becca

I just feel bad for his wife. Why be with someone and expect them stay the same forever? I think it was lisica that said, do you expect her to go to the gym forever? As time goes on bodies change- you loose lasticity and things happen. Take it from someone in the medical world- i see all different variations of bodies. fat skinny tall short round lop-sided - this woman already has reserves of her own, she doesnt need some man to tell her she isnt attractive. i think he should let go and let her find someone who truly cares about her INSIDE & OUT. You are only lieing to yourself.

it seems to me like there is something to prove- my apologies for feeling bad for the guy- seems like you guys ar emore involved with out doing one anothers ideas, that you aren't focusing on what the guy is asking just a suggestion. and from your demeaner it seems to me that you two both need your own forum to help one another out. im off to listen to someone else. Good luck poster.

hey beec and darkblue- this isnt about the two of you. give him advice- not eachother. there is such thing as difference of opinion.

Wow, anotherperson!! Man I wish you could my husband a lesson or two. You may be starting to understand the psche of a woman. You may be right about her father giving her a hard time- my father did the same thing to me and to be honest, it may have led a scattered pathway for my now husband. Telling someone they are beautiful is simple and showing them is quite easy- and just like you my husbnad tells me 24 hours a day how beautiful I am, in fact i hear it from other people too. Yet in your own mind you can creat the worst damage. I think though that you changing your eating habits and joining the gym is a great way to help one another. You seem to understand that it takes two to help. Just because there is a money issue involved I completely agree about the horse back riding or dance lessons. Find out her passion. For instance- i became completely in love with salsa dancing for about 2 years before i met my husband. Unfortunately right after we met we moved too far away for the school I was going to- so we found other things to do- got season passes to theme parks or took little driving trips to some new malls- found something else to do... that was cheap. After a couple months away we moved back to the city and I so desperately wanted to dance again. He made the effort and went to classes with me- my point and the greatest thing was- the classes were big and had multiple levels so you got dance around with many different people to learn and it was CHEAP! 6$ a class! It was something fun to do, kept us moving and we got out of our DVD routine. It also got us out and meating new people, when there was a salsa night at a club- we went! If you lover her as much as you and it sounds like so- just keep up the comments on her beauty and try new things- fishing, walking, bikeriding, going to a new mall... there always new shows coming to towm- boat shows, bridal shows- yada yada and they are usually cheap and fun to go see. Hey free food! I think you are on the right track- and her best bet for self-esteem enhancement- it may be time to leave daddy and his depression.

It truly is the way the body is made up. I am extremely attracted to my husband but, when it comes to climaxing it takes me a while too. I think it may because we are woman. We multi task our minds- when the next bill is due, what groceries we have to get, are the animals fed, did the kids get there bath ? Men can normally ( not all ) turn sex on quickly, women normally have to be eased into it. Espescially when there is so much to do, we are natural caretakers. My suggestion, keep working with the toys and lube, and new positions. You may be in the same boat as i am also- i am told women dont hit their sexual prime till their 30's, men on the other hand do it in their early 20's. Also, congrats on the little one.

Sweetheart, these feelings are completely normal. Though you are confused I think that right now you should spend time figuring out how you feel inside. Maybe rethink telling him unless he has already confessed to you that he feels the same way about other males. Though I know this isn't the answer you may be looking for- i suggest finding more males in your age group going through the same thing and talking with them. I have supported many male friends that throughout highschool were confused about their sexuality or figured out what it was. In some cases I would look at the outcome first. Is this boy someone that if he wasn't in you "same" boat- per say, going to take advatage of the knowledge that you are different from him? He may hurt you worse. Please try and understand that in this situation you are left up to your own fate. Is he worth it?? I have found many guys attractive in my time and when I revealed to them I found them that way, it was for the worse. Find out if it is attraction and lust or that you truly care about him. Your best bet, go to some "gay" teen chat rooms, talk with other people in your same situation or have already gone through it. Also, in most cities there are special groups that are for people just like you, that are looking for advice and you may also find the "right" person to be attracted to, rather than just another pretty face. You must also find someone to tell about your situation, maybe someone at these groups that help support you, whatever the outcome. Good luck, sweetheart. I wish you the best.

Wow, I can't believe how much you have decieved yourself. Though I have marriage troubles, I have never ever had anyone tell me they were leaving me because I had put on weight. Hate to tell you this, but we all change. Oh, and guess what? Someday you will too, you wont beautiful forever- as the say beauty is only skin deep. My advice- get out now. Don't hurt her, don't tell her you want to be divorced because she put on weight, just divorce for unreconsilable differences. My God. Put yourself in her shoes- um, honey we need to talk... i think this isnt working out because you put on a couple pounds and im not attracted to you. Thanks for caring more about me and less about yourself, thanks for taking the time from the gym and spending it on taking care of our home and marriage. Hate to say it buddy- and I feel strongly for your wife- you are SELFISH. Why in the H#** did you even go through with it? Yes, my husband and i have issues, but never once have they been because you dont look the way you did when we met. Of course we don't. You should do some soul searching of your own, I think it may be a self confidence issue with you. Maybe you are scared to put on weight and have fear of other women not looking at you. But she isn't out looking at other men. And worried if they find her attractive. No. This is about you buddy. Please don't hurt her and tell her something that cruel. Unfortunately, this time, the saying is true- "it's not you , it's me." And then go do something to get your mind off of weight and onto finding a companion and someone new to love. Chances are, your little tummy giggle - have already done your deed.

Most likely if you had not came yet and there was spermicide, your chances of pregnancy are slim. If you are worried- get a pregnancy test. Word to the wise though- if you aren't ready to be a daddy and neither is she- don't have sex. Or be smart and use a condom and birth control pill or a female condom.

anotherperson, truly it seems that there is something going on her life. May be work, may be the bills or maybe she is nervous about the upcoming of leaving the security of her home and moving into a new enviorment, is this her first time moving out? I think truly that being pushy wont help but maybe try actually talking to her. Maybe it is simple, she requires something to turn her on. Or may be she's not comfortable doing the "deed" in your parents home or hers. Like you said her parents aren't as liberal and it may cause an issue for her in her home when you are not there. It may be something she doesn't want to burden you with. Do yourself and her a favor and talk to her before you move into together. As for couples everyone is different. My husband and i have sex almost everyday- but that may be the one reason i dont want or need as it as much, on the other hand i have friends that have sex with their partners may be 3-4 times a week and others who have it less. It depends on the couple and their needs. You seem to be someone that may be in their "prime" she needs to know that you enjoy it and enjoy her. Try finding out the root of the probelm. It could be that she doesn't feel attractive- and you may not have even been the one to make her feel that way. Could have been something someone else said. Whataver it is, if you never talk to her- you'll never know. Take it from someone who needs the communication with their partner just as much as you do.

Well, in a women's case it could be a lot of things but mostly i feel that her phobia could one of two things. Fear of getting pregnant and also people have texture issues. ANyone not like pudding because of the texture? Or maybe some other type of food? Maybe it reminds her of something in her past or something she has not liked before. Or it could be as simple as she doesnt want you to ejaculate inside of her for the reason that, it comes back out. It sounds gross but women are not made to hold stuff in. Our insides go up and down. So what goes up must come down, right? Semen can lingure and creat an uncomfortable feeling or even an odor in some women. But i completely agree with the others the shower may be good. My husband and I take turns using different regiments. Don't be afraid to ask her to try something new. It might just turn her on. Good Luck!

DN, I do appreciate the advice- and may have come off the wrong way as far the best terminology for character. We spent a week before commiting to the marriage talking through debating whether or not we were ready. After many long conversations we decided to go through with it. But also, for some, people would see that as someone telling that this is blessing. We weren't expecting for a miracle by any means. But happieness was our goal. My husband and I went to a counselor a couple times, the counselor said that he didn't think there was anything we couldn't fix, it would just take work. And as someone else said- it should be 50/50. I wouldn't even mind 60/40 sometimes if it could be that way. But i am still taking on so much more plus the two jos. It's just wearing me out. He says that once things start picking up with his job he truly believes he can support us. I so very much want him to be able to support us- but i will still work as I am want extra money for myself. And i guess i do feel after almost 2 years of supporting him i want him to the same for me. One other thing that maybe someone can answer... kind of embarrassing but here it goes: Is the male libido at 22 really that needy? He wants sex 3x a day 7 days a week. I of course am a tired female and at 22 have NO libido. I still find him extremely attractive and we have great sex but most of the time I just can't get into it. And most of the time he wants it, when I am not willing. So it becomes a chore more than fun. Especially when he wakes me up at 5am and I have to be up at 6, from going to bed at 1 o'clock the night before. Is it fair? Shouldn't he have to calm down. He says he doesn't "need" it but "wants" it. I think it's time for romancing and love but he just wants to do it soooo often. Most women wouldn't complain because they dont get it enough, but the weird thing is- i dont need it to be happy. I guess it doesnt have the same effect on me, and my long days make too tired to want to wake up for it. My new quote- "I struggle to define the world I live in." - Becca

Just so you all know I do have a life but I while I am still hear at work for a few minutes- I feel like I have more to update with right now. Here's where more confusion sets in. I just talked with my husband, he called to ask me about a house he found for rent that would accomadate all the animals. I told him that we would have to talk about a lot before commiting to another home together. I feel like the apartment would help be my escape- but i cant seem to leave. He called to talk about the house and that he was also looking at a car for me- because i have to get rid of mine in a couple weeks. When i told him that i would have to think about all of it and wanted to talk about it later- he asked, "what more do you want me to do?" I replied in simple form- be the person you keep saying you want to be. He spoke about the new job and that he has been busting butt to learn the product he would be selling so he can get us a home and build our future. He hasn't "smoked" in about 5 days- since i caught him buying it. And I want to believe what he says- but won't till it becomes a reality. OK well, off to job #2. Have a great night guys and thanks for listening. Becca

Last Thursday night after working both jobs i came home and had enough- enough is enough i tiold myself. I sat him down told him that i cant see how this is going to work out. He huffed and puffed and kept replying- how could you do this? Like I owed him something? I left that night and went to a friends to sleep. The next day, as you might expect I was distraught and only stayed at work a few hours. That afternoon we had decided to go separate our things that were in storage waiting for our new aprtment. But I chickened out and didnt go. Instead I went to my night job- leaving him to hang with his "buddies." Over the weekend we spent sometime together. Went to dinner saw a movie basically hung out- we got along of course really well... Probaly one of the reasons we fell in love in the first place- we loved spending time together. Plus, in the first place he was the guy that he now claims he wants to be, but makes no effort to do so. I wrote him a text message today: "Do you even want to go through all of this? I'm tired of you thinking I am mean (referring to the dogs), when I am being realistc. I can't afford your car gas and the dogs food. You've got it easy babe." "You ever think things would be easier...?" We fight a lot mostly about him not helping out with things around the house, and listening to me when i need a shoulder. He doesn't open up much, but can be the life of the party, if you know what I mean? Oh, the tangled webs we weave.... I'm exhausted, tired from arguing and tired from working two jobs! He thinks this new job will be the job of the century! But I feel, just like all the others, as soon as something goes wrong he'll find a reason to bail- and guess whos stuck with the bills again? So why can't I leave? Maybe because when he is good- he's my other half. Maybe I don't want to be like him- when i was a kid i was lazy- but that was years ago, and i think when we were kids we were all lazy at some point... Or becuase I can't just let go of the good times. The times when things were easier and so intense. But i grew up and faced reality and he remains being drug behind. Thanks for your comments guys, it seems as i go on... things dont become clearer- but maybe a bit lighter when there is someone listening.

I know you are hurt but think about this, you have broken up with other men before- you'll get over it- it just takes a little while. The hard part was breaking up.

As all things happen, they happen for a reaso... On that note- I truly feel that you have feelings for her- and you must express them. Find a way that makes you feel comfortable. Write her a letter- make her dinner- find a song that means what your relationship means to you. SOunds like to me, that you know that these quallities you posess are something that you have had to deal with in the past, or you wouldnt know about them. Ever consider a class like- public speaking or a drama production. Though it may not be a cure- it may be a therapy for you to open your mouth and let whats on your mind be heard. Dont be afraid to take the chance to let her know what truly is on your mind. Even if it doesnt work out- know you took that step to make yourself better and took a chance. As they say - when you fall of the bike, you just get back up and keep riding. Tis' true in all relationships. You hear people saying- how will I ever go on? Think about you have broken up before or moved on before- it happened once and it'll happen again- you will SURVIVE.