br0ken

He passed away today. I stayed with him for 20hours straight...and somehow when i went outside this morning to put money in the parking meter he let out his final breath. I held his hand and told him i'd only let go when he decided it was time to go but somehow ...i broke my promise by not holding that hand and ... He'll always will be with me but my real concern is how my grandma will cope .... they were married for 51years so she sees him everywhere around the house or anywhere else...

Thanks for all your kind words. I'll certainly keep visiting him, i just hope that he doesn't pass away when i'm not there as i think i'll need that for my closure... There is so much i'd still like to share with him .... and tell him that i love him .... as that never seemed to come up much during all these years .... but i guess we both know it without saying....which of course doesn't mean i won't try to tell him if he's clearheaded enough. I can only hope i can keep his memory alive by carrying on what he taught me. He used to tell me to blow one nostril at a time because i allways pushed both in...and still do in fact .... but luckily almost everytime i blow my nose i can hear him saying it .... Thanks everyone!

I just returned from the hospital. My grandfather had been taken there after they discovered there was something wrong with his colon. They started to treat him for it but they couldn't clean it up enough to be able to operate. We all hoped that after this operation he might be able to continue his chemotherapy but today while standing in the hospital hallway, he fell and broke his hip... The doctor told my grandma that this probably was the last straw. They won't operate him and he's too weak for chemo. I've allways known him as a energetic, clever and funny guy. But now he is suffering , sleeping and trying not to show any of us how much it hurts. As my parents divorced when i was just a baby , he pretty much is the person closest to a father for me. I've never lost anyone before and now i fear i'll have to lose him twice....once as he suffers and i can't do anything about it ....and then eventually when he passes... I feel lost and worst of all anger because i can't help him. On top of that my grandmother is amazing me at how she keeps so strong through all of this .... unfortunately that also means once she passes away she'll crumble.

I'm no fan of the usual guy asks girl - stuff ... I mean if that's the way it goes : great but the other way around is just as good .... there is indeed no such thing as too straightforward in this case

I'm currently in a somewhat similar situation .... Not that big of a dater , not a gigantic bunch of friends as i like fewer but deeper connections with ppl. As i was dumped about 1-1.5months ago i haven't gotten around to alot of stuff i would usually do with my girl.... but i think it's in fact quite healthy to try and do that stuff again , especially if you wanna go to that club because your a fan of the music .... it could be hard of course but i suppose it should be manageable... might try to stay somewhat out of immediate sight though .... It's hard not having someone to go along but i suggest trying to do musea,coffee shops and jazz clubs on your own ... that way you're bound to run into like-minded ppl....? Just my 2 cents of course , still searching myself good luck!

Thanks for a great post. As i'm currently fighting the feeling of not thinking i could ever find anything as good as what i just lost i find alot of strenght reading this. Thank you!

Hey HajiMaji i liked where this was going , how about the next 7 steps? Great advice...

If he is treating you badly you should certainly hold off any plans whatsoever. I know he might be the one that started the whole engagement talk but i think it is best if you two try to have a relationship and see where it leads. Also i would advise you to go to school ... take care of yourself.... you never know how things turn out but if you went to school at least you're somewhat prepared. I understand this might seem ackward to tell your parents now but they'll want what's best for you right? Good luck

Ok follow-up to show what an incredible idiot i am... I noticed she was online and as i didn't expect that my status was online as well ... so she started some smalltalk and before you know it i get this feeling to call her. So i did (stupid!) and ended up asking her how she was feeling about the whole deal. She said she has been busy working and doing all kinds of stuff (especially now she doesn't have to consider what i'm doing and stuff like that). And then ended up telling me she doesn't feel what she used to for me ... or at least not enough to have a relationship of sorts... She claims she just likes the fact of being alone but i expect her to end up in another relationship real soon .... probably with that ex but who knows... If anyone has some advice feel free .... i'm just glad i can vent somewhat by typing all this .... thanks

I don't think that not feeling exactly the same as her is necessarily a bad thing. As long as you are honest to her about how you feel there shouldn't be a problem... You shouldn't look at it that you're feelings have to be as strong as hers... they just need to be strong enough for you ... Feelings can't be measured in words anyhow ... Just enjoy your relation as long as you both feel good...

So , it's been almost a week since i last actually saw her ... i was hoping that day that by seeing me 2days after the break up she might have set a few things straight and would've realized it was a rushed decision (short time i know but hope you know....) Anyhow she IM'd me this week just to ask how i was doing as i have exams shortly ...and i actually wanted to NC but didn't manage in the end as i found it to be rude .... She used to be online when she was home and stuff but now it seems like all she does is go out to work and just go out and see the people she didn't see when she was with me .... i kinda know she actually isn't home when she isn't online (so no block) because i also know her sister and they share a computer. I thought i was managing somewhat but just a few minutes ago , my aunt and uncle came by and were talking about a dinner in a few weeks ... and mentioned her name to make sure she wouldn't have to work when they were planning it .... this resulted in me having to tell them that that probably wouldn't be necessary.... i could keep up appearances for a while but once i closed the door i felt like roadkill.... While reason might tell me this breakup was a good thing (2nd time in 8+ months) , my heart tells me i'd take her back right here and now if she were to even suggest such a thing.... I'm hating myself for wanting her back and the fact that i'm letting this ruin my exam preperations... I also am constantly worried she broke up to run back to the guy she was dating before we got together and the guy (same one) she went out with and kissed during the breakup in June.... Seems like she doesn't know what she wants but i don't know how to handle that ...

Something just hit me ... Maybe it's because i'm home more when i have exams as i have some time off to study. Maybe she has a hard time coping with my increased available time to spend with her and my desire to do so? I might have been too needy ... and perhaps i should've focused more energy on things besides her .... alot of what if's ....

Hi , thanks for your reply I haven't read gone with the wind but i understand the "I'll think about it tomorrow". Not sure if it'll work but the mantra to think about it after exams are done seems the best solution (like u said short-term). What you suggested on the timing issue however is probably not applicable. I can't be sure but i'm almost positive that if i have spent less time with her the last weeks it was because she found herself too busy to make time for me. It kinda seems that the time i would need her to be a little more supportive tends to drive her away ... Allthough she claims this time around it's not like the last time the fact remains she saw her ex-boyfriend a week before she decided she wants time alone. She claims this has nothing to do with it but well she can claim whatever she wants of course especially if she doesn't want to realise it herself. (In June she ended up telling me she wanted space and went out with him and kissed him in the very same week , then afterwards she said she didn't want to be with him ... we took some time apart and after her vacation overseas we got back together)

Thanks , i didn't suppose there'd be a quick fix .... but i just needed to ask .... as for a follow up question which is not really about healing but : this is the second time she pulled this one on me .... last time was in june right before my final exam.... now it's shortly before they start .... I'm not saying she does this on purpose put it seems a bit more than a coincidence as well .... she claims , in which i can follow that she can't control how she feels , she just does .... but ...

While i'm quite sure there is no such thing i could really use some advice on "quick" healing. The situation was as follows i was dumped on 31 december and start exams in about a week ... I would try to keep my mind off of it by trying to be around friends and do things but currently need to be above the books cramming. I don't desire a magical solution i suppose that cannot be done but i'd like a way to focus on the books instead of her ... anyone? thanks