Copperhead

I've posted about this guy before, but things have changed slightly now. To cut a long story short, I broke up with my b/f of 4 years last April and was happy to date people casually. I met this guy at work and we have been dating since October, although seeing other people as well. When I asked him about being exclusive (after he kept pestering me about my feelings) I told him that I did like him and wouldn't mind just seeing him. He said he didn;t think he could be faithful, so I accepted that and took full advantage of casually dating other people (not sleeping with them , just hanging out together and stuff). We spent last Friday night together and had a great time. Again he brought up the conversation of what we both want, and was saying that I deserved to be hooked up with someone who I could see more often (we see each other everyday at work and go out every week or so). I said I wasn't interested in seeing anyone (cos in truth I like him a lot) and that I'm happy just seeing him and other people on a casual basis. So what do I do now?? Just see how things go or come right out and tell him how I feel about him (that I like him). He always says I'm great company and so forth and it's always him asking how I feel, like he's fishing for compliments. A lot of people I know have said they think it'll blossom into something more and that I shouldn't push it. Should I just leave things the way they are? Thanks for any advice.

No one knows about us at work and after we first had a chat about faithfulness and he told me what he did, I did feel a bit upset, but thought, what's the point of getting upset, life's too short, so don't think it would be a problem luckily. He is the kind of guy I could imagine settling down with, but he made it clear that he didn't want that type of commitment when we started dating. So thereforeeee, I don't know whether to embarrass myself asking him again if things have changed now that we've got to know each other better. the way I see it is, if he didn't like me then he wouldn't keep asking me out. He says he loves my company and feels an attachment to me in a way he can't really explain and that he can talk about things with me he doesn't with anyone else. And it's always him that's asking what I feel about him and why. That's what is so confusing.

To be perfectly honest, I like the no-strings attached approach right at the moment, but obviously at some point it will change, and I'm sure he won't change as I will. I discovered that basically he has a friend he sees every so often, who hangs out in a group of friends, and in his words, sometimes things happen, sometimes they don't. At first it bothered me, but then I decided to play it to my advantage and date other people as well, and he doesn't seem phased. And now I don't feel anything when I think about it, which is strange for me as I usually get quite jealous even thinking of a guy flirting! It's almost like he's just filling in a gap until I do meet someone worthwhile, but I do like him as well. It's weird, I've never had anything like this before. Think it's just as well to let him do all the chasing and decide if it's what I want at that time.

If I were you I'd contact her. As a woman I hate having to initiate contact as I feel clingy and obsessive (not sure why!). Why not text her just asking how's she's been and what she's been up to, or call her so that you don't have to wait for a reply! Even though you say the relationship is new, women want to feel they are desirable and part of that is the man contacting them I'm afraid! Then after you've spoke, perhaps suggest she contact you in a couple of days or at the weekend or something.

I'm kind of seeing a guy I work with, by this I mean we both see other people. We started going out in October and at this time I told him that although I wasn't looking for the full committment of a relationship, I would like to hang out with just one guy and have some kind of relationship. It makes sense to me anyway!!! He said he couldn't stay faithful as he wasn't looking for committment either. I was a little annoyed, but thought about it and decided that I could play that to my advantage as well, and meet other people and hang out, not sleep together, just hang out with different guys. So since then, we go out about every week, and I date other men as well. Last time we went out he started asking me what I liked about him. I told him that there was something about him that fascinated me, but couldn't put my finger on it, which is the truth. I do like him, a lot, but the whole, 'I can't stay faithful' thing puts me off being too affectionate with him and stuff. So he replied that he thought I only liked him because I couldn't have him and I wanted commitment (must think he's Freud or something) which I disagreed with, because I've had chances to have a proper boyf in the time we've been going out, but declined the offers, as I enjoy the freedom I have dating him and other people. The trouble is I DO actually really like him, but I'm not sure how to tell him or if I should even tell him. He says he really likes me and enjoys my company a lot, so I'm a bit confused. Plus, do I really want to spoil what we have already, even though it isn't a lot? Any advice would be welcome!!!

Basically his ex lives in a city miles away and would not normally stay at his, it's just her friend couldn't have her to stay. It has only been 3 weeks and we both know that we're not after anything really serious, but we've both made it clear that we won't date anyone else. Still not too sure, but thanks for the male point of view traz, that's basically what all my male friends have been saying!

Don't think he's been with this girl for about 5 years so not sure about the rebound thing. She's just a friend who would usually stay at another person's house, but came to his due to problems with where she normally stays. I don't know anymore. When we started dating we both decided to be exclusive and he doesn't seem the type to cheat, no one has ever told me anything bad about him in this regard. So all I want to know is if he deserves the benefit of the doubt. As I've mentioned before I sometimes stay at my ex's house, but nothing would ever happen, even when we're both single, so I don't know if that's what's happening here or not. He still maintains his innocence and points to the fact that he turned her towards the female of the species anyway, which is quite funny!!!

Thanks OceanEyes, that's pretty much what I've been thinking. I was sooo shocked when he actually left me in there, but he had warned me he was bad at relationships when we started getting together. Didn't realise that would mean him running off! I knew him for a few months beofre we started dating and he hasn't had any girl at all for like 5 months. I'm still good friends with my ex boyf and sometimes stay at his although nothing happens, so I'm not sure if this is what is happening here. Another mutual friend thinks he hasn't done anything but I don't know; sometimes I believe him and other times I think he's a loser! He said it was an isolated incident, but we've only been together 3 weeks! And to be honest, I wanted to go anyway cos I wasn't going to sleep on any sofa!

I'm new to this forum and was hoping for some advice about my new boyf. We've been dating for three weeks, have mutual friends in common and get along well. The problem is he never compliments me. Whenever I mention this, he says that him spending time with me should show me how much he likes me. This is fair enough, but when I've made an effort it would be nice to get one compliment. On Tuesday we went for a night out to a club. He told me his ex girlfriend was coming down. Again fine. He warned me she got drunk very easily and he got a text off her asking if she could stay at his flat, as the girl she normally stays with was up early the next day. I saw this message and nothing untoward came into my mind. I had left my bag at his flat and he had asked me to stay over. We're having a good time, and suddenly he disappears. No one knows we're he's gone. His friend then gets a text to tell me he had gone home cos this ex had turned up drunk and he had to take her home. Without telling me! So I go round to his, pretty peeved to be honest to get my bag. He answers and introduces me to her, telling me she's so drunk he's letting her sleep in his bed while he'll take the sofa. I ask for a private word due the embarrassment of him leaving me. He says he knows he's in trouble and is sorry for leaving me, but he was drunk and his friend needed to go. So then he says it's probably best I go to, because I'd have to sleep on the sofa. He gets my bag from his room and I can hear his ex apologising and saying that she'll sleep on the sofa, but he says no, it's fine. He walks me to get a taxi and I'm pretty peeved still. I tell him to text me when he wakes up, which he does, but he's so hungover he can hardly talk when I ring him. We've arranged to meet tomorrow and he swears nothign happened, and that she has a girlfriend now anyway (!). My friends say not to believe him, but I don't know what to believe. Do I give him the benefit of the doubt?? To top things off, one of our mutual friends has also taken an interest in taking me out and has told him that if he chases me away he won't think twice about pursuing me. It just gets worse!!! Any advice anout this would be welcome! Sorry about the length of this!!

I understand how you are feeling. My ex and me split up about 5 months ago due to his drinking problems and managed to stay friends up until a week ago when he couldn't handle it due to the fact he couldn't move on. I have to respect that, even though I can't bear losing the one person who knew the most about me and who shared so many interests and good times. It's unbearably hard at times, and I want to just see how he is and make sure he's ok. But NC helps everyone. It just makes you HAVE to get by on your own, which can't be a bad thing. I hope in time me and my ex can be friends, but it will be a long time I think. It's best to focus on yourself for a while and not worry about anyone else. Although it was really hard at first, I'm enjoying only thinking about my needs for a change! It sounds pretty selfish, but to dwell on my ex does me no good and makes me feel bad about myself, so I think about me instead and try to only worry about him for about 10 minutes a day and then forget about it until the next day. Take one day at a time!

I understand how hard it is not to call. My situation is different in that my ex doesn't want me to contact him as he wants to get back I'm not too sure. For his sake I haven't called, not because I don't want to. I find it a bit easier thinking only one day at a time. Concentrating on not contacting him for only makes it a bit less painful than thinking about never talking to him again. I'm sure a day will come when I don't think about it as much or the pain isn't there when I do. It's hard, but a last goodbye can be more painful in the longrun. Hope you're feeling better

Thanks kellbell! I think you're right about him making me feel guilty, and I can't get back with him only out of guilt. I don't think I'll bother going out with anyone and will concentrate on friends and family. Thanks again!!!

Hi, I posted my situation about a month ago but have been away with my family so have not had chance to reply. To keep it short, I was with my ex-boyfriend for 4.5 years and we split up because of his temper when he'd been drinking. It's been about 5 months now and we did keep in contact as friends which was ok. He has been seeing people, and I was cool with that - it's none of my business what he does now. During our break up I kissed a guy - just a kiss, nothing major. My ex finds out and blows his top, even though he's been sleeping with a number of girls. I was upset, obviously, and he told me that unless we were going to get back together, he didn't want to see me again. I said I wasn't ready to start again at the moment with him, as I enjoy being on my own at the moment. He said fine and asked me not to contact him again. It's been a couple of days now and I find I'm missing him a lot. I have been asked out on a few dates but I feel guilty if I go, so I end up staying in on my own instead. I don't know what to do for the best. Get back with ym ex and try and work things through or start going out and dating other men, nothing serious, just having some fun without the hassle of a major relationship. Any thoughts would be really appreciated!

Hi, I'm new to this forum and I have been reading a lot of the posts on here. Unlike many of you, I was the dumper in my last relationship (my ex and me were together for 4.5 years). We split mainly because of the way any argument was blamed on me and my behaviour and how, when he was drunk, he became verbally abusive and would threaten me with violence (although the worst he did was grab me by the throat a couple of times). We did live together so it was a pretty difficult situation. He could be quite verbally abusive anyway, calling me names just because I disagreed with him. So I dumped him and he was devastated (we split in May). I felt soooo guilty it was unbelievable. We both moved back to our parents and he continued to text me even though I asked him not to. I have met up with him once or twice and although I've been looking forward to it, when I actually see him, it's not as good as I thought it might be. My problem is that he has dated a few girls since the split which doesn't really bother me. But I've been asked out on a date by a friend of a friend who I've met on several occasions and knows my situatioin (he's in a similar situation too). I feel really guilty going though, like I'm cheating on my ex in some way, even though I don't want him back. This new guy knows that it's nothing serious so I don't know why I can't move on. I'm not looking for anything serious, just a nice time with a nice guy, so why do I feel so guilty?! Sorry for the long post, but any advice would be very welcome!