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LostInMyThoughts

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Everything posted by LostInMyThoughts

  1. LostInMyThoughts
    Do you think your illness stems from unresolved anger? If so, I think seeing a therapist can help you determine its source and how to deal with it. I'm just speculating here, but I think that if you don't you will probably end up hurting your gf and possibly your son. As for your gf, I think she is the only one who can figure out and deal with her problems. Some things to think about: When your gf is pregnant, how long will she be out of work. $800 a month isn't enough to support one person, let alone a family. Do your jobs provide adequate medical coverage? What if you get angry and your smart mouth is used to hurt the ones you love? I know this is your life, but I would hate to see someone take this big of a step without really thinking about all the various consequences. Just as a cursory evaluation from your post, it looks like both you and your girlfriend have issues that need addressing. If it were up to me (and I know its not) I'd want them dealt with before taking this big step. Anyway, good luck.
  2. LostInMyThoughts
    You should eat before and after your workout! Both are very important to maximize the results from the gym. Depending on your training program, pre workout meals can range from a slice of toast with PB on it, to a bowl of oatmeal to eggs, chicken, bacon full meal deal. The main goal is to give your body the fuel it needs to perform the excercises, without overloading it and negating the effects of working out. Post workout meals also can very this same way. The goal with a post workout meal is to replenish the nutrients lost during the workout, and provide your body with fuel to keep that metabolism high. I usually go with a whey protein drink, but I mostly focus on weight lifting. I'm not fitness expert though, so take this with a grain of salt.
  3. LostInMyThoughts
    I don't want to change your opinion regarding porn. It disturbs a lot of people. But it isn't about you being attractive or unattractive. It's a quick release. Men are very visual when it comes to sex, so having the visual stimulation helps arouse us. It's much easier to look at porn then it is to go back into our minds and bring up images of our sig others. You don't have to answer this, but think about it. Does your bf have a problem being aroused by you? I'm guessing no, so I dont think your attractiveness is even a question here. Thanks. I'm so glad I found this place.
  4. LostInMyThoughts
    A few things I wanted to share from my personal experience. Regarding the box of photos, I'm going through a divorce, and I actually got rid of all that stuff (I saved the wedding ring though) because I thought that any woman who would see it would think I was stuck in the past. I talked abou this with some friends, who are divorced and they said they kept that sort of stuff, because of the memories. So you have to ask yourself why are you uncomfortable with him keeping memories of his past. If you two broke up, would you want him to erase you from his memory? As for the AFF, I have an account there too. It was mostly a curiosity thing. After many "500 horny girls in , want to eff you tonite." I had to visit the site. In order to view the profiles you have to have an account. I'm pretty sure the site is 100% bs, but I created the account anyway. I'm not saying its a good excuse though. Now to the bigger question, would you/do you have a problem with your bf looking at porn? I consider these two issues as being one in the same, but I can understand that visiting AFF looks like he wants to cheat on you.
  5. LostInMyThoughts
    Ouch! Whammy DN is right, the best revenge is to be happy.
  6. LostInMyThoughts
    aloneagain, I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. I am going through a divorce right now, and I've had to deal with these "setbacks." It's not YOUR fault that the marriage ended. You didn't fail your marriage. It was your husband who left and didn't come home. You didn't take him out into the woods and leave him there. Yes I know it takes two to tango, but you didn't fail your marriage. As for the pain, I think it's natural to still have those feelings. In fact, it's probably a good thing that you're not burying your emotions and insted supporting them. He was someone you cared about, and loved, and those feelings never really go away. I saw a recent picture of my ex-wife and I felt miserable for next few days. From my experience, I know that these setbacks get easier and easier. I'm glad to hear that you have a good boyfriend now. It doesn't sound like you're crying over him, just crying because of the sadness and hurt that he left you with, and I think thats okay. Have you just let yourself cry it all out?
  7. LostInMyThoughts
    Thanks everyone, as always, for the suggestions. I guess my reaction was emotionally based, and I'm not sure why I don't want to let her get the coffee tables. She did buy them, but then again she rents out a room from a couple of people and really has no use for them. It's like she only wants them just because she has a claim to it. I know I can go to Ikea and replace them; my ex wanted all the dishes and used the same argument. I said that the dishes were a gift from my friend/neighbor and that she could have 1/2 of them. Part of it is the principle. She is changing her mind, and its bending me out of shape. Today its the coffee table, tomorrow she might want the couch, or want some of the electronics (over my dead body of course). I'm just too bullheaded to give up without a fight. ](*,)
  8. LostInMyThoughts
    You're boyfriend has an anger problem. He doesn't mean the things he says. Its not an excuse, but don't believe for a second there is something wrong with you. He does not know how to deal with his anger, nor does he know that he's carrying a huge sack of anger from the past. It's like his anger level is full to the top, and any little annoyance will cause him to lose his cool because its just too much to deal with. Losing his cool makes him feel guilty, and he tries to compress the anger, making his next explosion even more volitile. Sadly you can't fix HIS problems. You can be the catalyst for change, but only he can deal with it. He needs to seek therapy to figure out where all this underlying anger came from. Like Blue Skittles said, it's probably from his childhood. He will need to work on releasing all his pent up anger before he can function in a relationship. The best thing you can do is to confront him and tell him if he doesn't seek help to figure out why he's abusive, you will leave him. Then make good on the promise. As for the sex,, his behavior its tantamount to rape. No means No. Always. Your boyfriend does not respect that, and thats is a HUGE problem. I'm not sure why he feels like he's entitled to pressure you for sex, but that is something you both will have to work out. Given his anger problems, and his disregard to your feelings about sex, I really question why you still want to be with this person? We all have our flaws, but you deserve better.
  9. LostInMyThoughts
    You're not desensitized to it, but I think that some of the intial fire has gone out. Thats normal, and should be expected. I'm a big believer in the mind playing a huge part of having an orgasm. The more you start to dwell on having an orgasm, the harder it will be to relax and have one. Try not to give it a thought when you two are having sex. As for bringing back that spark; if your comfortable try sharing some of your deep secret fantasies with each other. That might be enough to set the mood. Or even try to act out one of the fantasies. Porn in the bed room has helped. Role playing, especially with costumes. Adult themed games. Do you know what bedroom actions really turn you on? Knowing what it is that you like, can dramatically increase the fun in the bedroom. Nothing is wrong, and everything is normal. Most people are content to let their sex lives die out, but its great that you want to keep that passion going. Good luck!
  10. LostInMyThoughts
    Orgasms have as much to do with the mind as it is does with physical sexual stimulation. It's just like women who can orgasm by having their breasts touched. I think it's great that you want to share in physical aspects of sex that your boyfriend wants, but you also have to know your limits. If anal sex is something you don't want to do; say so, and that should be the end of it. Most of the pain and discomfort come from the penis rubbing hard against the sensitive skin around the anus. In addition as the sphincter muscle is irritated, the more likely it is to clamp up, increasing the pain and discomfort. As for you "getting used to it" that implies you are able to relax and enjoy it. You can have your boyfriend try using a finger, working his way up to 2 or 3 to help you get more comfortable with having something move in and out of you like that. As you can relax more, then you can try having him penetrate you. Definitely use a lot of lubricant, water based if he's wearing a latex condom. Just a word of caution, after anal sex you should have you boyfriend wash his hands and privates before continuing to have sex, and put on a new clean condom. Going from Anal to Vaginal sex is a major health risk.
  11. LostInMyThoughts
    I'm really angry right now. I had to talk with my ex-wife about some various money matters; when she called I tried to be friendly. After a bit she told me she was planning on taking the coffee table and end table. We had already split up the stuff two weekends ago--it was a total nightmare and I know I acted like a jerk. During that time she said she didn't want the coffee table or the end table because she had no use for it. Now she's changed her mind; and it got me upset. I don't want to let her have it. She did buy those things, but she did say she didn't want them. I think she only wants them because she feels like she didn't end up with her "fair" share. We've already filed the divorce paper work with the courts declining spousal support or court divison of the property, so I don't believe she has any legal ground to stand on. I'm not sure what to do.
  12. LostInMyThoughts
    I'd give him another week; the holidays are a crazy time for people. From the sounds of things, he is interested in you--he asked you out and was willing to go with you to church; and his story about the cell phone is plausible (my sister does the same thing). The ball is in his court now; he has to make some effort to contact you, so waiting another week shouldn't matter. Happy Holidays!
  13. LostInMyThoughts
    Yeah man, I know how you feel, and it's not a good feeling. I was starting to feel a lot better about things; then my ex-wife came over to get the rest of her stuff. I felt like crap afterwards (it didn't help that we fought most of the time we were together). But a few days later and I perked up again. You can just try and take in stride; maybe have a couple ideas on what you can do to cheer up if you start to feel in the dumps. Sometimes it can be helpful to support the feelings of sadness and just let it all out. Play some sad music, or watch a sad movie, and just let it out. And try not to worry about the things that you can't control (like her contacting you). If she does contact you in the near future; you can let her gently know that you need some NC time for yourself.
  14. LostInMyThoughts
    Actually what you're saying makes perfect sense. People react differently to events; but I think it makes sense that seeing something that reminds you about your ex, whom you've shared a lot of time with, would get you down. At least that happens to me. The thing is that you have to accept this as being part of the natural healing process. I bet that during the first week of your breakup, things that reminded you of her would get you down for a lot longer than a minute. It's okay to want your ex back, but I think what others might be trying to say is don't put your life on hold waiting for that to happen. Assume they're not coming back and "move on."
  15. LostInMyThoughts
    I think you should continue doing what you're doing. Going out, talking with other girls, while still maintaining being a friend to this girl that you like. I wouldn't base your whole life around her and you hooking up though. Your friend sounds like she does like you; but is probably afraid of losing your friendship if you two break up. Otherwise she would have been happy that you had hooked up with a couple girls right?
  16. LostInMyThoughts
    In america, its less of a cultural and societal issue; it really depends on the person, and the family dynamic. It's a common joke that American families stuggle with thier "in-law" families. Many movies and television shows make fun of this like Everybody Loves Raymond. But there also many families who genuinely get along and love each other; my ex-wife really did love my parents.
  17. LostInMyThoughts
    One of the girls I'm interested in, and as far as I can tell is interested in me, is just so freaking busy that she doesn't have time to really start a relationship. I asked her to see a movie, and she wanted to go, and suggested some alternate days, but stuff kept coming up. It can feel like she's trying to let me down gently, but I don't think thats the case. She mentioned one of her upcoming gigs, and so I'm going to go, just really to show support. Maybe she'll have time to hang out, otherwise thats okay too. I'm really just going because she's a cool person. Anyway so right now, I just have to "bide my time." I really feel like getting back into dating is so what I need. I'm cool being by myself, but I wanna get back into the swing of things. I've started looking at online personals, but I wonder how successful one can be with online dating. It's so easy to throw out a wide net, and I get the feeling that many of the girls on there get a lot of responses. I'm having a "rebachelor" party of sorts in a few weeks, and a friend's wife offered to bring some of her single girl friends. I think thats pretty cool, but I have no idea how to handle that situation. So basically I'm back to starting from scratch. It's not a bad thing, I guess, just sucks that right now I'm in that super uncertain period. Sometimes I feel like I might not meet anyone new, or I might miss my chances, or just worry about things to the point where I totally get depressed.
  18. LostInMyThoughts
    I'm sorry you're feeling down right now. I'm kinda feeling the same way too, so I know it sucks. I use to feel the same way, how I gave a lot of myself (I consider myself one heck of a friend), but I was always saddened that no one would put forth the same effort for me. That changed when my best friend really stepped up when I started going through my divorce. It sounds like you are approaching your situation in a positive way; though I'm sorry your friends aren't making themselves more available. Have you come out and been straightforward with one or two to your closer friends? Like telling them exactly how you feel and how much you could use a good friend right now. It doesn't look like you are socially inept; in fact it sounds like you know what you are doing. Do you try and organize the movie, or do you just kinda let things happen? Have you looked at craigslist? They have a section for activity partners. Maybe you could join a bookclub, or a cooking club, a local sports group;, a local group of photographers, or musicians. You'll meet people that are interested in doing the things you do, and thats always a good way to meet new people.
  19. LostInMyThoughts
    Generally the more sperm in there, the thicker it is, I'd say more like cornstarch. It actually can vary depending on a lot of factors (health and diet are two biggies).
  20. LostInMyThoughts
    Performance in the bed is an area that people can be really sensitive about so be careful how you approach this subject. What about him going early bothers you? Does he just pass out after it happens or does he try to continue with you? Do you engage inforeplay or just go straight for intercourse? If you don't engage in foreplay, or after he's gone, he "falls asleep" the problem is less him going early, and more that he's not being a "giving" lover. Those are much easier to deal with I think, because these are things he can easily address.
  21. LostInMyThoughts
    What your seeing in movies where its mostly runny is semen; the transport fluid for sperm. After a certain number of ejactulations, you deplete your stored up sperm, and all thats left is mostly semen. Now you never completely drain your sperm so don't believe for a second after X number of consecutive ejactulations you can't get a woman pregnant.
  22. LostInMyThoughts
    I agree with this. He's taking your marriage for granted, and you need to force him to choose to either deal with his problem, or deal with not having you and possibly his kids in his life. Have you thought about a seperation? It's a calculated risk, but it can work.
  23. LostInMyThoughts
    A definite pickle. Why don't you feel comfortable asking him out? Afraid of rejection? He'll figure things out eventually, but I was always angrey when cute girls would tell me "I use to have a crush on you..." Why the hell didn't you do anything about it? Be proactive, ask him out. It doesn't even have to be that corny; see if he wants to go to a movie, or a club, or whatever it is you crazy young kids do these days.
  24. LostInMyThoughts
    Thats why guys can get so messed up. We have problems being in touch with our feelings, and even more problems expressing our feelings to other guys. How good of a friend would you say this guy is? If you want to be his friend you should tell him your feelings. I went through this similar situation with a friend of mine from a long time back. Basically I confronted him, he apologized, said he wanted to change things, but never made good on it. After that I figured he wasn't worth having as a friend.
  25. LostInMyThoughts
    How old are you? I'm guessing high school age right, though when I was in high school we didn't have recess. Anyway, it sounds like he is just as confused as you are. It's easier to conversate over phone and even more over IM, because its so much less personal. He'll figure things out eventually, but if you want to move things along, keep flirting with him, and maybe even ask him out.
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