Relationship Coach

You dump all this in to your system and you're worried if VIAGRA can hurt you? That is the least of your worries. VIAGRA, Cealis and the rest of the ED medications will work whether you have ED or not. Should you be taking them without being seen by a doctor? No! There are various heart ailments which can react to the medicine and cause serious problems including death. If you want to take them, see a doctor. Next, is this your girlfriend or just a random partner? Why does she have the VIAGRA? RED FLAG!!! Sex without a condom may feel better but then again look at the risks such as unwanted pregnancies, STD and that death thing again. It seems you are pretty destructive to your body as it is. STD's including HIV is spread so quickly to those that are impaired as you were that night. You took a pill which could of killed you and had sex with "this girl" without a condom. You just slept with a matrix of people you don't even know and probably don't want to know by having unprotected sex with her. As far as pre-cum or seminal fluid is concerned, don't listen to anyone who tells you that it does NOT contain sperm. This is false. Yes it serves as a lubricant but does contain about 500,000 parts sperm per 1 cc. This number can also be effected by your age and testosterone levels. Added penetration and friction will pull new and much more active sperm from the testes and you do not have to ejaculate to get her pregnant. You are making a few really bad choices here, not to rag on you but you need to educate yourself on what you are exposing yourself to and be more responsible. I suggest getting a full physical, blood work and all!

DON'T EVER TAKE HER HORSEBACK RIDING, YOU MAY NEVER SEE HER AGAIN! No, seriously...When you perform oral on her it is a different sensation, close but different. Flatten your tongue out and apply pressure. The tongue is much softer than your pubic bone our erection under your jeans. Mimic the same motion and apply pressure, she will let you know if it's too much pressure. You will soon get used to her movements and signs that she is being stimulated. Women are all different in regards to clitoral stimulation. Also be aware that some women have problems reaching an orgasm this way for many reasons including shyness or even thinking about her personal hygiene while your performing oral on her. The fun part is practice makes perfect and communicate with her about likes and dislikes. Get it right and you will be her hero.

DED, What you are going through is very normal, unfortunate but normal. There are stages that you will drift through as the healing process begins. You will heal, move on and give yourself to someone else. It may not be today, tomorrow or months from now but you will heal. You will get angry with her and even hate her for how she hurt you. I'm not sure how young she is, you're 20 so whether you want to hear it or not, she probably did you a favor. At her age she should see what else is out there. If she is feeling that way, why would you want to be in a relationship with her. She sounds fickled. Yes, the pain of not being with her or the pain of her being with someone else will be greater than you can imagine but as more time passes you will grow stronger. You are doing the right thing whether you realized it or not, heal yourself before bringing someone else in to your life. Don't let this relationship ruin your chances of having a happy relationship in the future. That would not be fair to you or your future partner. As for your schooling, get it together! Throwing away your education because this girl is a HUGE mistake. People every day are faced with adversity in life, how they face it shows what they are made of. I'd put money on you coming out of this like a champ!

tell him "you first"! You will get around to the BJ when he finishes performing oral on you. Don't feel guilty about turning him down what ever the circumstances are. It's your choice and he needs to respect your decision. If he doesn't like it, tell him to sign up for some yoga classes. Mutual acts of gratification is a wonderful thing, being guilted in to it will only create at some point resentment and animosity towards him. During this time of the month you both should explore other options, experiment with other senses, other activities which can be sensual but without an orgasm. It will make the next time you make love more intense.

Do you feel that you are inexperienced as far as sex and tell me about your relationship.

Tigris has a valid point, I would suggest that approach as well. Respect and chivilary has slowly dwendled over the generations and this is a perfect example of how to earn the trust and respect of your mother. WARNING...I'm not talking about a snow job here! Use your head and obey the rules, don't break your mothers trust or you are in for a long haul trying to get through high school. Remember this is a school dance, take it from there. He is off to college next year and you have plenty of growing to do yourself. Just have fun and keep it all in perspective.

Tony, Do you or would you want her back ever? Could you or would you ever be able to trust her again? How much pain should one person be allowed to create? She may be feeling guilty and punishing herself for hurting you and wrecking the relationship, hence leaving the pictures (shrine) up to remind her of her actions. It is possible that she is playing victim by putting on a show for the grandmother, but I doubt it. Stop searching for answers and stop searching for her. Where she is and who she is with is not going to heal your heart. As a matter of fact you know she has "been" with other guys so you might as well assume she is with someone different every night. Maybe sooner or later you will realize that you deserve better. Why live with wondering if she is cheating on you again every time she is 30 minutes late getting home.

I think he had plenty of faith in the strength of your love for each other. Yes, he could of lost you to someone else but he didn't. You love him and he loves you. Grasp it and hold on to it. Read these forum pages and look how many people would trade places with you in a heart beat. I know you understood his level of commitment to finishing his degree but maybe he would have felt terribly guilty having to study alone on a weekend when you would rather be with him or out having fun. He made a huge sacrifice for your love. Give him another chance to share the rewards of his labor.

AC, I commend you for staying with her and accepting celibacy as a part of your relationship. Four years is a long time to suffer such an abrupt and painful ending as you did. The fact that she moved on within a month does not mean she played you, unless there is more that you have not told us. People all respond differently in regards to moving on with there lives. It does seem more frequent for the person who broke things off to move forward faster. In their minds they have already perceived the type of person they want next. It may be possible that you gave her too much and she got bored. It's certainly possible. Some people just have a craving for what they don't have. Let go of the anger and hurt and move forward. You sound like a great person who has much to give. Don't let this failed relationship affect the next relationship. You have learned, you have shown a great level of commitment and you have the ability to love again with a clear conscious knowing you deserve the best.

First, remove her from the pedestal in which you have placed her on. Her mere existence is ruining your life. Forget about what she is doing and who she is with. If a simple argument can destroy the relationship, it was not meant to be. This is a perfect example of how communication can keep things going. The fact that both of you are stubborn enough to let your pride get in the way of a relationship or deep rooted friendship is a sure sign of things to come in any relationship if you don't change your ways. If you cannot control your borderline obsession with her, move out. You have already said you have no chance with her, why destroy your life and ruin each day by seeing her? Move and go NC and let your mutual friends know you are going NC and ask them to respect this. Put yourself first and find someone who you deserve.

Broken, I am also sorry to hear what is happening with your grandfather. You have been blessed by having him in your life and in return so is he. The feelings you have are very common due to the fact there comes a time in our lives where everything must be given to a higher power to relieve those suffering from their pain and those being left behind, strength to support others around them. Your presense is felt and your love will comfort him until the end. The body is an amazing machine and when his pain becomes too great he will put himself in to a state of unconsciousness but will still feel you close. Pray for him to be at peace and continue to be there for your grandmother. I too have lost three of my grandparents and my grandmother who is 95 years old is coming to meet her newest great-grandson today. She is and always has been my hero and rock, I pray the day that she passes I will have the opportunity to hold her hand just one more time and thank her for the joy which she has brought in to my life. As a matter of fact, this weekend I purchased a very nice artificial Christmas tree in honor of her visit. The tree has now been named after her and will be called "Louise" to eulogize her in years to come so my children will always remember her for the special person she was. We will be here for you in this difficult time and your grandfather will be in our prayers. David

Lily, Please fill me in on what you are dealing with.

Emma, What he did may have truly been in your best interest. He was honest and his reasoning seems very valid. You should not be offended by the fact that he made a very tough decision and sacrificed your relationship to finish which was also a life long commitment. He wanted to focus on what will determine the course of his future. Did you offer to drop out of school and move in with him, understanding his quest and respecting his commitment to school. Would he ask that of you? NO! He knows you and understands what you need out of a relationship, this was not an easy decision to make I'm sure. Now that he is finishing and wants to get back with you and move in, you know where his heart is and where it has always been, with you. In my book he made the ultimate sacrifice and tested the strength of your love for each other. I had a very similar situation with one of my couples. He was going off to Iraq and wanted her to realize that because the length of his deployment was uncertain, he wanted her to finish school and be free to see other people. This was a selfless action and gave them both the space to determine the strength of their relationship. He has since returned and they are now married with children. I supported his decision and helped her to come to terms with what he faced in order to make the decision. I worked with her over a three month period dealing with a variety of issues and emotions, in the end everything worked out for the best. Talk to him about your fears and concerns. Best of luck!

I agree 100% with KellBell, NC is for you to heal and move forward. It's not like a starring contest waiting for someone to blink. In my practice I have learned that people have their own ways of dealing with loss, loneliness and grieving. Both men and women who are particularly shallow and selfish in nature will often jump in to another relationship almost immediately after the break up. Makes you wonder if they had their eye on someone else prior to the break up. The fact that he is bringing this woman to your home is a perfect example of how little he cares about the shared memories of the two of you. Yes, most people do move on and yes sometimes the person living in what used to be joint property begins co-habitating with someone else but so close to the end of the other relationship? Let him deal with this however he chooses, you have no control over that but you do over how you recover. Look at whom he is now, could you ever trust him again? Would you be able to remove from your mind and heart how he has behaved since the break up? Could you make love to him without feeling anger or pain, knowing he has given himself freely to someone else? It is sad and lonely to be where you are at right now but you are much better off alone than with him. This will come to light as you heal and learn to see him for what he really is. Get rid of those things that bring you pain. If the puppy brings you comfort, keep it. If it is a constant reminder of him, give it back to him and go get a new puppy that is yours. Your life will eventually follow the same pattern. You will realize there are many puppies waiting for a good home where they will be loved. You are strong and you are smart. You don't need him, you are a complete person without him. Being with him will not make you happy, happiness will come from realizing how wasting of 3 years of your life could of turned in to a lifetime of misery. You will be better soon!

I'm completely in the dark in regards to your situation but I do understand your pain. You are in a place right now where you are consumed by emotion and everything is a symbol of what once was. PM and fill me in if you can. I'd love to help if I can.

You can't steal 2nd base with a foot on 1st! Many today are faced with your dilemma due to the poor economy and increased cost of living. It's very hard to stick to your guns when you feel trapped. PM me if you want. What do you feel job wise would make you happy, what would challenge you and be rewarding?

SLM, I have been reading back over your posts going as far back as April. My question is, if you were not pregnant would you still want to be with him? It seems the two of you have drifted apart and your sex life has fallen off the charts. By your posts, you are very unhappy and he does not seem to care or even desire to put in any effort. You need to be thinking more about yourself and your unborn child. I know and understand your feelings about divorce. I know that you have been down this road before and I'm really sorry about that but I think you have gravitated twice now to spouse who probably share many of the same qualities. I always try my best to advise my clients and to help them get what they want but there also comes a time when I have to help them see what is best for them as an individual as well as a parent. Even with counseling, I have my doubts about his level of commitment to making this marriage work. Once your child is born, I feel things will get much worse based on his past behaviors. You are spending an immense amount of time alone, even when he is there. Raising a child is very demanding of your time and I don't see him pitching in. I see him making even more excuses for not coming home and drifting further from the marriage. His actions do not warrant you allowing him to be a father to your child. Insulate yourself from further heart ache and confusion. I know you still love him but you need to love yourself and your child more. I really feel for you and I'm very sorry if I'm telling you something you don't want to hear. I'm a big believer in hanging in there until your fingers bleed but you have so much more going on that can create additional health issues for you and your baby. There are plenty of men out there that would love you and your child. Best of Luck.

I am so glad to hear that RayKay doesn't get erections from wearing spandex! Big relief! OK, on a serious note. What you are seeing the pre-cum as RayKay called it is seminal fluid. This fluid serves the purpose of creating lubrication in preparation for sex. It also contains sperm, about 1 million parts per milliliter. As far as you are getting aroused by wearing spandex is no great deal. You are not a future cross dresser. The fact that the spandex is a breathable material it actually creates a nude in public sensation. Bottom line is you feel sexy and you are turned on by the feeling of vulnerability. Your mind is telling your body you are naked. As for the drip tip, wear a condom or dark spandex.

I'm not familiar with your situation as to why the break up but I have some idea as to why you are having problems. In the evening as we are putting our selves in to the sleep mode. Our subconscious becomes more alert and all of the repressed subliminal thoughts of the day come to the surface. It's not that you were not thinking of her during the day, it's that you were constantly trying not to think of her but by doing this you are thinking of her. Make sense? Another uncomfortable and painful process of nightfall is "Has she made love to him yet?" For those that were left for another, night time can be a living hell. Staring at the clock, suffering through those hours where you know they are "doing it" can create an emotional adrenaline rush. I strongly suggest that you read, play video games or masturbate. Masturbation is as close to a sedative as you can get. It's almost like you are draining hydraulic fluid from your eye lids when you cum. Pleasure yourself, don't torture yourself! BUT DON"T THINK OF HER WHEN YOU DO THIS!

Confusioninitself, I think you will find that sex is going to get better and more changes will happen over the next three months as your hormone levels are restored to normal, up to 6 months if you are breast feeding. They make a specific oral birth control for nursing mothers as well. It will help with PPD as well as helping with any lack of moisture issues. Your internal walls will also tighten but not back to there original size. If your husband develops a quick trigger when this happens, I suggest you performing oral on him until he cums, then allow him to perform it on you, thus giving him time to recover and then make love hopefully with a simultaneous orgasm. I think you are concerned the past may repeat itself, your ex-husband messed up. Don't blame yourself or feel that your present husband will do the same. Experiment with new positions that will make it more sensual. Kegal exercises will help you to control your muscles better and drive him crazy with your squeezing and releases. PM me and I will give you a good link for more info. Good Luck!

First of all, this person isn't a friend. You were used and your other friends probably have his entire side of the story. You can defend your name by confronting him and/or by letting your friends know what really happened. There are numerous things you can do to get even but is that what you really want? It sounds like life will get even for you whether it's now or years from now. If your friends ask you about it reply in a pleasant manner, "Why would I let something so small (3 inches) upset me?" Be the bigger person and just cross him off of your christmas card list.

Stop focusing on him and what he is doing, focus on yourself. Getting over him will take time, everyone heals at different speeds. Find new things to occupy your time with and don't worry about where he is, who is he with and what are they doing. It sounds cruel but you need to picture him having passionate sex with someone who you really hate and let that settle in. Prepare yourself to deal with this because sooner or later he will be with someone else and they will have sex. You will hate this person whether you know them or not. The pain of moving on is not as great as the pain of the constant wondering and waiting for the other shoe to fall. Focus on your life, your happiness and exercise him from your soul like a demon so your previous relationship wont wreck your future ones. You have accepted the fact that it will never work, so accept the fact that whatever he is doing can't and won't bother you. Stay strong and move forward.

I'm shocked to say this but I 100% agree with RayKay! You may be in a stage in life where you feel this behavior is acceptable but you are certainly risking your future. I have advised many against sending those types of pictures to anyone or allowing them to be taped or recorded. Once they enter cyber space, you have NO control over them and how they will be used. Even if you were going to be a porn star, they can come back and hurt you. There is only a very short period of instant gratification in which this makes you feel good, think of long term. I'm sure you are a beautiful but there are better things to share than your body. Be very careful, your present belief system could put you in a bad spot. Seeking the validation of others through this manner is very dangerous. After a while it will bore you and you will proceed to take even more riskier chances to fulfill your need of attention.

I assume you had a vaginal delivery, if so you understand that you have been stretched out as the baby made it's way through the birth canal. If you were very tight before, it is possible that there was an intense amount of over-stimulation for him, hence cuming quickly. Now as things have been stretched out, it is taking longer due to stimulation receptors are not constantly engaged in the process of having sex. Does this make sense to you?

There is no proven weight loss technique for "spot reduction" of any body part. You can tone by performing isometrics or go the expensive route and have cosmetic surgery. Liposuction would work but the skin would still remain flacid unless is was tightened.