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About Liaka

  • Birthday 11/27/1982

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  1. I was actually planning on getting a fake rock so I stopped getting hit on when I go out. If it doesn't work atleast I can point it out and tell them i'm engaged... Easy way to let someone down...
  2. I know at my university (which was quite large) a professor would get fired for having any sort of personal relationship with their students. I saw it happen once, so I know my school took it seriously. There was always the rule that if the person you were involved with (friendship, romantic relationship) could effect your grade or your university life in any way, shape, or form, it wasn’t allowed. I sort of got away with this because at the time I was going to school I was dating one the network engineers there. Only one person ever brought it up but it wasn’t a big deal, and its not like he could really effect my life there in any sort of way, but I was also friends with many of the techs in every department there... never a professor though. As long as the teacher can’t effect your grade it would probably be just fine. If you are in their class, I wouldn’t recommend it due to the fact that it could be a risk to their job. But find out what the policy is at your school first. Also, I don’t think there is nothing wrong with having a relationship with one of your professors as long as it is solely based on an academic level. Maybe going to a quick lunch to discuss one of the lectures further, or visiting to discuss a few topics more in detail. Other than that it might go against the school’s policy. But check it out to be sure!
  3. I'm actually really surprised with a lot of your responses to this question. I have see the topic of men being able to sleep with women without attaching feelings to it, which is why I brought this topic up... I have only ever been in long-term loving relationships, so I find it hard to fathom how it’s even possible. But in skimming though other topics I started to notice it happens more than I thought (I think I’m just really naive most of the time). Being single and looking for love, I found it very disheartening and a little scary… I was just curious what goes through a guys mind when he does it... how he responds etc.. But your answers were not what I expected... many of you said you wouldn’t have sex without love. It makes me feel slightly better about guys in general. Mad props to you guys!
  4. Okay, so there is the age-old discussion of Men separating love and sex. I have a really hard time grasping how it is possible… but it’s obvious that some men do it... some do it more than others, and for a select few, all they want is sex no ties... (and hey, even some women do it!) Everyone is different, obviously... BUT are there signs or mannerisms that a guy (or even women) will have when he's in it just for sex? Like lack of eye contact, lack of affection (before, during or after)... etc..? Or will they put on that whole act when trying to get in a girls pants?
  5. I wouldn't say anything is one sided... I just kind of feel like the ball is more in his court. Which is fine. But that’s why my friend suggested playing these games, so I could get it more into my court and feel more in control. Part of me thinks that he is just telling me this to protect me from getting myself hurt. I think games are a form of protection against heartbreak in a way. When we are together everything is fantastic and I have a better grasp on what he’s feelings towards me are, but the distance makes it harder to feel secure. I am a very loyal person and he knows it, so he has nothing to fear from me, so why shouldn’t he feel secure? That’s where I guess the games come in... To knock him off balance. But I think it’s a bad idea and I totally agree with you. I would rather be upfront and honest and if it turns out it back fires, then he can just be honest with me in return. At least I’ll know! As far as the picture messages go.. its kind of a cheesy dorky way to make each other smile through out the day. Since we can't be together seeing the same things we send stupid pictures of what we are doing or what’s going on... But thanks for all the advise! Looks like I will be throwing the games out the window (which is what my gut was already telling me!). Glad I got some reassurance. I think I should go slap my friend upside the head...
  6. I agree that games are stupid and can mess with people’s emotions in very negative ways. But I’m talking about the more simple games we play. My friend seems to think that if I don’t call him, don’t answer his calls, it will make him want me more. It's wanting what you can't have and It’s the thrill of the chase! Now from my perspective, if a guy did that to me it would work, but only for a very short period of time. I would feel like I should back off because he’s not interested after a couple days. But my situation is also very different than a normal situation. I posted a huge post not to long ago about it, but basically distance is involved. We really don’t talk that often to begin with… every couple days with a few texts in between. But the thing is I already trust him (for the most part) and he has no reason to distrust me… even with the distance. My friend once again tells me this is a mistake and I shouldn’t let him feel that comfortable yet. As a joke, I started this thing with sending him the most random picture messages I can (about every couple days) and he says he loves them, and never gets tired of them. So I have sort of backed off on even doing that… but I personally think it will all lead to his disinterests. My friend also tells me that he probably feels in total control of what’s going on in the relationship, while I sit around and wonder… which is why I need to “play the game” to turn the tables… I guess he thinks I need to change the balance of power, and lets face it, of course that would be nice… but I just feel like if I play games he will end up not interested at all. We haven’t put a title on us yet, and that’s just due to our really messed up situation… which also makes me nervous because I would prefer to have one and seal the deal. I suppose games have their place in certain situations… and they aren’t for everyone… I guess I’m just looking for a way to change the balance of power slightly… I don’t need to be in total control of what’s going on (because what’s the fun in that!). I would just like to ease my mind while keeping him on his toes a little more. But ultimately I just want to be with him and have us both feeling secure…
  7. Haha... If women are like cats, then men are like dogs... (I totally love these analogies!!!) it doesn’t take much to gain their attention and keep it... like how my puppy follows me around the house... its soooo cute! She gets excited with the slightest glance in her general direction, and generally obeys my command. Although I kinda disagree with both analogies. Yeah I'll give men a little more credit, although I have met some equivalent to dogs, and I have met just as many women with the attention span of a cat... But in general I will give both sexes more credit. And in my experience with my cat, she prefers me to be fairly direct and doesn’t appreciate games… like the ‘PUT THE FOOD IN THE DISH ALREADY LADY’ look.
  8. Women are like cats......? No comment.... Well... I have a few but I'll keep them to myself. Anyways... I would say that 9 times out of 10 if the guy would be direct, I would probably respond better than anything else he could do. Given that he isnt telling me he loves me on the first date of course (its happened and its SCARY). But if its obvious I like him... why not be direct?
  9. I agree that at the VERY initial stages of a relationship it can be a little fun... waiting for the other person to call or getting excited over a text message you didn’t expect... all that jazz. But I tire of that very quickly... as soon as I know I like the guy, I want it all to stop. I find more excitement in finding out you share common feelings... Maybe it’s also the fact that I'm ready for something serious in my life? Eh... who knows... My friend who is giving me this advice is a good 4 years younger than I am… so it could be. But I am curious to see how many people actually enjoy it. Obviously my friend does… he believes it causes the other person to fall harder for you… anyone agree?
  10. “Playing the game”. Do you like it, do you hate it? Personally I hate it with a passion. I bring this up because of my situation and the advice I have been receiving from my friend. I posted before about my whole situation, and I have been simply playing it by ear and have not totally acted on anything yet. But basically my friend (who is a guy) has told me to basically play the game with this guy. Not answering phone calls, not calling him, and when I do talk to him act like I’m too busy to talk to him… making him wonder, etc… Do these things actually really work? And if they do, at what point do you stop doing these things? Is it better to be totally upfront or be aloof? He keeps telling me to be as aloof as possible... but its driving me crazy, and I just want to flat out ask him whats going on between us (and I feel like if I dont show interest, neither will he). I know it drives me crazy when I actually like someone, so how do you know when to keep playing, or when to stop… or even to play in the first place? Seems to me guys would hate this and much rather you to be upfront… but I’m hearing this FROM a guy… what do you all think?
  11. I know, I know... I need to suck it up and get my act together. Its better to know now and deal with short term hurt than to always wonder what if. I guess I am just fearing rejection due to the fact that this is my first crack at anything amazing in quite some time, and after I have been through a really rough part of my life. He really has been one of the best things to happen to me in the last 2 years (in the fact that he saved my butt with my rent problem, and in whatever was happening between us). But if it’s not meant to be, its not meant to be and nothing will force it to be. Which is why I gave up my happiness to make him happy. I didn't want to be the one thing that held him back from being happy, and I didn't want him to grow to resent me for his unhappiness if I had used guilt to get him to stay there. To me, it was obvious he was into me, and we were into each other. The simple little things people do when they want to show they like each other and are attracted to each other were very apparent. I guess I just don’t want to seem like a desperate psycho freak. I see many girls get that rep when they are just honest with their feelings. But as you said, I shouldn’t feel bad about being honest about my feelings. I know I would LOVE it if more people were honest with me (good or bad). But that’s me, and in the real world many people like to live in illusions as long as it makes them feel good. But after the time we had spent together it felt like we were over the awkwardness of a lot of things. One problem that I know scared him (he had mentioned it to my friend) is that things between us happened really fast, and he said when things move fast that’s when people get hurt. And with him thinking he was going to move home, it was kind of the last thing he wanted (it was the last thing I wanted too with me going through a move also). But during that same conversation he said that in spite of that, he liked what was going on between us. It just seems to me that the last time I checked "good friends" Don’t kiss, don’t hold hands, don’t spend every night together, and basically don’t act the way we were acting. It has thrown me off totally. I just kind feel like he is throwing the friends thing in there to just stop things from going any further due to the distance. I know the bottom line is I have to bring all of this up to him… I have to be honest, but I really just needed some views on how he might react, and how honest to be. I’m terrible at reading signs, especially from guys in general, and I’m afraid that I might be too honest. I just don’t want to seem desperate. But most of all, I don’t want to screw things up! Also, any recommendations on how to recover from that stupid text message? Should I outright apologize for it? Or just not bring it up? Thanks!
  12. Okay! In hindsight (which is always 20/20 and usually my best form of vision) I think I took the friend comment a little too seriously like most of you have suggested. At this point I’m not sure how to dig out of that one. We have talked since, but just about our lease and nothing dealing with the whole "us" thing. Should I apologize for sending that message? I am absolutely terrible at starting any serious conversations with him (yeah, not a good thing, I know!). He tends to make me turn to jello when I talk to him, and I'm honestly just afraid that my honesty would scare him away. Also I forgot to include in my long story, that during the same conversation as the friend comment, he told me I should probably go back to FL because that’s where I really seemed happy. I also took this as rejection, because lets face it, there is no way we are going to have a relationship at that point. So the fact that he said I should go back to FL, coupled with the friends comment caused me to pretty much freak out. Maybe he is fishing for something from me? I'm just not sure. I sort of feel like the ball is in his court and he knows it. Whatever decision he makes I will go with, and once again, he should know that. Does he just need reassurance? I have just been lead to believe by every guy I talk to that being too honest and upfront scares them away. I want to tell him that I would move for him and pretty much go through the hell of a long distance relationship for the time being, but do you think that’s what he wants to hear? I usually have NO problem with telling people what I think and how I feel. I usually pride myself on being totally open and honest. I typically like to cut through the fluff and get to the point, but this guy makes me turn into a girly wussy pile of mush! I know I need to get over it and just open up, but I really don’t want to lose him. I guess I’m just torn from being waiting around passively to see if this works out, or being up front and honest and going for what I want. Either way I could lose him. I HATE playing games. Like I said I don’t fall often or easy, but when I like someone, the game is up. I want to tell them I like them and stop the stupid dating games. With this situation, I really don’t think we can afford games. Distance puts a new spin on it all. Games combined with distance seem like a recipe for disaster. Also, going back to the loneliness, yeah, maybe I just filled an emotional void for him and now he is done with me. He has decided to move back home where he wont be lonely anymore, so is it possible he just doesn’t need me anymore? I guess my real question is, Is the honest truth and my openness going to scare this guy away? And thanks for all the help so far!! It’s much better advice than I have got from anyone thus far!
  13. So, Im not normally the type to post anything about my personal relationships, but at this point I feel like I sort of need some advice from an outside source. So here goes nothing! I have had a very rough 2 years. For the last year and 1/2 I decided to pick up and move about 1,000 miles away from where I had lived most of my life and where all of my family resides to live in sunny Florida. This was a big step for me, and something I never thought I would have the guts to do. In that time life was hard, I worked ALL the time but hardly making ends meet, and I ended up with a roommate from hell who put me in debt about $5,000, and stole from me and keyed my car in the process. At this point my parents had convinced me to go home so I finally, very reluctantly, gave in. Then at the very last moment, life took a turn for the better. One of the guys I worked with agreed to be my roommate and take over paying half of the rent (since my evil roommate ditched me with the bills). Even though I was still planning on leaving, I couldn’t break my lease so I agreed and took it as a blessing. Now, I am totally not the type to swoon over guys, but lets just say that this guy was pretty amazing. Totally gorgeous and just an all around GOOD guy (which I thought didn’t exist, at least not in that combo). I wasn’t looking to start ANYTHING with ANYONE due to the fact that I was moving, and hooking up with a roommate is just bad news. Buuut... lets just say it happened. It wasn’t anything serious, but at the same time it felt like it was emotionally. The bad part is that it happened the week before I left to go home. The way we left things was that I was planning on coming back as soon as I got a new job (which he even had all his family, who didn’t even know me yet, helping me with). I really didn’t think anything was too serious due to the fact that we had one week ‘together’. But one night while we were talking on the phone he was telling me how lonely he was. I thought it was simply due to the fact that he had recently done exactly what I did the year before. He also moved away from where he grew up to take a crack at life down in Florida also. But as the conversation progressed he told me that he wished I could be there so he wouldn’t be so lonely, and once again I thought well of course... he misses his roommate and he hasn’t made close friends yet, I would be lonely too. Then he proceeds to tell me he wanted me there so he had someone to come home to every night... (by this time I was in shock) But it didn’t end there. He told me he suddenly felt like he was ready to settle down, and it was another reason why he wanted me back down there. At this point it really got my hopes up, here was my dream guy telling me he wanted to settle down with me... Almost too good to be true! So we left it at that and went on with our distance and normal lives. Then during another conversation, he was telling me how he really wanted to move back home, but he didn't want to if I wanted to go back down there, because that’s where I was happy. He told me he doesn’t know anyone like me in FL or where he is from… (once again getting my hopes up). After this conversation he even talked to my BEST friend (and we all know when a guy talks to a girls best friend he HAS to know its going to get back to her in about 10 seconds) and he talks to her about the situation. He told her he just wasn’t happy there and really wanted to move home. But he was reluctant to do so because, as my friend quoted, his girl wasn’t there. Since the moment we met I have related to him in a way that most people couldn’t do. We shared a common bond in the fact we had both been through much of the same experiences and we both knew what it was like to be away from home. From day one I have told him to do what makes HIM happy and not to worry about me. If he wants to go home I will totally support him (but we really didn’t talk about what would happen with us, I think because we were afraid to do so). Well, a few days before Christmas I got the calls I had been waiting for and I had 4 interviews set up for the first week in January. I was SOOOO excited!! I got to fly back down there for new years eve, and I really didn’t know what to expect. I really thought things might be awkward since it had been 2 months since we last saw each other. As soon as I flew in I had my friend take me to the party he was at. The first thing he did when he saw me, was give me the biggest hug, and told me he didn’t want to let me go. That night was pretty much the perfect night. He kept hold me and apologizing for not letting me go because he missed me so much, He kissed me at midnight and held my hand and introduced me to his family. I thought it odd that he was so open with everything right in front of his family so soon, but it was a good surprise. The next week was pretty much perfect. We picked up right where we had left off. It really felt like it was a very real relationship. His friends even referred to me as his girlfriend, and all of our mutual friends saw us together. Things became a lot more serious in this week, and I felt like this was really going to go somewhere. Before I left he asked me what would happen if he did move home. I told him it would be up to him because I was up for anything. I asked him what would happen with ‘Us’ and he told me that we would only be four hours away, and we could have weekends together. Then he flat out asked me if I would ever move to where he was. I flat out said yes. He said having me and being ome would be so amazing… But, All this time I was thinking he probably really wouldn’t go back, so why worry?. Then the time came for me to return home and wait to hear back from the companies I interviewed at. About a week or so after I had come back, he called me and told me he wanted to move home for sure. I was heartbroken. Why would he decide this right after I had 4 interviews that went REALLY well?? Why couldn’t he tell me before I flew down there and invested so much into coming back?? But of course I was supportive of him, because I know what a struggle it is to decide to go home or stay. I told him once again to make himself happy before anyone else. I knew how hard it was for him to even break this news to me because he knew how happy I was there, and if he left it would be too much of a hassle for me to find a new roommate again so I wasn’t going to go back if he left. So we talked for a while and I reassured him that he needed to be happy, and we left it at that. In the mean time I was a total mess… Now we are going through the process of ending our lease and the other night he called me to talk to me about the paper work. I made a comment about him being back home and forgetting about me, just joking around, and he told me he wouldn’t forget about me, and that four hours wasn’t far at all for (here is the kicker!!!!) “GOOD FRIENDS”. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die… I made the mistake of texting him later that night to tell him that I really wished things between us could have worked out, but in light of everything I though he was the most amazing guy I had ever met. And he didn’t reply… I’m not sure how to take his lack of a reply, but I know I should have kept my thoughts to myself at that point. How did we go from having an awesome connection, him telling me he wanted to settle down with me, us spending every night next to each other, him asking me if I would move with him, to good friends?? At this point I don’t know what to think, and I pretty much feel used, especially emotionally. This guy is a keeper and probably the most amazing guy I have ever met. I know things happened really fast between us, but I figured when things are right, sometimes it just happens that way. I would totally be willing to move for him, given some time of course. But after everything, a long distance relationship for a while wouldn’t be that big of a deal, and nothing we couldn’t handle. After the friends comment I have been totally crushed. I don’t fall often, and I don’t fall easy, and I hardly ever get crushes. But I started falling for this one, and I was pretty much smitten with him. I thought the feelings were mutual, and my friends who saw us together thought so too. I can’t help but think something scared him away… I really want to just let loose and ask him exactly where we stand and tell him exactly what I want and EXACTLY how I feel for him, but I’m really scared its going to push him away. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make it work… would he be scared to know that? Or even scared of my feelings for him? Basically the good friends comment scared me to death, and I’m not sure how honest to be at this point. I’m afraid that if I don’t speak up now, I will lose him for sure. I’m just at a point in my life where I have nothing holding me back… I’m in-between careers, and I know I don’t want to live in this area anymore. How should I approach this situation now? Be totally honest, and ask for total honesty in return (no matter how much it may hurt), or just let things go and see how good of friends we can be four hours away? HELP!!
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