ginger25
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Just wondering how many of U whose ex's...
ginger25 replied to solo34's topic in Getting Back Together
I had an ex break up with me and then decide that he wanted to get back together four months later, just when I was beginning to accept things and try to move on. The worst thing was, we went on a date and it was awful cos our feelings just weren't the same and we both felt really sad about it. Having said that I think it is possible that people can get back together and be happy, it just depends on the circumstances. I just really try to believe that if something is meant to be it will be, as cliched as it sounds! -
I think that the other posters are right and you need to get over your issues to get over the jealousy, but I know that this is easier said than done. The reason why you aren't getting the answers you seek here is because the issues are so complex that they really need to be dealt with by a professional counsellor. You seem to be very aware of the deep seated reasons which make you react in this way, so that is the first step, but jealousy can completely eat you up. Definitely the main thing is to focus on building your own self esteem. I don't know whether you do any of these things, Im just guessing, but try not to think so much about your boyfriend and what he is doing, do things that make YOU feel good, and things that you are good at. Don't look to your boyfriend to make you feel good about yourself. You probably feel that you wouldn't be able to cope without him, but if you continue with the jealousy you could well drive him away.
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p.s. what do you think of the whole NC thing then? I am most probably deluding myself in even letting this cross my mind, but how do you think you keep the level of NC that allows you to get over someone while still leaving it open for them/you to get in touch one day if you need to?
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aww thanks ladybug....that really cheered me up! Do you have a "one that got away?!" I guess I'm a romantic at heart so I really want to believe that is all true. The the thing that got me thinking about it was this film I watched the other night, it was called "Before Sunrise" I think. Anyway it was all about two people who spent one night together and the film follows them meeting up years later through slightly strange cirumstances, it was really good!
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You are so right; I can totally identify with the "prize" idea. I do the exact same thing, I tend to think about the other person more in relationships, but thanks to your post I will try not to do the same thing again, so thanks!!
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Still have thoughts of her.....
ginger25 replied to cingularity83's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
You are so lucky not to over-romanticise things, it's something I wish I could do, I'm sentimental to the point where I make myself sick, just can't help it. I agree with the comments though, it isn't until you meet someone else who you really fall for that you take the final step forward. I know it is a horrible feeling 7mcs, but you are atleast half way there, and you are moving in the right direction. -
What if you meet someone who u really really think is right for you, and they feel the same way...but because of whatever circumstances you can't be together? Part of me knows that whatever the reason, if you really want to be with someone then you will. But in my heart I feel that if you really believe something is meant to be, it will happen. I don't believe in there being one person for everyone, but I do think that there are probably several people in the world that we are really well matched with... but you aren't going to meet them all are you?! I know I'm young but I don't think that in my lifetime I will connect with that many people! Has anyone ever broken up with someone, or not got involved with them, only to realise months or even years later that they were "the one" for them? What are people's views on the subject? p.s. sorry If I am rambling or confusing people, let's just put it down to withdrawal symptoms cos I'm not usually in on a Friday night!
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Me too, really shocked actually! Not cos I think there's anything wrong with it, but it's a scary prospect for some of us who are used to the more "traditional" ways!
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I love astrology too red10. And I'm a virgo - supposed to be much too practical for all that nonsense!! (no nasty virgo comments pleeease!) And She's2smart - u must be a gemini to be that smart surely?! I don't get the revenge thing myself, think it would just make me feel worse personally. I imagine it would only confirm to the ex that they were right to end things, and they would probably label me as a bunny boiler, not a scorpio!!
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[quote name=Ta_ree_saw In the US, we are not allowed to be drunk at work.] Unfortunately you aren't allowed to be drunk at work in the UK either!!! This woman is a bully and I can guarantee that even if she seems popular she isn't, everyone else is just scared of her. I was on the receiving end of a similar thing at school once and the only way I finally put this girl in her place was to stand up to her in front of everyone else. I really hope that your manager can sort this out for you. Keep us posted!
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I think you are right emotions definitely get involved & it can get really messy, I guess some people are just more suited to it that others. And some people are better off with rabbits!
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Hi, you don't know me and I am new to all of this, but my gosh there really is so much love for you on this forum, I hope all the positive thoughts that everyone is sending help you and your family through this. One of my closest friends' mother's also has breast cancer and she too is battling through it, she won't let it beat her either. Take care x
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Unpretentious, intelligent, kind, open, romantic, affectionate..the list goes on & on!
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I have also been on the receiving end of this...it will drive u crazy IF you keep replying. It's very telling that he contacts u to see if he gets a reply and then doesn't bother replying to u, it's probably like some kind of comfort blanket for him. And in my experience it could go on for months with him contacting u out of the blue and making u feel sad. I hate all the random chit chat, I mean it's nice to hear what is going on in our exes lives but it makes it so much harder for us to get on with ours. Take some of the control back - u will feel better for it.
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I don't know if I have low self esteem, or I'm just shy; I do like myself, but I'm very self conscious and constantly questioning myself. I used to be painfully shy, things seem to have gotten better with age, but I still don't really put myself "out there" or take risks. I think learning to take risks really helps in building self esteem; Do something that scares u, however small it seems to someone else, like speaking up in a meeting or flirting with someone u like. It makes you realise that it's ok to fail. Life is just too short to be afraid. I am in a job at the moment that I don't really think is doing me any good, yet I stick with it as if I am punishing myself somehow. The worst thing is I am even aware of it, don't know what I'm so afraid of...wish I could take my own advice!
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I'm 24 and often get ID'd in bars where u have to be 18! I especially get asked when buying alcohol in supermarkets, so I can sympathise! Sometimes the people asking look younger than me too, and it's difficult not to get irritated if they aren't very polite or seem to be talking down to you. I would try and take the "high road" though - don't let them see that u are bothered, just tell yourself that they are jealous u look so young!
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I once did that and we both felt terrible afterwards, don't go there!
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I agree, what she's done is so pathetic!! I know you won't feel like it, and I don't mean to sound harsh, but she has done you a big favour!
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I can't do casual either, not that I think there's anything wrong with it, believe me I wish I could! People do still seem to think badly of females who do that aswell, which is really unfair. Sometimes I think I should be out there having this "great sex" that I imagine everyone else is having, when in reality they are probably tucked up in bed reading a book?!
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What do you guys think about sex and being single?! I know everyone is different but was just curious. What if you don't like the idea of casual sex? It might be a while til you meet someone special...surely you just can't wait around until you meet someone. How do you satisfy your sexual appetite?? (besides..u know what!) Seems like an impossible question I know!
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Hi Happyphantom, this sounds very much like how I felt about someone I was with for four years - the relationship eventually ended it because he grew to feel the same way. In the beginning he was everything I'd ever wanted, and although we still loved eachother when we broke up, I knew that deep down if we did get married I would spend the rest of my life wondering whether there was something missing, and something better out there. In part for me this was probably because it was my first serious relationship. I can understand the point of view of your friends and family, but in the end you can only learn from your own experience and you have to follow your heart. However, if you have had some chemistry in the past then there may be things you can do to reignite that. I can identify a lot with your relationship, it seems to me that you are too much in the comfort zone. Do you think perhaps you are beginning to take him for granted in a way? Just before my boyfriend ended things I started seeing him in a different light & felt much more physically attracted to him than I had done for a while. Looking back I think on some level I must have sensed that he was pulling away and I found that more attractive?! I'm not saying this because I think you should break up with him. I just know that if we had dealt with the problems earlier we might have been able to work things out. Try and talk to him about it, there are no easy answers but maybe if he is more aware of the situation he will make an effort to get some of the spark back.
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I would definitely take Scout's advice. I have had a similar thing said to me before and by the sounds of it he is stressed and needs some space. He doesn't want you out of his life completely but he can't promise that you can go back to having a relationship. Some time apart will help him to work out what he really wants.
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Her shyness may have made her react that way in front of her friends - not that I'm excusing the way that she spoke to you. However I think you've got the right attitude - you've been brave enough to ask her out even when her friends were around, it's her problem if she can't respond nicely.
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Thanks for your advice both of you. Think I was having a particularly bad day yesterday! There are a couple of jobs that I'm interested in and I realise my loyalty to the company is a bit misplaced, sometimes u gotta look out for yourself!