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kellbell

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Everything posted by kellbell

  1. kellbell
    Well, as someone else wrote, I would strongly advise you not to call her again. Look how bad you felt after you called her. I would stop worrying about her, worry about yourself. She is fine, she is a big girl and she take care of herself. I would go camping and go have some fun. I would stop doing little things to keep her around like watching over your dog and such. This is going to cause you more pain, everytime you talk to her or see her, you have to start all over again as far as the healing process goes. She is not obligated to text you when you do text her. She is trying to move on with her life and you should try to do the same. I wish you all the best in this and come back in here to let us know how you are doing.
  2. kellbell
    Well, I gave a guy I dated on/off for 3 years, like 4 chances and he kept breaking my heart. We would date, got physical everytime we got together, and such. Then he would always come up with some stupid, lame excuse to dump me a few months later. So after the forth time I let him have it, I told him never to call me, forget I ever existed, if you ever see me, turn the other way. He did try to contact me 4 months later, I went out with him for a few beers and after a nice time and walking to our cars, I told him, "thanks for the nice time but nothing is going to happen tonight. See you around." Never heard from him again, I saw him around a few times though. Ignored him. So to anwser your question, I have a pessamistic view on giving men multiple chances. I think after the second time, forget it, it was not meant to be. Because they know you are going to be around no matter what, and once they figure out what kind of power they have over you, they will exploit it. I think you are better off cutting this guy out of your life for good, try to heal and learn from this experience.
  3. kellbell
    Excellent advice DN. I am too working on my communication skills. However, I tend to go the other way, I tend not to say anything because I don't want to make waves with people, I let things roll off my back. Not the best way to things either because then things will pile up and then I will get resentful. I am so glad I found this site because there are so many helpful people here with very insighful advice.
  4. kellbell
    Shadows, totally understand what you are saying. And totally agree too. I guess it goes further than the porn itself, it's basically respecting each other's feelings and try to compromise. That's why I don't have any good advice except to try to keep the communication lines open. There is another website I go to quite often that has addressed this very issue. I am not sure if would help but definitely shows this is a problem in relationships and you are not alone in your feelings. You may want to check them out and see what you think... link removed and there are other links from this link LOL
  5. kellbell
    Men will watch porn even if they get it five times a day. It's what they do. Do/did you watch porn with him? On the other hand, if it bothers you and hurts you that he does it, then he should respect your feelings. I don't know, that's a tough situation for me to give advice on because I watch porn with my BF and read all his naughty mags. I don't know, it does not bother me, I think it puts our relationship on another level. I guess you can talk to your hubby calmly about your feelings and why it hurts you and maybe you can compromise. I hope others out there can give better advice. Wishing you the best and take care. Congrats on your pregnancy by the way.
  6. kellbell
    Sorry that you are going through this. Well, I guess if I were you, I would not let him back into your life because he has a track record of breaking your heart. You sound alwfully crushed and this is going to take time for you to heal and move on. Being friends with him, I don't know, I think it's a lot to ask at this point. Maybe in the future when you have healed and moved on but you can cross that bridge once you get there. When a partner does drugs, he or she can say or do things they don't mean and generally hurt the ones they love the most. So I would stay clear from him until he's straight. I think you deserve someone who does not do drugs and will not break your heart. Hugs to you and take care. Come here and talk to all you want, we're listening.
  7. kellbell
    I think he was jokingly saying "I am not making enough time for you." And he goofed and forgot a few words. That's why it's bad to read too much into texts, emails, and the like. Just text him back to clarify.
  8. kellbell
    Hmmm, then I say, just go out with her and have a good time. Keep us updated on have everything turns out.
  9. kellbell
    Well that depends on how you feel. I would give her a cutt-off point today on when she will call you and make plans. Like if she has not called by 5:00, say, then forget it. You don't want her thinking you will just sit around and wait for her. That's not good. Make other plans. I think you if you do go out with her tonight, have fun and act normal like none of this bothered you. I know you do want to go out with her and since you are all going to school, then why not. Have some fun. Did she say she was going to call you or it's just a feeling you got. Because, it seems like this girl has a bad track record on getting back to you. You should prepare yourself with that, that's why I suggested you mentally tell yourself, ok, if she hasn't called by 5, for example, make other plans. You all are going back to school soon, enjoy the rest of your time instead of wasting it playing these games. Take care.
  10. kellbell
    Agreed, don't call her at for the rest of the day. You can get your stuff later. Don't use that an excuse to see her or talk to her. Did she say it ws her time of the month or did you just assume? Either way, let her cool off and talk to her tomorrow or the following day. This is getting kind of carried away over something so innocent.
  11. kellbell
    When did you ask her to call you? Just now, or last night. Dude, I would leave her be. It's hard but the more you call her and when she doesn't get back to you, the more you are going to get angry. Not worth it my friend.
  12. kellbell
    Then I would just let it go and enjoy the time you have with her before everyone goes back to school. In this case, you have to to know when to pick and choose your battles and this one does not appear worth battling. You don't want to part ways feeling bitter and resentful.
  13. kellbell
    I agree with djedix, Confidence is the key. From a female's point of view, confidence is a major, major turn on for us. I can's stress it enough gentleman out there!! I tend to get very apprehensive over guys who are very clingy, needy, or always in my business. I dated a guy like that, major turn off, I stopped calling him. However, there is a difference from being aloof and being confident. I think this girl just got carried away with partying, lost track of time and once she realized how late it was, didn't bother to call or come over. I've done it. Usually I call the next day to apologize. I am sure you will hear from her today. I would not even bring it up at all. Take care and all the best.
  14. kellbell
    No it's not weird, he just has not found the right one yet. I am so sorry about your break-up. Hugs to you.
  15. kellbell
    Totally agree with OceanEyes!! I could not have said it better myself.
  16. kellbell
    Hey there, I am so sorry you are going through this. Sounds like she is just playing around and not fully understanding how much this is hurting you. At this point what I would do is pack her stuff yourself. And leave it out where she can get it and text her to come get it. Or pack it up and text her and say, your stuff has been packed, come at this time or else I am throwing it away. Take some control and this is definitely a way for you to control the situation and show you are not playing around. Obviously, this stuff is not that great of importance to her or she would have made a better effort to get it. She is just doing this to have that last shredded power over you. Heck, packing her stuff maybe empowering to you because, one you are taking control of the situation and two, you are adding the closure to this. At that, my friend is what you need. Closure. I am not saying this is going to be easy. Look at my siggy. The right things are always the hard things. Take it one day at a time, the pain will get less and less. The beginning is always hard. PM me whenever you want, if you ever want to talk. You are definitely not alone.
  17. kellbell
    Beware, I am going to be blunt....Well, I can tell you right now, she is acting differently torward you because she is sleeping with someone else. She is acting like her sh!t don't stink now, she has some kind of power now. However, she is keeping you in the back burner because she is keeping her options open. Not cool!! Pretty darned messed up if you ask me. She can't have her cake and eat it too (yes, women try to pull this sh!t too). to answer your questions about NC.... 1. Would dating her friends violate nc? Technically yes. Don't date her friends, you want more drama in your life, date them sleep with them. 2. Since we lived together for 2 years its most likely that one of us will need to contact the other at some point i.e. There's something of hers at my place. Is this violating nc? Send all her stuff via Fedex or UPS. Or pack it and leave it out where she can get it. Let her know it will be there for her. Don't make up excuses to see her. 3. If she phones me at some point in need of a favour i.e. She's stranded at work and needs a lift home. Should I help her? No, she was able to take care of herself before she knew you, she can take care of herself without you. Tell her to call the guy she's with now to help her. She's using you becasue she knows you will be there at her beck and call. 4. If I dated other girls would this in some way ruin my chances of getting her back? Why oh why, do people do this or even think to? Date others because you want to, not to make her jealous. You be stopping to her level by using others to make others jealous. Bascially she is saying I am not really into you but I know you will there when I need something from you. Your ego is going to continue getting damaged if you stay in the likes with this girl. I would not contact her, go out and have fun, and date other women because you want to and deserve it. I wish you all the best and take care.
  18. kellbell
    Of course you can, there are many more hotties out there that go to your school that would love to get into the likes of you. Go out and have fun... gosh to be 19 again.... 8)
  19. kellbell
    Hey there, You are right on the mark when asking if someone really cared, they would call. Very true and yes, the person would make the time to call if he or she cared. So, I guess she does not care as much you do. It sounds like this girl is not your type. Sounds like you are considerate, kind of shy, and down-to earth guy. Sounds like this girl is a little wild, high maintence, sorority, partying type of gal. Sounds like she is playing games because she knows you will be waiting for her. If she calls tonight and you are convinced she will be drunk, save yourself the aggrivation and disappointment by not answering.
  20. kellbell
    Good attitude toonsey. It's real hard, I know. Especially when you know went wrong and you know how to fix it. But you never know, later on down the line, your paths can cross and there could be a second chance but like you said, you have to do this for you. Take care.
  21. kellbell
    Two words.... Restaining order. What he doing is not letting her move on, striclty manipulative on his end. I wish you all the luck in this.
  22. kellbell
    I agree with muneca, with not using NC as a tatic. I also would not be comfortable with the fact your ex talks about you to his his new girlfriend and if I was the girlfriend, I would not be comfortable hearing about ex's. He might come around, he may not. I have used no contact before as a way to move on and the loser always called me back later on down the line. I was a loser and always went back to him I know now in hindsight, he was probably lonely and using me to fall back on. That's humilating. So if were use NC as a way to move on, I will firmly stand by it and never go back to an ex. But that's just me.
  23. kellbell
    No contact is supposed to help YOU!! Not him or make him come back to you, that's just game playing. It helps you heal and recover from heartache. He has moved on and is happy. It hurts like he!! I know. But there is nothing you can do on that end. The only thing you can do is help yourself. Take it one day at a time, it will hurt less as time goes by. He may contact you on your birthday but don't count on it. I would go out with the girls and get wild on your birthday. You deserve it. It will get easier. Hang in there.
  24. kellbell
    Hey there, ok, to answer your questions... If you were in her situation would you be wondering why I wouldn't be in contact if I was there? Yes, I would wonder because women always wonder these things even though she has moved on and seems fine with the whole situation. But it does not necassarily mean she wants you back or thinking about getting back with you, it's just how women think. -Would you start thinking about why I was with her friend and staying with her of all people and not with another one of my guy friends which I know there? Yes, I would because I what I stated before. Women are naturally curious, especially about her ex's. Again, it does not automically mean she is jealous (depends on the girl and the nature of the break-up). -Would you think about breaking NC to say hello or anything after almost 5 months of NC to the person you were planning to marry? I would think about it but it would depend on how the situation is at the moment and my feelings about it at the time. -If I do run into her, what would be some things that I should say that would make her regret the past ('cause I know she still not over it), or make her feel like she was better off with me than whoever she may be with at that time, if anyone at all? To make her regret stuff, act nice, very nice and not like it bothers you. Because women want their ex's to feel how you are feeling now, it's screwy, I know but that's how women are. So by you acting like you are ok and nice about it, it will make her think about stuff and a bit guilty. But not so much she will come back to you, but it will get the wheels turning in her head. -If you were to see your ex at a party or something having a great time with one of your friends would you start to think about the past, or be pissed off at the present. I might think about the past, I might feel a little guilty but not so much to go back running to you. It all depends on the nature of your break-up and the kind of person she is. But most women sre curious about their ex's and what they are doing to some extent. It depends. But I would not waste your time trying to make her regret her decision or make her feel guilty because I am sure she felt guilty breaking up with you. Most people don't get thrill out of that. It was probably a hard decision for her because she did not want to feel guilty. But she has to do what is right for her. You can't fault her for that. I would just go, be yourself, and kill'em with kindness. Best of luck to you and take care.
  25. kellbell
    I would block her emails or her email address. It seems like you are ok until she emails.
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