insofar

Because people want to fit in in high school, so they attach themselves to a group. That group finds a place in the hierarchy of popularity. In order to maintain that rank, they must continually spite groups deemed "lower" than them, and unfortunately due to peoples' fear of what's different, you're an easy target for pretty much every group, since you don't have the backup of a large number like they do. There's an interesting essay on the social dynamics of a typical high school you might find interesting (I certainly did): link removed. I think the main point that it makes is that things are very cruel and warped in a societal bubble like the one that high school creates; high school students can't (or at least don't feel that they can) make much of a difference to the world around them, or choose the type of people that they surround themselves with, so with no real aim they resort to the sort of popularity contests you see all the time, which inevitably results in some groups getting attacked by others. Anyway, the reason I bring this up is that the real world is a hell of a lot bigger than the social structure of your high school (and hopefully you'll see this once you get to college). And while certainly nowhere near perfect, they'll probably be more accepting of you than the idiots you mention in your post. There will always be and bigots in life. Hang out with friends who accept you for who you are, and for now, just keep doing what you can to stop them. You don't have to put up with it. All that said, you might want to look at your sig; meaning it or not, you're calling everyone else stupid and a conformist. We're not all bigots, so please don't paint us all with the same brush.

So, you took a risk by putting your heart out there, and it failed. All that means is that you and that particular girl didn't work out, not that you shouldn't put yourself out there at all. Yeah, rejection hurts, but it's part of life. If you get someone to fall in love with a fake version of you though, they're just going to dump you when they find out what your personality is really like. I say this because "playing the game" is really just creating a positive image for yourself in the other person's mind: delaying calls to make yourself seem busy or less interested, only scheduling dates days in advance instead of that night for the same reasons. It just seems so pointless to me. The real you should be good enough for your partner; otherwise, they're not the right person for you.

IMHO mindgames are never good, and only lead to the other party misinterpreting the situation. Basically, it's a form of manipulation. Do you like him? Do you want to talk to him? Then talk to him!

Agreeing with you on the first part, certainly not a bad thing if you feel it better for you or if it's having a negative impact on your life. Personally, I only drink socially; I could have a six pack sitting in my room unopened for weeks and it really wouldn't matter to me. Reading about that "Asian flush" thing, interesting. Certainly, you could get by without drinking. You could also try lowering your intake, or alternating with non-alcoholic beverages. Not the end of the world.

I'm not going to go as far as to say "don't drink" (though if you need alcohol to socialize, perhaps you should examine why that is), but yeah, you probably have an allergy to something in beer, especially if there's swelling involved. Or your face could just turn red due to bloodflow! Really, I wouldn't worry about it too much.

Your friend's a prude, especially since she called you a borderline {Mod Edit}. I don't care about either of those things; if she's into it, great, if not, that's cool too (though I will say that those who are into them rock ). Whatever works best for both of you is what you should be doing, and don't let anyone shame you out of it. Your bedroom, your rules.

Don't answer her calls (and tell her not to call you). Block her from IM. Move on. My ex was a LDR. She never cheated on me or anything, though there was another man involved in the reason she dumped me. But I can tell you that I didn't really start to heal until I stopped talking to her. The only thing you'll get out of that is bad feelings and a further broken heart, while she'll get a friend that would do anything for her, even though she wouldn't (really) do anything for him. It will be hard to do, but it's necessary. I'm sorry you're going though this.

I'm going to take the position of Devil's Advocate for a bit here. Did he have feelings for this coworker? You've already said that there was no sex, so I would imagine that your breaking up with him would, as well as crushing him, make him not want to live with you for a while. Besides the fact that it wasn't cheating because you broke up with him first. I think it's a bit unfair of you to be angry at him for being with someone else when you two simply weren't together. And then afterward, he realized his mistake and confessed it to you, no attempt to hide it, as well as saying that you were the only person he wanted to be with. Your response was to get angry at him. Understandable, but do you have any idea what it's like to be dumped? Soul crushing is the only way I can really explain it. People make mistakes, and in that state he was probably the most vulnerable he'd ever been. He was probably looking for solace from the hell that was going on in his heart. I think it's worth trying to save. Unfortunately, it sounds like you've already mentally broken up with him. You've got it in your head that there's no way he could be the person for you now. If you honestly don't ever see yourself healing over this and don't see things ever working out, you have to leave. Because otherwise you'd be keeping up a facade. But be sure of that before you do, otherwise you may regret it. The only way that you two can stay together is for you to forgive him, completely. If and when that comes I can't say. But it needs to for the relationship to survive. I think for that you happen, you need to understand why he did what he did, if you don't already, and that might mean actually talking about it with him. That might be painful, but it may help.

Quoted for truth. Go ask him out, clearly you're both interested so how can it hurt? You'd be taking a load off his shoulders.

Hehe, nope, but it makes sense. I'm a computer geek

Any article that makes such sweeping generalizations about an entire sex should trigger some red flags. Red flags labeled "BS". Everyone's different. While it might be easier for us to separate sex and love, many don't, and certainly wouldn't do the things listed lower on in the article. Human beings can't be explained so easily.

This sounds kinda like the "Nice Guy" attitude... you might want to look at Diggity's essay on the subject for some more info. In answer to your question, basically, because they're more assertive. Don't assume that just because a relationship has problems, that the guy involved is a "jerk" per se.

link removed. An interesting line of thought that has been going on for centuries. I'm still not sure I am truly convinced of anything.

I feel the need to just get some thoughts off my chest, so please excuse the somewhat "stream of consciousness" flow here. Recently I've been on a bit of a downturn with my depression. I keep seeing and hearing about my friends and their happy relationships, and wish I could find someone to complement me... but that does not seem to be in the cards at the moment, and it's bringing me down a bit, as it brings me back to unbidden thoughts of my ex and what we had, something I know I'll never have with her again, and can't predict what I'll have in the future. And while the rational side of my brain sees and has planned out a decent future, I'm finishing off my current program, after which I'm going to be applying to two universities to get a degree in addition to my diploma... the other half of my brain looks at the future and sees darkness and loneliness. That side knows that depression breeds a negative attitude that, while I try to suppress it and control it, is probably pretty visible to anyone talking to me, and can't exactly have a good effect. Thoughts of my ex... While they no longer control me and no longer have the hold over my emotions that they did two months ago, still occasionally surface in my mind when I'm alone. Wondering how I could have changed in her mind (or in reality), and what the ultimate reason for her falling out of love for me was. Hindsight isn't always 20/20. I've reconnected with some old friends recently and we hang out every week or so, hopefully that should help on the social end of things. I just wish I didn't feel so damn lonely all the time. I know the prevailing knowledge here is that you need to be completely comfortable being alone before you should be with someone else. If only there were an easy way to do that... While I don't necessarily want to be with my ex in particular (there are some things hindsight does help with, and one is me seeing that we weren't very compatible), I very much miss the sort of relationship we had, having a partner to talk with and love that also loves me. The thinking comes to mind that this is the very definition of desperation... once again cycling around to not seeming very attractive to people. Just blah.

Yeah, the thing about it is that two of the people who messaged me weren't from my city. Not like I can exactly just ask if they'd like to get some coffee. Dah well. I suppose it's to be expected.

Maybe he does still like you but doesn't want to hurt you because he's not yet over his ex.

It's Judeo-Christian tradition that has been ingrained in the minds of society for centuries. We link sex to love, and love to sex. If you have sex with someone other than the person you love, the mindset is that you are showing that you love the original person less as you are splitting your love into two, just as you are your sex life. Since it has been ingrained in our social structure, it's assumed that if you're not in a standard two-person relationship you are a deviant, and if you're not a deviant, you must be wanting the hurt the other person. The second is assumed. There's probably also a biological component to it as well; the pairing instinct, where two bonded parents provide a better chance for their offspring to survive. It probably attacks our self-conscious nature; leaving the person who was "cheated on" to think why their sex wasn't good enough for the partner and why they "needed" someone else to fill the role. There have been cultures where structures other than two-person pairing have taken root; just look at some of the polygamous religious sects of middle America and the concept of link removed. Personally? I like having one person who's always "in my corner", so to speak. It would be a betrayal for me if they had sex with someone else without first telling me, but if they had said they wanted to beforehand, I probably wouldn't be as offended. The strength of a relationship is in communication. I'm not sure if I would want to be in a polyamorous relationship in the first place though. I think it would probably lead to feelings of confusion and doubt, and I really don't know whether I'd be able to stay happy in a situation like that.

I just posted a thread about pretty much the same thing, so at least you know you're not the only one experiencing this.

Hi guys. Recently I've been getting some interest from women on OkCupid, three of whom have messaged me after reading my profile. For all three (one of whom I had a date with), they've suddenly dropped off communication after a while of talking. For example, the most recent one I was talking with through OkCupid for a few days, then MSN for a few days, then she basically dropped off the face of the earth from what I can see. I'm guessing she's blocked me from MSN since I haven't seen her online there in five or so days and she has been online on OkCupid. I don't think I'm being needy; once I send a message to her I leave it in her court and don't bother her or anything. I'm new to this (and dating in general, for that matter... my previous relationship was my first real one) so for those of you doing the online dating thing: is this common? I fear I might be coming accross as boring... obviously you guys can't tell me this, but at the risk of (temporarily) losing some anonymity, here (was) my profile. My conversation strategy thusfar has been basically to mix asking questions and relating some of my own experiences. I think I have a pretty good balance, and I don't think it's something specific I've said that have caused them to lose interest (certainly not coming on too strong, I've kept it very light so far). So far I've avoided messaging them after this sudden drop in communications, as mine is generally the last message sent. Do you think I should just shrug it off as their loss, or is there something I could do to improve my chances next time?

I think I'm done reading this thread, because in my opinion Kevin T is clearly depressed, yet still asking for opinions only to counter them when they say what he doesn't want to hear. Good luck in the future.

I think if a judge ruled in favour of a woman claiming sexual harassment because you tried to kiss her on a date, I'd lose all confidence in the legal system (not that I'm not close to that already).

Whoa, whoa. Let's not jump the gun here. First off, in Device Manager, right-click the drive with the yellow exclamation mark and click Uninstall, then restart your computer. Windows should redetect the drive and reinstall its drivers. See if that works, if not, there's some more stuff we can do before you have to go out and buy a new drive. It may be completely a software issue.

Err... that's rather broad. I did about two years of telephone tech support for HP but I can't tell you without knowing some specifics first. Do you mean the drive just vanished from My Computer? Or are you getting some error when trying to access a CD? Try going to Start -> Settings -> Control Panel -> System -> Hardware -> Device Manager and see if it's still listed under DVD/CD-ROM drives. Was there some software that was installed around the same time the drive vanished?

I have been there. The being busy thing is, in all likeliness, a ruse because she's not sure of the relationship. Just stop thinking about it and stop messaging her; if she's interested she'll get back to you. It sucks, but such is life.

Acutally, you can; I don't know if they've added this since you used it, but it's in My Stuff -> Edit Settings, at the bottom click Show Delete Account Options. That's how it worked with the latest person I've been talking to (though I never "woo", just message). Tis a nice feeling.