SimonBlume

Thanks indeed for your inputs!

First of all, let me be frank: I'm a Chinese. So what I put down might not apply to american society and I am not sure people will be interested. I do love this forum so much: I've found no one that is mean and i do feel related to people here. It's really odd but pleasant feeling. I feel we're actually quite similar though we're not of the same race perhaps. A huge problem in the current Chinese community is the relationship between a man's mother and his wife. Tradionally Chinese people believed they should always keep "filial piety", meaning that they should try their best to be nice to their parents. I guess this is so even in America. But I do not know whether an american man will also require his wife to do so to his own mother or not: when his parents want to live with him and his wife, his wife has to agree otherwise she's not "filial piety"; she should often buy gifts for his parents; she should love his parents the same way he loves his own parents, or she loves her own parents. Most of the educated Chinese women nowadays believe that, although they should try to be nice to their husbands' mother and father, they can't love their husbands' mother and father the same way they love their own parents. Is this the same in America or not? ](*,) ======================== I do not put this down in a "marriage" board because I love our board "finding love and soul mate" more. Is it fine to write such things here?

I totally agree with you on being positive. And I'm one who firmly believes that everything should be obtained by our own effort instead of waiting for some Mint Chocolate Chips to fall onto our heads. I was merely reminding you of the importance of safety. As to myself, it's somehow because of the current environment that I'm in now that I can't find someone safely, nor do I have time to. So I choose to wait till I can do it more safely. And before I do that, I choose to stay safe more at home and finish my work instead of looking in unsafe ways. But if you have enough time to invest, sure you can.

"I dream everyday and for nearly every minuite of each day of having a girlfriend." Quite frankly, do you think girls will like someone like this? I mean, you should wake up and do something. Dreaming does not bring you a girl-friend...sorry to say... but all in all you're still so young! how could you come up with such crazy idea that you would end up all by yourself??? 23!

Prenkel wrote a very nice post. However, I kinda agree with ShySoul. I have been looking before and it did not work. Also, to a girl, quite frankly, to join some clubs and talk to strangers are not the safest ways of meeting people. Once I tried to be more social and so when a guy approached me I thought I could be his friend though I did not love him. Oops, he continued to harass me, and when I told him not to, he threatened me... Bad thing was he threatened me by phone and I had not evidence against him. Also, he was so horrible I really was afraid if I reported him he could do crazy things. So I simply avoided him and thank God since we did not know each other a lot and he wasn't that mad about me yet he did nothing later. But I did learn a huge lesson from this: Safety is important, more important than love perhaps.

I totally agree. It took me years to realize that I have to, and have to be able to, love myself before I can love another, or love another efficiently.

You're honest. However let me ask you: 1. Are you attracted by women who are not physically attractive? 2. If yes, then why didn't you approach those who looked physically comparable to you since you probably would be less intimidated by them? 3. If no, then why?

I suggest you not to write such a thing. Instead, call her or email her and say explicitly that you want a second date, and see how she responds. Chances are that if you put down things like "I think you don't want it..." then if she's merely hesitating she'd say "you're right" since your words actually push her to agree with you! --------- In the end, it's still up to you of course. Good Luck. : )

If a man does not dare to approach an attractive woman, that woman does not want him to approach either, usually. : D

Umm...if she dated a few football players in college then things look different now...: ) Usually conservative women don't like football players...: ) They should more like professors... : ) But it might be that she was just curious at that time so this does not tell us much either and do not despair. I think she's interested in you because as you said she's so busy for schooling and working and she still dates you! I would not waste my time on someone whom I wasn't interested in at all if I was busy! : ) So, you're hopeful!

Thanks skyblue but I do not feel sorry for myself. : ) And since I'm so absorbed in my own work I do not want to find someone soon either, frankly. To me, the meaning of life is to do what my intelligence allows me to do, to become a new Einstein, for example. : D Not everyone becomes Einstein but if I have tried hard I won't regret in the future. : ) I do believe (not just hope) that you'll soon find someone who's not just wanting sex from you. : ) Actually there're tons of such serious men out there, the problem is sometimes they have other problems that you cannot stand. Being not good-looking or not smart enough, for example. : )

I know I may sound mean, but to make yourself feel better, you might tell yourself, "Who knows how they truly feel after all those people leave...perhaps they are not as happy as we saw it in the wedding...of course in events like weddings everyone looks happy, even those who're beaten up regularly by their partners..." : ) I mean, I do see lots of unhappy marriages in my life, even including my parents' though they always claim they have a wonderful time together. The problem is you cannot always just feel happy and never quarrel or fight if you live with somebody who's not created totally the same as you (unless you clone one and train her/him on your own... : )). Believe me, nothing "perfect" truly exists.

Ultimately, men (and women) date because they want sex. This is human nature and what's wrong with that? Love is just an instinct developed over billions of years for the human race to enjoy sex more. ---------------- OK, being that said, I agree with you that love is important and men who only want sex suck. ---------------- Don't worry for being single. I'm 27 and I have been single till now and never had a boy-friend. And, frankly, I'm still a virgin. Can you believe that? Life seems so miserable sometimes to me, and so I fully understand how you feel. However, we need to be rational. If you always waste your time whining for true love, you might have it in the end, but that would be the only thing you have by that time. Is that what you want?

I noticed that you left messages here at 1 or 2 AM today and yesterday! Relax, relax... I'm a serious and conservative woman, and as I see it she IS interested in you. Serious and conservative women do not promise anything before they truly make up their minds. As to the relationship, frankly, you did not follow the right way of dating her, and I am surprised that she is still interested in you. Sorry if you feel hurt, but I am only telling you the truth to help you. A career-oriented woman wants to learn, this is what Madam Curie said. If you always offer her superficial talks and invite her to watch some movies, what sense does it make to her? To have a boy-friend? But as you know a boy-friend is not such a priority to a serious woman. So, if I were you, I would try to think of ways to let her have meaningful dates. I remember that when Jackie dated JFK, she found that the whole Kennedy family would think of doing something meaningful and learning, say, Math, even when they were doing some poker games. Honestly, serious women are not attractive, because few men could stand such a stressful life with them. I'm so touched by your love to her and that's why I wrote so much for you today.

The story of HappyKat is so moving. Yeah... if you can invest so much time and care as the partner of HappyKat did, you may still make the girl love you...but if you don't want to spend that much time, your chance is slim... : )