AntiLove_SuperStar

If she's with someone else and happy with them, then it is very unlikely that you'll get her back. She wasn't perfect for you, if she was, you'd still be together. I know how hard it is to move on, but it can be done. I first properly, completely fell in love - and then we split up. I cried until I retched and was in physical pain. Occasionally, I still do - despite having a boyfriend I love very, very much right now and want to marry. There's nothing wrong with being in pain, but torturing yourself by not letting her go is never helpful.

You can't win like this, sugar. Because if you now attract someone, you will now feel "well, it doesn't count anyway, because it was only since I started putting on makeup". Drop the makeup - because you don't like it anyway, its a bad way to go. I'm very much a feminist in worldview. Not in an aggressive, man-hating way. Just in a "I hate many modern dynamics way". I always resisted makeup. I like wearing the same clothes 4 days running (well, I change my underwear. I keep good hygiene standards). I decided I'd never resort to making a silly effort on my appearance to attract people. Even in my very depressed days, I believed/still believed that people want something kind, original, assertive, intelligent, funny, with so much conviction it bursts from their souls - which has NOTHING to do with looks, and all to do with what you think about you, how full your life is, how you interact with other people. My "credentials" to back this up would include at least 6 serious/sincere declarations of love in a relationship context in past 2 years 15+ relationships/outcome of attraction in past 2 years. So trust me.

Essentially, you have been unfortunate enough to marry a complete waste of your emotional investment. Time to jack it in, because I PROMISE you, he will not change and suddenly fall in love with you. He has issues, and you don't need to be around to try and change them. As if that'd be possible, anyway!

Believe you are amazing. You might as well, whats the worst that can arise from it? It's not actresses etc that make me jealous, per se. Personally, what makes me jealous/angry/sad is that its clear that those are the type of person boyfriends/girlfriends would actually be with if only they had the chance, but they don't so they are stuck with me/you. Thats how its presented in modern day society and you *know* its faulty thinking, but its so relentless, its soul destroying.

She's still very much into the ex. She likes you, but not to the fullhearted extent that marriage requires. If I was being honest, I'd say you should have left at the start, saying "Call me in a year if you get over him". Be second best to no one in the eyes of a woman you marry!

my Brief Contribution: (Have not read all replies) ""In the spring I proposed to him and he said no, simply because he knew his family would disapprove."" Doesn't that say "Spineless, unassertive human being that you wouldn't want to marry anyway?"

You know fully well that neither is right for you if you can't choose between them. You've been frank. I'll be frank with you. You seem unsteady, insecure and not in a place to have a relationship anyway. But even if you were in a solid place emotionally, if you can't pick one guy over the other without outside help (your mother is irrelevant, by the way. You have to break free from that, no matter what the cost) NEITHER IS RIGHT. Something else that concerns me is the line "I try to make friends with everyone I see". Why's that....you seem to need to be needed?

Of course you are having doubts. She isn't making you a main priority in her life, which after so long, she darn well should be! Which makes other differences seem so much more pronounced. The fact that you are even seriously considering being with someone else is a nice big fat clue too. I think you need to leave. People don't usually change so drastically. "Not yet, not yet, not yet....". Hang around for no one. Leave and explore the horizons out there.

Finding love is not a game. It's not a set of strategies that you can produce commentary on as you would a sporting event. I also resent heloladies post when it says "..some of the ugliest guys have the most beautiful girls". Well done to you for implying that to "achieve" the most beautiful girl is, naturally, the best outcome. Why not just have the guts to live in a good (even, shock, respectful/ethical) way, and have the faith that life WILL present you with suitable partners providing you are interacting in the world enough? (I'm not a believer in God, if this was implied I am keen to assert this is not from a religious viewpoint.)

Volunteer, volunteer, volunteer. You are so right that there is more to life than drinking and inane messy social gatherings.

Once upon a time it was tres normal To be rather "happy" Suck it up, get on with it The British Stiff Upper Lip. You know, it worked But wasn't enough When the world changed, and so did we We Got Damaged, it renders you desolute. But you know, you have a choice Depression is not an art There's no credit for being the saddest Be a radical, break the habit. Start a new radical chain.

Go smell some roses, literally. Connecting with nature is meant to be a healer. It just gives me rashes, generally. Perhaps it isn't for everyone. Life is incredibly boring - as the default setting. The good news is that there are other settings - Passionate, Intense, Lively, Ambitious, Self-Respecting - that you can tune in to. .WHY CURING BOREDOM IS IMPORTANT - A Mini-Essay. Much depression is caused by lost ideals, or faulty coping skills. But a great deal is caused by, or made worse by, boredom. Too much time to think is too much time to get miserable. The other danger relating to boredom-induced depression is that it gets to a point where you are so keen to feel SOMETHING, ANY form of excitement, is better than sitting around awaiting demise. Hello, addiction and bad relationships. Good morning, self-inflicted drama, howdy suicide ideation. I kid you not. Like the muddy slope I fell down today, it's a slippery ride. (And that is not for comic effect, that it God's honest truth). The Following Are Helping Me Fight My Own Boredom And Crippling Depression 1. Letting go of responsibility for other people. Other peoples' issues are not your own. Many are jerks. Sometimes I cannot post here, the level of stupidity is astounding. That is depressing. Releasing the desire to "save" people is starting to help. I am starting to see now why I was so hellbent on being a doctor for such a long time - I have a perverted kind of "saviour complex" going on. Either way, even if I COULD get everyone to my own (subjective!) standards, I'd be working 24 hour days. No one can do that. 2. Having courage to summon your ambitions, and formulate plans. 3. Learning how to entertain yourself. More importantly, learn how to entertained BY yourself. The mudslope incident? One of the first times in months I have properly laughed at myself. In public. I didn't even slightly redden. I saw the chance to have a free laugh, and I took it. 4. Educate yourself. Read, goshdarnit. Everything you can get your hands on. You'll keep your mind healthy, you'll be sparkling conversation if nothing else.

She is simply shy, give the lady time! My boyfriend waited SIX MONTHS before he let me see him naked! I kid you not, I was not allowed to see him topless/his stomach, owing to his issues surrounding his body (anorexic/recovering). And we are very much in love over six months later. Just let it happen.

I think he is, simply, an innate jerk. My own concern is that you'd take him back if he asked, when in fact he doesn't deserve it. If you ever get tempted, consider jsut how plain rude he is.

I don't get any personality changes, I find life bad all month round! Hooray!

Sometimes girls have major problems with being approached by guys. Sometimes, girls (not that I'm annoyed from past experiences here, or anything) get sick of the whole "dating game", or feel so lousy with themselves that they radiate KEEP AWAY vibes. I can believe my own theory, given the epidemic of low self esteem that seems to be erupting everywhere. Either they hate you, or they hate themselves. Its more likely to be the latter. Sad for everyone.

If she was that into you, she'd make time. I promise you. I'm busy as heck lately, but there's no way I wouldn't be able to make time for someone I was really into. Leave the ball in her court. Move on.

How have you managed to spend WHOLE days together, every day? Do you work together? I understand where you're coming from. Even if I loved my girlfriend, and she was the most interesting, smart, hot individual on earth, I wouldn't want to be with her 24/7. Does she have a few issues of the insecurity-possessiveness variety going on here? I don't think its so healthy to want to be with anyone all the time, all day, every day. Doesn't she like SOME individual breathing space?

A woman can certainly use a guy for sex. And girls. *looks away in shame*

Yes, definitely. My boyfriend can quite often keep going for ages after he's come. (Life isn't all bad). Actually, we more have the problem that if I come first, I usually feel so wiped out by it that I can't carry on much longer. He has much more stamina than I do. But I hope to improve in time.

I'm bisexual..I don't want a male or female lap dancer. I'm not interested in anyone cheapening themselves for my "benefit". Sickkkk.

She's far away. She's a liar. Its all messy and confusing and ultimately, she's one of thousands of girls in the world. This is why globalization can be a terrible idea. My advice is simple - she's trouble, trouble trouble. Leave her, leave her, leave her.

Feelings can't kill you.

Oh, and blood. I won't insert any more details. Gory.

I have more kinky WANTS than actions. having sex with someone I hate. really, really thin girls.