aloneagain75

thanx again for everyones help, thoughtful words and support. I am feeling much better today. My boyfriend and I had a nice long conversation and I know how wonderful of a man I have found. Although I know he gets his feelings hurt by me still grieving my divorce -- he puts that aside when i need his arms around me. It still hurts when i think of my ex moving on and being happy without me. But then i look at myself and I could be very happy myself if i'd just let myself. which i am trying to do....It's only been a y ear sonce the divorce, so i guess these feelings are still expected -- they are getting fewer and fewer. So I guess I am moving forward -- Its just too slow for me but just wanted to say thanx again to everyone and let you all know that you really helped me express some emotions and feelings... i appreciate it .... Kathy

i know -- im trying to move forward. Its not all that easy - when i was happy with what i had. But Im making an effore. My big problem is i feel so rushed -- Im almost 31 and just starting over. Want o find that perfect person, get married again and have a family -- and that biological clock is ticking VERY loudly!! I feel like im running out of time -- I feel so OLD at 30!! sorry im probably sounding stupid -- just needing that shoulder to cry on...

i have been happy, still have the "down" days. BUt overall they are becoming fewer and farer between. Im beginning to get used to having a new relationship, which has been difficult beacause what I had was ALL I ever knew. But i am making my best effort and learning a lot. It's hard to be happy with something new, when i was happy with what i had. But im working on it. my problem is when i do have these down days i tend to dwell on it and make myself more miserable. Its not just shed a few tears its an all night crying binge....but it is getting better... iknow time will heal this -- it's just taking a llot longer than i ever expected....

and stupid me is sitting here with the 11 oclock news on so i can see it again.....

Just want to say thanx to everyone and thier advice and support. I feel so weak when I let myself get upset and hurt like this. I want to just be able to shut the dooe on it all and move forward like everyone seems to expect me to do. But It doesn't work that way. It does help to hear words of encouragement and support... thanx again... i know i'll get over this, but as soon as i think i am something like this reminds me how long of a road it is going to be -- i don't know if Im ever going to heal...

I've been here before -- about a year ago, but forgot my password -- so now Im back with a different name.... I went thru a divorce about a year ago... my husband for 10 years went out one night and didnt come home. moved in with my best friend at the time. 5 months after he left me they got married. I was married at 19, we'd been thru hell and back together, he had cancer, just before we were married -- he or we fought and beat it. ..we went thru unemployment, college and all the things that make or break a marriage -- and survived it -- making us stronger... or so i had thought...we had tried for many years to have a child naturally, but due to his chemo weren't able to.... before we faced the infertility issue head on we wanted to make sure we were financially stable.... we would have finally been ready to this year... and he had left me a year ago. well him and his new wife got married and did the fertility thing right away she was pregant by april. I get home from work today and turn on the news... and there they were , had the first baby of the new year.... god that hurts like hell seeing that. I am so angry, upset, hurt and jealous. That was supposed to have been me. Why when I finally start thinking I can feel better about this all does something like this come up? and most of all why does it still hurt so bad. I want to be over it and him, want to move on with my life. I have a great boyfriend, but these things still hurt. I still feel like a failure that I couldn't make my marriage work. that I don't have a family. and every time i take a step towards healing i get pushed back like this. I just want to curl up somewhere and cry my heart out -- but i am so sick of crying over him...

thank you so much for all of your great advie. I have been with my current boyfriend for a little over a year now. My ex left me on Sept 1st, 03 ... met my boyfriend end of Oct '03 and he moved in with me in Jan '04. I needed to get a roommate to help with bills and he was over all the time anyhow so it seemed like the right answer. I really think I do love him. I find myself thinking about him in the day and get a smile on my face. He makes me happy, i love the feel of his touch. But he isn't very romantic, he's a great person but being left for another woman I need to hear that he thinks I am attractive, need to hear that he loves me, I need reassurance from him.. . I've talked to him about this and he says he understands but nothing changes. He's a very quiet guy -- doesn't show emotions very easily. I know I am being selfish and looking out for myself only right now. But I feel I need too -- i am scared of being hurt. It's stupid little things that are bothering me - the biggest is that he's lived the bachelor life for a long time. Where i am VERY responsible and have always been practical -- had my life planned out and it isn't going like I planned - - I feel so out of control.... But he pays his bills when things get turned off, where i've never made a late payment in my life. it isn't really affecting me cuz he pays me rent and has never missed a payment. But i worry about a future if we get married. We've talked about it and he's agreed that Id handle the finances if we got married. But then he hasn't changed things.... it's stupid * * * * i know -- i think i am afraid to get too close because i don't want to get hurt... i don't know.....

Let me start with a lil info about myself... I was married at 18 to my 2nd boyfriend -- married for about 10 years -- had what i thought was a great marriage -- until he went out with the guys one night and never came home -- only to find out about 1 month later that he had moved in with my so called best friend. that was about a year ago - they are married now and expecting their first baby. (we never had children)... well shortly after he left me (avout 2 months I met this great guy -- and we are now living together, but there are things that im not completely happy with with him, but i feel like i really love him. I don't know if I am being overly critical of him because is is not my ex, or if im really not happy. Part of me says i don't want to be with him, but he is great at times and IM afraid that if i end this I won't find anyone else. Cuz in my mind I already lost my one chance at true love. Im 30 years old now and want to have time to meet someone settle down get married and have children. I can't imagine my life without kids and IM running out of time. I guess i need help trying to sort out my feelings....