I feel really stupid. Like I'm angry, upset, falling apart, lost, sad, alone.
I've felt this way on and off since early high school. It really took hold when I lost my grandmother in year 11...everything came out from my parents divorce to my relationships with my brothers, mum, barry (Dad), aunts, cousins. It all hurt. I thought it went away...my friends helped it go away.
I think it's back..I'm angry at everybody for not caring. I'm hurting because I feel like I'm going to just fall apart in front of everybody. I'm lost because I dont feel like me anymore..I hate parties, I hate being around friends.
I feel all this and yet still have to get up everyday and go on..go to work to a job I hate. Deal with my aunty and mum * * * * *ing about me..nitpicking everything about me ... telling me to move out because she wants to move in with her b/f down the coast. deal with not having money to move out..deal with job interviews and resumes to get the new 'better' job ... and all the while not having friends to run to... to say I'm not okay.
I tried to tell my mum last night but she took it like I dont want her to move..she got angry..so we're fighting now. I hate her for not hearing me. I'm sad because I really don't think she cares. It feels like I'm a waste of energy. Anyone that knows me would be better off not knowing me but if I went tomorrow nobody would notice.
My older brother says people that feel this way are stupid..they've got some weird problems. I'd hate to be weird.
I pray almost every night that something would stop me from waking in the morning but I wake..to yet ANOTHER day.
