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Relationship Coach

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Everything posted by Relationship Coach

  1. Relationship Coach
    2 years ago Britney was totally in love with K-Fed...things change. I'd give this some more thought and consider he has moved on with his life. Why hasn't he tried to contact you? RC
  2. Relationship Coach
    They are put on a pedestal so you can justify longing for them or taking the blame for the failure of the relationship. If you called them cow-dung how could you ever justify to anyone why you were so hurt by them and wanted them back without looking like a fool? RC
  3. Relationship Coach
    So true Annie, you nailed it. Greg B. would be proud of you! Annie's comment is backed by author Greg Behrendt who often makes the point backed by tons of research... If you really loved someone and wanted to be with them, would you ever tell them you want a break or space? This is nothing more than a cowards way of saying it's over. OK, there are exceptions to this but for the majority this is the way it plays out. It just gets harder to deal with things because you are left trying to read good in to bad. If she can't end, do it for her and show her you're a bigger and better person. RC Hey Annie, have you seen Greg's TV show? I think it's great!
  4. Relationship Coach
    Put yourself in his shoes, would you want him to drive you to Thunder Bay? You are not responsible for his heart, he is. You can't protect him from himself by trying to guess the outcome of a potential relationship. If you have the time and sense of adventure and everyone has permission to go, then go. RC
  5. Relationship Coach
    Actually no, she said that it was playful only after she was called on it by Scout. Also in her first post she stated that she knew it was an immature thing to do, this was in direct context to a slap, not a playful slap. I hardly believe she would feel this sort of gratification from a "playful" slap. She was angry and feeling hatred for him because she feels that she was lied to. Now the fact that she now understands that her behavior was inappropriate and she has altered her version of it is a good thing but she still needs to understand that her actions were uncalled for. Yes she is hurt but that does not shield her from hearing what she needs too. There are things to learn which are often not the original focus of the thread or post. Learning restraint and self control are good suggestions and a counselor or therapist could certainly help, let alone get her past the stage of anger which she is presently in. We are certainly not here to advocate that hitting in any form is OK. RC
  6. Relationship Coach
    Don't disgrace yourself anymore. If this guy wants you, let him find you! RC
  7. Relationship Coach
    Actions speak louder than words, follow through this time or she will just view this as another pathetic attempt to get her back. Use the fact that she has chosen not to be with you and wants to be left alone as your motivation for moving forward. To truly move forward you are going to have to let go of that "praying she'll come back" thought process, it's preventing you from emotionally dealing with the fact that the relationship is over for good. There is your problem! Don't be available to her and you will break her pattern. She is controlling you because she knows you still want her. RC
  8. Relationship Coach
    Welcome Andy and it good to see that when NC is done for the right reasons, people get better in many ways. Congrats! RC
  9. Relationship Coach
    It's nice to know that real heros need to be stimulated too.
  10. Relationship Coach
    Get rid of it ASAP! Put it on ebay or sell it to a pawn shop! The bottom line isn't what it cost you, it's what it is costing you emotionally now! You know you will at best get 40-50% of what you paid for it, sell it and be happy it's gone! RC
  11. Relationship Coach
    Being alone is tough but being with someone who no longer wants you is worse. I'm sorry you are hurting so bad. Unfortunately getting over the loneliness is going to take a long time and even longer if he keeps coming around. You either have to commit to trying to make things work or divide everything up and have no more shared assets. It's the hardest part of a break up but you have to realize you are still the same person you were before the two of you met, rediscover yourself and prepare for a future without him. If you think this is just a phase he is going through and the relationship is salvageable, then determine how long you are willing to put up with his behavior and stick to it. I for one think he is too young for a mid-life crisis, I think he just gave up. Talk to him and let him know you mean business, after 10 years he needs to respect your feelings. As for fighting loneliness, don't be alone. If you have some free time volunteer somewhere and admire the courage of those less fortunate who appreciate the small things in life. RC
  12. Relationship Coach
    But look at where you are now! You have taken action to correct your perceptions of life and this world we live in, so you can be happy. That's a big step! I've spent hours with people just trying to get them to see what you have already seen! You're on the right path and that's what is really important here. Yes, you were wronged in your life and sometimes we give more of ourselves than we care to admit to be accepted or to feel wanted or needed. Does that mean you are a bad person? No, it means you are human and made some bad choices like many of us! Therapy can be expensive but how can we put a price on inner-peace? Stay the course and welcome again to our friendly family. By the way this is a great place to start an online journal, as you know it's part of the healing process. Forgiving those shallow men is where you have to start, then you will find the forgiveness in your own heart for your actions or inactions. You're going to be just fine, keep posting and you will see! RC
  13. Relationship Coach
    Welcome to ENA! I'm so sorry for what you have been through and how it has impacted your life today. We can certainly do all that we can to help you but as you know, there are many things here which are an accumulation of issues beyond our reach. Have you been seeing or would you consider seeing a therapist? This place can be a great outlet but you do need to work with someone one on one who can work with you to resolve and unravel this twisted ball of string. Blaming yourself is a natural process and you will need to understand that much of this was beyond your control which would then shift the blame elsewhere. Helping you move beyond your past and on to a better future really needs to be your focus. Many of us have pasts which we'd rather forget and hope that others have forgotten but something's we cannot control and so thereforeeee we have to learn to accept them and move on. What is the most recent event that landed you here at ENA? RC
  14. Relationship Coach
    There are some great books out there that will help you prepare your child for the new arrival. It is important to try and see things from your child's perspective because as an adult there are things which you may over look. Avoiding a sibling rivalry at all costs starts in the early developmental periods. Go to amazon or your favorite online book store and look under sibling rivalry and preparing your child for a baby. This will give you a good start! RC
  15. Relationship Coach
    The important thing is no one here has to tell you to slow down, you know what your problem is! Break the cycle, you know that it is preventing you from having the type of relationship that you really want. Savor your food, don't gobble it up, love is not a sprint, it's a life long marathon. RC
  16. Relationship Coach
    1. She will forget about you over time as you will her. Good, bad or indifferent. 2. There is no real reason to contact her other than your own curiosity and we all know where that got the cat! She made it very clear she's not going to get back together with you. She did say she would always have a place in her heart for you but that's like saying everyone's got a place for coupons which never get used. 3. If she contacts you...run! She will only hurt you more, she sounds incapable of giving you what you need. 4. Get out of the house and away from the computer, obsessing about her and wondering what she is up to will keep you from healing! Consider yourself lucky that she isn't popping in and out of your life and playing games with you. You should be very thankful! RC
  17. Relationship Coach
    Try these: NEBRASKA Great Plains Regional Sleep Physiology Center Lincoln General Hospital 2300 South 16th Street Lincoln, NE 68502 Timothy R. Lieske, M.D. 402-473-5338 Sleep Disorders Center Methodist/Richard Young Hospital 2566 St. Mary's Avenue Omaha, NE 68105 Robert Ellingson, Ph.D., M.D. John D. Roehrs, M.D. 402-536-6305 Sleep Disorders Center Clarkson Hospital 4350 Dewey Avenue Omaha, NE 68105-1018 Larry Brooks, RRT, RPSGT Stephen B. Smith, M.D. 402-552-2286
  18. Relationship Coach
    Hi Wanda and Welcome to ENA! Where are you located? REM disorder is a generic diagnoisis for several sleep disorders. RC
  19. Relationship Coach
    I sent you a PM with everything you need to know about this. RC
  20. Relationship Coach
    You claim to be over her, so move on. Closure is often an excuse used for those looking to fix what went wrong. You say you don't want her back and you are over her so why do you feel you need a therapist? Your own words are showing a sense of inner conflict. She broke up with you=she no longer wanted to be with you, that's closure. Do you really need to hear that she broke up with you because she met someone else or she just lost that loving feeling? Besides, how do you know if you will ever get the real reason out of her? If she didn't tell you then, why would she tell you now? She made a clean break and didn't play games with you, consider yourself lucky and move on as I said earlier. RC
  21. Relationship Coach
    Promise18, Welcome to ENA and I hope you find some support and answers for what you are going through! In all fairness to him, you need to let him know where your heart and mind are at. You're right though, the word SPACE can set the anxiety off like a roman candle. It's normal at your age to wonder about missed opportunities and by all means enjoy life and live it but realize the risk of losing your BF as a result. If you are just not feeling it, you have a choice work on fixing it or walk away, there is no in between ground that is fair. Keeping him dangling by a string is worse than ending it altogether. He sounds like he has some growing up to do and probably has some other issue to deal with such as insecurity and trust. Making you feel bad because you want to spend some time with friends is very selfish of him. Being clingy is a death sentence to most relationships. You have some decisions to make but be honest and up front with him. RC
  22. Relationship Coach
    What would you advise a fellow ENA member if she were in your shoes? You deserve to treated better and somewhere in your clouded judgement you know that. I know it's hard to let go of someone that you love, I did it 6 years ago and it was the most painful experience in my life but you know what it paid off. Having the love of your life at your side one minute and then having to wonder the next minute who they are with is horrific torture. I guess if you are willing to share your man with someone else that is your business but sooner or later he will more than likely leave you. Harsh words but I think you came here for a good reason, you need help. If you call him on the carpet, is this going to change his behavior, probably not. If you say nothing will this all continue, probably. Will there ever be a day in this relationship where you feel you can trust him and put the past behind you, not without both of you working on a solution together. It just sounds like you are afraid to confront him for fear of hearing the truth. What is more important here, you or the relationship? He obviously has put himself and his desires way above you and the relationship. I find it hard to believe that you feel you are deserving of all of this pain and misery. Love is a wonderful thing, you need to experience it someday with someone who understands it's meaning. RC
  23. Relationship Coach
    While I respect your opinion Bethany, I certainly don't agree with you based on what she has told us. I can only go by what she tells us and what my experience is in counseling others in similar situations. There is a fine line between an obsession and an addiction but this is beyond the common fantasy. Sexual addictions are more common than one might think. I agree with putting your foot down but if the relationship is worth saving, she needs direction on how to do it other than STRIKE 3, you're out! RC
  24. Relationship Coach
    I think ultimatums are a bad idea at this point, until you find out the real issues to understanding his actions and behaviors you need to play the role of a helper. If he doesn't want help, it's your call but I'd walk away at that point. RC
  25. Relationship Coach
    Patty, I'm sorry you are going through this and I'm sure you will find some answers here. I believe that once a partners choices begin to hurt their SO, it's time for a change. Whether that change be your dating status or his activities only you can decide. There are always threads which create the porn debate, the pros and cons and it usually boils down to what you are willing to tolerate. Your issue is a step or two beyond the normal porn issue because of the direct interaction with someone. Viewing porn often opens the door to escalation because looking at one dimensional naked women becomes less stimulating and boring. Interaction such as web cams, real time chats and phone chats are all signs that your BF needs an outlet for his desires. IMO he has crossed the line and having direct interaction will only lead to an eventual affair or infidelity. Sending pics of himself and feeling ashamed are actually a good sign. At least he sees the errors of his ways. Now do you give him the boot? Your call but I'd say look at the relationship as a whole, how is it? You say you love him so is this something which you are willing to work through with him? If he was an alcoholic would you just walk away from him or support him and get him help? I would see if he is willing to be counseled for his sexual issues and work on them with your support. Let him regain your trust through his efforts and commitment to the relationship. You both need to uncover what his attraction is to these activities so you can understand what areas of your relationship may in fact be lacking. I wish you the best of luck and I really think if he is willing to getting outside help, you can both save your relationship. RC
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