SDgirl1234

my bf and i have been together over 2 years.. and have been through a lot. infact i broke things off with him a while back bc of trust issues (i was being lied to a lot about everything). we also ran into a problem with porn. now i understand that guys look at that stuff (i still dont get it) but it makes me really uncomfortable knowing that he does bc when i was younger i had a traumatizing experience with that stuff and my dad. i told him about it and i didnt even have to ask him to stop looking at it... he flat out promised me that he'd never look at that stuff again. and for a while it seemed to be true. but just recently, things have become shady again and i've found out that he's subscribed to all of these porn sites (i think even giving out his credit card #) and im just heartbroken. i love him to death, but cant tolerate his hobby. it hurts me more bc we've already talked about this and he made a promise to me.. which is now broken. just knowing that hes getting off to other girls makes me sick.... i know guys might look at it in a more simpler way, but my bf should respect me and if i dont like it.. he shouldnt do it. but now i dont know what to do bc my trust has been broken again, and i dont think asking him to stop AGAIN.. will really make him stop! i need some advice please

when we were together we'd try to see each other every weekend.. but i guess somehow he still managed to lie and have no guilt. i appreciate both of your advice... its just hard u know! i've never been so confused and depressed. i thought HE loved me more than that u know? and its really frusterating bc he wont send me that conversation... it lets me know that he's hiding something and still isnt being truthful. i understand that HE should be trying to earn my trust... i guess its hard for me to admit it to myself that even though he says he wants to and he's trying, hes not, and maybe things were never meant to be.. it sucks when u think u know someone and u really dont u know? im just absolutely crushed

So I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago. He absolutely broke my heart! Small things like not being able to agree on certain things, but the biggest thing is that he let another girl come between us! and he had lied to me about being with her (hanging out.. he claims they never hooked up, but how do i know?) and the lying thing really tore my heart into pieces. I want to think that this isnt the end for us, and that we'll get back together... but i wont do it unless i see change and effort on his part. He's lost my trust... and he knows it, and I never thought you could still love someone if you didnt trust them? I'm really confused and am a rollercoaster of emotions.. i'll hate him one day, miss him another, and cry another. I dont know how to move on but to trust him and trust that he's trying to change (he wants to get back together sometime) but i dont know how im suppose to believe what he's saying! he told me today that he talked to this girl (jeanette) that came inbetween us and in the end broke us up... and told her that he couldnt hang out with her outside of school and talk as much. i asked him what they said to each other (and u know how she felt) and he was really short with me! and from someone who says they want my trust back... single word responses isnt helping. i know they talked for over an hour but all he told me is that he said "we cant hang out anymore bc losing my gf and bestfriend isnt worth it" and apparently all she said was that "i understand, i'm bummed though but understand"... and i dont understand how u talk about just that for over an hour! i just dont know if im suppose to trust him with his short answers. and i asked him if he could send me their convo (they talked online) and he said no... i can understand that it might be personal, but he says he's trying to get me back, and if thats really all they said.. then what is there to hide? u know.. he should do it willingly and prove me wrong right? i dont know... i just cant trust his words, but i want to.. bc i still love him. i just dont think what he had done to me was right.. anyone have advice? or words of wisdom for coping with this... and how i should go about earning his trust? i know seeing is believing but we dont live in the same town.. and the only way i can see something to believe is this conversation that he doesnt want to show me... ps: it has also come to my attention that this is now the 2nd time they've been sick together.. the first time was over a month ago (when he was secretly hanging out with her) and they're both sick again.. and i know that they hung out last thursday. is it a coincidence? or something more.. he said coincidence.. but again, i dont know what to believe! HELP.. im so confused and hurt.. i'd appreciate anything u guys would have to say.. thanks

to annie24: i appreciate all of your posts you've been making on my "stressful" and lame situation... thank u so much! to clear things up though, our relationship has been long distance for a little over a year now (im in my 2nd yr at college).. but everything else you nailed. except i talked to him AGAIN about this girl and he said that he wouldnt hang out with her as much if it meant that much to me.. so thats good, but i've recently found out he talks to her on the phone.. ALL THE TIME. where as he told me that he could go a day without talking to me and he'd be okay... and that he thinks we dont need to talk more than once a day. i dont know? i think she might be the one calling him a lot.. but still. AH! im trying to think positive thoughts and focus on the good things in our relationship.. but its hard sometimes.. but i really really appreciate your advice

SO here I am again.. yeah you'd think my relationship is disfunctional, and sometimes it is.. but oh well (thats only if you've read my other posts) ANYWAY... it's come to my attention that my boyfriend calls his friend, jeanette "doll". i know it may not be a big deal and this is why i'm asking... is it alright for your bf/gf to call opposite sexed friends by pet names? i always thought those kinds of names were just for you SO, but maybe im wrong? oh and ps: my bf knows i really dont like this girl LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! THANKS

i think you need to talk with your partner and let him know whats up... its important for you to be fulfilled too, its not selfish: its fair. and if you're too shy or embarrassed to talk about it with him, you guys shouldnt be involved sexually.... best of luck to you!

In responding to the first reply, i'm 19 and my bf is 20... yeah we're young, but we seem so perfect for each other.. or we did. im scared of what he'll say to me when he decides what to do with me and his "lady friend"... cuz what if he says that he still wants to hang out with her all the time. part of me wishes i could give him a taste of his own medicine.. but im smarter than that, and i find it kind of an immature thing to do. so what would i do you know? and responding to annie24 again.. when you talk about a local gf, i kind of feel the same way. he says he wouldnt hook up with her and i believe him (for the most part) but i really feel like im being replaced during the times we're not together physically. he tells her everything he tells me but he still refuses to agree that shes taking my place (but why would he agree.. i dont know) and jevonj77.. i appreciate your advice too, espically coming from a guy with a gf. kudos to you and respecting your lady when something is really impt to her. so im asking you, what do u feel is an appropriate friendship/relationship with the opposite sex when you have a SO thats not living near you?

I was wondering where you draw the lines with a friendship from the opposite sex when you're involved in a relationship? How much time spent together with that person is too much time? When do you think boundries are crossed and feelings start to get hurt? My BF and i (of 2yrs) have come accross this exact problem. He has found a new "lady friend" that I feel he's spending way too much time with (yes im jealous, but feeling left out bc we dont live in the same area anymore so she's with him and talks to him more than i ever do) we've fought and talked about this a few times and i thought we came to a compromise, but i guess not. we both agreed though tonight that another boy/girl should never come between our relationship, but he also told me that he'd have to think about what he should do (even though he knows im really hurt about how much time he spends with her and what he tells her too). i know if i were in his shoes i'd only have to think about what to do in a split second... keep the gf and be friends with this girl at school and maybe at lunch once a week.. MAYBE IM GOING CRAZY, but im hurting and im not sure what to do bc we are not agreeing on things! I'd greatly appreciate your advice thanks guys

thanks guys for your input! about the whole cell phone thing... i've been trying to convince him to switch providers and when im home i even ask if he wants to go, and he never does.. and it sucks bc i cant talk to him till after 9pm week days. its really frusterating and im scared that if i break things off that we'll never get back together.. i love this guy deeply, but i dont think im being treated fairly, and i dont know what else to do bc nothing seems to stick in his brain.... uuggghhhh but i really appreciate your comments

i think interracial relationships are BEAUTIFUL! haha i wont lie, i'm a product of one (half japanese and half caucasian)... i mean i think in certain areas people may look down on them, but i really dont see a problem with it. you get to learn a lot about different kinds of people, and if people oppose them.. then you're over it. all that matters is that the two people love and care about each other...

So i've been dating my boyfriend for almost 2yrs... and i absolutely love him to death. but a lot of things have changed between us. and lately (i live in San Diego, he lives in Orange County) i've been feeling like im his gf only on the weekends that i see him... and that he only makes time for me when im in town or when hes in town. during the week i feel as if i dont exist bc we talk for like 5min, and its hard being away from your sig. other, and i need to be with someone who can take some time to have quality conversations.. and its not like hes busy. he barely goes to school and his work doesnt start till 5pm, so hes free all afternoon to talk and catch up, but hes always gone, or has his phone turned off... its like he doesnt care or doesnt miss me like i miss him and is okay with not talking to me. now trust me, taking a break with him or breaking up is my last resort.. i've talked to him about it before and given him a 2nd chance and talk to him more and he's apologized and said he'd work on it.. but i just dont feel appreciated, i feel like im being taken for granted.. and i dont know what else to do! it hurts me SO MUCH though knowing that there might be a possibility that we wont get back together.. but i dont think i can stay with him being so upset.. i cry almost everyday. i really think that he might be "the one" for me, but right now i think he's taking me for granted and everything i do and provide for him... i really dont know what to do, i wanna take a break but i havent been single for the past 2yrs and i dont want to spend my days hoping that he'll call and say hes ready to change and try things again... please give me some advice!

So I'm new at this and not too sure what to expect.. but here it goes. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 2yrs, and when we first started dating.. everything was PERFECT!! (we also lived 2min away from each other) and i know that everyone has their perfect months at first... but ever since i've moved to san diego for school things have seem different. we seem to be fighting/disagreeing with each other more and more, but we always resolve it, but i'm not sure what to do because when i see him on weekends things are good, but during the week when we're not together we barely talk and i feel like i dont exist to him. so these are some of my problems... (sorry im venting...) -last year he lied to me about getting back into contact and wanting to hang out with one of his ex-lovers. i caught him in his lie and confronted him about it and told him i was hurt, and he apologized saying he'd never lie again. -last year he also became friends with one of my old friends who had a crush on him, and he knew i wasn't okay with it... he didnt lie about hanging out with her but i had to pry it out of him. (he doesn't really ever tell me what he's doing... i have to ask like 100 questions to get it out of him.. and i think its weird) -over the summer he started hanging out with his brother a lot more and kind of leaving me behind. i know its his brother and i shouldnt compare him to me, but i feel like i'm in second place to his bro, and that he'd rather hang out with him than me. Lately i've started to feel used because he seems to have so much more fun with his bro than with me, and the only thing he can do with me and not his bro is have sex. we talked about it, and he said thats not the case... but i mean, what else can he say? its just akward for me... -last weekend i stayed over at his house, and while he was at work i went on his computer to check my mail. i and then the toolbar opened and there were all these porn links... NOW i know guys look at porn and theres nothing us girls can do about it, but it really paranoys me that he does bc to me, hes looking at another girls face and getting off from it... maybe im insecure, but i still cry about it. it was weird though finding all this porn bc when we were just friends he told me that he didnt like watching it bc he thought it was kind of gross.. so i never saw him as someone who'd do that, but i guess ppl change. i asked him about the porn (i thought it might be someone elses) and he admitted to it, i kind of laughed it off.. but now whenever i'm on his computer all of his history is deleted so no trace of the porn will come up. *he told me that while i was gone on vacation (10days) that it was really hard on him bc he didnt have me so thats why he would look at porn and stuff.. but im thinking about studying abroad (3months) and im scared bc if he cant be by himself for 10days, will he go further and cheat on me while im gone for 3months? - and then, he has met a new friend in his english class, and its a girl.. thats fine with me, but he's gone out to lunch with her, and hangs out with her after class. i called him today several times and he didnt pick up his phone, and when he did he told me that he was at janets house doing homework... she lives pretty far away from school and i thought it was weird that they just didnt study at school. now with him lying to me about small things and this new liking to porn, it scares me that while im down in SD that he might hook up with her. i met her this weekend and shes a cute girl... he told me that he wanted me to meet her bc he didnt want to seem shady. he said that if he was going to hook up with her that he wouldnt want me to meet her..... i thought it was kind of weird that he had to explain himself like that, it made me think. i dont know what to do, i love my boyfriend to death, but lately i've just been so unhappy, and i dont want to seem like the possessive girlfriend who tells him who he should and shouldnt hang out with... so i dont know what to do? its hard for me to concentrate on my school work bc im always thinking about what hes doing (and when i call him, he just wants to talk after 9pm so his minutes are free) so i feel so cut off from him down here in SD. basically i need some advice/reassurance or whatever... i may be just paranoid, but i'm not sure if its healthy to be in a relationship that causes me so much stress... please help