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Relationship Coach

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Everything posted by Relationship Coach

  1. Relationship Coach
    Maybe you also like to be the initiator and somewhat enjoy the pursuit, just a thought. RC
  2. Relationship Coach
    Bottom line is if he really loved you, he'd make time. RC
  3. Relationship Coach
    Her insecurity may be stemed from she feels threatened by both men and women because of your past. Jealousy is one thing, not trusting you is totally different. You need to let her know and reassure her that you know who you are and what you want and where you are symbolizes that. RC
  4. Relationship Coach
    Welcome to ENA. How long did you date prior to the break up? RC
  5. Relationship Coach
    This is a great foreshadow of things to come! RUN! What a selfish jerk. If he can't adjust his routine 15 minutes for you, then he clearly does not deserve you. His lack of emotion or concern shows that he clearly does not care. I'd put the boot to this one if he can't compromise. RC
  6. Relationship Coach
    Welcome to ENA! Breaks often mean the end is near but her need for contact and reassurance that you are they says differently. Is it possible that she is scared by the fast pace of your relationship? 3 1/2 months in the scheme of things isn't long at all. She may have things that she needs to sort out but wants to keep you on the hook while doing so. I really think that you need to have a better explanation of her need for this break. You may not be so willing once you understand her reason. On one hand you could say that she is being open and honest with you but on the other hand do you really know? Is it possible that she is questioning her feelings and struggling with someone from the past or someone she has recently met? I'm not trying to give you a bleak outlook but her vagueness leaves little room for a legitimate reason. Time to talk or time to walk. RC
  7. Relationship Coach
    DN is spot on here! Did you go to Mizzou?
  8. Relationship Coach
    I'm glad that you've talked about it but has the talk helped? It doesn't sound that way to me. Great, the guy can do dishes, tell jokes and pay for a nice dinner. Does that make him exempt from meeting your needs, coming to bed at a reasonable hour, enjoy your pleasure in the cake more than his own and check out other women right in front of you? You have come here to find out if you are being too critical....IMO the answer is NO! His pluses don't outweigh the negatives. You see it's the negative things that will bring an end to your relationship someday. I doubt you will kick him to the curb if he stops doing dishes but if he continues hurting you by checking out other women and denying your needs, well that = TROUBLE. Don't defend him, you came here for help. From where I sit I have a clear view of the woods. RC
  9. Relationship Coach
    If this is true then why did you post this below? Can you see how your first post seems to support a lack of honesty on your part?
  10. Relationship Coach
    Christy sometimes there is a real value learning in life what we don't want! Time is an investment but if you've learned something, there's a payoff in it somewhere down the road. Your dream is still intact, just put another face on the man in your dreams. You're a good person, you'll find all that life has in store for you when you focus on the now, not the then. RC
  11. Relationship Coach
    There seems to be many RED FLAGS here and you need to confront him before it gets worse. Selfishness is the first thing that comes to mind here. Your feelings and needs are being totally ignored. You sound more like roommates than BF/GF. His wondering eye probably is a good indication of what is going on inside his heart and mind. It's time for a sit down. He needs to know that you as a person deserve better and it's time for him to put away his toys and act accordingly. You say that you love him and list a few attributes but you can't equate his love for you by the amount of money he spends on you. That's not love and as long as he can get away with putting the blame on you for being too critical, nothing will ever change. RC
  12. Relationship Coach
    Consider yourself lucky to be this guys ex! Too me he has too many issues that will prevent him from having a meaningful relationship. You deserve someone who treats you better and puts the relationship first. Stop keeping tabs on him and go NC. This guy does not deserve to even talk to you much less inquire to how you are doing. RC
  13. Relationship Coach
    Welcome to ENA and I'm sure you will find some help with your dilemma. In all fairness to your current BF, you need to tell him about your meet up with your ex. It's quite clear that your are not over your ex and no matter how your ex feels about you, you're being untrue to your current BF. This may be a good time to step back and evaluate your feelings. Honesty seems to be hard for you. Being honest with your ex and telling him that you are in a relationship is the right thing to do, no matter what the consequences are. You are in an 18 month relationship, don't you think your current BF deserves some honesty and respect too? How would you feel if your BF was doing this behind your back and you found out? Relationships are about trust and honesty and I don't see it here with either guy. RC
  14. Relationship Coach
    I don't believe there is a formula which one can apply to calculating healing time. There are too many variables which can affect each person differently. RC
  15. Relationship Coach
    Andrea, He keeps coming back in to your life because you let him! A cycle was developed and like putting out scraps for a stray, he will come back until he knows that you are gone. As for his dating status, believe what you want but checking up on him through his neighbors is a bad idea. If he gets any hint that you are interested in who he is with and who stays over, you're request for NC has no bite. Bottom line is if he really loved you, he would commit. Remember, the sun doesn't have to go down for them to be sleeping together or intimate. RC
  16. Relationship Coach
    Bella is right, you need to nip this quick and putting himself above you because of financial earnings is a major red flag. Counseling is a chance to create level ground for seeing each other as equals. His behavior has hurt you and he needs to understand that beyond a token apology. Charge him double to process his loans. RC After thought: The third car garage is probably a forshadow of his approaching mid life crisis, a two seater sports car or a Harley.
  17. Relationship Coach
    He does those things because you allow him. Put him in his place and let him know that he needs to respect your private time and your privacy in general. Stop worrying about hurting his feelings, he needs some grounding. RC
  18. Relationship Coach
    I'm sorry that your New Year's was so horrible. Las Vegas can certainly bring out the worst in some people and it sounds like that is exactly what happened. The way you describe things it almost makes me think you were a third wheel here. Your husband spins his stupidity and blames you...red flag...that spells guilt! Your brother should have called to check on you, hard story to swallow that you went back to the hotel and opted not to celebrate with him and your husband. It's not your brothers place but still he should have checked out your husbands story. Your husband needs to grow up or his next party may be a pity party as he finds himself alone. RC
  19. Relationship Coach
    If she contacts you, let her know. If she doesn't contact you, no matter what you would have told her would have zero impact. If she cannot get past you dropping by her place of business then I'm sorry she is being very petty and she has no desires to consider your feelings. I know she may seem like a great loss at this point but who wants to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? RC
  20. Relationship Coach
    Give her space and when she comes to you, then have a sit down with her and better define your relationship. Sorry if I confused you. RC
  21. Relationship Coach
    You were only trying to help her and be a friend, don't kick yourself over it. Give her some space and understand what this year has done to her. She will come around over time but you need to be open with her about what type of relationship you want with her. Space and time are your friend. Trying to fix things will only make it worse. RC
  22. Relationship Coach
    Eddie, It's a tough situation but you need to just tell her that her contact and attempts to see you are preventing you from healing. If she really cares the least bit for you, she needs to respect your feelings and allow you to heal on your terms, not hers. Even tough guys have soft spots, you're human first and a man second. Best of luck. RC
  23. Relationship Coach
    Your an adult now, so you need to do as you see fit. Your mother needs to understand this and it may be that she is just having a hard time letting go. It sounds to me as if you pretty much did what you wanted since high school and not much has changed. Someday if you ever have children maybe you will understand her emotions, parenting is not an easy task. RC
  24. Relationship Coach
    She's bringing your stuff back... Of course you miss her and want her back, that just shows you what part of the healing stage you are in. It's going to be a long haul for you unless you face the fact that she is moving on and you are not! I would think that if she really wanted to be with you in the future, she would contact you. No need to bring that up as it will only make you look worse to her and instill more false hope for the future. With all that has happened between the two of you, I think you need to realize it's just not going to happen. Get yourself right and in a better place and then move forward without her in mind. RC
  25. Relationship Coach
    It's pretty obvious she needs your attention because she's not getting it. Pretty normal response and of course working with her makes it harder. Just keep up the NC/LC due to the work environment but I would ignore her as best as you can. As a matter of fact, send yourself some flowers and watch the attention hound go in to over drive. In a few weeks put a picture of a hot chick on your desk, she will learn to stay away and finally respect your wishes. No means no, no matter the gender. If you were behaving this way she would call it harassment or stalking. Stay strong, she can offer you nothing but misery. RC
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