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freeindeed

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  • Birthday 12/29/1980

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  1. Yeah, I decided to stop doing the online thing as well... but the more I think about it, the more I realize it's not just with guys I met on the website. I met a guy at a lounge last year. We emailed a lot, dated for a bit, and then the emails started dying off... and then I asked if there was anything between us and he said he wasn't looking for a relationship. Fast forward a year later... he is blissfully, happily engaged. Another guy that I met through a friend... Almost the same thing, we emailed a bit, textd a little...went on several dates and then he just faded away too. He sent a couple random texts here and there but by that time I had moved on. To be honest, I think he only sent those texts because he was getting lonely. The guys on websites never contact you again because they can always find someone to atleast chat with them if they're even remotely attractive.
  2. Look, I understand... Guys are online to find various things, girlfriend, wife, GWB, ONS, friends, a beard. I get it, but it doesn't make it any less painful when they just disappear. You've spent time with the person, shared personal info with a practical stranger. One day they're there... texting, joking... everything seems okay... then it just stops, no explanation. You know he's still alive because he's still logging onto the dating site, sometimes for hours at a time. So you figure, he's probably met someone else... and usually it's a supermodel that graduated magna cum laude from Harvard, who is super-confident and wealthy, right? *sigh* I just wish there was some way to find out what happened... but there isn't. Any stories of disappearing acts anyone wants to share...??
  3. So, I was just curious to know, when was the fastest you ever told anyone that you loved them (like in love with them). How did that relationship end up? Did you actually feel like you were in love with that person at the time, or did you just "respond appropriately"? My boyfriend of 1 1/2 months exchanged "I Love You's" in a super intense moment, and people are saying that that was way too fast. So it made me curious to come on here and ask. I know there are so many different scenarios. But I'd like to hear about them, whether they are past relationships or current ones.
  4. Wow, those aren't red flags...they're huge red banners. You're only 1 month into the relationship and she's worried about cheating, and every week she isn't sure that the relationship is going to work? Not good signs, at all. Firstly, if I liked someone and I really wanted it to work, I would NEVER tell them that I'm worried that I'm going to cheat on them. That creates a huge hole of insecurity in a relationship. If I ever did have a thought of cheating on someone, I wouldn't go running to my SO and say that I'm worried about cheating on him, I would go talk to a girlfriend or family member about it to see how I could prevent that from ever happening because I value my relationship too much. I believe she's doing that to make you react to her or feel insecure. Does she seem manipulative at all to you? Does she need a lot of attention? Same goes about the "almost breaking up"...I think she wants a reaction out of you like, "oh no baby, I love this too much...etc..." Girls, want to hear that kind of stuff, fortunately most of us don't use manipulative tactics to hear it. All I can advise is that this might be weird right now, but in time it'll get annoying and difficult and you won't want to put up with it anymore. If I were you, I'd either talk to her openly and let her know that you care about her but don't want to go through this every week, or just dump her. If you leave it alone, it'll get worse.
  5. Yeah. He's pretty much the social butterfly, and I'm the constant wallflower. Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-social...everyone's always like, "awww she (meaning me) is so sweet!" But still I find it very hard to hold a conversation, even if I try. So instead of trying anymore I decided maybe my fate was just to have a couple close friends (who I'm not really all that close to), which was fine when I was single. But now that I'm in a relationship and I see how my boyfriend is always so happy and loves to be around people, I wished that I were more like that, too. I don't want him to be a wallflower at all, but I also don't want to be left sitting in the background waiting for him to finish his rounds. Any advice or tips on how to get beyond this? Should I talk about this with him, or is it something I should work on on my own. I don't want him to feel burdened.
  6. ...Is anyone in a similar situation or know of anyone who's in a similar situation? Where one person in the relationship is like a social butterfly who talks to anyone and everyone, makes all the necessary phone calls to stay in touch with old pals in their hometown, can make plans with anyone, anytime, instantly. While their girlfriend/boyfriend is not social at all, has only 1 or 2 close friends, doesn't keep up with old buddies, and doesn't really talk on the phone that much. Do you think this would be a bad match? Like perhaps the girlfriend/boyfriend will start resenting their SO for talking to everyone while they kinda sit in the corner like a wallflower. Have you known any couple like this where the relationship worked out fine?
  7. Hi Orangeglow, So how long has it been since you last text him? Did that just happen, say, last night?
  8. Hi Carrie, Be assured that a lot of us have actually done something similar (I definitely did), but have gotten through it. I used to write long emails to my ex, and in hindsight, I did it to maintain a connection with him. I'm not doubting what your saying but maybe there's a part of you that still wants to remain in his life with the hopes of eventually getting back together. I think he wrote that he'd call you because you mentioned several times how much you're missing his friendship...and guys always like to feel useful or like they're coming to someone's rescue (which ain't bad, I guess). But in this scenario, I don't know if that's best. Don't know why you 2 broke up, but I'll look in your past posts if you don't feel like summarizing it here, but did you break up on bad terms or "okay" terms? One thing I've learned in the past though is to NEVER create drafts of letters to the ex. If you absolutely must write it, do so but then delete it immediately. When things sit in your draft box, you'll itch to send it. It's like going on a diet and leaving a box of double-stuffed oreos on the kitchen counter to look at every time you walk into the kitchen. Too tempting. Last thing, YOU WILL GET PAST THIS! I looked at a journal entry I wrote about a year ago where I asked, "will I ever get beyond this torture?" (I had been in the most rocky relationship that lasted 3 years. It truly was torture every other day). But I stand today freed from that relationship and entering a new one that, so far, seems to be pretty amazing. Now, you mentioned that you're dating someone new? Do you think he may be a rebound? Or do you really feel potential with this guy? I'm asking because it's easy to just find someone to say you found someone after your ex, but when you start to speak out what you like about this person that's totally different from your ex, I believe that you really start to separate yourself from your past relationship. If you don't want to talk about the new relationship you don't have to, I know that's not what this topic is about. Well, I wish you the best, keep us updated.
  9. Hazy Amber - Yeah, you're right, but the thing was, I was right there, so he could've still been trying way to hard 'cuz I was there. The other thing is remember I mentioned there was an uncomfortable silence after that? Well, his friend had this weird look like..."okay, why did you go into that?"...almost as if it's not normally like him to do that or something. Am I maybe justifying his behavior too much now? lol Ghost69 - That's another excellent point, he knows that the reason why I stopped dating the last guy I was dating was because he wouldn't talk at all. We discussed it. Hmmmm....thanks for bringing that up, i totally forgot. I think it's all making sense now.....
  10. If we had awards on enotalone for funniest post....this one would win. You guys crack me up!
  11. 1. I learned that if more than 4 people who are not in your immediate family and that don't know each other all tell you that it's doesn't look like it will work out, you should listen. Not because other people are always right, but because if their unbiased, they can see something that's clouding your vision of this other person at the time. 2. If something is bothering you, speak up! One of the worst things is having resentment build up over time and just creat conflict. If you can talk openly about issues that bother either one of you, you have a better chance of making it in the long run. 3. Cut your expectations in half...then cut that in half....repeat 100x. There's nothing more disappointing than an unfullfilled expectation. The only ones you should have are expectations of yourself, you don't deserve anything from anybody else, and no one deserves to be treated as if they owe someone anything. 4. You have to like what you see right now in a person. You can't look at their potential...you'll spend forever waiting.
  12. Okay, he did respond, and not only did he respond, but he encouraged me, gave me some advice, and not once in his response did he mention anything about himself. I'm wondering if he's reading these posts....lol.. But all jokes aside, now I'm reverting back to my old thinking, that maybe since it's a new relationship, he's trying to impress me every chance he gets which includes talking himself up. He knows he doesn't need to do this, but he has mentioned in several conversations that it would devastate him to lose me, so I can understand the effort he puts into making himself look better than he is. At the same time, this points out my own flaws, which I'm not afraid to talk about. I'm pretty shy, and I tend not to bring up subjects and talk about myself. I ask questions and am good at keeping a talker talking, so maybe he's getting used to that. But then I expect him to ask me "what happened" if I'm having a bad day, but maybe he's just expecting me to talk about it if I want to. I do get a vibe from him that he's trying to impress me still....so maybe this will pass. Thanks everyone for your advice and suggestions.
  13. lol...that's too easy, my eyes are just plain and simple brown. Have you seen the movie Monster-In-Law?
  14. So, I don't want to confront him about it or bring up the issue through email (I'd rather be in person if I do that), but I did try something else. This morning he's been sending emails and texts that completely just talk about himself...Hasn't even asked how my day was, how I was feeling etc....Just completely went on for paragraphs about how he's feeling, what he's doing, etc.... I feel like he's sending me journal entries, (but I always respond kindly, ask questions and stuff, and I've been doing that so far). Well, in my last email, I brought up something that is just about me. A short tidbit. But let's see how he responds.
  15. hazeyamber - I get what you mean, thanks for trying to help me out BTW, are you preggers? Parsley - That's funny because that's how my roommate is as well, and I've always wondered how people can be like that? I could never imagine constantly trying to one up someone else, how uncomfortable! I think I had a post on here about that, but I understood my situation was as such that she's my roommate and I don't feel like moving out, so I can just deal with it somehow (by avoiding her as much as possible). This is different though, because I WANT to be around him...physically....lol...is that bad? And I DO enjoy his company when were goofing off....and making out. Hmmm....I'm almost starting to wonder if I'm putting up with the nonsense because he's my physical ideal.
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