MizzouFan1985

I am dealing with a situation where I have developed feelings for a coworker, but because of our work situation, we cannot take it to the next level. However, we are very close emotionally, take lunch frequently (with me buying most of the time), do lots of fun stuff on work trips, and occasionally do stuff outside of the office at night (e.g dinner, drinks and a movie). My friends say "you two are dating, without really dating." Quite honestly, we have not had an in-depth conversation about it, so I am not quite sure where I stand. However, she never calls me a friend or a brother, she never asks about other girls (or brings up guys), and neither of us date (even though we are both very eligible). My friends say that she is probably scared to talk about it because of her concern about taking to another level at this point (which really is a no-no). Does this "dating without dating" concept make sense?

No, I just grew up in Missouri and have always been a fan. I think your comments are appropriate. It is just difficult when you have grown close to the person and can't act on it.

I get along smashingly well with a fellow female coworker I supervise. Third parties have remarked that we act like husband and wife. I would like it to be something more (I am recently single, as is she), but she says she does not want to get into a relationship now (but says it is possible down the road). Anyway, while she remains fun and very open to me at work, she seems reluctant to do things together outside of the office. For example, if we are somewhere on a work trip, she is more than willing to have drinks, go dancing, do the things that couples do. However, if it is not work related, she seems to have plans (and no, she is not dating). I take this to mean that she has set a somewhat natural boundary to limit our interaction, at least for now, to the work setting. I find it tough, as we are so close at work, but I am not able to see her outside. Do people think this is smart? My gut tells me that it is the right thing for her do, because a relationship would jeopardize us.

Now I am getting really confused...she has rebounded and started to get close again, and she gave me a Christmas present yesterday at work (while I didn't get her anything, because I didn't expect anything). On the flip side, she still doesn't seem comfortable with the idea of doing things together outside of work. She continues to say that she does not want to be in a relationship with anyone, and she says she has not dated...any comments?For what it's worth, one of my guy friends told me he thought she was putting up a boundary because if we did things together during non-work time, it could lead somewhere she is not ready to go yet.

Well, things have seemed to stabilize a bit. She is acting more friendly toward me, but we are no longer discussing personal matters (hers or mine). I think this is a happy medium for as long as we work together, keeping a certain distance.

We have a problem. Now it seems like she is avoiding me, except for strictly professional situations. Obviously, she was not uncomfortable when I told her, but she is now. Is this to be expected?

One thing I neglected to mention, that might impact your thinking, is that we are coworkers as well.

I told her how I felt...now what? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Long story short - I have been close friends with a girl for about six months. I grew to develop boyfriend-girlfriend feelings toward her, and finally got the courage to tell her how I felt. She just recently got out of a long-term relationship with a boyfriend (with him about a year) and has not been without a boyfriend for a significant period of time for a long time. Anyway, she said it was not the right time, and that she was not interested in getting into a relationship with anybody now. Essentially, she wants to be on her own for a while and learn what she wants to do with her life (we are both in our early 20s). She said she would not shut the door on something happening down the road however, and she did not seem uncomfortable talking about the situation (like uninterested girls might). After looking at these message boards, I am a little disheartened. It seems like everyone here thinks that this type of response means that she is just feeding me a line, that I am and always will be a friend, that she will never be interested, that I need to get away from her, etc. What are people's opinions on this? Do you think it is possible that she is really just telling me the truth? Also, what are your recommendations on how best to handle the situation going forward? I can answer questions if you need more details.