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insofar

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Everything posted by insofar

  1. insofar
    Well, a month later, my day today has been probably the best one so far. I didn't wake up thinking about her. That was a first. Sometimes, my mind goes to her, but often when I think about it I don't feel the same pain that I felt before. I've been able to enjoy myself a little more today. To those who are just going through this, there is one thing I would recommend, and that is no contact. It was the one step I had to take to really start healing. Tell them your feelings, tell them you still love her, tell them that if they want to try again (and you do) that they should tell you, but don't try to be friends for a while, it won't work and it will only make you feel horrible when you talk to them. As life changing and seemingly empty and lonely as it seems to no longer have your ex in your life, without them there you will start to realize that you have a huge life outside of them waiting for you, a life that is still there and will have more experiences for you that will make you a better person for having them. We'll be alright.
  2. insofar
    Come here to UWO! Hehe, anyway, whether that's the second one or not, I guess it mostly depends on your financial situation and whether your job is that important to you right now. I think in the bigger picture going to a better school would be a lot more advantageous but you'd get an education either way.
  3. insofar
    Stop. Think about what you're saying here. You're comparing people who think that a certain skin colour is sexy to people who would willingly wipe out an entire race. Having a preference doesn't necessarily make someone a racist. It could be because they're a racist, but you're making that assumption about everyone, and that's not fair. Anyway, I'd fit in A. I'm thoroughly convinced I could fall in love with anyone if they were the right person for me, and skin colour wouldn't play into it.
  4. insofar
    Somewhere out there, someone is waiting for you. I don't believe in a one to one soulmate, per se, but I guarantee you, someone out there will love you for who you are. There are people who love you now as it is. Your mom, obviously, cares about you. You should perhaps spend some time with her. You need to take some time out for yourself to heal. During that time, you should be surrounded by family and friends as much as possible, as they are, bar none, the best way to help. But trust me when I say that you are a unique person who deserves to live. Right now, your life is going through a very bad time. I can't say when or how that is going to change. What I can say, though, is that better times lie ahead. You can find someone better than your ex. I know you might not believe me now, but you can love again. We're here for you. Just stay here with us.
  5. insofar
    Argh. I recently came accross a photo of me and her, and now I'm feeling really down about finally closing the door. Part of my mind wonders if I would have had more of a chance getting back with her if I'd stayed "friends". I don't really think so, but my mind is going over everything we've talked about again... I was almost angry the last time I spoke to her and finally said I couldn't take her telling me about her life all the time, she said it hasn't been easy for her but I wonder if that means that she's missed me at all... And I wonder about her saying earlier that she would like to work things out eventually, even though later she said she didn't know what she meant when she said that... Gah. I thought we had something really good together. I just don't understand it.
  6. insofar
    I believe that anyone, assuming it's not a physiological problem, can change themselves. So for me, there has never been a time where I've been completely unwilling to forgive someone if they are truly sorry for hurting me.
  7. insofar
    You will get through this and your life will get better. You just have to trust us with that. 90% of the people here have gone through something near as painful as what you're going through now, and we are going on, things are improving. Some day, you will find someone who will love you for who you are. You won't need to change for them, and they won't see someone else as being more "exciting" or whatever. Your future is not empty. For now, though, you can make things better for yourself by working on you. Go spend some time with friends and family. They can help you heal more than I can say. Trust me, you'll be OK.
  8. insofar
    Not now. That's what I mean, I finally just said "look, don't message me unless you want to try again." Previously it was one-way no contact, her messaging me but me not messaging her. Also, once again talking to her hasn't let me have a lot of sleep. I know what I did was necessary and right, but it still hurts that she won't love me back.
  9. insofar
    Aye, she's not calling me, just messages. But I'll certainly be holding her to it.
  10. insofar
    Hi folks. Broke up with my girlfriend of about 1.5 years four weeks ago, which I posted about here (read for details). After the breakup, she wanted to remain friends, which I was open to at the time because, honestly, I was devastated and hoping I could get her back. She messaged me about once every four or five days, usually starting with smalltalk and getting into relationship issues sometimes. Recently though, she's been almost bragging to me... I got a new job, I got a new car, etc. Just now I finally told her that it's unfair of her to be telling me about her life when I can't share it. I said she knew my feelings (that I love her still and want to fix our relationship) and that if she wanted to try to work things out she should tell me, but otherwise I can't take this. She realized how * * * *ty she was being (apparently) and agreed. And while it was hard to do, and I still feel kinda bad about it, it's good to have control back. I feel like I've turned a corner. Whenever she messaged me previously, I always had a bit of a downturn in my missing her. She always seemed to like to leave a bit of "bait" about how it was possible we could get back together, about how it hasn't been easy for her... I've had enough. And now, at least I won't have to feel that anymore. I honestly think there is a bit of her missing me, but now it's truly in her court, and I can move on. I never thought finality would be vindicating. Thoughts?
  11. insofar
    To be honest, it sounds like she's really doubting her relationship with her boyfriend. That said, the honorable thing to do would be to let that proceed without any input from you, which is to say, don't pressure her in any way and continue to be with her as a friend. If she stays with her boyfriend, she stays with her boyfriend, if not, things may start to change with you two. But either way, you can't push it. If it starts to get too painful for you, I would advise just backing off as well.
  12. insofar
    If I was your boss, I would have fired you on the spot. Nothing justifies violence in the workplace. Now, if you're lucky enough to keep your job (and you really shouldn't be), I'd setup a meeting with your boss as Spugly Fuglet suggested. But you really need to get help with this as well. If you have an employee assistance program, you could contact them; that would likely help you to keep your job as well (they have certain powers in talking to managers). You also need to apologize to this person once you've calmed down. You don't want them filing assault charges against you.
  13. insofar
    Hi folks. I posted here a few weeks ago about an unexpected breakup with my long distance girlfriend of about a year and a half. While I still think about her sometimes and occasionally have a downturn and miss her for a while, things have been much better recently. I've been hanging out with friends and trying to get out of the house more, which is really something I should have been doing anyway. Maybe 15 days into the breakup, I signed up for OKCupid and answered a bunch of questions, having heard about it on a friend's blog. I didn't mark myself as single and still haven't marked myself as looking for a relationship as I really just wanted to see what was out there (and it is nice to know that there are some apparently good matches out there). I was talking with a friend about all of this and mentioned the OKCupid profile, she asked to see it, and I showed her my top match... which just so happened to be one of her best friends I have never really talked to this person (I think I've seen them once at said mutual friend's apartment) so to me they're still a stranger. A few days later, I heard from my friend that this person who was my top local match on OKCupid actually asked her, because of one of my comments on the friend's blog, who I was and if I was single. Now, here's my main quandary. I still haven't talked to this person at all as I think it's a little too soon, and I've heard so many bad things on here about rebound relationships, so I don't want to hurt her if my judgment is impaired by the recent breakup. At this point I don't know if I'd get back together with my ex even if she wanted me back; there are a bunch of trust issues and I just don't think I'd want to be with someone who wasn't 100%. So: How do I know when I should move on? I've considered messaging this girl and just taking it slow, getting to know each other for a while (online) before anything got serious. Would it be a bad idea to do that, and if so, how long do you think I should wait?
  14. insofar
    Quoted for truth. I mean, there shouldn't be arguing over $5 or whatever. Your opinion; I don't think it's a bad thing to split the bill, especially in cases of something expensive like dinner. If it was easier for me to pay, I would do so. If she had some monetary issues, I'd pay (and with my ideal match, she would do the same for me). I don't mind sharing though. One time her, next time me is fine as well. I guess what I'm saying is that I like to keep the money things light; as long as there's honesty and a willingness to help each other out when necessary, who pays really isn't that important.
  15. insofar
    Please. I'm sorry, but you need a reality check here. People are in happy, loving, healthy relationships all over the world. Men are not inherently evil, and I know you don't truly believe that. I think you're using it as a coping tactic. You're unable to find the right person so you convince yourself that it's not you, it's everyone else. Here it is: You're wrong. You may have just been incredibly unlucky thusfar, but that DOES NOT give you the right to make assumptions about everybody else. And as much as we might want to make you feel better, Batya33 was right: The common denominator here is you. Maybe you're looking for the wrong type of person, maybe you're looking in the wrong places. But I think what you need to do is stop hating the rest of the world because you're unable to find happiness when others are, and start looking inside yourself to try to find out how you can improve you. Things will change for you when you change them. You are in control of your destiny, and nobody else. Have you considered going to some social events? Find something that interests you, perhaps a hobby of yours, and find a group of people that are also interested in it. Maybe join a gym or something, just get out and do something. See what some of your workmates are doing after work perhaps. See, everyone here is a real person as well. We live real lives, and we're not fitting your description of every man out there. So I think you need to rethink your assumptions and take some more chances. I realize you've had a lot of rejection in the past, but life is about risk. If you don't take the risk, you're not truly living.
  16. insofar
    Hey all, I have a very general question for you guys. I've recently signed up for OKCupid and have read a few interesting profiles on there. While I'm not planning on getting together with anyone for a while due to my breakup a few weeks ago (I don't want to hurt someone with a rebound relationship), I was wondering: What are your experiences with internet dating services? Do you have any tips for using them? Any success stories? I'd especially like to hear about OKCupid, but it would be fun to hear about all such experiences. BTW, I have a fairly interesting story but I'll share it later on in this thread.
  17. insofar
    You like her, she is giving good signs, just ask her. You might get rejected, but you'll at least know either way. And I think the chances are pretty good with you two.
  18. insofar
    She messaged me again, and while it started off kinda distant and weird, it got pretty personal within a few minutes. She's incredibly conflicted recently. Apparently she misses me, but really likes being on her own, and has been feeling a lot of the same pain I have been. I still don't know what's going to happen, but it was good to talk to her again. I'm still giving her her time and space and letting her message me. I've made it clear to her that this is a decision that she has to make and that me saying much about it wouldn't help anything. *sigh*
  19. insofar
    What is it that will lie Over the horizon? Will I find what I'm seeking, or do I even know? Will I bask in sunlight, or meet the falling snow? Whatever shall be waiting, I shall meet with open arms, Over the horizon. --- By the way, while one cannot outrun the memories of someone lost, I heartily recommend jogging during a difficult time such as this. It apparently jogs the creative part of the brain as well.
  20. insofar
    On the whole, I've been doing better. Last night, I couldn't sleep much, but I stayed up and talked to people. I couldn't get her out of my mind, even though I haven't contacted her in days. I keep wondering how her heart could have gotten so cold so quickly, and what about me drove her away, even though I know the answers to these questions are "it didn't" and "nothing". I am able to at least function in every day life again. I've been back to my job for a while and will be going out pubbing with some friends on the weekend. Life isn't the same, but moves on. Who knows what the future will bring?
  21. insofar
    I was doing better this morning... I'm thinking about her again, wanting her to message me and realize that this is a mistake. I know it in all likelyhood won't happen, but I miss her so much. I was talking to a friend of hers from the game that we used to play, who has also recently been pushed away. We both think there's something going on with her, and I asked her to try to be a friend to her in the game for now, since I can't as it would be weird for me to be in the game right now. God I hope she realizes she loves me. She may not though, and I'm putting things into place now so that I can heal if that happens. Going out with a bunch of friends this week for example. I want this hole in my chest to close...
  22. insofar
    I know. I hope it is. It's just very difficult to get over someone while leaving the door open if they want it. Hopefully the things I've put in place to not remind me of her will help me through that. Thanks
  23. insofar
    Yeah, I'm leaving the door open if she wants it, but she has said not to expect her to switch back in the next few days or anything. I don't know, has anyone had a relationship where one partner has told the other that they're not in love with them any more and recovered? Unless this is due to her mental state as well, I doubt the flames for me will come back any time soon.
  24. insofar
    You'll find someone better. You deserve someone better. He is obviously a destructive presense in your life, and you need to cut him out. I honestly can't say how hard it will be as I've never been in that position before, but you need to do so. Stop sending him messages, phoning him, contacting him, it will only get worse if you don't. You might consider changing your number if he keeps calling you as well. Try to move on with your life. Find something to occupy yourself, do something social. You'll be alright.
  25. insofar
    TheRedQueen could be right as well, I'm going on your sureness that she meant what she said. Perhaps asking her what she meant by that would be best, maybe telling her what you thought when you heard it.
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