Vasho

hahaha, that's good stuff

Thanks for posting this, I think this is what a lot of us needed to hear. I'm in my last year of college and I'm feeling good enough now to go out to parties and stuff. I wont be looking for a relationship but I would love if one found me.

I definitely need to keep this in mind. Thanks!

My girlfriend broke up with me in the beginning of October. I've been doing no contact for almost a month. I had been feeling a lot better. I even did a good job of suffering through the holiday season. Although, when I was home from school over the break, everything reminding me of her. I just got back to school yesterday and found a letter from her. I assumed it was a christmas card. I hadn't got her one do to NC. Well, it wasn't a christmas card. It was a lengthy confession on how she cheated on me before we broke up. The guy she was with is her current boyfriend. The worst part is that all it was, was a confession. She didn't once say she was sorry. It was slyly worded to look like an apology when it wasn't. It was a very selfish way to get the guilt off her chest. Before we started dating she wasn't really the best person. She got bad grades, always treated people poorly, stuff like that. Through the three years that we dated she became a really good person. She stopped doing all the bad things she used to. After she broke up with me, she went right back to how she acted before we dated. This made me think that she is just going through a phase. But after this letter, I think our relationship was the phase. In the letter she said she doesn't even know who the girl was that I dated. She said she tried so hard to be the girl I deserved, to get me to love her. And I did love her. I guess you really can't change people. I thought I did, but I was wrong. Of course all I can do now is continue the no contact.

I never thought of doing that. That's a good idea. Thanks for the suggestions

You're right LostInMyThoughts, I defintely feel down for a lot less time now versus a month ago. I guess it can only get better from here on out. And just knowing that I wont feel as bad as I did a couple weeks ago makes me pretty optimistic. The only thing is that I tend to only feel really bad when I have contact with her. This is the best I've felt since the break up and it's due mostly to not talking to her for awhile. I'm worried that If she emails or calls for Christmas or New Years it will put me back in a funk, regardless if I don't answer or reply.

A couple of people on this forum have said that feeling you don't want to get back together with the person that dumped you is essential to getting over them. Does anyone have any opinions of this? I've tried to come up with reasons why I shouldn't want my exgirlfriend back and they work for a day or two. But I know I could be happy with her. We had been together for almost 3 years and the break up was 2 1/2 months ago. I've been totally NC for two weeks and I haven't felt really down since about 1 1/2 weeks ago. I don't feel back to normal though. Whenever something reminds me of her I still feel bad for a minute or so. And overall I'm just not happy. I guess my question is with NC, do you think it's possible to get over an ex without feeling that you don't want them back? Does that even make sense? I don't know, I'm pretty confused.

What I meant by not feeling like I had control is that I felt there was nothing I could change for next time to possibly get a different outcome. Thanks a lot PocoDiablo. I'll definitely keep what you said in mind for next time

I thought about your response a lot today, PocoDiablo. After the break up, I had been feeling that I couldn't have done anything different. This made me feel good at first because it made me feel it wasn't my fault. But a month or so later, I started feeling like I didn't have control. I was the best guy I could have possibly been and still got dumped. I felt like I couldn't do anything differently in a future relationship and that bothered me. Your reply helped me see that there are some things I could change. But I'm not entirely sure what. Mind if I get your opinion on some of the things I did? Anyone else can give their opinions as well Could I have told her that I loved her too often? I kind of said it a lot after awhile. Pretty much whenever I would think it. Since we were doing the long distance thing we talked on the phone daily. Every time we talked I'd tell her that I missed her. It would usually be on of the first things I'd say. Bad? I might have valued her opinions a little too highly. I would ask her opinions on pretty much everything. I wouldn't always agree, of course. For example, I wouldn't just go along with her taste in music or movies. It was more with how I'd dress and stuff like that. I'd usually go along with what she'd say. I wouldn't wear stuff I didn't like though. It was more like if I liked a shirt I owned, and she didn't, I'd stop wearing it. I'd always pay for dinner, movie tickets, and other date things for her, even if she'd offer. Of course she stopped offering after a year or so. I've been thinking all day but I can't really think of anything else. Do you know of any common mistakes guys make in a relationship? Thanks a lot guys, I appreciate the help.

Thanks for the replies, guys. nowaysis, thanks for the boost. It made me feel better PocoDiablo, at first I was going to reply and say how I disagree with most of the things you said. But really, after I thought about it, you're probably right. I'm not going to let myself regret anything that I did, though. There's no way I'm going to start thinking this break up is my fault. I'll keep everything you said in mind for my next relationship. Thanks

haha, thanks man

I had been dating my ex girlfriend for almost three years when she broke up with me 2 months ago. In my opinion our relationship was perfect. We always had the best time together. We supported each other totally. We never had an argument that wasn't caused by some miscommunication. We've been together since I was 17 and she was 15. We talked about moving in together after she graduated high school. We looked into apartments and tried to find the best place for us to be. Because she's in highschool I only got to see her over holidays. I saw her in August and everything was still great. We hadn't grown apart at all in the year that we did long distance. But then I went home for a week in October. Something was different. She seemed distracted. She kept going out for breakfast with a male friend of her's before we'd hang out for the day. I wasn't jealous. I trusted her completely. We still had just as much fun as we used to but whenever we weren't talking I could tell she was thinking hard about something. One night we went for a walk and she said that moving in together just didn't seem real any more. I don't usually cry but I asked her if we were going to be ok and then broke down. I went back to school a couple days later and got a call from her breaking up with me. I think I know why it happened. She just turned 18, she's going to college next year, other guys like her, she just got a new job and was making good money. We loved each other so much, but I have to admit, without dating other girls I was never 100% sure we were the best for each other. I was more like 99.5% sure. I think she suddenly felt trapped by me. With this whole plan for our future. I mean, we're both still so young. We tried that staying friends thing but then she started dating that male friend of hers... 2 weeks after we broke up. Now they're a couple. He's a good guy and all... but I just don't see how he could possibly be better than me. He's a high school drop out, he has no ambitions for the future. I know what I'm doing. And I guarantee that there is no way anyone could have treated her better than I treated her. The only thing they have is that they've been friends since middle school. So here I am 2 months later doing the NC thing. Sorry about all that, I meant to be more brief. But I wanted to tell you guys where I'm coming from. I know we're young... but I put my heart and soul into this girl. I love her so much. I am so confused. I want her back so badly. But at the same time I think this is what's best for me. But knowing what will be better for me in the future doesn't help me feel better now. I started doing the NC thing before I realized... you know, it's a thing you do. Every time I talked to her, or read a blog of hers, or even noticed that she's online, I'd feel terrible. Any actual communication would make me feel down for days. So she's off my myspace and my instant messenging programs. I feel kind of stupid posting all this since there are some truly horrible stories on here. And my break up is about as good as it could get (although it felt soul-crushingly terrible). But that's kind of double edged because now I have this pesky hope that we'll get back together. I just can't shake that. I found this site when i was feeling especially down today. I felt so good a couple days ago. I actually thought I was over her. I felt happy for the first time in two months. That lasted for about three days until she emailed me. She didn't say anything that would make me feel bad but just communicating... it made me feel terrible. I've been feeling progressively worse every day since. I feel like every time I hear from her I get set back a month. I don't feel like I'm progressing at all. I never know when the lows will hit again. Needless to say I am having no problems restraining myself from calling her. I'm all for NC. I don't really have a specific question to ask... I just needed to rant. And I'd really like someone to tell me it gets better. Because right now, I can't see it.

7out102, I'm sorry, I don't have the answer to your question. I'm 20 and just broke up with my girlfriend of almost 3 years, two months ago. I just wanted to say that what I'm going through right now sucks. And I would hate to have to go through it again after getting over it. What your ex did to you really made me angry. Whether intentional or not, that's one of the cruelest things I've ever heard. I wish I had some new insight to offer you but you've been through it all before. I want to thank you for posting this though. This will help others avoid what happened to you. But honestly, if my ex did everything your's did... I would probably fall for it too.