Setter5

Phone calls are bad enough. Going to email says a lot about the "dumper." And it's not good. Put it this way, most professionals would resign from a job in person - to the supervisor. So by phone or email, you're saying that you would give a supervisor/boss more respect when going separate ways than someone you've been intimate with....?????? Hum.

New_Horizons put it best. The self-respect issue will creep back into you mind....and heart. Plus, the same patterns from the first relationship will resurface - perhaps altered, but they will still emerge. New stuff....think new thoughts / find someone new! Good Luck.

Run!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey there, I've been in your shoes. It can be so easy to let emotions get in way of things, but don't let them. Your initial post is well-thought and logical. He obviously Thinks he has control over you. Don't let him. "Hey, maybe down the road, I can offer what this relationship needs." - what?, that's craziness. See, selfish people are usually selfish by nature. They have developed a method to cleverly cover it up. Really, what he is saying is "I want both of you and more...the cake and all." These are conversations that merit a face-to-face conversation. You deserve that much right? You're not just some hook-up or an old flame. So you looked at his email...so what, it's over. And if you really think about, you looked at this stuff for a reason - he's suspect. (Turns out he is) You're not. See by handling this very maturely (which it appears you are because adult behaviors can sometimes hurt when dealing with problems where childish or selfish behaviors don't allow a person to feel things - they justify everything in its place). Ask yourself if this guy Deserves you. The memories, plans, routines -all these things hurt so very badly. You're not causing this...he is. Being rejected, picked over, or simply toyed with is a terrible thing. Lots of folks like to say "The heck with them then," but it's never that easy. Get a plan. Shelly7, the girl with the plan. Put yourself in good environments -friends, new friends, clothes, weekend trip...whatever. You're still going to think about it. I won't lie to you. But you will look back and say "even though it was miserable, I managed to meet some new people, do some things, etc." It's a shock affect that also hurts. Now look back, really look back, and see if this guy is really surpising you. You might have had clues, maybe not. But pull what you can from this for the future (learing). Immerse yourself in your family and friends. Spill it out (for as long as they can take it-ha,ha)...continue to post - don't get addicted though. By being transparent with the ones you love puts you another big stop above him. I think I've dated this person you speak of...but she was five feet with breasts and from the South....but seriously, there are similarities. He won't confess all the crap to his family and friends...but only enough to feel a little bad, and then justify the rest in his head. NC is a good idea. And yes, you will get a drunk-dial or another text somewhere down the road. It's then when you decide how this guy really makes you feel. Does he make you laugh, think, hot, care, etc.? Or does he make you suspicious, hurt, on-edge, etc.? Keep working through this. You're doing great! Remember what you deserve and how you want to be treated and cared for in a relationship. I won't kid you, I still romantisize my most recent break-up sometimes - it can feel okay, but then all of a sudden it hits me, and I feel even better knowing it won't work out. The relationship never had legs! Good luck! Setter

Oh, then skip the weights and the fast food, but add on healthy carbs, simple and complex sugars (carbs)...your surgeons and/or cardiologist will have suggestions. Also, there are people/companies who conduct health screenings and have great insight.

Be careful...I have been in your shoes. Underweight with stress is dangerous. It's dangerous because your body first uses fats and available proteins, then proteins, then it goes to drawing on proteins and Keytones from Ketoacidosis....which is a very serious condition...often related to the progression of diabetes and other risks. The mind is a strange thing...it can do some damage on our bodies. There is a great scene in the movie Garden State where the character goes to a doctor who explains this stress and body control from the mind. Eat, eat, eat. Carbs are good now. Proteins are good now. I'm not a physician, but even getting on a All American diet of some big fast-food intake will work for a while (but don't get lazy and eat it all the time). I imagine you will get sick of it soon anyway. Go to link removed to look for some healthy weight gainers or often called Meal Replacement Powders. Don't use these as subsititutes for meals, but instead, add on to normal diet after workouts or late a night. Dedicate yourself to an ordinary eating routine with physical exercise (probably some big body movement weight-training) and you will see results. This is NOT for you to be a power builder, but it will help. We lose weight first in the neck and face, then the waist, then the arms...I can guess your smiling right now...saying "yep." Or simply consult your physician, some guys at the gym, or a local dietician. They all have suggestions. Good Luck!

Enjoy...your thinking is mature and confident. I would guess these women can see that. Good for you!

Wait til' you experience the next girl's smells, things, sounds, routines...man it's going to be BETTER! (oh yeah, she hasn't forgotten the unique memories of you either...trust me)

Thanks and Good Luck!

NJRon: That is also my timeline for new, "real" relationships.

I have to ask this question because the situation has never happened with me. Have any on you heard of anyone (or yourself) finding someone to connect with, enjoy, and were completely attracted to - the real thing...while relatively fresh out of a relationship, after a break-up? I ask because I have come a long way with my breakup. I understand the reality of it. But in hindsight, I realize that my ex found me, where I was so good to her - for her, such a great support for her, and someone she truly enjoyed relatively soon after her breakup. She knew it too. However, I can't say that I have never been surprised like this...you know, when things seem so down and out, and then someone walks into your life. I have found it, but only months and months later (perhaps even a year). My point is that I am not looking to fill a void, but I would certainly recognize a good thing if it came my way (regardless of the timeline). Never have I had the benefit of meeting someone so terrific so soon after heartache. Also, I realize now that my ex is a very immature, selfish girl (not woman)...but she did find me soon after her last breakup. Why doesn't s**t like like happen to me or some of us? I'm having a good time with friends, open to new things, and have let go of any possibilities with my ex. Stories/Feedback/Theories - welcome. Setter

I say do whatever. Revenge will not backfire if you are very, very clever and smart about it. Now down the road, if you get hurt again, you might say it's karma from this...but you'll get over that too! It's not our responsibility to proactively teach lessons to other people, but man can it feel GOOD!

How the other person chooses to communicate significant conversations is most important to the health and strength of the relationship. Let us say what we mean, Let us mean what we say, Let our life and language be in agreement - Senaca

I went through a very similar circumstance. I'm sorry because I know how confusing it is...how shocking it can be. However, in some time you won't be so hard on yourself for how well you treated him and how it could have happened, and things will click in your head (which probably did at the time but you didn't care because it felt good) and you will understand what YOU could have done...which in reality, is the best thing. I now believe there are warning signs or traits that we all can identify and then realize we deserve better. This way, you can apply that line of thinking to the next one. Men can feel like magnets for disaster too, and being abadoned when things feel at their best is gut-wrenching. Mornings do suck...you have to go through the healing process all over again, each day. Keep doing it...keep posting. Talk it out, hit your pillows, or whatever until thinking about IT and HIM just make you tired and sick of it. It is certainly a weird feeling due to the fact that you know you were good to him, you were decent and caring, but he Chose someone else. I use to simplify this and just feel inadequate-like being picked for a team sport or something. But in retrospect, I realize how messed up and "not deserving" the other person is for me. Be well and hang in there... Setter

Thanks everyone, Maybe this did happen for a reason...because I have to admit, there is zero doubt in my head that I began this relationship as a great person and partner. I got screwed and had to walk through piles of s**t, deal with extreme pain and abandonment, but then I came out cleaner than ever before on the other side. All of you have been great help!