confusioninitself

If he would have openly told you that she is still messaging him then I would say dont worry about it, but if it is no big deal then what does he have to hide. She is an ex and I agree shouldnt be calling him baby and boo. That would make me mad as well, and she has a boyfriend does he know that she does these things. I might not be the best advisor because I am the jealous type (yes I admit it) but I do think that like I said if it is no big deal he shouldnt hide it. And if it is over and he says they are over is he comfortable with her calling him baby and boo? If so why would he want her to. Try to talk to him without fighting, tell him how it makes you feel and ask how he would feel if the shoe was on the other foot and your ex was calling you pet names and texting you. I hope things work out for you good luck.

I agree, and I know the feeling of no respect. My SD is only 2 and has none. When I ask her to do something she sticks her tongue out at me or laughs at me. It is irritating because she is so young I would think she is to young to be devious but the things she does are mean and odd because when daddy's around she doenst do them. so I know she knows right from wrong its just understanding why that gets me.

Yes men like to control us women and I hate to say it there are even some women that are the same way with men. But once they realize they cannot do so, and it sinks in a little things tend to get better. I am not sure where you live but I do know that in my state (PA) the father has to prove the mother UNFIT to take the kids from her. As long as we take good care of our kids and arent on drugs and having another man every week over then we are all good. LOL You are so right I wish we could all just get along, but if it was like that then what would we do in our free time. LOL

Well it is a lot to go through, but unortunatly for your ex he cannot run your life or tell you that you cannot have one. Yes he can take you to court and try to take the kids and do whatever it is that he says he will do, he can try. He cannot take your kids for having a boyfriend and getting on with your life after him. It was expensive and stressful but I proved that to my ex husband when I got with me now fiance who lives here with me and my children. Men like to be in control and hate when you prove they arent. Dont give up your life because of his threats, and as long as he realizes just because you have a relationship doesnt mean you are replacing a father for the kids, it just means that you are moving on.

Im glad you liked this post. I am both a stepmother and have 3 kids of my own. I have to say that although being a stepparent is hard I wouldnt change anything. It is worth it to be happy as long as the parents involved are mature. I simply like this because i find myself being like an outcast in my own house like I am "just here" and even though they are my stepkids and I have no issues with them being here or anything like that I should be informed of what is going on and not left in the dark. No one deserves to be left in the dark in thier own home.

That is a great idea, I cannot say I agree with saying I wont take responability I think that is just stating that if the biological parent(s) wont tell us whats going on and let us contribute especially in our own home. When the child does something wrong fingers really cant be pointed at us, all in all I like the bill of rights and the support group is a great idea.

"I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit and how long they will stay." I would never tell my fiance that my stepkids couldnt come over or live with us, it would be a yes. I do have to agree with consulting me about it first though. There has been times when he has came home and I have had plans that I even found sitters for my own children and I didnt know the stepkids were coming because it wasnt our weekend. That is why I agree with consulting me first, so the door is open or I defiantly wouldnt be marrying him but in a relationship/marriage you have to talk to one another about making changes that will affect your lives.

I am glad you all liked it, I think it has a great point.

I am a stepmom of about a year now. I have found help on message boards because being a stepparent is not an easy thing to do. Anyway I came accross this today and I would imagine it can be or step moms or dads but it is great. I printed it out and hung it on my fridge. You might like it too!!! Stepmother's Bill of Rights You're angry, confused, depressed. You think you're alone - but you're one of millions of women married to men with children. As the stepmother, you've taken responsibility for making it all work out - but it isn't. As a woman and a wife, you're feeling resentful, powerless and deeply disappointed. Compromise and compassion are no longer the solution. Starting now, you need to set some rules; your own Bill of Rights. I will be part of the decision-making process in my marriage and family at all times. People outside the immediate family - including ex-wives, in-laws and adult children - cannot make plans that affect my life without my consent. I will not be responsible for the welfare of children for whom I can set no limits. I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit and how long they will stay. I will not be solely responsible for housework; chores will be distributed fairly. I will be consulted regarding all family financial matters. Others may not violate my private space at home, nor take or use my possessions without my permission. I will never be treated as an "outsider" in my own home. My husband and stepchildren must treat me with respect. Our marriage is our first priority, and we will address all issues together

Yes that does make sense to me. And this is also a positive change for the most part, it use to be so irritating that he was so quick so this will be a nice change. It was just before we had sex again he kept telling me "I dunno its been so long it's gonna be really quick cuz you drive me nuts" and he says things like this all the time so then when it took longer than it ever did before, in my mind I was like, am i different, did he really enjoy it, and so on. I have been quite sensative sense I had the baby a month ago, I mean I can cry at any given moment so thinking this way on my part may just have been part of that. It just worried me to the point of asking here because after I had my daughter with my ex-husband, about a month or 2 after she was born is when I found out he was cheating on me, so that isnt helping. Do you think all this insecurity could very well just be part of post pardom depression, I never had ppd with my girls so all these feelings are new and I am not sure if that is what it is or if I just worry to much. Sometimes I swear I am losing my mind.

Hello all, I am a mother of 3. My fiance and I just had our baby boy a month ago today. My question is about the sex after having a baby. In past relationships I never worried about it but now I am. I know you are suppose to wait 6 weeks but I didnt and honestly I dont know anyone who has. We had sex for the first time after the baby a few nights ago and yes it wasnt the most comfortable thing, but the way it happened was the most amazing love making we have had in a long time. My problem is this: Before I had the baby sex was quick which yes was irritating but he made up for it in other ways. He was just VERY sensative when it came to actual intercourse. The other night it lasted for a lot longer then, well ever. It worried me at first and I asked him if everything was okay, meaning me, if I was "different". He told me no and that it was great. Made me feel better from the way he acted while answering. We have only had sex once since then, still a little uncomfartable on my part but on his part he says all is well but again it took so much longer than normal. I am worried about this. I feel that I am just "different" I mean after having a baby we all are but I dont want him to not enjoy sex with me anymore and just not tell me so he isnt hurting my feelings. Has anyone ever had this problem and what do I do. I know he wont tell me if there is a problem because I have had post pardom REALLY bad and he hates it when I am upset so I know he wont give me anything to get more upset about. But I think I am more upset just thinking there is something wrong. I am happy that he is lasting longer but this is bad timing to have that happen. Is this normal and I just over reacting??

You are actually the way I am. I get attached way to easy and even knowing that I still do it. I have had 3 previous serious relationships in my life and I thought all 3 of them just hung the moon and i couldnt live without them then they all ended up cheating on me, 1 was abusive. I was even married and now divorced to a guy who cheated on me in my own house 6 weeks after I gave birth to his child. I know how you feel because even now after being through what I was through when I see my ex-husband I feel that knot in my throat you know the one you get right before you cry, or puke depending on the person lol, and I just cant wait for him to go away. I think you will be just fine as long as you keep your head up. There is alot of heartache in this world and I have came to the conclusion that there is a reason for everything and whatever happens to up, good or bad is just a way of making us stronger for what is yet to come in our lives. I am not trying to preach to you or anything just think that you need a boost of self esteem and realize you are young, you have your whole life to look forward to. My grandfather use to tell me that what doesnt kill us makes us stronger, I use to laugh at him, no I know he was serious and right!!! Good luck to you and keep your head up.

I would like to thank all that replied to this. I know that he works hard and I don't really mind cooking and cleaning it would just be nice to get some appriciation for the things that I do. I mean like I said when he gets home from work, it's right to the couch after a quick hello to me and to the baby. He sits there until dinner is on the table then after dinner it's right back to the TV. Sometimes I would like to just have the cable turned off, LOL!!! Even lastnight I was up intil 4am because he fell asleep about 9 and I had a lot to do. We use to do dishes together, clean up the house together, we use to do almost everything together. Talking to him isn't all that easy but I will attempt it, he tends to get defensive easily. As for our relationship, it is great, has been since I can remember. I just feel that now the baby is here and I am in better physical shape than I was before I got pregnant, and I will even admit I spoil him, (That comes from my past relationships, I always felt that if I do everything for soemone I love they wouldnt leave me, of course that never works but its a habit that is hard to break.) that I would get more appriciation than I do, he does tell me thanks for dinner but I want more attention than just a slap on the bottom or like when I try to kiss him passionatly (only word I can think of) he returns the favor with a silly kiss or just messing around. Now don't get me wrong (and knowing I can't have sex yet) I still satisfiy him sexually and I don't complain because I know he enjoys it but that is the only time he makes me feel compassion rather than just a well buddy I guess I can say. He has told me at least 10 times now that when we are able to do sexual things again that it is going to be better than it ever was, and making very personal and passionate promises that I wont go into detail about but sound very romantic and the way I want to be treated. But in my mind what is wrong with being that way now, there is so many things you can do, and ways that you can connect on that level with the one you love and not have sex at all, everytime I try he just blows me off. Here I go again typing all day, which again I apologize for but it does make me feel a little better. I guess talking to him might work I know I am going to try as soon as the time is right, I guess it would be great if this would all go away when my hormones go back to normal and I stop feeling overwhelmed. I know I can handle being that "stay at home mom" and since I am going back to college online in the spring it will be great getting use to it now. I just want some attention I guess and I dont want to sound selfish I know I am not the only one who needs to get use to the new baby and all the new things that come along with it, I just thought things would be different. I dont believe in making promises that you cant keep and I think that might be part of my problem, he told me all the things he and we would do once I had the baby and 98% of it didnt happen. Again I want to thank you all for your advice and I am glad that there are people that understand. If it gets to that point I will talk to my doctor about my emotional stress and slight depression I am feeling as for now I am going to look for the best opportunity to talk with him on these things.

Hello all, I haven't been here in months and I have a tendacy to take forever to get to my point so I will try not to do that here!!! My boyfriend and I just had a beautiful, perfect baby boy October 18th 2005. We both have children from previous relationships he has 2 and I have 2 and we have 1. When we first got home from the hospital I freaked out, and this never happened with my girls when I came home. I was standing in my living room holding the baby and my BF was making lunch for my 3 year old and all of a sudden I just started balling my eyes out. I wanted to go back to the hospital. I refused to lay the baby down or even give him to his father even though I was crying so hard I could hardly see. (The baby was sleeping this didn't effect him, in case anyone was wondering) I felt that my house wasn't clean enough for the baby and he would get sick, or that I didn't remember how to take care of a newborn and I would do something wrong. It was so weird feeling this way because like I said this never happened to me when I brought the girls home. I know that these feelings are normal, I have talked to the nurse and read articles and books. They all say its normal for at least 4-6 weeks after delivery but it isnt getting any better at all and the baby will be a month old soon. I am even more confused because the relationship that I am in is 110% better than it was with my ex when I had my girls so I should be happy. But in my mind after I had each of the girls is when that relationship went for the worse so I am afraid it will happen again. My boyfriend took 2 weeks off work to help out which was great. He promised that it would pretty much be a time for us to enjoy the baby together, relax as much as we can and a time for him and I to bond and spend time together. Well this never happened, it was 2 days after I was home and I was in the kitchen making dinner that he promised he would do or at least help with, while he sat in front of the TV watching football or whatever. We hardly spent time together at all and if the baby was fussy I could use that as an excuse but we all know newborns sleep, a lot. He would have just rather been watching TV and me cooking and/or cleaning while at the same time trying to help my 6 year old with school work and a jealous 3 year old sister get use to the new baby, with little or no help from him unless he was yelling at my girls. Is it normal for a man to be "not that intrested" in a woman after she gives birth to his child. No I am not ready at all for sex, he just doesn't treat me like I am even here 1/2 the time, then while I am cleaning up dinner dishes, getting the girls thier bath and caring for the baby he is either watching TV, talking to his brother on the phone or falling asleep. I am not sure if this is normal or if this is just my hormones going nuts. Like I said before I never had baby blues before but even now I can cry at the drop of a hat. I am not sure if I am going nuts or if I just need to get all this out because the only people I have meaningful conversations with are all under 7 years old. My BF isn't much of a talker or easy to talk to. Now that I have typed forever (sorry) is there any advice for the way I feel or the way he is lately or will it really get better with time, or am I really going nuts I sure feel like I am. If you took the time to read this I thank you any input is valuable at this point I really need people to talk to that understand so thanks again.

Well I have heard that too actually, someitmes I think that it would be better if the man waited out in another room like they use too but on the other hand I think that pregnancy and child birth are so amazing. People think I am odd sometimes because I dont complain about being pregnant I love it and enjoy it. So i also in turn feel that the whole birth experience should be something that the couple should share, bringing a child into the world is well there isnt a word for it but if the man is really in love with the woman I dont think it should change his sexual view of her. I feel it is something that should bring the couple closer together, but it would also be nice if that is what everyone thought.