ginger25

Thanks. I was kind of ok about it until I spoke to him tonight and apparently it was his friend's girlfriend's friend. I couldn't help but be off with him on the phone. There are loads of pictures of her. I know I would still seem unreasonable if I brought it up and to be honest I really don't want him to know that I'm jealous cos it would make me feel like crap once I told him, but at the same time I'm desperate to get it off my chest. The worst thing is, he saw some photos of my holiday in the summer, a lot were of me with different men, completely innocent but it didn't look good! He was great about it and said it was fine as he trusted me, but when I went on holiday we had just started seeing eachother. I just wish I didn't feel like this!

Hey, I just saw some pictures of my boyfriend with his friends and in one of them he is posing with his arm round this girl. She is probably one of their girlfriends (I haven't met these particular friends as we live a couple of hours apart). Anyway, when I saw it I got this terrible pang of jealousy and felt physically sick. I have been the jealous type in the past I guess, as much as I hate to admit it, but that was when I was younger and in relationships with people I suppose I couldn't trust. I thought I was mature and secure enough not to feel that way now so it's shocked me. Do other people get like this? I just hate the thought of him with his arm round another girl that I don't know! I can't admit this to anyone else cos even reading those words I think to myself "get a grip for god's sake!" My current partner is totally trustworthy and we are very much in love. I don't want my insecurity to get in the way of our relationship as I know he is for keeps. I don't think I have self esteem issues, I think I'm moderately attractive and smart and I know we are perfect for each other. How can I nip this in the bud before it becomes an issue?!

Thanks for all your advice. I do just want to wash my hands of the whole thing to be honest but she says they won't have time to find a place of their own and can't afford it. I know they are planning to move out after this 6 months so I think he is saving for a deposit (he still lives with his parents). He doesn't eat our food as well all buy that separately, but I think he should have contributed for rent, water and heating. I just really don't want to bring it up again because of the way she's reacted, I mean it seems like she has been really co-operative but in another sense I know she is annoyed and is punishing us with her silence rather than talking about it. babypink61, I think if your boyfriend is staying over at wkds that's fairly reasonable - my boyfriend stays over too. You have to draw the line somewhere though and I think wherever someone spends most of their week is essentially their "home". I just hate the fact that I feel uncomfortable at home now, she is being really cold and distant towards me so it's difficult to have an open conversation about it, which I would prefer.

I feel that things have gone a bit too sour now for that to happen. We don't actually like her boyfriend, for a lot of valid reasons, I suppose it wouldn't be so much of an issue if we did. The whole thing just came to a head on friday when I was in the bath and he came over after work - I heard him say "I did not expect to have to wait to get in the shower!" I was absolutely fuming!

Hi, Sorry for the length of my post but I really need advice as this is worrying the hell out of me! I live with two friends, one of them has had her boyfriend staying over 5-6 nights a week for the past couple of months. We put up with it for a while and then finally mentioned it to her on Sunday. I explained that I wasn't happy that we'd never been asked if we were ok with it, and he has never offered to contribute any money, not even a token gesture. My friend took all this very calmly and agreed with us. Because our tenancy runs out soon I've said that I don't want to continue like this. She spoke to her boyfriend about it and they've decided that he's only going to stay at wkds, which means they won't see eachother during the week as he lives about half an hour away and doesn't drive. However, my friend drives, he could get the bus, and they haven't even considered the option of him contributing more money (he is really stingy with money). The thing that has really annoyed me is that she seems to have turned it round so that we will be responsible for them being unhappy for the next 6 months, and she got upset when she was telling us so we felt really bad. However, I am very thoughtful and I know what I said wasn't unreasonable. Infact, I have even apologised for bringing it up a couple of times, which I know I shouldn't have. I can't help but think she is taking advantage because she knows how understanding I am. She has been really off with us for the last few days and I can't live in an atmosphere like that. So I guess my question is how can I try and resolve this situation?!

Yeah perhaps it was, we've only had sex once, i just want to be prepared in case it happens again - i find it really hard not being able to talk about things but i realise I need to be ultra sensitive about this

It's difficult to say, don't think it was that short. I'm not sure whether maybe he lost his erection as I know he was having a hard time "getting it up" so to speak...feel really silly as I'm not inexperienced sexually, but because I've never come accross this before it's hard to know what the problem is!

hell yeah we are so attracted to eachother sexually, I wouldn't think twice about it if we weren't. Ur right about the emotional intimacy though, i've been used to discussing things with other men from the start - we have never discussed sex at all, which kind of made it more exciting initially.

thanks for the advice leyla. i guess it's partly my problem aswell - I don't want to feel like i'm asking him to do something he doesn't want to, if u know what I mean. I think deep down I have these feelings that some things are disgusting or dirty, which hold me back. It's never been a problem with other guys i've been out with cos most of them were really open about things in bed, which made me feel at ease.

Hi, Met a fantastic guy about a month ago and everything was going really well, both decided to take things relatively slowly and was 99% certain the sex would be amazing..well no it wasn't! Feel sooo shallow and horrible saying this but he isn't exactly well endowed, to put it mildly. I guess this wouldn't be a problem but he didnt make much of an effort to please me in other ways. I mean it was ok because it has been such a big build up to us sleeping together I was turned on anyway, but I can't cope with that in the long term. I'm really quite shy about asking for what I want in bed and I don't want to hurt his feelings. Also because it's early days I am wary about saying anything - maybe when he trusts me and feels more comfortable things will improve. The thing is this: sex is really quite important to me, and we are so compatible in every other way. I suspect he either isn't very experienced in bed, which would surprise me cos he's a great guy, or feels insecure about his manhood which is making him nervous in bed. I could really do with some advice about how to approach this one? Thanks!

I think when you fall in love you suddenly feel as if you have merely been going through the motions of life and now it all makes a lot more sense. A feeling of overwhelming happiness and completeness comes from being with the person. It is very very hard to find, and once you've had it a relationship without it just doesn't compare. That's why I find it so strange that some people seem to be able to jump from one relationship to the next.

I really feel for you cos I know how hard it is, and I wish there was something to say to make you feel better but I know there really isn't an easy answer. Just try and distract yourself as much as u can. I wouldn't even eat certain things cos they reminded me of him, u will be ok though. Just remember you aren't alone.

Hiya well this is a bit of a rant really...came home from my mates after drinking copious amounts of red wine and had bright idea to look for an old pic of me in my hotmail inbox, to use on myspace. NOT a good idea - still had emails from my "kind of, but kind of not ex" (i know, it's a looong story that i won't bore u with!) and a picture of us together. Isn't it funny how u read things they said and wonder how those feelings could have changed. Well in this case I guess they didn't it was just the distance between us made him not want to continue. Or so he said. Examples: "was lovely to talk to you last night, it always makes my day" "sorry for being soppy last night, I just remember how seeing you would lift my day up like a kid in a sweet shop, and I haven't had those feelings for a few years, being soppy even now, what have you turned me into?!" Just a month later he was able to cut me off completely, so I guess these are very empty words huh? And I should delete the emails, but I can't seem to. Part of me feels that one day he will come running back realising what a mistake he made, the other knows that I am just kidding myself. Sorry for going on, I really just needed to get that stuff off my chest. p.s. my space is pretty cool I only just heard about it recently, there is like a whole new t'internet world out there that I was oblivious too!

You didn't necessarily do anything wrong, but it does seem that she's lost interest and perhaps is scared of hurting your feelings by ending things, even though that's exactly what she's doing by ignoring you. I would ask her straight out why she is being so distant with you. And don't think that you always have to be making all the plans just cos your male if your not naturally the sort of person who usually organises everything, it doesn't work like that.

The ironic thing is this tends to attract people to you who you aren't interested in, because you don't act all weird around them!