this Setter. After reading your previous post, her actions really make little sense. It's like someone said, some people can just act like a switch. As friscodj says, you are definitely the better person here. I suppose it's her way of dealing with the situation, and getting as much sympathy as she can from people that don't truly know what happened. You are better off without this girl. You will find a better love, someone that's truly worthy of your time. But you're right, it really is very sad that someone should defame you like that to other people... As for the old saying "what goes around comes around", I'd say it already has in some ways. You're better off without this person - she's only moved back with some guy that has serious issues. She seems to have serious issues herself... perhaps they're right for eachother. Trusting again will be difficult, but when you meet the right person, things will click into place. I wish you all the success in finding true happiness

Why do "nice girls" fall for "bad guys"? It's the same thing. After the relationship ends, and the nice person is hurt... all they can think about is their ex. The ex however, usually just moves on, or whatever. The nice person has more trouble doing it, because, well, they're nicer Then they come here to vent their woes. Also, I wouldn't say that guys "get bored" of girls that are good to them, and treat them well... at least, speaking for myself that isn't true. At least, that's my interpretation of it

I don't necessarily agree with all of that either I feel this statement is somewhat contradictory... "A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs. " I guess I feel many of the lines in that article are not particularly healthy stances on men/relationships though. But it all depends on the guy I guess. Still, the same or a similar article could be written about women I suppose... ... but after all, I'm just a guy, what would I know? Curious article though. Thanks for sharing

I myself am in that situation at the moment. Pretty much exactly the same actually. It's nice to think that they might return some day, but in reality, the chances are very slim. Also, considering the breakup was a fair while ago now, chances are she's moved on. All in all, there is little point in wasting your time and energy thinking about or hoping that she will return some day. Besides, as RooferGirl says, getting back together with an ex is very risky business. The best thing you can do is try to forget about her, and move on. I know it hurts, but if you focus on yourself, after a while, you'll realise you're not even thinking of her anymore. You will find someone, never give up hope Best of luck

Two people of opposite sexes can be friends, of that I have no doubt. However, two people of opposite sexes that are attracted to eachother? Maybe after the attraction has died off for whatever reason, but I don't think it is necessarily a good idea to pursue a "friendship" with a married person that you're attracted to. Why? The friendship would be a sham. However much you tell yourself that you're just friends, you're still interested in that person for the wrong reasons. If you just see eachother casually because of a social group of some sort, sure that's fine... but getting to know that person exclusively, is IMHO a bad idea. Best of luck

HmMMmm, tricky situation! First of all, what happened between your ex and yourself that ended things? IF you are to choose her, you should only get back together if you are sure that any and all problems that occurred last time, can be resolved this time. Often when people get back together, they're "sure it will work this time", but they find after a week they're fighting and back to square one. If you really like the new girl, personally I'd say you should continue to see where things go with her... getting back together with an ex is generally an icky process. I say generally, because I don't truly know you or your ex, or what happened between you two in the past. I do know though, if you and your ex still have feelings for eachother, it just shows you weren't completely over eachother last time. It's very hard [if not impossible!] to remain just friends and nothing more than friends, after a relationship ends. Often two people can think they've mastered it, but then they end up where you are now... I'd like to see what other people think about your situation. Either way, I hope you are able to make your decision quickly, or else you may lose both girls...

Dress older. People can look a lot older or younger depending on what they're wearing. I'm not sure how you dress, so I don't know if this will help You shouldn't be offended when someone asks you for ID. In my job/country, where the legal age for drinking is 18, we're required to ask anyone for ID that looks as if they could be under 25. Sometimes, we do irritate people that are outside of this bracket, and inside it like yourself... but realistically, there are so many different people and different looks out there, it can be really difficult to reliably tell how old someone is. We ask anyone that looks under 25, not to insult them in any way, but to simply cover our backs because we can't afford to sell alcohol to people that are underage. Try putting yourself in that cop's shoes. He's just doing his job, and really isn't doing so to get at you in any way. Think about it: If you were in his place, you wouldn't be too pleased by what you said either, now would you?

I mainly want peoples opinions on this matter and their own experiences. I mean, don't get me wrong, we often we go halves on stuff, and my girlfriend doesn't _make_ me pay for things... when I do, she simply accepts it, and is happy that I've paid for dinner/movies/whatever. If she ever tried to pay for anything for me, well, I'd not easily let her get away with it... because to me it just feels unfair on her. Why doesn't she feel the same way? If I don't pay for her half at least reasonably often, then I hear about how stingy I am, and that no other girl would put up with me. (I'm sure I'll get it indefinitely if she finds this post too) Is it because guys supposedly earn more? Well, I don't... yet she's still fine with it. I understand that maybe it's meant to show "chivalry", or being romantic or whatever... but still, that seems a bit hard to swallow... especially in a long term relationship. Well, it's not such a huge problem for me anyway. I guess if it keeps her happy, it keeps her happy... but I'm just posting to see what other people think about this. Does this sound reasonable, or am I just crazy? How do other relationships deal with this? Should guys always have to pay more? Is my girlfriend just comfortable having other people spend on her, while I'm not?

Well, as for the pressure towards having sex... honestly, don't push yourself. Don't expect anything, don't hope for anything... on New Years, anything goes. Just try to look forward to having a fun night, no matter what the outcome. This is the aim of New Years after all. If you're putting pressure on yourself to have sex, chances are you won't enjoy it that much anyway. Whether you decide to be with your friend or try at a different party, just go there with the sole aim of enjoying yourself As for whether you should spend time with your friend or a new group... If she wants a relationship, and you still want to experiment, then my suggestion is go somewhere else. The key here is to mingle! Don't be shy, a stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet! Having some alcohol usually helps me mingle However, if you think you'll enjoy spending time with her more, whatever the outcome, then go with that. Don't expect anything though; you haven't even seen eachother in a few months. If it goes well and ends in sex, then... it goes well and ends with sex. Even if she is looking for a relationship, there is a chance (depending on what she's like) that she might want to simply hook up for the fun of it on New Years anyway. I hope this helps a little. Whatever you decide, enjoy yourself and have a good one

It's probably because he is a little confused, and may have some straight feelings as well. These would be more likely to come out without him meaning to while he's drunk. It sounds like he is definitely gay, but he could still occasionally have feelings for girls too. But I don't know the guy, maybe he really is just meaning to be playful, and wants to have a little fun with you Perhaps you should try talking to him about it; maybe he'll be able to elaborate on what's going on in his head. Good luck

I think, if the girl seriously has a problem with it, then you're probably not far enough ahead in the relationship to have sex in the first place. Sex should happen between two people that really love eachother, and if the person you're with doesn't love you enough to accept how you are, then you're doing it for the wrong reasons. That said, I agree with Hannibal. If your girl has a problem with you shaving or not, then oblige to do the opposite. The reason you're getting differing opinions is because all females will have their own preferences in the situation, just as men do. Good luck

Hehe, and it worked well naecha That's really unfortunate, and I'm sorry to hear about your situation bexcelant. You shouldn't have to lose a friend just because they're involved with someone I think that men and women can be friends, but basically, as naecha said, if there are feelings involved, things can get icky. I have a great group of friends, and have no intimate feelings for my female friends, just as I know they have no intimate feelings for me, and I would never consider them in that way. I suppose the fact that I am in a relationship helps quite a bit. I can understand her guy might not feel comfortable with it, but if there are no feelings beyond friendship, then I see no reason why people of opposite sexes can't be friends. It's more complicated than it sounds though unfortunately... Good luck

Taking it from the guy's perspective, my girlfriend feels much the same about me and my ex. Sometimes she gets really upset because of it. She feels as though she's second best. I no longer have feelings for my ex, and I just wish she'd let the past be the past... but I no matter what I do, I can't seem to get it through to her It doesn't bother me so much... but it can really upset her For you Chall, I think you really shouldn't worry about it, as long as you husband shows that he really loves you, and you're the special person in his life now If he does this, then you really have no reason to worry. Just try to relax, and enjoy life with him Worrying is one thing, but worrying unnecessarily is quite another. ... now if only I could get this through to the one I love Good luck