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LostInMyThoughts

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  1. LostInMyThoughts
    I don't think the decision was as black and white as that. Porn can be addicting, because its offer of a quick release (yeah I'm a broken record). If he's not able to get that from his girlfriend, then he's going to instinctively go back to where he can get it. So why does he need to look at porn? I'm guessing because like all guys, he's horny enough to bone a soda machine, and looking at porn is a fast way to get his business done. Unless his need to look at porn is addressed, he wont be able to stop, even if he wanted to. Agreed.
  2. LostInMyThoughts
    I'm here to fix deina cable. You can tell where it goes from here. He fixes the cable? --- My ex was the same way, she liked erotic stories as well. I think its a difference between men and womens stimulation. I'm no expert, but I do know that men are very much stimulated visually, and women are stimulated by, well when I figure that out, I'll be set for life
  3. LostInMyThoughts
    You didn't ask for any advice, but one thing to consider is that your partner cheated on her husband. How can you be sure that she won't cheat on you? Just food for thought.
  4. LostInMyThoughts
    How is it cheating? Is it cheating to look at the Statue of David in all its glory? How about watching Starship Troopers--is it cheating during the shower scene? How is porn a horrible addiction? There are plenty of women who do like porn, plenty of women who support the idea of it (not necessarily its implementation). Its not about understanding it; its about finding someone who shares in your values and beliefs. If you believe sex before marriage is wrong, don't date someone who believes otherwise. For the record, us guys have no idea why women have to go into every little minute detail when telling us about your day. But we accept it and move on.
  5. LostInMyThoughts
    But you're now making a value call as to whose opinion matters more. That is the start of a bad relationship. Of course my opinion matters most, but if I want to live in a happy relationship, I've got to learn to comprimise. Its not whose opinion matters more, its how can you resolve the conflict so both are happy? It sounds like the op and her boyfriend really ought not to be together as he likes porn, and she doesnt. Chris Rock said it best, if you a crack head, you can't marry a church girl.
  6. LostInMyThoughts
    Personally I don't think he should have made this promise in the first place. It's like people who promise their partners "I will never hurt you." Its not a promise that is easy to keep. He is wrong, but in a way you can't expect to show a dog a bone and tell him not to chew it.
  7. LostInMyThoughts
    My opinion is biased because pornography is my best friend--but here goes. It sounds like there is an unresolved issue from your childhood that you might not have addressed. I gather that by your comment regarding your father and porn. Have you seen a therapist about whatever event transpired? I think you're right that you boyfriend should factor in your considerations when making his decisions, but what about the reverse to this. But what about the flip side; "My gf should respect me and if I like it, I should be allowed to do it." See the problem as I see it is that you want your way, without regard to your boyfriends feelings. You have every right to what you believe is right, but at the same token so does he. So how do you resolve it? Either he gives it up, you give him up, or something else changes. I do have my problems with the porn industry, but to me, porn serves its purpose. It is a quick release. Most guys don't look at porn and think "Wow I want to have sex with this person, my current partner is inadequate." Its a quick release. Guys are easily stimulated visually. Porn is good at this. I'm not saying you are wrong for your beliefs. Just trying to get you to consider your boyfriends opinions. Obviously if this is a make or break deal with you, you gotta do what you gotta do. Either way good luck. PS: Video Games are my other best friend
  8. LostInMyThoughts
    My ex-wife listed that she's single, when in fact she is divorced. I also did something similar on yahoo! personals. I put "single never married" even though that is a big fatty lie. I just perfer to tell people about my business after they get to know me. I suppose I should use the "I'll tell you later" option, but I think that also sends funny signals.
  9. LostInMyThoughts
    The best thing to do in this case (at least I think so) is to give her space. Let her know that you're committed to working things out, and that you understand she needs time to herself.
  10. LostInMyThoughts
    Fill a squirt gun full of gasoline, get some matches, bring them to school. Problem solved. Seriously though. There are several steps you can take to prohibit this person from contining to harass you. Blogspot probably has a policy against online harassment, and so does his ISP. First make records of his abuses, and submit them both to blogspot, and his ISP (hopefully you can log IP addresses). Next if it continues, you can notify the school, and your local authorities. I'm not sure how the law works accross the pond, but online harassment is taken seriously in the US. Finally if that doesn't work, buy me a plane ticket to the UK, and I'll break his jaw. Good luck.
  11. LostInMyThoughts
    Is her family well off? If so, then it might be something to worry about. If not, the discrepancy between her lifestyle and her ex's might have factored into the breakup. Anyway, she is just out of a 3 year relationship, and I'm guessing the end of it was painful. That is why she doesn't want to rush things; to have fun but without getting that close to someone so early on. In a way you are being "used." She is using you to have a good time, to charm her, to feel good about her self, to remember there are so many good things out there. Now, I don't see anything wrong with that, cuz I think most of us, use our partners to that extent. So take some comfort in knowing that she is with you, now, in this moment. If you dwell on why she picked you, or what you have to offer, you wont be happy, and it'll probably contribute to the premature end of your relationship. She likes you, thinks you are special, and adores you. If you can't believe that, then its likely that you've got confidence issues.
  12. LostInMyThoughts
    Let me play Devils Advocate. Are you sure thats what you want to do? Set up a "test" that he will surely fail? You said you loved him, but how strong is that love, if you are unwilling to confront him? I don't think what he is doing is right; but I also think that if you don't confront him, you would also share some fault here. Being able to go up to someone and tell them how their behaviour makes you feel is very important. I'm willing to bet in every relationship, there are things that one partner does that will bother the other. Being able to talk and deal with issues like this separates the strong and happy couples, from the weak and miserable ones. You may not have to confront your current boyfriend now, but something similar will come up in your next relationship; I can pretty much guarentee it. Anyway good luck with whatever decision you make.
  13. LostInMyThoughts
    Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to get someone else to change. You have to just hope that it becomes their best interests to change--in your wifes case go see help. From what you've written about, your wife sounds like she handles problems similarly to the way my ex-wife does. Most good counselors should discuss the problems. Like I suffer from "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder" related to abuse from my childhood, while my ex-wife suffers from Sexual Compulsivity, and Codependence Issues. Usually the therapist will diagnose you within the first one or two visits. Also if you don't like the service the counselor provides, don't give up. Finding the right counselor will take time.
  14. LostInMyThoughts
    Here is how I got my ex-wife to go with me to therapy. I signed up to meet with a counselor, and then told her that I was seeking help for my "issues" and I thought it would be really important to me if she was there to explain how she saw things. Your wife might be afraid that the therapist might tell her that her feelings are wrong, or that she is to blame, but no counselor worth their salt would ever say such a thing.
  15. LostInMyThoughts
    I think your wife wants the space to sort things out in her mind. She might be wondering if you and her were ment to be, why did her feelings for you change. I would really avoid a trial seperation. I went along with it, and it was a huge mistake (I think). I really only believe seperation works if one person wants another person to realize their behavior is affecting the relationship. You're in a really tricky area, and I'm sorry to hear it. I went through something similar and at the end I ended up divorced. Our problem was that my ex-wife was incapable of dealing with problems, and instead ran away from them using alcohol, and other men. The only advice I can give is for you to both go seek marriage counseling. There might be some issues that your wife is reluctant to discuss, and a trained counselor can really help bring those out in a safe,constructive environment. I personally would go to a licensed therapist and not one provided by a church, but thats just me. Good luck man, I really mean it.
  16. LostInMyThoughts
    You're not over reacting, and you're not an idiot. I say tell him exactly how his behavior makes you feel. Let him know he has a choice, change his ways, or you'll leave him. Sorry this is short, I'm late for a meeting
  17. LostInMyThoughts
    From the symptoms, it sounds like depression. You're able to function during the day because you have things to keep your mind occupied, but during the evening your mind is free to dwell on whatever it is that is depressing you. For me, it just took time to get into a normal sleeping pattern, but there are nights where I revert back into that same rut, but it has gotten easier. Since its really affecting you, you might want to consider talking to a professional counselor. They might perscribe antidepressants temporarily which could really help your situation.
  18. LostInMyThoughts
    This man speaks the truth.
  19. LostInMyThoughts
    Brokenone2manytimes, I'm sorry to hear about the tough time you've been having. Nothing about what you are feeling and going through is weird. I'd even say what youa re going through is common for many people. Weird is like trying to marry a dolphin. The events that you've had to deal with are devastating, and to top it off, your mom and brother aren't being supportive of your feelings. Have you thought about seeing a counselor? Things seem pretty bleak right now, but hang in there. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. Instead of looking at how much of a curse it is to live another day, look at it for what it really is. A blessing. A new day, with a fresh slate to effect a positive change in your life. Things wont change over night, and I can only imagine how difficult things are right now, but don't ever give up.
  20. LostInMyThoughts
    goto link removed and register for an account. It's pretty simple.
  21. LostInMyThoughts
    Have you thought about going to see a counselor? Growing up, my dad abused me, and as a result, I use to hate myself, and still have confidence issues. I remember being suicidal from a very early age. Its only until recently that I've addressed some of these demons and really started to love myself. I don't know you, but I know that inside you is a worthy soul; worthy of love, compassion, joy and happiness. Right now you might not believe it, but its true. You're willing to help other people with their problems, yet you seem like you have problems of your own. That sounds like a selfless act, and not something a person who is worth hating would do. I think if you seek some help from a professional counselor you have a chance to really turn things around for yourself. Whatever you decide, suicide, while it seems like an option, is never a real option. Never give into the dispair.
  22. LostInMyThoughts
    There is a girl at work I'd like to get to know better as a friend. She seems like a real cool person and I would like some new female friends. What are some ways to get to know her better without coming accross as wanting to date? I invited her to a party I'm having this weekend, along with several other coworkers, but she was going out of town. Lately we've been working somewhat closely, and we've chit chatted a bit. Or are any attempts I make to try and hang out going to seem like I'm interested in dating?
  23. LostInMyThoughts
    First of all, congratulations for making it to the 2nd Interview! You should dress slightly above the normal dress code for the company. If its casual, dress business casual. If its business casual, dress business. Most interviewers don't generally care if you over dress, but it does have an impact. Under dressing can easily negatively impact your interview. As for the 2nd interview, it depends on the company. If you were already tested for techincal competance, the 2nd round is usually a meet and greet. Its a chance to see if you would be a good fit with the company as well as if the company would be a good fit with you. When I worked for boeing, my first interview was a standard touchy-feely set of questions, "When was a time when a project you were in charge of failed to be delivered on time..." etc. The 2nd interview, they wowed and dazzled me with super expensive military flight simulators, as well as tried to better gauge my personality. When I interviewed for Expedia, the first interview was conducted over the phone; I was asked a series of techincal questions. Then the 2nd interviewd, I was asked some more techincal questions; the typical Microsoft style to interview. For my current job, our interview process is: a phone screen, 1st round is technical competency, 2nd round is personality fit/meet and greet. So you can see there is some degree of variation. If you want to know for sure you can ask the person whom scheduled you for the 2nd interview to describe the 2nd interview process, as well as the companies dress policy. Its a fair question to ask, and most interviewers want to give you as much help as possible! Good luck!
  24. LostInMyThoughts
    I'm sorry this is happeing. It gets easier as time goes by. I know that doesn't help now, but there IS light at the end of this tunnel. It helped me to talk (at great length) about my problems to friends (and to this place).
  25. LostInMyThoughts
    A few things stood out. Clearly you are "Blayzed4Life" as Dec 24th is the day before Christmas, not Dec 23rd. Also it's "whether" when presenting a choice, and "weather" when talking about the climate. Seriously though (the above is just a poor excuse for me trying to be funny), I think you should know if you are a good person. Nothing from what you have describe would make me think otherwise. To where are you looking for recognition? Is it work? Or just life in general. Work can be a tricky thing. I felt like my previous employer never recognized me for the hard work I did. My current job, its quite different; I never feel like my efforts go without notice. There is an underlying issue here; I suspect that you might have self-confidence issues. I suffer from the same problem; and so I feel like I have to justify my "goodness" and cite examples. The truth is we are all good people; and you aren't an exception. Self confidence issues might lead you to believe you aren't recognized for what a great person you are, when in fact you have been plenty of times. I have to ask, why dont you know if you are a good person, or if you aren't a good person?
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