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insofar

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Everything posted by insofar

  1. insofar
    Why don't you just tell him what you're thinking about all this?
  2. insofar
    In my experience, yes, it does help, but there are certain elements to face to face meeting that online conversations can't approximate. But it's helped me too
  3. insofar
    != means not equal to, sorry if I confused anyone. As for your comment, I don't think I ever said or implied that marriage meant commitment (though I think commitment should be a precursor to marriage). I just think if people want to be committed to each other and not get married, let them, they're not harming anyone.
  4. insofar
    If you don't want to be with him in the way he wants to be with you, you have to be clear about it.
  5. insofar
    Commitment != marriage. And if a couple wants to remain committed without getting married, so be it. Don't try to impose your world view on others.
  6. insofar
    I don't know where you are with your breakup or how long it's been, but in answer to your question, you just... stop. Force yourself to realize that they don't want you in their life and so make them no longer a part of yours. Stop looking at their MySpace, and if you're still talking to them, it might be a good idea to stop that as well (and delete them from your contacts... the act of actually doing that helps). Fill the space left by their presense with friends, family, and activities, and other people when you feel ready. You are a great person that has a lot to offer someone. If one person no longer wants you, it's their loss, and it certainly doesn't preclude you finding someone else, someone better, who will love you for you.
  7. insofar
    Thanks guys. I think I'll wait a few days (at least after Christmas) and then call (if she hasn't gotten back to me) with that plan. We'll see what happens.
  8. insofar
    I met this girl through OkCupid, she initially messaged me saying she liked my profile, got to talking / webcam over MSN, eventually went out for dinner and a movie. I thought it went pretty well, we had some great conversation and it wasn't really awkward at any point. The thing is, though, that since the date I've had very little conversation with her. She's been online on MSN but didn't reply when I sent messages, which she later said was because she just left it on but wasn't there, which is fair enough. She's also apparently been sick recently. Still, she hasn't messaged me once without me messaging her first, and when I called her two days after the date she had to leave so I could only talk for about five minutes. She said she wasn't ignoring me when I asked her about the MSN thing earlier, but I still get the feeling that she's lost interest since we met. It's been a little more than a week since we went out. I'm thinking I should just back off and see if she does message me, but I appreciate any input. Also been considering leaving a message on her answering machine with my number if she wants to call me, then backing off. Tell me what you think.
  9. insofar
    Paper Tiger, I have been where you are. While I was fairly sure my ex wouldn't commit suicide or anything to that degree, she claimed that there were a lot of mental issues involved and that was why we shouldn't be together, but wanted to remain friends, which I tried to do for about a month. If you continue the way you're going, you will reach a breaking point eventually and realize that you can't keep talking to her as it's too painful. You can save yourself a lot of pain by stopping now. Breaking off all contact is very painful in itself, but the alternative of talking to her every once in a while, but not being able to have the relationship you want to have, is much worse, trust me. And I don't think you'll be able to heal while talking to her as you'll want something that she doesn't, which can only lead to pain for you and reassurance for her, something that will leave you hollow and empty in the end. Now, she claims that she wants to remain friends while she works through her mental issues. I am not you, so I cannot judge whether or not she is being genuine or just wants to keep you around for comfort. I can tell you that in my case, nothing ever came of it. It's completely up to you what you do, and I imagine you'll probably try to be her friend for a while, and we can help you through that, but you are not being selfish by moving on. If she doesn't want to be with you, she doesn't have the right to a friendship, in my opinion. Good luck to you, and keep us up to date.
  10. insofar
    I'll pass too, that sort of pain isn't what I'm looking for
  11. insofar
    I gotta say, I disagree with Kevin T a lot here. There's always the risk a relationship won't work out, and most of the time, it won't! That doesn't mean you should give up on someone just because of what might happen or not happen, though. I say go for it.
  12. insofar
    Congrats! I was at that point about a month ago. From my experience, it's a good feeling at first, but like everything else you'll have ups and downs about it. Stick with it. You've turned the biggest corner and can now get on with your life. I'm proud of you.
  13. insofar
    Does he not like you, or is he accepting that you've told him you two have no future together, like a rational person would?
  14. insofar
    You've indicated that you don't want a relationship with someone outside your religion (I don't know why this is so important, but to each their own). You have (apparently) told him this fact. Yet you expect him to ask you out, so you can say no? Look, if you're interested in him, ask him out. Otherwise, why would he ask you out when it's clear you weren't interested?
  15. insofar
    Quoted for truth.
  16. insofar
    Hi, Moving On. I'm sorry to hear that you are going through the hell that is being dumped. I know, I was there a month and a couple weeks ago. And I think the reason that you're still there is that, from what I read, you haven't been talking to anyone about it. I can tell you that my friends and family have been more help than I could ever have imagined. This forum helped too; it really helps to be able to get things off your chest. Your ex might not be there anymore, but we are here for you, and your friends are there for you as well. The journey through hell does have an end, but you do have to walk through it to get there. Let us walk with you.
  17. insofar
    Ask him for his number or just give it to him! There's no reason he has to be the one to initiate.
  18. insofar
    Many, many people have tried being friends (including me) and have found that it was too painful for them because they still had a lot of love for the ex that wasn't there on their part. I tried to be friends with her for nearly a month; I had to just say in the end that if she wanted to try again she should message me but otherwise I really couldn't take talking to her, getting false hope every now and again that really would never pan out. Nobody wins or loses in the end; the idea behind no contact is that it helps you move on. There is a component of it that prevents you from pressuring the ex in any way, increasing the chances of them messaging you (because only they can make that decision, if they are the dumper), but that's a very small part. No contact is mostly about letting you heal as quickly as possible. Trust me when I say that if you still have feelings for your ex that they don't share, it will be painful when you talk to them. When you think it would not be painful for you to just be friends with them, to know that they're happily with someone else, and that there is no chance of you ever getting back with them, then you can contact them if you want. You could now, if you really want to, but I'd be careful.
  19. insofar
    Hmm... I don't know. That you would send out intimate photos of her in an act of revenge speaks volumes of your character. The email you sent seems to be pushing the fact that if she doesn't get back to you she will "regret it"... That she won't be happy if she's not with you... The simple fact is that you can't make someone love you. You can try to bring out the love that might already be there, but if it's not, nothing you say will convince them to love you again. Anyway, I'm glad you're moving on. Work on yourself, and try not to make the same mistakes next time. I'm sure you can change, and perhaps your next relationship will work out better.
  20. insofar
    Just get a pregnancy test to clear your mind. If you've been consistently on birth control the chances are very low that you're pregnant.
  21. insofar
    If you lose friends because you're unattractive, they weren't good friends to begin with. And I agree with the above, you do look attractive based on your avatar. That said, if you are overweight (which you can verify by checking a link removed) and you want to lose weight, you can adjust your diet and exercise. I wouldn't be the best person to ask about that, though.
  22. insofar
    I think it's a great idea to watch movies and read books while trying to get over your ex. First of all, there's no rush in going through the process, it takes time and nothing is going to change that. Second, I think doing those every day activities, coupled and hanging out with family and friends, reminds you that your life can be full and rewarding without your ex. It's OK to do things to make yourself feel better and pass the time. Things will get better.
  23. insofar
    Wellbutrin is awesome. If anything, your sex drive will go up. I was on Cipralex previously and it did bad things to my sex drive, switching to Wellbutrin has more than reversed it. Unfortunately I've heard bad things about the withdrawal effects of Effexor. Be very careful as you're weening off of it. link removed has more info (ignore the site name, they're just making fun of themselves ).
  24. insofar
    Yeah, as I understand it the problem is that your judgment is impaired after being dumped; you want to get that love back so much that the need to be with someone outweighs the possible incompatibility you might have with them, that you otherwise would have noticed. I may be way off base, but really, you'd be better off waiting until you're over your ex and ready for a real relationship again so you can find someone who does really match you.
  25. insofar
    cecerose, I'm just about doing the same thing you are right now. My girlfriend broke up with me about a month ago, and two and a half weeks in I signed up to OKCupid to just see what was out there, and maybe to reassure myself that there are still people out there. I didn't mark myself as single at the start and still haven't marked myself as looking for anything but friends yet. That said, I am tempted to message one of my matches on there (who, as it turns out, was a friend of a friend, as I previously detailed), but I know it's probably not a good idea until I'm not thinking about my ex any more. When the person independently asked my friend about me and if I was single, she said I was going through a recent breakup and when I was ready, she'd give her my MSN. She understood, and really, there's no big rush for anything. I don't know when I'll feel ready and nobody can tell you when it will be for you either, but if you're still thinking about your ex it's probably not a good idea. Stick in there, things will get better.
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