kellbell

You walked out on him before, there is a pretty good chance you will again. I would say forget it and try to move on. Best of luck to you and take care.

I think you may feel guilty because you are not ready to move on yet. Plus he still has a hold on you, abusers are nitorious for that. You still have feelings for your ex although he did not treat you the greatest at times. Plus, 4.5 half years is a long time to be with someone, plus you lived together. That's a big deal. I would give it some time before you get into a relationship. You were not ready to end your relationship with your ex and that saying, you are not ready for a new one. Take your time, heal from this, and talk to your friends and family about how you feel. Good luck with everything and take care.

Like the others said, stop playing games with her and call her when you say you going to call her. Geez. You have a lot to learn about women dude, your girl isn't ignorant, she has a life!

whoa, 14??? Aren't you 2 a little young to be doing sexual things? Yikes, I guess I am out of the loop. She's having second maybe because she can't handle this kind of responsibility, she's not ready but went with the flow anyway, or maybe because she feels guilty about doing these things. There could be several reasons, whatever reason it is, it probably has nothing to do with you personally. I would talk to her about her feelings, not look for a concrete answer of why she feels the way she does. I mean she may tell you but I would not pressure her about it. And support her decision. Good luck and be safe.

Hey there, 13 is a hard age because you are now a teenager but still very young. I remember being 13 and feeling like I knew everything and I was able to handle anything. Nope. Your parents do love you and want to protect you. I mean all the craziness going on now, I would not want to be your age now. You guys have a lot of issues to deal with. It also depends on what you want to do. The whole thing with parents is trust. They will have to be able to trust you to make the right decisions when you are faced with difficult decisions. Maybe you can sit down and talk to them and come up with a compromise. Because it is important to talk to your parents and keep the lines of communication open. They worry about you, that's all. I watch my 4 year old niece a lot and worry about her all the time. Like her talking to strangers, her getting hurt. I mean it's overwhelming trying to keep her safe and she's my niece, I can't imagine being a parent. Plus, you are the daughter, so things are little more complicated. The same thing happened to me, my brothers seemed to have more lee-way with stuff and my parents protective of their only girl. So things are a little harder with daughters. I would sit down and try to talk to them about stuff and don't do anything to betray their trust in you. Believe me, it takes A LONG time to get it back. Good luck with everything and take care.

OMG, I am so glad to see this post. I have been following your story since your breakup and I know it's been tough. I am always so glad to hear success stories. High five to you girl! Have a great time in Sydney. 8)

Hey there, I am so sorry you are hurting right now. I would have to say you are angry with her as much as your are is because she knew how to press your buttons and sure pressed every single one of them when she broke up with you the second time. Your character was attacked, your core personality, basically who you are was sliced and diced by her. Of course your angry, anger is due to being on the defense and preserving the kind of person you are and your were threatened. Your therapist was right, it's normal. But your problem is two-fold, not only the kind of person you are was held against you but by the person you love and trust. That hurts! I can totally understand. Your therapist had no bedside manner, shame on him. I would find another therapist to see, some one with more compassion and try to deal with your anger. Your wounds are still fresh. However, you will heal and be ok. But I would really try to find someone else to talk to. And exercising is a great idea. Hang in there and take care.

Yeah, I hear ya. It's normal to feel like that. One day at a time. Hugs to you.

Hey there, It is sad when men are like that. Mean and controlling. But on the other hand, people are mean and controlling if you LET them. Believe me, I have first hand experience with this type of relationship. I knew from the bottom of my heart that this was wrong and I deserve better but on the surface, I was hoping I can only have this happen for so long before I see the light at the end of the tunnel. WRONG!!! The tunnel only gets longer and longer and the light gets dimmer and dimmer the longer I stayed. I totally agree with twizod's post. He has to take responsibilty for himself and as you do too. Don't fry your brains pondering why he is the way he is and how can he sleep at night by being this way. Just take this as a leasson learned and strength and wisdom you gained from the ordeal and use it to your advantage when you find someone else to be with. Lots of luck to you and take care.

I don't see anything wrong with hanging out with your ex, even on a sporatic basis but if he is "iffy" about his plans on Sundays, I would just say, "well, if you're not doing anything give me a call." And just leave it at that. I wouldn't make it a big deal or get into talking about how ex's shouldn't talk anyway.... that kind of thing. Just be casual. You don't want to give the impression you will work around his hanging out with his buddies or wait around for him. If you come accross being kind of aloof and casual about things, I guarentee you he will make room in his schedule to hang with you. Take care and best of luck with everything.

Hey no problem chicky! That's what we are here for. Believe me, I was shocked at the stuff that came out of my mouth, it was the first time in my life I stood up for myself. But once you do stand up for yourself, you have to stick by what you said. You can't say "f" off then go back on your word and cave in when he comes begging for your forgiveness because he will. Believe me, you are going to hear every excuse in the book and a million apologies. Abusers of any kind are famous for doing that. Don't fall for it, please I beg of you. That's how abusers manipulate others, they reel them in with their pathetic crying,the I'm sorrys, the flowers, the gifts. Don't fall for any of it. Be strong girl, you can do it. Whenever you feel vulnerable or slipping, call a friend or a family member ASAP, or come here. You will recover from this, believe me. It's always tough in the beginning. Hang in there.

Hey there Littleone, I am so sorry you have been going through this. I have been through 2 relationships where I was verbally and mentally abused, just as bad as being physically abused because mental abuse takes forever to get over and come to terms with. However, I will focus on the worst relationship I was in. I was in a relationship with a guy is 5 years older than me. We dated off and on for 3 years but dated seriously for 1 1/2 of those three years. He was interested in me as I was in him. He asked me out and thngs didn't go well from the start but for whatever reason, I continued to persue him (like an idiot ) and once he realized the power he had over me he said and did the most horrfic things to me. I won't go into any detail because I will be typing forever. Just know he said some mean things and did some mean things. My self-esteem was so shot it was pathetic. I think that is why people take a beating in these kinds of relationships. The most well-adjusted, sound-minded person can get into this kind of relationship, take this kind of abuse, and become a person she or he never dreamed they would become. It took the forth and final time of him breaking up with me that I reached an epiphimany. (sp) I said to him, "I don't want to know you, Forget I ever existed, if you ever see me, turn the other way, don't bother talking to me. Don't call me 6 months from now wanting to get together. Now, get "f" out of my car!" This was in October 2000 and he in fact called me in Feb. 2001 (on Valentine's Day no less). He wanted to borrow a few things I had so I agreed to meet him for a couple of beers. Plus, a lot in my life changed since the night he broke up with me, I was so happy and my life was near perfect at the time. So we had a good time and as we were walking to our cars, I said, "Well, I had a great time, thanks for the beers, but nothing is going to happen tonight. Good night." I never heard from him ever again! It takes a lot of courage on your part, my friend, you have to love yourself to say "ENOUGH!! I am sick this sh!t and I don't need this." You have to reach that ephinany. None of this is your fault, I can't stress it enough. However, I do take responsibilty for sticking around and "letting him" treat me this way and not setting any boundries. I still struggle with this and it's been FIVE years!! People will only treat you as you let them treat you. You permit it, you promote it. This is what I would do if I was in your situation.... Practice NC. I think in this case, it is the best way to go. Silence is the best weapon, plus in this way, you ARE in control, honey. It will drive him crazy!! If he calls, texts, whatever, silence. Plus, if you give him silence, there is no way in HELL he can berate you and say mean things to you. I would also surround yourself with your friends and family. Do you have any brothers? I have two and they would pound any dude mistreatin' their sister. I would also try exercising and maybe trying something new. The best revenge is you being happy. My revenge on my ex is I was extremely happy, kicking some arse in my Master's program, lost 27 pounds, and moved on with a man who is a 1000 times better. We ended up seeing each other at his sister's (who is one of my good friends) wedding picnic in July 2001 and when he saw me thinner, prettier, happier, and with a better man, I was on cloud nine. This dude you have been seeing is an insecure loser! No decent man would abuse a woman in any way, there is absolutely no excuse for it in my strong opinion. You are very young and and have a lot to look forward to. Don't waste your 20s going after a man who does not respect you. I did, I wasted the years of being 20-23 chasing after my ex and I deeply regret it. PM me if ever want to talk and let me know how you have been doing. Your situation is somewhat hits me on a personal level and I want you very much to be happy and safe. Take care and keep me posted.

She is feeling a tremendous feeling of guilt. I can assure you but she longer wants to be with you in that way anymore. She hurts and cried because of the pain this is causing you and feels a lot of the responsibility for it. That can't be easy for her, and you calling her names and such (which I know you are truly sorry about) is not the way to go and it hurts her more than you know. If you want any chance of her being part of your life at all, this is not the way to do it. You will know you are over her when you don't feel the pain anymore. When your confidence comes back in full force. I can't explain it because it is different for everyone, you will know it when you feel it your heart.

I mean, this stuff sounds kind of weird and if I was married, I would NEVER take off my wedding band. But there could be signs of someone cheating or weird stuff going on, but you will never know for sure someone is cheating unless you catch them in the act. So the only way you can know for sure is to catch her. For your sake and youe kids, she is not. Take care.

Hey there, I think you want to be her friend because you are not over her just yet, so you are in the mind-frame, I'd rather have her in my life as a friend than not at all. I personally never believed in that because it so hard for the person who was dumped. I don't think ex's can be friends, especially in your situation. She dumped you to be with your best best and now they are engaged?? Yikes. I think the pain is so fresh for you and your self-esteem has been compromised a bit due to how she treated you and how she broke up with you. Your confidence is a bit shakey. I think you should continue doing NC, it is doing you a world of good whether you realize it or not, I have been following your story and you have made remarkable progress. I know it's so hard. You loved her, you still love her. But I think you should continue on with your life, try to go out, be with friends and family, and if you don't already, start workihg out. Very good stress reliever plus it clears my head and gets those endorphins going. I think once your confidence and self-esteem has been restored, then maybe you can handle being her friend. But for now, I would strongly discourage it. I wish the best and take care. Let me know how have been doing.

I understand love is more complex than that. Break-ups hurt and hurt real bad, I have been through them but what I am saying is, she would not have a chance to hurt him or do underhanded things to him if he has nothing to do with her. There is a reason for NC after a break-up and his situation is case and point. If one continues to contact an ex, he or she is getting set up to get hurt. That's all I am saying. How can one heal and get over what's happened if the other is giving info about the new person in the other's life? NC would prevent that. I am sorry you are hurting, I would never wish this kind of hurt on anyone but the best way to go is not to have anything to do with this girl anymore.

It sounds like the "friends with benefits" thing on his part. He wants to have everything like construes a relationship without being in a relationship. Friends with benefits can get tricky because in most cases one person, if not both, ends up having feelings for the other and it can get real messy. Especially when one partner finds someone else to be with. If you can handle the situation you in now with out the red tape, then I would continue doing what you are doing but from reading your post, you are dealing with a lot of emotional baggage at the moment. So if I were in you situation, I would find a place for myself and try to get on my feet again. I wish you the best and take care.

I believe at one point she did love you but she does not now. That's why it was easy for her to move on with her life. Her heart was not with you anymore. She probably broke up with you because she knew she did not love you anymore and wanted to see other people? It's not sick or twisted, it's love my friend. Would you rather her carry on with you, not being in love with you, making you look like a fool and her be unhappy? I don't exactly agree with her telling you details about her new man but that's why you can't contact her. You are asking for it. I believe in earlier posts you have written about your break-up with this girl, others have told you to do the NC thing. That's how you heal and move on with your life. So if you want to keep the knife stabbing you in the heart, then continue to contact her. But if you want to move on, get over her, and heal, don't speak to her, if she calls or texts, don't answer. The choice is yours my friend. I with you the best and take care.

Well, I am no doctor but I don't think you need anti-depressants to get over a break-up. I think doctors are too willing to hand out meds like that, like it's candy. Those drugs change your brain chemistry and there are all kinds of side effects. I have been on anti-anxiety meds before, Xanax, and I stopped because it did not help me overcome my panic attacks, only acted like a crutch. So I stopped taking them and got to the heart of the matter and I have been ok since. I think maybe some counsulling will help you understand your issues with you past and once you deal with that, sleep will come easier. I would talk to a psychiatist about meds instead of your general practioner. Wishing you the best and take care.

Yes, sex feels good, especially when you with a very special person who repsects you and loves you inside and out. I tend to refer that as making love rather than sex. I will be honest with, the first time does hurt, hurts alot actually. Sex can hurt anytime though. I cried. Not balling, but tears trickled down my face. Plus I was nervous, so I am sure that did not help. But the guy I was with was sweet, gentle, and kind and we were in love so it was very special. I know it sounds cliche, but I would strongly advise you to wait until you are ready. It changes the relationship completely, believe me. There can be all kinds of feelings and consequences that can happen that you may not be ready or prepared to deal with. But if you are going to do it, plase be safe. Use protection or go on birth control or do both. Think things through carefully and be safe.

Do you guys live together? Because if you don't, then let him miss you, I would cool off a bit and let him come to you. Guys hate pressure and nagging and it will cause them to pull away a bit, especially if he under stress at work. If you do live together, it's gets kind of tricky because it is easier to one another for granted. I am sure he loves you and I agree with the other posters, men tend to show their love in other ways other than hugging and kissing. Just let him know you love him, you are there for him when he needs you, that you understand he is under pressure at work and you are there to help him if he needs it, and you are in it for the long haul and give him a little space. Wishing you the best.

Yes, I have found better relationships after break-ups. I take what I learned from the pervious relationship and put it in the new one, so every relationship gets better and better until you do finally meet someone who you know can spend the rest of your life with.

Also, it boils down you always want what you can't have. I had a crush on a guy who was in a 4-year relationship. I mean there was some harmless flirting but I bartend, so I flirt with everyone. I ended up going out with another dude who was available. You might want to do the same.

I meant to write, "you know, I asked my boyfriend the same question." Sorry about that. Haven't finished my monring coffee yet.

You I asked my boyfriend the same thing and basically he said, "double the pleasure, double the fun." I mean the thought of one woman is s turn on for them, but image 2?? That's it, there is no complicated answer. I know, I don't understand it either, but I do admit, beautiful woman are nice to look at.