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Itsok

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Everything posted by Itsok

  1. Itsok
    Yikes dear, I wouldn't be pushing for a baby at your age. Get out and live a little first. A baby isn't a plaything, you will never be detached, and your life will be drastically different than it is now. Maybe you are trying to get pregnant so that you will be closer and always connected to your man...if that's the case, that's also not good and not true. Think this through before you get pregnant. It's not such a smart idea.
  2. Itsok
    I agree with Lady...huge red flag that he is looking for or has found someone else he wants to have sex with...I'd get out of this one. There's many more issues than that.
  3. Itsok
    Sometimes when we are stuck in a stagnant situation, fate gives us a shove forward by not giving us a choice. Things will be alright. I agree it's time for a change!
  4. Itsok
    People and relationships change over time. Sometimes they change together, sometimes they don't. If you are meant to be, you will grow together through time. There is no reason to worry at this point, you are young and the two of you are in love. Love is a funny thing, you'll learn in time.
  5. Itsok
    Sorry, but I agree with Hope. He isn't the one for you, he can't be. If you want marriage and he doesn't, that's the clear sign. You can give him another 15 years, he will never propose, he's told you clearly he doesn't want to marry you. Sadly in his mind you are a convenient alternative to having no one. If he truly loves you, he would have at least gotten engaged to you by now because he knows how important marriage is to you. Why would you take him back after the break up if nothing was resolved? Of course you love him, of course it will hurt, but the reality is that if he wanted to get married, he would have married you by now. He's had 7 years! How many more are you willing to waste? If you really want to get married and have children, you are losing time! Not many women want to become a mother at age 50. I know many women like you. They are caring, good-hearted and loving women who give all they have to these men who have no desire to commit in any fashion. I can tell you the ending to each one: the woman breaks up within 10-15 years because he tells her over and over that he isn't ready to get married, doesn't want to get married, doesn't want this or that....the list is endless. If you broke it off and said you are not getting back together until he proposes what do you think he would do? If he wouldn't get back with you because of that, that's not love. That's dependance on a familiar situation. If he loved you he would have proposed so this problem wouldn't come up over and over again, and because he loves you and realizes how badly this hurts you. Inside, you already know that we are right and that you are wasting your time, but there's something holding you back: it's called fear of change, and clinging to this familiar situation. If you want to, enjoy the ride. But the end result will be the same. You'll have wasted more and more time with someone who is not willing to commit, instead of spending your time looking for someone who wants what you do. I'm sorry if this was harsh, but it is truth. Hugs to you...
  6. Itsok
    Would your father rather you be beaten than live on your own? Does he know what is going on? I'm quite sure he doesn't or else your husband wouldn't be standing. Stop thinking he will change, stop telling yourself that things will be different if only _____. I guarantee that will not happen. Abusive individuals don't change, because for one, what is the benefit of changing for them? He is still getting everything he wants, he has his way all of the time, and he still has you and the sex he wants. Why would he change? In his mind you are the one being difficult, and his behavior is justified. Secondly, for the most part, abusive people grew up in that sort of environment so to them, they are normal and you are the one with the problem. Don't let him drag you down to the lowest. You are 20 years old, and there is no reason to stay in this relationship for the rest of your life. It's time to start telling your aunt and your dad what is really going on, for your safety especially, and also because it's time to get out of this. Don't waste your life with someone who doesn't love you, only controls you.
  7. Itsok
    To be honest, I would never date someone who is divorced. That's strictly just an opinion by the way, there are plenty of nice people who just married the wrong person and got a divorce. There's nothing wrong with them, it's that together they weren't good.
  8. Itsok
    Do not, I repeat...DO NOT HAVE A CHILD WITH THIS MAN. He is clearly abusive, and I can promise you that having a child will not alter anything about him. In fact, all you are doing is bringing a child into a very dangerous situation. Read this article. then go to articles, and read "Identifying losers in relationships." Read it carefully and start planning your escape very quietly. You need to get out of this before you are killed. He will never change. No matter what you do or don't do, say or don't say, be or don't be, he will always be abusive to you and do the 'mean sweet' cycle over and over. He wants you to sit at home because he wants to cut off your support system so you feel as though you do right now...that there is no way to escape. I assure you there is. PM me and we'll chat.
  9. Itsok
    To me it sounds like he's a cheater, someone who goes out and has a weekend fling and then decides he wants you in the meantime. Drop him and don't bother looking back. What a jerk.
  10. Itsok
    The truth is, life is full of challenges to overcome. We will all face problems, we will all endure the hardships that come with living. Overcoming these problems is a difficult thing, but we are so much stronger in the end. There are thousands of people dying everyday that would give everything they have to live another moment...why do you think that is? Because we all realize that no matter how difficult things get, death is permanent and not in a good way. It's not something you can say, "well I feel like being undead now." There is no second chance to make things right, there is no reconciliation. There is no one to pull us back once we break that contract with God. If you are seriously considering suicide, I would recommend going to see a counselor, talking to a friend, and going to church. Why church? Because God teaches that struggles are here for a reason, to gain emotional strength. I have been suicidal several times in my life, where I was very serious about it...and I'm not right now. Whatever problems were bothering me passed, and life continued on. My recommendation is to remember this. Whatever problems are bothering you right now, no matter how dismal things appear, those problems will pass and all this will be a memory. Don't give up, because there's just no reason to. It doesn't give you any benefit, it doesn't make you feel better to sit back and feel defeated. Move forward, and don't look back.
  11. Itsok
    Nodding my head to you DN. Don't give them the satisfaction of knowing you are still stuck on them!
  12. Itsok
    Completely agree with joining clubs. That is where I met basically all my friends, and haven't kept in contact with anyone from high school at all!
  13. Itsok
    I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you. I think he was being honest when he said he didn't want to the LDR thing again, and not that he wasn't attracted to you, etc. However, I would recommend doing NC because it's just too hard to have to wonder what's going through his mind whenever you talk.
  14. Itsok

    Devastated.

    Itsok replied to Memi's topic in Breaking Up Advice

    You said it yourself that he hasn't been trying very hard, and that he was in contact with one of his ex's. To be honest, it doesn't sound like he was very willing to make the relationship work and I don't think you were being too demanding by wanting to keep some intimacy in the relationship. It sounds as if he wasn't as interested in keeping this going as you are, and I'm so sorry.
  15. Itsok
    How are you doing now? Did you break things off? I hope you are doing alright
  16. Itsok
    If you hate her so much, stop contacting her! It's a simple solution really. Don't just badmouth the girl over and over. Remember the definition of insanity and don't make any plans with her.
  17. Itsok
    Honey, break it off. He said it himself: if he wanted to marry you he already would have, period. Any man who says he will never marry anyone will eventually be married, just not to whoever they are with at that moment. I know that's a harsh reality, but a true one. Men who claim they are commitment phobic, who don't see themselves married, etc are full of it. Yes, you need to leave him. If marriage and children are important to you, he is not the one for you. If he loved you that much, he would know that is such an important thing that the relationship can't continue without it. Let him come over tonight and tell him it's over, because you aren't going to sit around waiting anymore. You've waited a long time already, and it's time to go out and find someone more compatible to you. You said yourself you need to look for a man compatible and who wants what you do...he's probably looking for you right now
  18. Itsok
    So how is stuff today?
  19. Itsok
    Don't feel bad, and don't feel that you've done something wrong. The truth is, what you're feeling now is normal. Of course you'll feel jealous and upset about this. Just because it seems things are going well for her doesn't mean it's so, and also, just because she has found someone else doesn't mean she didn't value the time you spent together, but the relationship just wasn't meant to be forever. Of course it's hard to see her move on, and it's hard to start questioning things all over again. It will be alright, and you are moving forward as best as you can. There is someone else out there for you, and it will be alright. Keep up your 'no contact' and continue on.
  20. Itsok
    Completely agree with RayKay on this one. He is bipolar I'm sure, but don't let him treat you like crap and blame it on that. Make sure he takes his medication as prescribed and don't stop for any length of time. 'False recovery' is a common thing with this disorder, so be sure to watch that he's taking his meds.
  21. Itsok
    Why are you still with him? Drop him like a hot rock. He is being mean, rude and his actions are completely uncalled for. I realize you are young, and this is a lesson for you: when someone is mean to you like that for any amount of time, drop them. It will only get worse.
  22. Itsok
    I've kept pictures from past relationships for that same reason: I loved the way I looked, not because they reminded me of a past relationship at all. I've also kept some because I liked the location, etc. not because I was thinking of the past relationship by any means. Don't be offended. You've been with other women, she's been with other men. Life is like that.
  23. Itsok
    Well if you know she isn't interested, why do you continue to pursue her? She doesn't want to hurt your feelings and continues to talk to you instead of being rude I assume. Either tell her "Can I phone you tonight?" or be blunt "I'm getting the feeling that you aren't interested in me." If you don't want to be strung along, refuse to let her. Ask to know where you stand instead of sitting back and waiting.
  24. Itsok
    Honestly, you know this guy isn't worth your time or effort. I remember your posts in the abuse forums. He isn't going to change, and this is the start of another 'mean sweet' cycle. I'm not telling you this to hurt you, I'm telling you this so maybe you will keep an eye on what is happening to you. Realize that he is who he is, and he won't change. My prediction for your future: he will take meds for all of a week or two, stop taking them, and then be worse than before.
  25. Itsok
    He will try to draw you back with guilt trips and being manipulative. Don't let him, you are worth more than that. Remember that the definition of insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results. This guy isn't going to change. Be careful, he could get all insane from this as well.
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