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dopeyjoe

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About dopeyjoe

  • Birthday 11/30/1983

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  1. I'm afraid that I called her, I regret it now and I wish I had listened. I did however keep it together and made out that I just wanted to know what was going on about her stuff. She sounded like she was having more trouble talking to me than I was. I wish I hadn't called but it's too late now. She is coming over early tomorrow morning. I said that I will go out so as to avoid making things harder for us both. I don't think she liked to hear that, and she wanted to know how we would sort out all joint owned things if I wasn't there. I told her to take what she wanted and that if I wanted any of it I would say so. I don't really want to keep any of it, it will be ages before I can bring myself to even look at it again and although I may regret it in the future it is better than being there. It's not our possesions that I will miss. She seemed concerned that she won't have time to take all of her stuff. I am going camping with some old friends at the weekend and I said that she could come over and finish off then. She asked if she could look after my dog whilst I was away and I agreed. I don't know if I should have done but I couldn't see the harm in it. I am hurting loads again after speaking with her. She told me she hadn't replied to the text the other day because she was asleep. Odd that she was awake to send me a text me in the first place and even more odd if she had slept for 36 hours. I am not going to contact her again. You are right ggoman, It was out of character for what she used to be like with me, I have to accept that things are different now. I am not really looking forward to going away this weekend but it will hopefully take my mind off things for a bit. I am hoping the change of scenery will help also. I am, on the other hand, afraid that it might make me feel worse. I am so used to doing things like this with her. I really don't think I feel any better now than I did when she left. It is still so, so hard. I hate the thought that I have months of this ahead. I keep telling myself that I WILL be alright again, but I think I will always be sad about missing out on what could have been. I have downloaded all of the popular IM's today, I am going to do some searches for some old friends and see if they fancy meeting up. It seems a bit unfair to drag them into this but I don't really care. Sounds harsh, but if they don't want to know then I have lost nothing and if they do, then I will have made the first steps to repairing the friendship. Thanks for the support guys, in the future I will listen to the advice more, I am not capable of making decisions that are best for me when I am in this state so please keep the advice coming.
  2. Well, I sent her another text just now to try and find out what is going on on thursday and still no reply. I am getting a bit concerned. She is not the sort of person to just ignore me like this. I hope she is ok. I understand that she doesn't love me but i know that she still cares about me. I am thinking of calling her, just to make sure she is all right. I know that it will upset me to hear her voice but if something has happened to her, well, it just doesn't bare thinking about. There are probably lots of people reading this thinking that it wouldn't be wise to call her, but i'm sure you can understand why as well. I understand what you mean, kellbell, but although the breakup was painful, it wasn't done in a malicious way. I would rather not turn it into a situation like that. If it continues like this, then for my own sake I will have to become more pushy about it, but I will give it a few days yet. I am sorry to hear about your situation ArizonaGuy, that is a dreadful thing to have happened. At least you have found your way here where there is plenty of support and wise words to help you through.
  3. well, she never replied. I am trying my best not to wonder why, there is no way I can know what she is feeling. I could think of a million reasons so there isn't any point thinking about it. I nearly sent her a text this morning to try and find out, but then I would be waiting for a reply again and that really isn't fun or productive so I left it.
  4. Thanks ggoman, I have made my email address public. She still hasn't answered as to whether she an pick up all her stuff. I don't think she realises how much she has hurt me and how it makes me feel when I am waiting for her to reply. She is at work and doesn't finish till late, about midnight. At the moment the time here is 23:30 so I am expecting her to answer shortly. I will post what her answer is. It is bound to be an emotionless text so it won't sound nasty but it still hurts like hell to hear from her.
  5. We understand your pain. I am feeling it also. My gf is positive she no longer loves me. NC is very hard, but as you have probably already realised from the phone call you mentioned, contact is even harder.
  6. I just received a text from her asking if she can come over on thursday to pick up some more stuff. I text back asking if she will have time to take all of it because it is just making things harder. hearing from her again has instantly made me feel as bad as when she first left. I am still crying myself to sleep on a good day and this is definitely a bad one. I need to start healing and i will now be just waiting for thursdays wave of pain to arrive. I hate this. Someone please post back, I need support, I need to stop crying, and more than anything I need her to come back and she never will.
  7. I have never been the person doing the leaving in relationship, so i don't know how it feels for my ex. I want to know that she is ok. I want to talk to her. Someone please give me some advice. I would like to hear from someone who has been in a situation similar to the one that she is in. How quickly can feelings for someone change? Should I still be fighting to get her back? I am not one for playing games in a relationship but I don't want to let her just forget me and move on if I can help it. I can't change the way she feels, but what can I do to ensure that she definitely thinks about what she really wants and whether what she is doing for the best. Should I leave it alone? should I call her?
  8. Thanks mate. You have hit the nail on the head about how I feel. I seem to be sleeping for only about half an hour at a time, then when I wake up again there is a few seconds when I think everything is fine before realising what has happened again. Everyone probably says that but it's different when it is happening to yourself. I am sure that she isn't going to come back. I still keep imagining she will quite often but I know deep down that she won't. I know I have to start moving on even though every part of me doesn't want to just give up and walk away. Most of her stuff is still at my house and I need her to collect it ASAP. It is just making this whole thing a lot worse. There is so much stuff to sort out. Probably a good 2-3 days of work. Bags and bags of things in the attic that we are going to have to go through. I don't know how to do it, I refuse to do it myself because it will hurt so much, but i think that if I don't then it will just stay here for weeks. I have to start the whole no contact thing. Each time I want to call her, I am going to write a post here. I will try and keep them short in the hope of a faster reply because I think I am going to need a lot of support in getting through this. She has aked me to print out some photos for her that we took a few months back, they are beautiful photos of her, my dog and me out in the New Forest. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and there are a few of me and her kissing under a tree. I have no ink in my printer so I said I would upload them to her Yahoo account. I can't and won't look at them for obvious reasons. Should I delete them completely after I upload them. I don't want to forget about her. You don't throw away holiday snaps even though you will never have that holiday again. Can anyone give me some ideas about what to do with myself during the really hard times. If i try and watch tv, I end up staring blanky at the screen and thinking about things again. I need to keep my mind occupied. At the moment I come here and talk about how I feel but sometimes even that is too much. Any ideas would be welcome. What you said about having no choice but to kill yourself, i hate to admit it but it has occurred to me on many occasions. It was that feeling that brought me here. I was looking on the Samaritans website site, planning on seeking advice from a profesional. I don't think I would ever go through with anything like that and decided to look for a forum for support rather than take up their time. I keep being told that this feeling will pass in time, but unfortunately that doesn't help a lot. I would imagine the healing time for this would vary depending on how big a hole is left when they have gone. As she was everything to me, I think I have months of this ahead of me. It is going to be so hard.
  9. That is a hard question to answer. If there was even a remote chance that we could get back together then it would obviously benifit us both, but she tells me that it is over and that she no longer loves me. When I met her the other day I found it much to hard to just talk normally. It took every effort to not get hysterical and all i ended up doing was upsetting the both of us. Whatever i said or suggested she seemed positive that it was over. She might miss me in time but she may also start to forget me. I want to talk to her again but i don't want her to remember me as the unatractively desperate person i am at the moment. I really don't know what to do.
  10. Hello again. I am not doing too good, I went to the pub yesterday with the friend i was telling you about, I didn't have his number but my ex-gf had called him already to make sure that i wasn't going to be on my own. Although having him come down to see me helped a lot, the kindness that she had shown by calling him for me just made me miss her even more. Our relationship wasn't perfect but she was just so loving and thoughtful that i don't know how to live without her. Whilst i was out i felt a lot better, i was able to talk about her without getting too upset, as soon as i got back home and was alone again i felt as bad as before. I keep running through scenarios in my mind about what i want to happen and i don't think it's healthy but i can't help it. I can't stop thinking about her. I know that she is going out to a party tonight and the thought of her enjoying herself and dancing with other men is destroying me. It's not so much jealousy but sadness that i can't be there with her to make her laugh and look after her. I think that i may be getting ill, i feel sick constantly and my throat is raw. I am now at home alone again, in a room full of her things and I don't know what to do. I haven't contacted her for about 36 hours now and i desperately want to, just in case she has realised that she has made a mistake, but i know that if she felt that way she would contact me so i would just be hurting myself more. Thank you for the kind words Penny, i am sorry to hear about your loss. Before this happened to me i wouldn't have understood the pain but now i truly am sorry to hear about anyone who feels like this. Try and find some comfort in knowing that I am all the way over here in England praying that we can stay strong. My friend who i went to the pub with yesterday had split up with his gf of 2 1/2 years about a month ago, quite a coincidence. He is still in a lot of pain and still can't sleep. I don't think that i can feel like this for another day let alone a month. I need her back. I don't claim to understand a lot about how women think, so if anyone could shed some light onto how she could throw away everything we had without even attempting a repair i would be grateful. also, she sent me a text message yesterday saying "I am sorry". she knows how i am feeling and i can't understand what she was hoping to achieve by it. I didn't reply, I wanted to but what could i say to that. She is obviously still thinking of me but she still doesn't want me back. i will keep posting here because it helps to have someone listen, my dog is a good listener but her advice is a bit lacking.
  11. I have a friend who only lives half an hour away by car who i have talked to each month or so. I tried to call him just now but it is no longer his phone.I think that my gf, sorry ex-gf, has his new number so i will ask her for it when she comes to pick up some of her belongings tomorrow. my other old friends are going to be a lot harder to find. I like the idea of the card aries, and thinking positive like that would put an end to these spontanious phases of crying and dispair i am going through, but i am very scared of setting myself up for more pain if she starts getting annoyed with me for not letting her go. It would just be like postponing the grief. On the other hand, if i do nothing and there was a chance she may come back i would be kicking myself for years over it. She said that she doesn't love me anymore, at least not in the way that a gf should love her bf. I have let her know how i feel, and that i am willing to do whatever it takes to get her back, but it didn't seem to make a lot of difference. I feel really helpless. I am not the soppy type but nothing can prepare you for feeling like this. She used to ask me to marry her fairly regularly, it almost became a joke although i knew she meant what she was saying. last time she did that was a month or so ago, even after being unemployed for so long she still wanted me to be her husband. I might have avoided all this with a simple yes but i was reluctant, mainly because people would think it was stupid to get married so young. I have so many regrets about what i have done. As for unconditional love, i don't believe that it exists in that sense. She showed me so much love for a long time and i still didn't get a job or make any sign that i would ever change. there is only so long that a person can continue in a relationship where they are unhappy and i know that my actions made her unhappy. She warned me but i never took it in. I really screwed it up. Having said that, there isn't really anything that she could have done that would have made me leave her, so maybe unconditional love does exist. I think that no contact may be the next step. I will leave it for a few days, see if she comes around but i don't hold out much hope, however much i want to.
  12. Thanx for the response hubman, that was fast. I was thinking about doing just what you said, i don't really feel up to socialising but it is obviously better than sitting at home alone. even if they don't want to know anymore its got to be worth a try. thanx again, I never used to understand why people went to forums like this but just having someone listen to my problems does make it a little more bearable.
  13. Hi all. This is my story in brief. I lived with my girlfriend for 4 1/2 years. We were both really happy for a long time. we both used to enjoy a drink together but i felt that it was getting a bit much so i after 2 years i stopped drinking and took up smoking cannibis. This seemed to gradually change my drive for life and i became a bum. no job, no nothing. I had stopped seeing my friends and rarely did anthing. I knew that she wasn't going to put up with me in this state for long but i didn't ever dream it would come to this. She left me two days ago. I know that it is totally my fault and that regardless of what happens I need to sort my life out. I have given up smoking dope (only two days but i have to start somewhere) and I am already well on the way to securing a good job. I hoped that when she found out that i was sorting myself out she may reconsider. I was wrong. She says that she no longer loves me. Because i haven't kept in contact with my friends i have no one to talk to. My family are away on holiday and i am stuck at home alone feeling horifically bad. I have no insentive to do anything as the only thing in my life that i love has gone. Today we met up at the pub to "clear the air" as she put it. She was in floods of tears like me but was still adament that it was definitely over. I have read through other posts and understand what i need to do to cope with my loss but with no shoulder to cry on I have only the people on the other end of my phone line to confide in. I really need help. I can't function like this. I want her back so much, i would do anything but i don't think there is anything to be done. it only hit me today that my future with her that we had talked about for so long was never going to happen. Seeing her today, looking so upset, i just wanted to hold her and tell her it will be ok. I'm sure that a lot of you reading this understand how it feels but knowing that it could have been prevented if i had got off my lazy bum and done something is really tearing me apart. I really don't feel ready to let it go and give up on her but what else can i do. please post a reply if you can find the time, even if it is just to tell me that you understand. I need to talk about it to someone. Jo
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