ginger25
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Thanks. I was kind of ok about it until I spoke to him tonight and apparently it was his friend's girlfriend's friend. I couldn't help but be off with him on the phone. There are loads of pictures of her. I know I would still seem unreasonable if I brought it up and to be honest I really don't want him to know that I'm jealous cos it would make me feel like crap once I told him, but at the same time I'm desperate to get it off my chest. The worst thing is, he saw some photos of my holiday in the summer, a lot were of me with different men, completely innocent but it didn't look good! He was great about it and said it was fine as he trusted me, but when I went on holiday we had just started seeing eachother. I just wish I didn't feel like this!
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Hey, I just saw some pictures of my boyfriend with his friends and in one of them he is posing with his arm round this girl. She is probably one of their girlfriends (I haven't met these particular friends as we live a couple of hours apart). Anyway, when I saw it I got this terrible pang of jealousy and felt physically sick. I have been the jealous type in the past I guess, as much as I hate to admit it, but that was when I was younger and in relationships with people I suppose I couldn't trust. I thought I was mature and secure enough not to feel that way now so it's shocked me. Do other people get like this? I just hate the thought of him with his arm round another girl that I don't know! I can't admit this to anyone else cos even reading those words I think to myself "get a grip for god's sake!" My current partner is totally trustworthy and we are very much in love. I don't want my insecurity to get in the way of our relationship as I know he is for keeps. I don't think I have self esteem issues, I think I'm moderately attractive and smart and I know we are perfect for each other. How can I nip this in the bud before it becomes an issue?!
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Problems with friend's boyfriend staying over
ginger25 replied to ginger25's topic in Friendship and Friends
Thanks for all your advice. I do just want to wash my hands of the whole thing to be honest but she says they won't have time to find a place of their own and can't afford it. I know they are planning to move out after this 6 months so I think he is saving for a deposit (he still lives with his parents). He doesn't eat our food as well all buy that separately, but I think he should have contributed for rent, water and heating. I just really don't want to bring it up again because of the way she's reacted, I mean it seems like she has been really co-operative but in another sense I know she is annoyed and is punishing us with her silence rather than talking about it. babypink61, I think if your boyfriend is staying over at wkds that's fairly reasonable - my boyfriend stays over too. You have to draw the line somewhere though and I think wherever someone spends most of their week is essentially their "home". I just hate the fact that I feel uncomfortable at home now, she is being really cold and distant towards me so it's difficult to have an open conversation about it, which I would prefer. -
Problems with friend's boyfriend staying over
ginger25 replied to ginger25's topic in Friendship and Friends
I feel that things have gone a bit too sour now for that to happen. We don't actually like her boyfriend, for a lot of valid reasons, I suppose it wouldn't be so much of an issue if we did. The whole thing just came to a head on friday when I was in the bath and he came over after work - I heard him say "I did not expect to have to wait to get in the shower!" I was absolutely fuming! -
Hi, Sorry for the length of my post but I really need advice as this is worrying the hell out of me! I live with two friends, one of them has had her boyfriend staying over 5-6 nights a week for the past couple of months. We put up with it for a while and then finally mentioned it to her on Sunday. I explained that I wasn't happy that we'd never been asked if we were ok with it, and he has never offered to contribute any money, not even a token gesture. My friend took all this very calmly and agreed with us. Because our tenancy runs out soon I've said that I don't want to continue like this. She spoke to her boyfriend about it and they've decided that he's only going to stay at wkds, which means they won't see eachother during the week as he lives about half an hour away and doesn't drive. However, my friend drives, he could get the bus, and they haven't even considered the option of him contributing more money (he is really stingy with money). The thing that has really annoyed me is that she seems to have turned it round so that we will be responsible for them being unhappy for the next 6 months, and she got upset when she was telling us so we felt really bad. However, I am very thoughtful and I know what I said wasn't unreasonable. Infact, I have even apologised for bringing it up a couple of times, which I know I shouldn't have. I can't help but think she is taking advantage because she knows how understanding I am. She has been really off with us for the last few days and I can't live in an atmosphere like that. So I guess my question is how can I try and resolve this situation?!
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Yeah perhaps it was, we've only had sex once, i just want to be prepared in case it happens again - i find it really hard not being able to talk about things but i realise I need to be ultra sensitive about this
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It's difficult to say, don't think it was that short. I'm not sure whether maybe he lost his erection as I know he was having a hard time "getting it up" so to speak...feel really silly as I'm not inexperienced sexually, but because I've never come accross this before it's hard to know what the problem is!
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hell yeah we are so attracted to eachother sexually, I wouldn't think twice about it if we weren't. Ur right about the emotional intimacy though, i've been used to discussing things with other men from the start - we have never discussed sex at all, which kind of made it more exciting initially.
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thanks for the advice leyla. i guess it's partly my problem aswell - I don't want to feel like i'm asking him to do something he doesn't want to, if u know what I mean. I think deep down I have these feelings that some things are disgusting or dirty, which hold me back. It's never been a problem with other guys i've been out with cos most of them were really open about things in bed, which made me feel at ease.
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Hi, Met a fantastic guy about a month ago and everything was going really well, both decided to take things relatively slowly and was 99% certain the sex would be amazing..well no it wasn't! Feel sooo shallow and horrible saying this but he isn't exactly well endowed, to put it mildly. I guess this wouldn't be a problem but he didnt make much of an effort to please me in other ways. I mean it was ok because it has been such a big build up to us sleeping together I was turned on anyway, but I can't cope with that in the long term. I'm really quite shy about asking for what I want in bed and I don't want to hurt his feelings. Also because it's early days I am wary about saying anything - maybe when he trusts me and feels more comfortable things will improve. The thing is this: sex is really quite important to me, and we are so compatible in every other way. I suspect he either isn't very experienced in bed, which would surprise me cos he's a great guy, or feels insecure about his manhood which is making him nervous in bed. I could really do with some advice about how to approach this one? Thanks!
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I think when you fall in love you suddenly feel as if you have merely been going through the motions of life and now it all makes a lot more sense. A feeling of overwhelming happiness and completeness comes from being with the person. It is very very hard to find, and once you've had it a relationship without it just doesn't compare. That's why I find it so strange that some people seem to be able to jump from one relationship to the next.
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I really feel for you cos I know how hard it is, and I wish there was something to say to make you feel better but I know there really isn't an easy answer. Just try and distract yourself as much as u can. I wouldn't even eat certain things cos they reminded me of him, u will be ok though. Just remember you aren't alone.
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Hiya well this is a bit of a rant really...came home from my mates after drinking copious amounts of red wine and had bright idea to look for an old pic of me in my hotmail inbox, to use on myspace. NOT a good idea - still had emails from my "kind of, but kind of not ex" (i know, it's a looong story that i won't bore u with!) and a picture of us together. Isn't it funny how u read things they said and wonder how those feelings could have changed. Well in this case I guess they didn't it was just the distance between us made him not want to continue. Or so he said. Examples: "was lovely to talk to you last night, it always makes my day" "sorry for being soppy last night, I just remember how seeing you would lift my day up like a kid in a sweet shop, and I haven't had those feelings for a few years, being soppy even now, what have you turned me into?!" Just a month later he was able to cut me off completely, so I guess these are very empty words huh? And I should delete the emails, but I can't seem to. Part of me feels that one day he will come running back realising what a mistake he made, the other knows that I am just kidding myself. Sorry for going on, I really just needed to get that stuff off my chest. p.s. my space is pretty cool I only just heard about it recently, there is like a whole new t'internet world out there that I was oblivious too!
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You didn't necessarily do anything wrong, but it does seem that she's lost interest and perhaps is scared of hurting your feelings by ending things, even though that's exactly what she's doing by ignoring you. I would ask her straight out why she is being so distant with you. And don't think that you always have to be making all the plans just cos your male if your not naturally the sort of person who usually organises everything, it doesn't work like that.
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The ironic thing is this tends to attract people to you who you aren't interested in, because you don't act all weird around them!
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Agree with Hunny exercise is one of the best things you can do, apart from when you bump into your ex at the gym looking all sweaty like I did! Anyway, I read somewhere that you should try and give yourself a time limit each day for how long you are allowed to think about your ex, even try putting an elastic band on your wrist and twanging it to remind you to stop. This might work for some people. Unfortunately I have never been able to have such control over my thoughts or emotions. Try your very best not to think "what if?" because you are just tormenting yourself with a question that you will never ever have the answer to. I think getting over someone is about 80% time and 20% mental attitude. If you try to think positively that you are going to get over them, and more importantly that you want to get over them, then that will help immensly. I'm not saying you don't want to get over your ex, it's just that I know there have been times when I haven't wanted to let go of the person so on some level I probably haven't want to get over them. Sometimes it takes time to get to that stage; when you are so sick of hearing yourself talk about them and them taking up so much space in your head that you know you are banging your head against a brick wall. Good luck.
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In general, I think if someone gives u eye contact for a bit longer than a glance, and then scans the rest of you, they're probably interested. Mind u, I agree that it's very personal. In my case If I'm interested in someone I avoid all eye contact and completely ignore them for fear that they might realise, crazy - they probably think I hate them! And if anyone looks at me I get so embarrassed I tend not to look, how silly is that!
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I agree most of the time men do make the first move, not sure why that is really. I can understand it men get frustrated by that but in all honesty I don't get approached that often, and i'm not being big headed at all but I wouldn't say I'm unattractive! Most of the time when someone has approached me its because I have at least smiled at them, or we have both got talking to eachother and it hasn't really been clear who made the first move. I think it's best when things happen naturally.
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I would say go for it if you know he feels the same way and what his intention towards you are.. make the most of it! If it was me I know I would - yes it may blow up in your face but u never no what's round the corner and you can't let that fear ruin your chance of being really happy. Go with your instincts.
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I sometimes feel the same way u know. I go out most weekends, and I'm never really looking for anyone I just want to have a good time with my friends, but sometimes at the end of the night I feel so sad, which is probably due to issues with my ex. Also, a lot of my friends are in couples so that makes it awkward at times. I think sometimes we get the idea that everyone else has someone who loves them, but this forum has made me realise there are an awful lot of people in the same boat. There is no real reason why any of us are single at this particular time, it's quality not quantity that counts. U sound like u are still getting over your ex aswell so maybe u aren't quite ready to meet someone new yet, but you feel the need to fill that space that she left?
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Quote: "well the guy i have in mind i should be forgetting...." Yes me too Aporia! This is a bit quirky but ...I loved the way he stood beside me brushing his teeth in the morning, the way he left little surprise notes to say he was thinking of me, the way he stroked my hair when I was falling asleep, and most of all I loved that he was a completely adorable geek and not ashamed to admit it!
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I have been very close to crying during sex, when I realised I was falling really badly for someone and I hadn't felt that way in an awfully long time
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Eyes are so important for me - they say a lot about what the person is thinking. I love really dark brown eyes, mmm! A tan is nice, long-ish natural hair, a little bit of facial hair, I like dark tall Greek or Italian looking men... I'm not asking for much really am I?! Having said that, if the guy didn't have the personality to match then it would be a completely different matter, but since this post is about physical features I won't get all deep on u!
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I can certainly say I that I would agree with that, from my own experiences. But I think it only happens when you meet someone who you really connect with. After my ex broke up with me I dated people on and off for two years, and liked most of them, but until I met someone really special I couldn't say that seeing my ex with someone else wouldnt have hurt like hell, even after two years apart. One of the main reasons I believe this is cos my ex still finds it painful to talk to me, even though he was the one who initiated the break up, so NC has persisted for the most part. I know that he hasn't met anyone new that he really cares about yet.
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Clear signs guys give to show they are just not that into you
ginger25 replied to ladeedah's topic in Dating Advice
In think so many things depend on the person. These are just my thoughts, I would always go with your gut instinct. Chances are if you are asking yourself the question then you are getting no clear signs that he IS into you? And if he isn't then forget about him and move on to someone who shows that he is into you!