Sonalika

I think betrayal is worse than not being loved. Breaking trust is the biggest downer in any relationship. If people dont love you back, it doesnt hurt as much as people who say they do and then cheat on you.

Hey.. We've been married for 8 mnths and dated for 3 yrs before that. My husband had flings which I came to know abt days before the wedding. I was devastated but we decided to go ahead as he said he couldnt think a life without me and I loved him too much too.. Now, as I discovered a couple of more betrayals during our courtship and I asked him how could he do this to me, that how did his heart allow this when he was in love with me, my husband confessed that he never loved me in the past. Its only after we got married that he started loving me. I have my doubts as its very difficult to trust what he says now!!! Is it possible for people to marry thinking that they are in love where as they are not and then fall in love later?

Hi, its been 8 mnths now since we've been married and things were really shaping up for good but suddenly i got another jolt when i found that one of his friends that he is still in touch with was also one of the women he dated/ flirted with.. i developed frinedship with that girl and it was so humiliating to find out that he lied to me abt how he interacted with her while we were going arnd.. i saw a few flirtatious mails saying 'i wanna marry u' n 'waiting to see u' n 'mmuaaah sweets' etc.. another confrontation led to a bigger shock.. he said that he never loved me and that its just that i loved him so much n that we had slept together that he felt that sense of belonging with me... with this also came out a few more names n events that occurred during our long distance relationship.. which included touching and kissing 'on the cheek'.. this was just months before our wedding... i feel very disillusioned with my marriage n my relationship with him as i married him thinking that he loved me but the fact is that he never did.. i want a way out of this as this is killing me.. i feel suffocated, sometimes feel i cant breathe. i havent discussed it with anyone in this world.. pls pls help me. what should i do?

Yes, I've had a lond distance relationship and NO i wouldnt want to be in one again. Its too stressful and you or your partner will definitely drift apart some way or the other..

I have not been able to sleep well due to which I have got dark circles under my eyes. Is there really any cure for this? Rest of my face also looks very tired. I know the root cause of this is lack of sleep but is there any medicine/ remedy for getting rid of this condition? Pls help.

Yeah.. what you say makes so much sense. Dont know why I become so guy.. impulsive sometimes. Maybe because ever since I met him, I have not even thought of any other guy.. so the thought of him showing interest in another women makes me so disillusioned about love. I WILL put in my best to forgive and let the past go by and I WILL make this relationship work. Rest is destiny.

I feel much better after reading the advice given.. Thanks a lot guys. I am glad I talked about my problem in this forum. I am working on forgetting and more important.. on forgiving. Though I must admit that I am still insecure and worry that this may happen again... I will try to persuade him for counselling again.

Thanks a lot for the advice. I have suggested counselling but he hates the idea of involving a third party to resolve issues between us. I do realise that this constant venting of anger will make him cold towards me. I do feel scared sometimes because inspite of everything, I love him a lot. I am trying to do some deep breathing and say a small prayer whenever the hurt comes. My only problem now is that why do I want to dig out the details of what he did? How can I stop these thoughts from runnning into my mind?

Hi, I am married to my boyfriend for 3 yrs for 2 months now. We had a long distance relationship for 2 years. But we are very compatible and love each other a lot so we decided that we should marry. Just a fortnight before the wedding, I came to know that while i was away, he had been flirting with his other women friends. He had projected that he had broken up with me so that he could flaunt his 'single' status. He was a little too much into one of these girls who lives abroad and is married. She apparently had a bad time in her marriage and he was her support system. They used to say "I love you" and "Want to spend the rest of my life with you" kind of statements in emails. He also used to speak to her often on the phone too but i dont know the details of the conversations they had. Though there was no physical contact, they were intimate via emails and it hurt me too much when I came to know about it. They said things like "I miss your cute face" and "I dreamt about you"... When I confronted him, he felt miserable and swore that he did it only for the attention he got n that he loved only me all along. He even threatened to end his life if i left him. I loved him too much and had always been true to him all these years. I agreed to marry because I couldnt think of a life without him. Now, we've been married for 2 months and he has stopped all communication with his old girlfriends. But sometimes when I remember the content of the emails i saw or when i see his phone bills and wonder at the no of text messages he sent to these girls (till 2 in the morn!) i feel miserable and end up fighting and crying. He never says anything back, just keeps quiet and lets me vent out my anger. I have the habit of saying mean things when I am angry and then repenting later. I want a happy life with him but this pain and hurt doesnt seem to go away. I feel like digging into everything he ever said or did with this women. I feel like knowing every single detail. But he keeps quiet and doesnt tell me anything and I feel frustated and helpless. I feel that maybe i was not worth him and that is why he strayed even after getting so much love and attention from me. Pls can someone help me and advice me on how to deal with my hurt and frustation?

Hi, I guess the most important thing to do is to love and respect yourself a little more than u do now. You need to take out time for yourself and think of a life beyond him. What if he is not there with you tomorrow? You cant possibly stop living!! The lesser u think about it, the happier you will be. Keep yourself busy.. I can relate to your problem so much because even i felt the same way about my bf (now husband). But the worst part was when I realised a fortnight before our wedding that he was actually involved with one of his so called 'friends'.. Though that girl is married and lives in another country, I felt devastated. But I still chose to marry him and put in my best efforts to make this relationship work as I love him so much. I dont know how far it will work but I have promised myself that I will never lose my self esteem.