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andreap

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  1. andreap
    Thank you Parsley! I really have been pushing myself!! I remember reading your earlier posts about how you would visit family or spend the day in the city to distract yourself.....all great ideas. The worst thing I have a tendency to do is to sit home and dwell,.....not good. So...time to go get ready before the girls get here. As far as the "date".....I'll post next week about that one....I haven't been on a date in almost 10 years....so I'm keeping it very casual and gonna have him meet my friends and I out somewhere for a drink....otherwise I back out of it.... have a good night! It's quite late where you are by now right?
  2. andreap
    oooops! That was meant to start out "Hi all,"
  3. andreap
    He all, well today makes day 39 of NC for me....and 23 days since I ran into him by my gym...ugg!! It IS getting a little easier though. I have been going out more and tonight I am going w/ a group of friends to a dueling piano bar....always fun! I think this is getting close to the longest I have gone w/ out any contact w/ him in the nearly 1.9 years we have been separated. I DO wonder what he is doing....but then I remind myself of all the bad stuff he did....and tell myself I dont CARE what he is doing. Like I posted earlier this week.....NOW I'm going to finally let him know what it feels like to lose me....no more "safety net"....nada....which has NOT been done at all since we split.....I also made a casual date w/ a new guy friend that I spoke to on the phone for almost an hour last night.....so I am finally starting to open myself up to other people a little more. good luck to everyone!! this site really does help a lot....w/out it I never would have been able to go this far w/ the NC....thanks!!
  4. andreap
    o.k., quick post. Today makes day 35 of NC for me!! Day 19 of the challenge!! Past few days have been rough....I keep wondering what he is doing and all that garbage. I have also been very angry w/ him....don't know why....just constantly reminding myself of all the hurtful things he did to me that forced me to leave him in the first place...and the many things he con't to do to me (lies and hurtful words) after I left and while we were "attempting " to reconcile a few times....ugg!!! But, if I can hold my ground and keep the NC momentum going....all of you can!!
  5. andreap
    Hi...I haven't posted in a couple of days....just wanted to update everyone and of course SD on my progress. It is now day 34 of NC for me!! And day 18 of the challenge! I read someone else on here say that they were striving for 30 days w/in the challenge....I am trying to do the same....which would be another 12 days from today!! I do start to obsess a lot as more days go by....I wonder what he is doing...with who...all that stuff. I wonder if he will be thinking about me MORE now that I have cut him off from me for what will soon be the longest time period since the breakup over a year ago? I read on here somewhere that we need to make them truly feel the loss of us....and the only way to do that is to take ourselves out of the picture...to cut them off cold.....let them wonder...so that is what I am doing. And in the meantime I am trying to focus on ME.....hope everyone is hangin' in there!!
  6. andreap
    Hi everyone, Today is DAY 31 of NC...day 15 of the challenge!! At times I am o.k., but yesterday I just kept having this bad feeling that something is wrong....like something happened to him....and last night I had some really bad nightmares w/ him in them.....ugg!!! I think a lot of this is because this whole drama has been going on for soooooo long!! I also think my ego is a little bruised b/c deep down I thought for sure he would have tried to contact me again by now....maybe I truly hurt his feelings that day he approached me in the parking lot....but all I did was tell him that I really didn't want to talk to him about the same old nothing again and told him I had to go inside and wished him a good day??? whatever. I think at this point I am dangerously close to breaking NC as I am wanting to know how his Dad is doing and if everything is o.k.....but I'll try to get through ANOTHER day. Hope everyone else is hangin in there....I think this is now officially the longest I have gone NC since the initial breakup in May 2005!! or it's at least getting close to it.
  7. andreap
    Hi Everyone, Just posting a quick update since I haven't done so in 2 days. Today will make day 30 of NC.....day 14 of the challenge!! I am pretty sure he tried to reach me yesterday morning as I had an "ID restricted"call on my cell phone and the only one that has ever done that in the past (all the time) is him......but I DIDN'T answer and there wasn't a message....so who knows....obviously he wasn't calling w/ something that I wanted to hear....or there would have been a voicemail right? sucks. But I am hanging in there and trying to keep myself as busy as possible so that I don't worry about what HE is doing during all this time.....part of me gets really nervous that mabye he has just moved on w/ someone else and that is that....but I suppose only time will tell....and patience has never been my strong point. NC has been teaching me that for sure. Good luck to everyone!!
  8. andreap
    Today is day 11 of the challenge for me and day 27 since I actually went NC. It amazes me that everyone on here says that it gets easier as each day goes by....why can't I feel that way? I suppose it is b/c I have done this SEVERAL times since the break up which was over a year ago....and HE has always broken NC.....so I feel like I am just sitting here waiting for something....like waiting for the other shoe to drop kinda feeling. I feel tempted today to contact him.....ugg! I think it is b/c 27 days is darn close to the longest we have ever gone w/out contact.....I think 30-37 days is about the longest.....how sad that I know that ha? I am OBSESSING over the thought that maybe the way I brushed him off (I was polite, but firm) a week and a half ago when he approached me in a parking lot is what pushed HIM over the edge and maybe he has no intentions of EVER contacting me again. My stance w/ him right now.....and how it has been for months ....is that I don't want to be buddy-buddy talking to him each day and night....either we commit to reconciling....or nada.....A few weeks ago he told me that he had been really thinking about us reconciling....then a few days later he acted like he never said that!! Crazy!! Is he just playing games or is he REALLY this confused and if so how long will he stay confused? This is driving me nuts....just thought I would vent here again today. Instead of contacting him I am waiting for one of my girlfriends to come over so we can hit the gym! Thanks to all of you on here for your advice and support during all of this!!
  9. andreap
    Those of you that are online right now (and if you are reading this I guess you are go to the main page for Yahoo! It's all about breakups and there is actually a "No Contact Contract" on there....very interesting!!
  10. andreap
    Hi Everyone. Well today is day 26 of NC for me......day 10 of the challenge! It has been a rough weekend. I keep wondering what he is doing....and why I haven't heard from him yet.....the longest we've ever gone NC since the breakup is about 30 days or so....and HE always has been the one to break NC. Now I am starting to wonder if he has finally given up on this? I mean, I don't want to talk to him if it just more of the same b.s. (can't commit, him playin' games w/ me/ keeping me in limbo)....and he HAS tried to break the NC 3 times this time....but I refuse to hear anything other than a solid "let's put this back together"....so I am trying to stay strong! I am just feeling a little insecure b/c I am wondering if he has decided it would just be easier to not continue our conversations (even though they weren't really getting anywhere) and just start over w/ someone else. I am AFRAID that he'll fall in love w/ someone else. I know that he has been casually dating....but he has always told me in the past months that he is "100% single" and "not in love w/ anyone....that he now knows there is a big difference".....whatever the hell that is supposed to mean? Well, just venting. I hope everyone on here is trying to have a good weekend and hangin' in there.
  11. andreap
    I know the feeling....I am 33 and he is 38 (soon to be 39).....rediculous ha? What is your goal w/ NC? It sounds like you are ready to move on or do you still really WISH that he would "snap out of it" and come to you and do things the right way to reconcile? If it hasn't happened yet....do you feel that it is hopeless? My Dad told me an interesting quote a while back "Time wounds all heals".....yes, you read that right....lets see if it holds true?
  12. andreap
    thanks luvmykids, I just don't get what it is that they want to accomplish from all of this? I guess we just have to stay strong and not contact them AT ALL. Either one of two things is bound to happen.....1.) they wake up and realize that we aren't going to put up w/ this and make a decision to do things the right way ....or 2.) they never contact us again and give up. I am just sooooo curious to see what this leads to that it is killin' me. I know that realistically if we haven't reconciled and it's been over a year....then maybe that means it's never gonna happen? Some people say it may take that long to heal and be able to start over.....but HOW LONG is TOO LONG? it's just nuts.
  13. andreap
    I know....I just dont know WHY he would want to do that to someone that he was with for so many years? He's not getting anything from me (sexually) so why does he keep coming back? Our story is a crazy one if you ever read my first post. He also followed me into a parking lot a week ago to talk to me (he was driving a rental car??).....and seemed stunned when I tried to politely cut things short since all he was doing was making more smalltalk w/ me....ugg!!! But since then I have held strong and not contacted him. He sent me an email after I sent the one to him on 12/19 telling him that I wouldn't be kept in limbo....his reply was "sorry about all your demands...this is just how you were before....my Dad has been very sick and I have been spending time w/ him.....Sorry you CAN'T STAY IN LIMBO".....unbelievable ha? it was like he literally was telling me to wait for him until he is good and ready? Well, that's where I am at right now....but honestly I just keep waiting for him to contact me again....as he ALWAYS has. I hope that NC will either show him that I am VERY serious about not just "dangling"....or let me move on and heal....which so far it hasn't done.
  14. andreap
    Well, today is going to be day 9 of the challenge....but day 25 since I actually went NC!! I feel o.k., not great, just o.k.. I think the hardest and craziest part of all of this for me is that it has been going on for over a year and a half!! Does anyone else on here have a similar story? I was w/ him for over 7 years (living together), engaged....it all fell apart. I left May '05....but we did counseling until Aug/Sept. '05....then that fell apart too. We hooked up again in Feb/March '06....then problems. He kept coming back to me....but cannot commit. Finally on December 19th I went NC (sent him an email first telling him that I wouldn't just hang around in "limbo" forever)....and I have been ignoring him ever since. I think my ego is starting to get the best of me.....I keep wondering "when" he is going to come to me and say he is ready to do this 100%.....crazy I know!!! I always feel like I am waiting for something to happen.....that is the worst part. He ALWAYS works his way back into my life....then can't commit to reconciliation....what's that all about? Last time I opened the door again he actually told me "I have been really thinking about us reconciling and even living together again someday".....then a few days later he said "I never said living together again!".....wow! WOW! sometimes I think he is crazy! I think that last thing is what pushed me over the edge and to finally do this NC thing. Sometimes I wonder if he isn't playing w/ me on purpose? But why? Well, I am going to try to keep busy today.....and get through another day. Good luck to everyone!!
  15. andreap
    Well, made it through another day! Last night I went out to dinner w/ 3 of my good friends .....getting out does help....just have to push myself to get out in the first place. Today will be day 23 of NC.....day 7 of the challenge. I am starting to REALLY wonder when I'll hear from him again.....b/c he ALWAYS pops up again! I am literally "rehearsing' what I will say if I run into him or if he calls me from another #......which he has done in the past. Today is a busy day .....so that 's good!! Hope everyone here is doing well w/ the challenge too! Stay strong!!
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