ginger25

Hi, I totally sympathise with u skyblue. I've been single for about 2 years now, minus a 1 month relationship (if I can call it that), which broke by heart but also restored my faith in the idea that you can meet that person who will treat you with the respect you deserve. I agree there do seem to be more & more blokes only after one thing, and a lot not wanting commitment of any sort. I figure that by the time we get to our thirties they might have grown up a bit and we might stand more of a chance! Actually, for some reason I thought there were more nice eligible young men in London than in other places in the UK.. but perhaps not?!

Hi everyone, Not sure where to start. I left uni with an English degree, not having a clue what to do next. I "fell" into an admin job in local government, but after a while decided it wasn't for me, so went back to college and got a professional marketing qualification. I've been in my first marketing role for nearly a year, working for a small, young company. However, I feel a bit in at the deep end, as they have done very little marketing in the past and I have had to start from scratch. I have done my best but at times feel that I am getting nowhere. I'm not trying to lay the blame with anyone else but the MD who is my boss gives me little direction, can be very unapproachable and is too busy to spend much time supporting me. I have ideas about what to do but get so bogged down I often don't know where to start! Also, his wife works with him and she can be rather patronising, possibly because I am the youngest in the office. They have also given me other work to do until they find a new admin person, which I didn't mind at first, but I feel like I've done the whole admin thing and that's not what I want now. I guess I know that I need to look for something else; I have realised I don't like working for a small company and I see a lot of things wrong with the way that they do things. But I feel like I haven't really achieved anything in terms of helping them to grow the business, and I don't just want to feel like I'm giving up. I know that a lot of you will be thinking I should say something to the people at work about all of this, but I honestly feel that it would only make my life worse (i know of other people who have left due to ill feeling towards the boss & his wife). I worry about things a lot, am a perfectionist and feel that this is a reflection on me, although there are other factors involved. I would appreciate any thoughts on this! thanks for listening

To me it sounds like you are in a viscious circle where u can't sleep properly because of stress, which in turn is stressing u out even more...insomnia can make some very strange thoughts creep into your head, and if u are drifting in and out of sleep it can be difficult to distinguish between reality and dream. The feeling of not being able to move might be sleep paralysis, which can happen when u are drifting off to sleep or when ur waking up. It can also make u hallucinate and hear voices that aren't there. Basically though it sounds like all of this is caused by stress so I would seek some counselling to try and deal with that. Good luck.

I had a very similar thing when I was around your age, but thankfully seem to have grown out of it - hopefully u will too. Sleep paralysis is very frightening but bear in mind it isn't harmful. I used to go to sleep with the tv on all the time, sometimes I still get paranoid when I wake up in the middle of the night so I can sympathise with how u are feeling.

Yes I totally agree with you, I guess everyone's just different and everyone has their limits. Glad it has worked out for you though!

I think I have been in a similar situation, but a part of me thinks that if you really wanted to be with someone distance wouldn't matter too much

Well I didn't really give u the whole story (they were all at least two year relationships), I guess I was just thinking that I wouldn't stay with someone for that long if it wasn't serious! But I think you are right about the honeymoon thing, I had thought that too.

Hey, was just wondering if anyone who has experienced this can give me some insight? Basically met someone who told me they had never been in love, even after having several long term relationships, although he claimed to be "falling for me in a big way"?! But that's another story. I guess my point is how can this be possible?? Are some people so scared of falling in love that they end things just before it happens?

well console yourself with the fact that it doesn't exactly sound like it will be a Hollywood ending if she's a divorcee with a child...? good luck

I think u are right, it seems a bit selfish to me. I think u have definitely done the right thing though, sounds like it could have gotten quite messy. Wouldn't it be great to be one of those people who can just walk away and show no emotion whatsoever towards the person who dumped them...maybe they only exist in songs?!

Hey, I'm not gonna relay my story cos frankly it's beginning to bore the pants off me nevermind anyone else! Was just reading everyone's stories about NC after breaking up etc...and wondering, if the person breaks up with you because the circumstances aren't right, or whatever, why would they feel the need to keep in touch? Has anyone ever done this? I guess I could understand if they weren't in love with the other person anymore and wanted to remain friends, or had a long history together...but do people sometimes do this for another reason? A few yrs ago a boyfriend broke up with me and didn't want to stay in contact initially. Then the tables turned when he decided he'd changed his mind but I didn't want him back..since then he has decided it upsets him too much to speak to me?! Do u reckon it's all about control?!

thanks for all your advice - I feel a bit ridiculous cos there are people on here trying to get over really long relationships, which I know is extremely hard. So I guess I should count my blessings, it's cos I'm an old romantic at heart and need to believe that there's someone out there who will sweep me off my feet! (oh dear that is nauseating!) Before this week I'd never even contributed anything to a forum, but I think it's great cos it's such a source of strength & comfort to people. Good luck everyone x

I think it's when u look at someone with natural intensity because you have strong feelings for them, all of those feelings seem to be wrapped up in that look...nothing gives away a person's thoughts or feelings more than their eyes Urgh I didn't realise how soppy I was until I joined this forum!

You don't mention whether or not you discussed it but I think you deserve to get some reasons on why he came to the decision - they may not make much sense to you at the moment & you will probably find it hard to accept them but if you don't really know what went wrong it will make it much harder to move on. However, if you have already gone through all that then definitely try your very best to have NC as soon as possible. I know this may be hard if you go to school together but try and avoid situations where you might bump into eachother, however much you might feel the need to see him. I don't know if this works for everyone but when it happened to me I tried my best to think of all the things that could be negative about the relationship e.g. he was my first real boyfriend - if I was still with him I wouldn't have done half of the things I have now, like gone travelling with my friends. I know at the minute you probably feel like you don't know what to do with yourself. BE KIND to yourself, do what makes you feel good and helps take your mind off things, even if just for a few minutes. Exercise is really good for boosting self esteem and releasing happy hormones - I find any boxing related keep fit class particularly good for this. I wish they could find a cure for a broken heart, meanwhile just take each day at a time and try not to be alone with your own thoughts too much. Take care x

yes just read your previous post. I guess it's difficult breaking up with someone when u are in the same social circle. It's a shame your ex didn't explain her full reasons for the break up at the time, it could have avoided a lot of hurt. Until you get things sorted out I would try and avoid situations like the one you described, particularly if you'll both be drinking

For some reason Sunday seems to be the most depressing day of the week. I feel down almost every Sunday, despite my best efforts to change this! I go out, try to change my routine etc but nothing works, I just want to stay in bed! I know in part why I feel this way, cos I worry that I'm not in the right career, and don't feel completely fulfilled but have no idea what would make me happy. Plus today is the end of the weekend and back to work tomorrow, although I don't hate my job. It's just the endless cycle of mon-sun is very tedious isn't it. I know this doesn't seem that big a deal, especially when I read some of the problems.Anyway I guess I'm just posting this to let anyone else who feels the same know they are not the only ones!

I bet most people who have been in a serious relationship can relate to having had these feelings at some point, even those who ended it. I find sometimes if you are feeling low about something else e.g. work it brings back these feelings and you tend to look back on the relationship as being a source of comfort which you no longer have. Perhaps there are other reasons why you feel down?

thanks for the advice, I know you are probably right. Although I hate to admit it I think I do get attached to people too easily and I definitely find it difficult to let go and end things.

Sorry guys you might have read my other recent posts (both about the same subject) but it is still preying on my mind and I feel as if I need to explain the whole situation to get some real insight, particularly if anyone has been in a similar situation..so here I go again! I got out of a four year relationship two years ago, which was wonderful while it lasted and I was broken hearted when it ended. Anyway, since then I haven't had any real feelings for anyone. I went on holiday about 6 months ago and met someone, who swept me completely off my feet. I tried to be cool about it cos I've had hol romances before and know that they often aren't the real deal. However, we clicked from the beginning, he did all the chasing, we spoke on the phone every night when we got home and I agreed to meet up with him. We spent 3 perfect weekends together and I knew from the first weekend that I was really falling for him, although I didn't make it obvious, but he told me that he was on more than one occasion. However, after the third wkd he seemed really stressed when he called me, and I asked what was wrong, I kind of pushed him into explaining himself as I hate leaving things unsaid. The problem is, we live 3 hours away, he is studying medicine and he was worried we would become too attached to eachother, which I knew would happen but since it had already I was prepared to at least give it a chance. He has had LDR's before and said he didnt want to do it again and then started making excuses about the footie season starting again so would need sat's free etc..! I simply couldnt understand what he was saying, or how his feelings towards me could have changed practically overnight. He said he thought we should try and get on with our own lives because it was too hard to be with someone who wasnt there all the time and he couldn't "let me in" emotionally when I wasn't there in person. I accepted this although I found it really difficult, which surprised me considering the short length of time that we'd known eachother. Anyway, since then he has kept in contact with me quite regularly but never really mentioned what happened between us. I have made it clear I care about him, though perhaps not the extent of my feelings for obvious reasons. All he ever says to me is that he thinks about me a lot. I have recently told him I can't keep in contact anymore because I need to move on, which I know is the right thing. He was ok about it and said he had just wanted to keep in touch in some way. I felt like saying why? What is the point?! I guess my main question is, can anyone interpret his reasons for ending things so suddenly?! I consider myself to be a pretty level headed person and my head is telling me to move on but my heart just won't let me! Really sorry for the length of this and I hope I don't sound like a complete loon...I promise I'm not really! thanks for listening

Thanks for the advice, I think the problem is that my head is telling me all of that but my heart tells me that there's something not quite right, but I guess that isn't my problem. Yes it was only for a month, sounds stupid I know, but I have been in love once before and know how hard it is to find the real thing. Anyway, he wanted to keep in touch and has texted/emailed me on and off but it was just prolonging things for me so I asked him not to contact me anymore. Hopefully it was the right decision. Again, thanks for listening

Hi, Basically I had a holiday romance, met up back at home and fell in love with this guy. He said he was falling for me too, but obviously neither of us mentioned the big L word cos it was early days. Anyway,about a month later he decided we should get on with our own lives as it was too hard being apart and was worried about what would happen when we became more attached to eachother; we live 3 hours apart and he is studying medicine so it would be difficult to arrange time to see eachother, although I was prepared to do this. 6 months on I am still finding this really hard to deal with, I can't seem to fully accept his reasons for ending things. However, he has had 3 two year relationships and claims never to have been in love with any of them. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't a complete robot and showed me nothing but affection, so I can't understand this. Surely if you have such strong feelings for someone you would do anything to be with them. Or maybe I have answered my own question and perhaps his feelings weren't as strong as mine, whatever he said to me?! How can I have got this all so wrong? I would never let myself get so attached to someone if I didn't truly believe they cared for me? Would be grateful for any insight? Cheers Medears x

Hi, I too completely sympathise with your situation and you are not alone in all the feelings you've been experiencing, Craig's advice is totally spot on. My boyfriend of four years broke up with me a couple of years ago, and although he had reasons, I still couldn't understand it. A couple of times I texted him saying how bad I felt because for some unknown reason it made me feel better momentarily....but then I just felt disappointed with myself and knew it would make him lose respect for me. A few months later when we were on speaking terms he explained that it upset him to hear from me because it was a hard decision to break up, although it was the right one - what I am saying is don't assume just because she isn't saying anything she isn't feeling upset about the break up too - she is most likely trying her best to move on and not upset you anymore in the process. I know that it will be really tough, but my advice would be not to contact her at all and perhaps explain to her that you need some time to get over it. It will only prolong this painful process for you if you are expecting to hear from her, I know because I've done it..more than once. The ironic thing is, if she chases you at all it will be when you have gotten over it, because that's how these things seem to work. I know you feel as if your whole world has fallen apart, but just keep taking every day as it comes and do whatever small thing you can to make yourself forget how you feel for a while, try not to be alone and think about things too much. I promise you will get over this. Take care.

thanks for your advice, it's reassuring to know that I'm not alone and someone understands

Hi, sorry for the length of this post I am new to this! I met someone on holiday about 6 mths ago. We live about 3 hours away from eachother and met up 3 times back home. I was completely swept off my feet and he said he felt the same, infact he did all the chasing and insisted on coming to see me. Anyway, when we met up at home everything was just as good, it was a long time since I'd had those feelings for anyone. That's why I feel so miserable now, and i don't want to feel like this. Just when I started falling for this guy, big time, he said he couldn't handle a LDR and let someone in emotionally who was so far away, and that he thought we should both get on with our lives. I accepted this and it has been so difficult because I have never met anyone who has made me so happy. He has texted and emailed me on and off during this time, usually just to ask how I am and sometimes saying that he still thinks about me a lot of the time. I think this has just stopped me getting over it and deep down I've been hoping he would change his mind. However, today I told him I couldn't speak to him anymore because it was too hard. Maybe I was hoping he would finally tell me what he really thought because up until now my gut feeling has been that terrified of his feelings - he has had a few 2 year relationships but claims to never have loved any of them?!. It was really difficult to say I am gonna cut off all contact but I believe it's for the best. He has been very understanding about it but I am so scared by the thought of never seeing him again. I am so confused. I don't understand how I have become so attached while he appears to feel nothing? It has taken me nearly two years in total to get over a four year relationship to the point where I'm ready to meet someone else, and now this has happened I feel very worried about getting involved with anyone else. Thanks for listening!