DED19

She is very attractive and gets lots of attention from guys, but when they realize she isn't "easy," they often lose interest. She seems to be disappointed with most guys she meets. She has had a couple of boyfriends, but she seems fairly inexperienced. One of them was her friend first, not sure about the other.

Well, I actually did ask her out once to dinner, and it went well but was pretty casual. She's also a very busy person which makes me think even though she likes me, she may not be looking for a relationship at this point. I guess I should try to push the envelope a bit and find out. Should I flat out ask her or see how she responds to my actions such as putting an arm around her etc. I really like this girl a lot, as a friend especially, and don't want to screw anything up. Thanks for the help.

Not looking for sites on how to pick girls up, sorry.

I have no idea if this girl likes me or not. I have been her friend for a couple of months now and was always very attracted to her. We get along great and have many similar interests. I make her laugh a lot and smile, I catch her looking at me a lot, she sometimes finds reasons to make physical contact, her friends say that she likes me a lot. I guess these are supposed to be signs, but I really am not sure because she is somewhat of a flirty person anyway. Isn't it true that women love to flirt even if they're not really interested in the guy, just for the fun of flirting? For her B-day I baked her cookies and brownies which she really loved. I'm not sure how to make that extra step to see if she really likes me though. She is somewhat passive and probably would not tell me if she did. If I did make a move on here and got rejected, our friendship would kinda be weird after that which I definitely don't want to happen. Any suggestions? I'm kinda new to this stuff, since I have had only one girlfirend for 2 years and she was the one who put all the moves on me.

Except for the initial breakup, it seems that the longer I've been away from her, the more I miss her and everything we had. I wish it was the other way around. The idea of never being with her again makes me feel so empty. I go out and meet new people, some girls, and have plenty of outside activities, but nothing will fill that huge void. I don't even feel like doing any of these things and the depression I've gone through has really affected my attitude towards other things, like school, which I am doing very poorly with now. Although it sounds awful, I almost wish I had never met her in the first place. I don't know if all the joy the relationship brought me is really worth all the suffering I've gone through since the breakup. I know this will affect my future relationships as well and will be very careful not to open myself up emotionally to other people.

My ex dumped me 6 months ago after being together in a loving relationship for 2 years. We had a great relationship. She left me simply because she was young and wanted to see what else was out there. I have been hurt ever since and have not been able to get over it. I have met new people and friends, but all that seems to do is offer a temporary distraction. I still have deep feelings for her and don't see how I will ever get over her. I have only seen her a few times in the past few months and we don't talk too much. When does the pain end?

I guess the big problem for me is that she was my whole life and now I have nothing without her. I only have a couple of friends, but being with them doesn't help too much. I don't really know how to meet new people, especially girls, and am pretty shy. I have no idea where to turn to. She has plenty of people in her life so she can get along just fine. After 2 months, the pain hasn't gotten any better and I'm afraid she may be gone for good this time. I always treated her with love and respect and always showed her a great time. I don't see why she would want to get rid of such a great thing.

I am 20 and had been with my gf for almost 2 years since I had began college. We had an amazing relationship, but she began having her doubts because she was in such a serious relationship at a young age and thought she was too young to be committed. She broke up with me a few times and I would initiate NC and she would come right back. Two months ago, right when summer break started, I went back to my home in Chicago (she lives in California and we go to school there). A week later she broke up with me again and this time it seemed for good. We couldn't keep swinging back in forth and I had had enough myself. I let her be and was going to be very cautios letting her come back to me if she wanted to. During the next 2 months we kept minimal contact. A little casual chat on AIM every other day which was a big change. I had already made plans before the summer to move out to California in an apartment at the beginning of August. I would live 30 minutes from her. Well, a few weeks before I moved out here, I got a text message from her saying how much she missed me every day and was so glad I was coming out. She left me a similar voicemail one night when she was drunk. I didn't know what to make of this but didn't take it too seriously. Well, now I'm out here in California and yesterday she called me to meet me for lunch. When I saw her we had a little hug and I could feel so much energy between us. It was very intense and a little awkward. After we ate, she came by to check out my place. We sat on the couch with my digital camera and had some laughs at the pictures we took the last year. We were having a good time, but you could tell there was some tension. Then she got up and went to my room. She sat down on my bed and I stood there talking to her. She continued to lie down as I sat on the foot of the bed (was this some sort of invitation to join her????). Well I just sat there talking to her and eventually she got up and we went to watch tv. When she left we gave each other a big hug goodbye. Overall, it was great to see her and we had a fun time. There was some extra eye contact and maybe a little bit of flirting going on, but I'm not really sure what to make of the whole thing or what's going through her mind. I really love her and want to be with her, but I can't commit myself to her if I know she can't be committed to me. Any comments/suggestions?

I think she may be trying to play some sort of game with me. Maybe she wants to see me start reaching out to her like she has been doing to me? Although I guess it is possible she met someone else. She goes out with her friends to parties a lot. I don't see how she could have met someone else so soon though, especially when she was saying how she missed me and everything just a week ago. And no I don't want to get back with her under the same conditions. Something would have to really change for me to take her back again. I'm just really confused. She breaks up with me and for two weeks continuously contacts me and says a few times how she really misses me. Some days she would talk to me for hours. Then all of a sudden she pulls the switch and I hear nothing from her accept an occasional "hi" followed by "I have to go" 2 minutes later. She usually is always online at night when she isn't out, but now I never even see her on anymore. So I don't really know what to make of behavior, but I guess it's just a game or she met someone else. I'll probably find out soon enough.

My gf broke up with me again 3 weeks ago. This has been about the 4th time and we had been seeing each other for almost two years. We are both 20. Each time she says it's because she needs to experience being with other people, but each time she has come back to me because she says how she still loves me and has feelings for me. When she broke up with me this time, I, as usual, initiated no contact, and she was Iming me all the time for about 2 weeks and occasionally calling. For the past week though, I have barely heard from her at all, so I am really confused by her actions. She will sign on to AIM, say something brief, then sign off. A couple of days later, she will do it again. It seems like she's doing this on purpose. Should I confront her about this or just lay low like I have been. What do you think this sudden change in behavior means?

I don't get it at all. It's been almost a week since my girlfriend broke up with me again (this has been like the 4th time), and once again she wont stop contacting me. She calls me sometimes and is IMing me whenever she gets the chance. This has been her typical behavior every time she has "broken up" with me. Today she said how she missed me like hell and will say stuff that relates to pictures or memories of us. I won't get caught back in this pattern with her again, but what the hell is going on?

My gf of almost 2 years just broke up with me a few days ago for about the 5th time. She's wants to be single, but doesn't think she can deal with not being with me or ever being with me again. When she broke up with me in the past and this time around as well, I have done NC to her. To me that is the easy part. The hard part is ignoring her when she tries contacting me. In the past I let her and she came back into my life pretty quickly and we would have a few months of a great relationship before the same thing happened again. This time she is still contacting me once again. I know I should ignore her, but even if I talk to her I make sure not to open my heart to her at all and consider the relationship over. I know she's not just hanging me on by a leash while she tries something new, because I told her that if she moves on to someone else I will be gone for good. So if you are the dumpee and have the dumper doing all the contact it can be quite confusing and difficult to deal with. You may think your NC paid off and got your partner back as I did, but be very cautious and make sure you have a serious talk about it first and how the future will be different. Don't just "let it happen" as I did several times. I know this time around I will not just let her back in so easily if she wants to. I realize this was a little off topic but I think it is important for all the dumpees who think they may be getting their ex back through NC. Once the ex comes around it may be a matter of a couple months before they leave again which just repeats all the hurt and healing you have to go through. Really understand why they're coming back and what the future will bring. Getting back with someone who still doesn't have their feelings or emotions straight will just be more destructive to you in the long run.

Huge night, tonight was. Maybe I made a big mistake in breaking the no contact vow, but I think there were still a lot more things both of us needed to say about the breakup. She called me last night and I didn't return the call today. She Imed me twice this afternoon and I didn't respond, but I broke and responded to her IM tonight. She was trying to make small talk and I wasn't having any of it. What then ensued was a conversation I am going to paste and pray that someone has the patience to read it and give me some insight. I really could use it on this one. I am DougieD319, by the way. I think I handled it pretty well, but maybe I was a little to weak. So here is the convo: MMDANCE07: i cant have you hate me DougieD319: i don't DougieD319: what do you want from me. MMDANCE07: i dont know DougieD319: i can't let myself be put in a position to be hurt anymore. I can't suffer because of your confusion. DougieD319: I love you, and I deserve nothing but love in return, and if i cant have that than what am i supposed to do DougieD319: In the past I put up with all the back and forth stuff because I really wanted it to work. I loved you, the relationship, and everything we had. I realize I had become a bit of a door mat at the same time. I can't just lay like that anymore. You know my feelings. MMDANCE07: a door mat? if you feel like you were a door mat thats on you not me because you could have done something about that yourself. and like i said before you never talked to me about the fact that things werent working. its like there were all these red flags that things werent right between us, but you just ignored it when ever things were "good" again. MMDANCE07: did you really want to be in a relationship with someone who was that confused about it MMDANCE07: did that seem normal to you DougieD319: I mean the only thing that wasn't working was your confusion. Our relationship I feel didn't have any problems. I thought it was great. But what you wanted is where the problems lied. And no I didn't like being in a relationship with someone so confused about it. And whenever things went bad again I would let you have your time to yourself to make up your own mind and it seemed like each time you wanted to try again. Sure it was very hard for me. And this last time I really felt like things changed for good. I mean at least from my point of view and think we had a great end to the semester. MMDANCE07: yeah i had so much room and time to make up my mind. how would you feel if you didnt want to be with me and then i acted completely depressed and mopey to the point of not talking to anyone and giving you a guilt trip. do you know how hard it was for me to watch my best friend and someone i cared about act that depressed? i have always felt like it was all or nothing. i either gave myself to our relationship completely or, if i questioned it, i would lose my friend or feel so incredibly guilty about the fact that i didnt feel right about being together. i shouldnt feel guilty for not feeling like being together is right DougieD319: Yes, Understandably I did get depressed and sometimes cried in front of you the moment it happened. I understand this may have had an impact on you. However, after you made these decisions i didn't come back to you at all. I didn't initiate any contact with you or make you feel any more guilt than you may have already had. I figured I would let you alone and think for yourself and you would do what you think was best. MMDANCE07: well it just seemed crazy to me not to be friends with you just because we werent together. and because i was also friends with your roommates i would be around you MMDANCE07: and you would be obviously very depressed MMDANCE07: im not talking about crying MMDANCE07: im talking about not talking to ANYBODY MMDANCE07: so what? can a couple just not be friends after they break up? DougieD319: Yes, well those are natural reactions after something traumatic. DougieD319: Maybe it's easy for you to feel like we can be friends, but that's very difficult for me and almost impossible if someone else becomes involved DougieD319: I can't just erase all the romantic feelings I have for you and enter friends mode. DougieD319: and i dont see how you can do that assuming you still have feelings for me. maybe it's easier to act like friends cause I'm not there physically right now. MMDANCE07: yeah of course DougieD319: I realize all or nothing with me is a very difficult choice to make, but maybe it is something that will have to be done. I know it would be great if we could actually talk in person about this at least for me but that just may skew your decision. Well, it's not like you have to decide everything right now. maybe think for a couple weeks or something. DougieD319: unless your positive you would never want to get back together again. MMDANCE07: some times i feel like this is all that i want. is just to be with you. but i cant get past the feeling that i need to try other things, even if its for no other reason than to be sure that being with you is the right thing. i know that you say you dont need that kind of reassurance, but i do. im sorry. and i just feel like its better to do it now than three years from now. DougieD319: I understand what you're saying, as hard as that is to say. I also know that 1, 2, 3 years down the road if things didn't work out you would still be plenty young enough to experience other things. But I guess you have the feeling that it's best to be single now despite still having feelings for me. I know if you do still love me or have feelings for me it's very hard, because even after whatever you try doesn't work I may not be around whether I'm with someone else or or not and I realize you understand that. DougieD319: I guess the way i see it is I look at the long run. I too realize there is a draw to being single and having different experiences, however I see how much I love you and our relationship and that to me is more valuble right now. I also think to myself "is this all I will experience as far as relationships go", I and I know for me time will tell that. If I continue to feel the same way about you then yes I want that to continue, and I wouldn't want to risk it, however if something went wrong down the line I also realize that I will be plenty young to find something else. It's just my 2 cents. DougieD319: I guess you see it differently and I have to respect that too DougieD319: Give it some time though. You dont have to decide anything right now if you don't want to. DougieD319: Of course I want the best for you DougieD319: and i hope that is with me DougieD319: but you have to let yourself figure that out for yourself whatever way is best for you MMDANCE07: ok DougieD319: I hope what I have to say helps. MMDANCE07: it helps to know that you arent angry with me. it doesnt help me get over you though and thats what i feel like i need to try to do right now. i know that sounds weird. DougieD319: I wouldn't say that I'm not angry, but it's useless venting out that anger. DougieD319: I guess what I need to know is if you have your mind made up about what you want for good. DougieD319: or if you're still unsure MMDANCE07: sure that i need to be alone. not sure that i can deal with never being with you again DougieD319: understandable So that was it, and then she called me up on the phone and we talked for a bit and even had a couple of laughs. She did tell me was "scared" though, I guess about everything. Thanks to anyone who read through that. When she said how she felt I gave her a guilt trip everytime we broke up before, I know for sure I went into no contact mode no matter how hard that was. I never pleaded or begged with her. I will continue not contacting her, although I am sure she will be contacting me. We live in 2 different states now that it's summer and I went back home but I may be living up there starting in July. Any more thoughts on what to do now? Thanks.

Now just a min ago she imed me and said hi. She knows I'm there purposely ignoring her. I feel kinda immature and childish by not at least responding. I want to be the mature one here.