Unchained_melody

Thank You Everyone for your replies..

Why do you keep suggesting me to dump him? I already told you in my previous post I have taken the advice of giving him a chance. Yes he does meet my criteria, out of all of them he doesn't have three, but one of the three he has the power to change. You even said that. I'm not expecting all of those qualities in my criteria a man has to have. I would be happy if atleast 2/3rds of it he does meet. And I don't see any women putting their opinions into this matter. I guess no one can sympathise with my complications right now, nor can help comfort me with all this cancer and sh** going on and my life is finally in hell. If you don't like me whining then change the purpose of this forum. I cancel my registration right now. GoodBye.

Hi, I think he is lost right now. I'm guessing he is young. He needs plenty of space and time to sort out his thoughts, and frustrations. There are plenty of guys like that here in Australia in the Gold Coast. Its usually to do with depression. He could be leaving you because he's just an immature creep, or he has alot of problems, and usually men give up the woman they love because they feel their woman deserves better when the men are stuck in a rut. Personally I think you should take that as a compliment, because he thinks you deserve better. I think you should focus on yourself, buy some nice new clothes whatever you find trendy, go out with your girl friends, buy a pet or have a make over. You need to have fun and you can do that without him. He will probably come back begging you to take him back anyway. So now while he is sorting out his problems, you need to focus on You. If he doesn't seem worth it?, then find another man.

Hi NJron, Well ofcourse not, he doesn't match all of those qualities I'm looking for. And infact I never expected these qualities before i met him. I started to think that way when we first broke up before. They are not a 'Must Do' or 'Must have' Qualities, but they are a priority and I do give people plenty of chances here. Out of them Qualities he doesn't have 3. They are: 1. financially stable (We have ups and downs in money but lately we've been having downs alot), 2. Healthy. Well he has cancer (it's not his fault why do you people keep thinking I am accussing him??) 3. Fertile. Well he had vasectomy done and if it gets worst with the cancer treatments, then i don't know. I WANT TO MAKE THIS CLEAR, I AM NOT SAYING ANY OF THIS IS HIS FAULT, I AM NOT SAYING HE IS A BAD PERSON EITHER. Its Okay! Really.. it is...

I love our conversations, how we are like a team with one mind but separate, I love how he is like water, smooth with flow, calm yet can be aggressive, understanding, emotional and strong. him and I are opposites, he says I am like fire, strong willed, determined, and active. I love how our differences get along like missing pieces in a big puzzle. Our star signs are also like water and fire. He's Scorpio which is water and I'm Sagittarius which is fire. Anyway, I love how he cares for me and when I'm upset he rushes to the rescue like a knight. I love how he protects me like I am the most precious thing in the world. I remember when we worked and lived in China; He bought me this HUGE Aquarium and i fell inlove with this Goldfish I called Buddha. One day there was a short circuit with the electricity and the Aquarium just went off, oxygen, filter, lights everything! I began panicking. Most of the fish died, but the Goldfish I threw in a pond just outside our apartment. A day later I discovered where the electricity box was located in our apartment and pulled the switch back on. That night I was sure the Goldfish had died and I started to get upset, and I guess he got tired of seeing me like that so He got up, grabbed a bucket and a fishnet (this was 3am in the morning now) Went downstairs, grabbed the fish at the same time fell in the water, completely wet, caught the fish, went back upstairs soaking wet with my Goldfish. I think a man who can do that is worth loving. I love how he opens the door for me all the time, I love how he carries something heavy off my arms. Most of all I love how he smiles, laughs and eats. I love the way he thinks, I love the sun in his eyes, and I also love the dark side of his soul. I love his practical and yet technical mind and his undying heart. He is like a part of me and that second voice inside my head. Lover, or friend he will always be the same, A Piece of me that was missing, and someone who is rare but valued because he is special.

I have been to a strip club because I got curious. I was very close to getting a job there because i heard How big the Money they make can get. At that time I was young and stupid, but the Money was BIG!! Attraction towards the career, the men I couldn't have cared any less. i think personally that, men go to strip clubs to make sure they are not gay. Ahahahaha! sorry. But some couples enjoy going together to a strip club, some enjoy threesomes, others foursomes and what somes. etc. Most couples who are mature end up being very serious and hate places like that. My man has a tendency to look at boobs. I have small boobs and whenever he looks at another woman's boobs that are BIGGER, I start to imagine I am Uma Thurman in Kill Bill... (with that noise in the background) He always denies it, but sometimes he says he is just curious and it's a man thing, he says he wouldn't be with me if he preferred bigger boobs, he says pamela anderson's boobs are nice to look at, but if men come any closer they wouldn't know what hit em. He says he prefers smaller boobs because when he hugs me he can still breathe ok, and that he likes petite women. So men do look at other women, because they are curious but it doesn't mean they would have sex with them or make out with them. I know how you feel, you feel that he might have preffered to touch the dancer because she had a better body? or you feel she is better in pleasing him than you and you are jealous and angry at him and maybe her? Try this, tell him one day that you are going to a Men's Strip Club. HAHAH! See how he reacts then. And if he reacts "What?!! you're doing What?!!"(pulling his hair or following you) IT means he loves you. If he doesn't do that, it could mean he respects what you do and could feel abit uneasy but hides his feelings or that he doesn't love you enough. But if he does react that way, Then you can turn around and say, Now you know what it feels like. Or not say that, and just know that he does love you.

Hello ? Hello? Where is everyone?!!! Hey I need a chat please!! I am lonely and bored, I can't call my partner because he is already asleep and it is 2:00 in morning in Australia. Is there anyone here who is not asleep yet?? Hello? am I typing too fast? ...

Avman I don't understand this one what you said? How could i be a sexist? I want to be more clear with what I said here. First of all I want a man who is: 1. Has an Authority figure, for example: someone who shows confidence about himself and is sure of what he is doing. (I also read that women get attracted to men who have authority than those who hide in the shadows - it's like a biological thing) For me it makes me feel like I can trust him more. 2. Financially stable. I think that's pretty straight forward there for both men and women. Can't have love without something to spend to feed yourself, or buy presents or pay the bills. 3. Responsible. Again I think that's for everyone. 4. Great Health - Ok maybe I expect alot there, but I would be happy if my man was generally healthy. Cause I know the thought of cancer wipes the smile off my face. 5. Very Fertile - as in generally fertile. Again that's general. But I do want a family and I do want my strengths and his strengths to be passed down to a face looking up at us. 6. Very Strong - Not all women want this, but I certainly do. I need my man to be very strong so he can protect me. (and it turns me on) I am tiny, only 48 kg, no I am not unhealthy it's just how much I weigh although I eat alot of fatty food. I don't have muscles so obviously men naturally get them.

Hi thanks for replying, Wow you ALL really have given me some great advice here. I almost fell off my chair. Avman, about that quote I said, I am not being stereo typical here, that is my own opinion about men, not how ALL MEN should be, Just how I WANT MY MAN to be like. We all have our preferences. I don't expect much Avman, I put up with this man for years. When I first saw him, I didn't look for a Man who owns a huge mansion, 4 different cars, a huge collection of cuban cigars. No! I was someone who valued a man's love. He wasn't any of that man above, He has a job but could barely keep it for more than 3 months, he is so materialistic he goes shopping and spends more money than me and yet he is most of the time short of cash and because I feel sorry for him I let him borrow money off me. I had to sell the laptop that I really loved because he was half an inch away from being a bum on the street. I loved him that much that I would risk my life, my career to support him. But I have come to my turning point of ENOUGH!! I am getting sick of putting up with the same things over and over again. And yet what's worst? CANCER. No it's not his fault, but I can't stop hurting because I love him that much!! I am sorry for being Selfish but it's Self Respect. I want to focus on my Life, my career and my future dreams and goals. And if he can't keep up with me, I will have to cut the rope... It's so sad, but I need a mental break and emotional healing. Now I expect a man to be like what I said before that you quoted, Why? Because I suffered too much to be too nice. I suffered being sexually assaulted (rape) and left with a broken heart from an idiot in the past, I suffered my parents rage in physically abusing me as a child and teenager, I suffered many broken hearts. So what should I expect ? Yes I believe a man can improve, I think everyone can improve - BUT, To a Certain Extent.. I have given him chances, I have given alot of men plenty of chances even after they broke my heart, but the truth is Most women won't do what I have done. People say I am too nice, they say I am like a blob of jelly and most men see me as a target to take advantage of. Well now I have grown spikes. And I expect a man to be a whole lot Better!! Because there are plenty of successful men out there. And if they expect me to be the best, then I will be the Best.. Cloud: thanks for your reply and you have convinced me to chose Option 2, I will try and not give him a time limit, but I will not tolerate and suffer longer just because I love him. I hope you understand that. NJRon: He does want children with me, but he can't because of Vasectomy. He says the sperm he had put away 6 years ago is in the bank but believed to have 'expired'. Plus it's too expensive to get it done in a complicated way which is also abit of a problem. Puppy: I want to leave this relationship now, but I can't because I have too much of a big heart for him. I don't wanna be unfair that is why I am giving him one last chance.

I have a difficult question to ask. What do you do, when the man you love is 1. Has Cancer 2. Has trouble keeping a job and being financially stable (even before Cancer) 3. Can't buy me even a rose on Valentines day 4. Caused me alot of financial problems, debts etc. 5. Can't help me pay off a loan we got together with both our names on it. So I am the only one helplessly paying it off. 6.Gets me really stressed out 7. Won't be intimate with me for a whole year 8. Can't have any children with me (Vasectomy + chemo therapy) 9. Can't read or see properly because of eyesight problems (i forgot what it's called) What Should I do? Should I 1. Start Looking for another man? 2. Stay with him and try to fix some of the major problems and giving him a time limit - 6 months. And if he is still hopeless, then find a better man. 3. Stay with him and not do anything about it and - Suffer, stress out, cry, get depressed, commit suicide? I have a feeling like if he can't have children, what is the point of being with him? Means I can't see my bloodline passed down, my parents won't have any grandkids and we would all be disappointed. I mean he already has kids, he was married and divorced before me and after the divorce he got Vasectomy done because his ex-wife ran away with the kids and it hurt him to think of kids. Men are suppose to be "MEN" who are the - "Authority figure, Responsible, financially stable, great health, very FERTILE and Strong". What do other women think of this?

Okay so what's the point in posting anything into this forum if noone is going to reply or relate or say anything or suggest any ideas?? I mean this is a forum built for people who have alot of problems to ask for some advice and to share their feelings and thoughts. It doesn't seem to be looking too good anymore. I am going to cancel my registration.

I don't know what is happening to me and why? Lately I have had plenty of problems come up in my life. OK Here are things that are bothering me right now I get so depressed over not having enough money, I get angry when I go a little over the budget, I get confused when I have no work or that my partner is saying something that makes me think about either money, parents, freedom, cancer, going overseas again or unemployment. ](*,) I get extremely lost and bored about my life right now because I have no work again and yet I want to study, and then I want to work, but I want to study.. Sometimes I wanna do both, and yet sometimes I don't feel like I need to be in a hurry to do anything because I have lost motivation and yet at other times I feel like I need to do it now!! now!! and then there are just Empty spaces in my thoughts AND!! I don't know what I should do! with my life!! I get so sad when I think about my partner who has cancer, I get so frustrated when we tend to argue all the time now and it hurts alot. I get annoyed by everything and anything around me; noise, people, car fumes, not being able to hear what my partner said because of all the noise, I hate crowds, I hate the sun because it burns my precious skin, gives me a headache and makes me mad at everything because I can't see anything without my sunglasses. I hate the roads because there are too many cars and not enough traffic lights, I hate those bumpers on the road when my car sometimes goes flipping about because of it. I hate Cancer because it is not curable and it keeps coming back and it just DESTROYS everything that You love!! and it makes you break down and cry. I hate sales people who annoy the sh** out of you when you are too busy doing important things. I hate not having enough money, I hate spending money and yet I love spending money but I hate it afterwards and it gives me a nervous breakdown!! I get even more frustrated when I want to have my own place soon, but I am saving up like a mad chicken, But when I go out and have fun with my partner and I end up spending a little bit more than I usually do for example: My budget for the day is $40. But then I go abit out of controll and happy that I spend $120!! instead. And that figure makes me sooo MAD!! Most of the time I question myself "Why did I spend this much?" after I have already spent it. And then I feel so guilty and bad for about 2 hours to 24 hours. But the thing that confuses me is that When I am Spending More money, I feel happy and free. But after I spend that money my feelings change? into guilt, anger, hopelessness and frustration?? I feel like I am paranoid about money, I feel like I need to save it all and if it disappears I go a little crazy! and then all depressed and get anxiety from it. Has anyone felt this way about money? Does anyone want to share their similar experiences, anger and frustration. You can tell me everything that annoys you on this thread. I feel like I have some Mental disorder or something about MONEY? or even Everything in life! Last night I went into this Website and I found out that I might have - Bipolar disorder.?? Help I am so lost and worried!! I don't know what to do?? Does anyone have any ideas??!!!!!

Sad but true. Some men have difficulty accepting a kid that isn't his. It's kind of like lions, lions often kill the offspring of other lions in other herds even when they have the same mother. It can be just nature. Okay I have four assumptions about this guy: 1. Either he is like the Lion 2. He doesn't feel like he is responsible enough yet and wants to be ready beforehand. 3. He is still got alot of maturing to do, which means he is only using you for sex or a hot fling romance - and sadly the thought of the kid turns him off! 4. He has never had a kid of his own and would like to start a family that has not already started. So he doesn't feel like he's that special to you ( he will more likely leave you, or be uncomfortable around your family)

I sometimes think that two people with no 'arguments' or 'cheating' or 'money issues' or any other issues that would ruin a relationship can be not right for each other. At other times I think it's ridiculous. You are either inlove, but you are constantly arguing, have differences with interest or mental connection or emotional or physical or one of you cheats or you are spending way too much time together or you are having money problems all the time or whatever "Wrong" thing or obstancle between the two of you that would "RUIN" your relationship, OR It can only come down to Are you Sure Or Not? about eachother. OR You find out one day that You two are cousins. Frankly I don't think we should be "TOO PICKY" these days with people, because Life is too Short and the best way to find out if you wanna spend the rest of your life with that person? Is when one day you find out they have Cancer.. I am not saying this should be a sympathy thing, basically what I have gone through has made me realised, just how much he really means to me. If you love a person so much! and your relationship is going great, THEN for Crying out Loud - APPRECIATE What you've got! because the world is getting to dark, too dangerous, too polluted to try and find a fantasy greener grass somewhere else. Oh and did I mention You Are Getting Older.. We all Are. Or who knows tomorrow is never promised to all of us? So why whine like a baby because baby wants lollipop with strawberry twirls and not green ones?. It's a lollipop! Who Cares? Take it or there might never be a lollipop as unique as that again! (this is just an example) Even what's more important? The main point of living life and spending it with someone is because we all wanna BE HAPPY!, and there are many ways we can enjoy life with someone without thinking 'I should have gone out with Leonardo Di Caprio' instead of this guy because it just doesn't 'feel' right. You either both 'feel' and 'think' - right/wrong thing. You can't just feel it otherwise you are off with the fairies. It seems like You are Expecting more and really missing out into looking at How wonderful and how great what you already have is....

Okay, it's very complicated to explain. My partner and I are kind of off, but we still love eachother and won't see other people. I don't know what you call it. There is probably a possibility of seeing other people, but either way we still see eachother alot, as best friends or as couple. Him and I have a very strange relationship. We broke up once before, and we realised we also had alot of friendship compatibility and still spent time with eachother as usual. Our usual time spent is atleast 4 - 5 hours a day, that includes before and after work. At other times we would spend 12 hours - 20 hours with eachother, also back overseas where we were working in the same school, we basically spent 24/7 (but that wasn't good for our relationship) Giving him space is quite huge to our usual time together. Our usual space is - A small space that is 5 hours to 10 hours a day (not including work hours or sleep hours), a medium space is 2 - 3 days apart, (which sometimes happens) and a big space which we are now doing is about 5 - 7 days without seeing eachother. It might not be alot of space to other people, but we do see things differently. I don't know if I am going through depression. I certainly know that I am starting to get very heavy mood swings and I get so sensitive and annoyed at things very easily. I think he's going through the same thing too but not as much. Today was the first day we've seen eachother sinced about a week ago.