blueangel
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Everything posted by blueangel
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Time takes that away. You have to be sure of yourself and only time will give you that. Enjoy him and yourself. Let natural currency take you as it will. (did I use that word right??)
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It doesn't always matter if you do things that show you aren't perfect. What matters really is how much you attempt to fix them. You're human.
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Sometimes worrying about things makes them true enough to you that you'll actually lead them to happen just by verbally questioning the person all the time. You seem to enjoy love. Find other enjoyments as well... something for your own self fulfillment. The more you take on interests, the more another has to learn about you and WILL want to. Then you WILL feel like you have something to offer and won't be so paranoid. If it remains to be negatively impacting you, I would start writing about it.
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I am ignored all too often. Sometimes even the people who do reply, don't give their all or answer even anything that's relatable as to what I sent. Anyways, there's something that she obviously doesn't want to deal with. I know you want to keep contacting her, but I don't think she wants you to. I think you should firstly ASK, "Is it okay for me to corresponde with you. I wish you would be straightforward with me. It would help me more than this." Then even if she responds, don't write back for a while. I know that sounds childish but I did that with someone to show them how it feels. Either way, I'm the type of person to let someone know they are hurting me. I'd write all my thoughts down and send it. that way, I'd have no regrets or feel like I didn't try enough. That to me takes away a lot in the "getting over" process. Yet, never make assumptions. Don't assume it's on purpose or that she's trying to hurt you. Just be honest. If she cares enough, she should reply to THAT. If you end up having to move on, pursue another as she is. Obviously it's helping HER in not discussing things with you.
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That's actually a great idea.
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I would say J, I was surprised of your desire for correspondence. It's been a while, but it was a pleasant surprise, I thought. I hope we really can be civilized this time and in this way. I pity the humidity you have to go through. That must tough but sticking through says a lot about a person! As they say: never give up! Things are going fairly well for me. I am feeling ______ and most of the time, doing _______. Talk to you later. -Mel If you are unsure about giving him your address or anything, just don't mention it and it you feel like it later, say, "Almost forgot to give you this!" and then it would like you simply did forget and he wouldnt take it as anything being held against him. Also: edit anything you want from this. If you are not certain of what message to send him, stay as impersonal as it would be polite until you are comfortable. If you are still angry in any way or really sad, I would keep silent...for now
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I don't think its one's interests that make a person "too" feminime or not... or even how they can behave. It's your lack of confidence that would make you seem not manish enough. If you take on "feminime (can't spell) interests" confidently, people wouldn't speak up about it being a problem. But if you have a problem with yourself... well, humans have a natural tendency for pointing out another's insecurity. For so long, women have been identified with not having a voice or being timid because for the longest time, WE WEREN'T ALLOWED or ACKNOWLEDGED. THAT is thereforeeee a stereotype being used... towards you and by women friends? That's strange to me. But if these "friends" aren't accepting you for who you are, they are then embarrassed of anything that does not go along with normalcy in their world which is something a LOT struggle with...and then judge because of so. Don't let their egos get to you. Be brave as you are.
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When I was 13 (and sometimes even until now) people would always tell me I was mature. It caused me to stretch into maturity even more, just by being labeled that. I wanted people to keep thinking of me that way. It was the only identity I respected. I didn't show the others sides of myself...for long. Then, by being serious all the time, I missed out on a lot of fun and silliness that I was still young enough to get away with. But like then, I am embarrassed to act that way today a lot of times...even if I've stopped minding if others do. I think people are complex and everyone has a maturity in them. I believe maturity is understanding and taking interests in real issues towards your life. You can't really escape issues in life because it all eventually will at one point or another inevitably lead you to experience more mature thoughts or at least feelings. Depth and even pain is just too mutual sometimes. But life is not all REAL issues. Most of the time, it's either bland or seemingly shallow and small talk and just making it through the day. If you are scared to ever just let go labels and be whatever you want, then you will only get people as insecure as you- even if they are insecure in other ways. So you only think that girls have labeled you because you are finding the ones who are scared... not the confident ones. We attract to us people who feel they can relate to us in some way. Even if not on a high note, insecure people have a way of coming together. You don't see really confident people hanging around them for long.
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That's how I am. If anyone carries himself or herself in a confident or sexy way or walk, I can get aroused just into the mindset. It doesn't mean that I want THEM. I'm just a very aware of sexual being.
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If you have to ask, then no.
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Can't seem to find you Seem to struggle instead Not just walking through life But even getting out of bed Who am I supposed to be? I can't carry me Alone, though I am strong. There's something just so wrong About a person When they pull away from love Like I do When they're scared of scary thoughts In the night, when I'm frightened as I am And though I pray It takes day Until I find you again But peace is gone by then I've tried to open my eyes Reach accross with my voice To have my own song and sights But it's not enough for these heartless nights When I'm lying in the bloodshed Of my beating heart As it wakes slowly In the surrounding dark Something's missing I cant distract myself for long Someone's missing I can have goals for thoughts But still it's missing And I'm wishing For it to go away But here I'm standing Still the same These waves they hit me As I dream And all that's real Screams in me The nightmares, the pictures in my head There's something inside there so dead I can feel it. The grief. A whole person Taken from me Years ago it seems all the time Now only does it start filling my mind please, don't haunt me Please, let me sleep I am feeling guilty For all that was bittersweet And although God is hard to find You find me all too often, my pain Yes, it's true It's like everything remains.
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Thanks. There was a sale.
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Except your virginity if he's a gangsta! (JK)
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I think when we don't take chances, we are still scared of something. Then, when you really see what you are scared of, the fear goes away through understanding... because fear is this: False Evidence Appearing Real. F-E-A-R. I actually heard that somewhere... I forget where... By the way, I'm used to people calling it "butterflies". I was really confused by your topic at first and took the term "having fireflies" literally. I was like, huh? (hehe can I have some?)
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My happiness comes subtly and most of the time, it isn't there. Having a passion for something has helped soothe me. It reminds that I have a lot inside and just knowing that, I stop doubting myself and let the actions to my own life begin.
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I can't stand you, Dan
blueangel replied to blueangel's topic in Poetry, Prose, Art & Photography's Topics
lol I write half "donkey" poems online. I'm too afraid that if I post my good ones, they will be stolen! -
I think life is set up feeling like we are being tested because we DO grow from our experiences if we are aware enough of ourselves too. That ability in us is amazing. No other creature has it.
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You can only know if you try! If you want to prevent mistakes, make a mantra or a set of values to live by or something of that sort that will cause you to be stronger in decisions with the respect you have for yourself. My mantra is: Carry Yourself Strong. My set of values revolve around "choose only love", "never judge", "let yourself be special and unique by being YOU" and "love to learn" and "you don't need to be them to fit in." That last one really helped me actually.
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Sorry to say- I only skimmed that so feel free to slap me (not really tho) if I answer incorrectly to your situation. Dang- wish I wasn't feeling so lazy right now when it comes to reading. I may come back later to read and write more. My advice to you is that because you are actually a LOT like me, get a journal and take it where you can and as much as you can. Now, observe. You have a creative energy in you that doesn't need harnished but at least to stop being filtered out day to day. You have a lot in you. Now is the time to gather goals, write about your thoughts on life and as you do this, you will gradually accumulate a sense of self that doesn't come easy in the outside life. You have to go inward to solve depression and MOST of the solution towards depression begins partly with finding exactly what is wrong. How your body feels is only an expression of what's going on inside. So watch it. Feel it. Listen to it. Only you can REALLY know. When there is nothing to do, do something active- even if it's going up and down the stairs. You have an energy that is not expressed and feels faded. We all do, actually. Motivate your body to motivate your mind. Think healthy living (exercise and eat right) and love of inner self (journal thing) to obtain that energy you need to get moving again. If you don't have friends, find when you are in that distracted yet silent time the will to reach out to someone. The greatest rewards come from what you do and by that, who you decide to be in the end will shine through. You have to make your choices. "You have to be the change you wish to see."- Ghandi. Now that you are aware of the nothingness, you can only create from it. Take the knowledge of all the years you've been alive and start planning a life path. What do you want out of life? Make even a dream board. Do you want wealth? Do you want to travel the world? Do you want to live by a beach someday? Do you want to teach others spirituality or what you are passionate for? Do you want to have a life of thrill? A life of love? A life of GOD? You can make yourself into a hard worker once you realize where it is you want to go. And that, also, you can only be the one to really know. Here to help!
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That could be actually a very good thing, as far as I know it.
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Get him help. It seems he knows his feelings (sort of on everything else) and feels stuck. People who attach themselves to certain feelings are even more attached when they agree with new feelings. Reaching those new feelings are more difficult but I've learned that it is the depressed that once happy, can grow completely into an extreme of a happy personality. What he seems to want is TO be lost in his own mess. If you broke it off with him, explaining precisely why in a letter, he could hit bottom and finally do something about it. Right now, he's confused if he's right about himself or NOT. So... breakup and therapy would confirm he needs to get it together and with the right amount of time, he should. Breakup and therapy would be healthy for you both. What I would do is help him get therapy- even if it means paying for it and forcing him to go- and then give him space so you can be at peace with yourself (at least) before you go back in to deal with however he has chosen to make progress (positive or negative). Let him know what you are trying to do and why. It should work. Otherwise... the relationship just isn't for you nor up for a try.
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-sigh- I want to talk about this all so bad... no one's replied. Can't blame them but... Drats. I need to let it go.
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It's my brain. My brain gets paranoid and then it just gets stronger where I can't look at anything for fear of seeing things. I never do... except at night. i have strange dreams and then wake up to seeing things or hearing things... or even just go to sleep doing so. My mom suffers from the same thing. I think that the more I expect it, the more it happens. I've learned now to just trust. THe more I find other things to think about, the less I fear... yet still the more I worry about everything else. Man! No escape! lol
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I hope I never talk like that! No offense! It's just so... formal? Kind of cold.
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Thanks. I felt better once I finished writing all of that. It's like I get into my own little "PLanet Sarah" sometimes. It's like... I can be scared of the outside world. I'm afraid of what it will do to me if I take on no control. I've noticed that I pull away often... even when I'm getting along with people... to try to be separate from them in some way. I have a fear of identifying myself with others because I can lose my true self if I think they are better in personality. Ever since I was little, I've had a need to be special. After all those years of trying, I'd forgotten my true intentions and just kept snowballing such a lifestyle of separateness. I am really afraid. I can't even look people in the eyes. It's so...strange. I mean, I soak up any moments of love from others (as little as a guy checking me out) like rays of happiness to keep me going... but do nothing to deepen the love in my life. I just let it reside as I falter in front of my footsteps... still going that same path. Connecting with people seems more difficult the older I get because I HAVE become so independently ME. I think now that I really do know me (or at least a lot more about things), I'm ready to have a better life... but not involving myself truly in my life for so long has made me feel lost in my conquest... so I lose myself even more in all these goals. Wow! That was like therapy for me.