Cadence308

Yeah, I think she's onto you. I have friends that were similar to that before I even suspected that I was gay. I was still far back in the closet where the sun don't shint. People had been asking me for years if I was gay, including my parents. The fact that she seems so intrigued by gay people is interesting. It almost sounds like she, herself may be questioning her own attractions and sexual interests. Usually, some of the most homophobic people are mostly afraid of their own feelings and tend to be gay or not completely straight. If you don't feel comfortable or safe to come out, then don't. It might help you if you do have a friend or two who are gay friendly that you can trust and talk to about things. I wouldn't worry too much about her comments. She sounds really ignorant and immature. Next time she's making comments like these and bringing up the whole homosexuality issue, I would just call her on it. I would say, "You know, you seem to be talking about homosexuality a lot lately. I'm wondering if you are suddenly becoming more attracted to chicks. Is there something that you want to share with us?" You can say it jokingly, but I bet it will help her to lay off of the comments.

Be blunt here. What a creep!!! Tell him you don't date married men and to stop contacting you. If he doesn't get the hint, then threaten to tell his wife. That should end all contact with you.

Sounds like it would be good for him if you were there. It doesn't sound like he wants you to say anything, but just be there. He needs your support right now.

How people react and treat you when they find out you are gay depends on who you tell, where you live, and how people perceive gay people in that area. In general, all people react differently, as we all have different backgrounds, levels of education, religions, political affiliations, etc. and these all affect perceptions of gay people, and hence reactions. Your question is very general. It's hard to give good advice unless you give us some background information.

I am sorry that this happened to you. I'm sure that you must be feeling so betrayed by your husband and a woman that you thought was your best friend. I know that you probably thought that you were doing the best thing by allowing her family to move in with you, but I think that was the BIGGEST mistake that you could have made. You probably see this now. The same thing happened to my grandmother when my mom was growing up. My mom's family was good friends with the neighbors who lived in the apartment accross the hall. The woman, I'll call her Ann, was good friends with my grandma. I think Ann ended up getting a divorce, so she was single and still my grandma's best friend. Then my grandpa had an affair with Ann and left my grandma and their 5 kids to be with her. They are still married. The point is that Ann was a single woman who spent a lot of time with my mom's family and my grandpa had an affair with her. My mom has always taught me that if you have a single friend and a serious boyfriend or husband, don't spend all of your time together or move in together. I suggest you and your husband seek counseling if you both want to stay married and still love each other. This woman is in love with your husband. Hopefully, by now she's moved out of your house. I don't see how it's possible to remain friends with her and stay married to your husband or even why you would want to, at this point. That is the "ultimate" betrayal from a friend. Even though the two of you have been through so much together, she violated your trust and your boundaries, and she's in love with your husband. How could you ever look at her the same again?

It's best to use multiple methods of birth control. If you used a condom and you think it may have broken, it's best to go to your health care provider or family planning within the first couple of days after having sex to see if you can get the day after pill. A few of my friends had to do this.

There are tons of hot guys out there and I can appreciate them physically, but doesn't mean that I want to be with them or in a relationship with them. If you are just curious, that's okay. Go out to a gay bar or find a gay scene and just talk to some of the people. That can do wonders if you are curious or just starting to come out. It helped me a lot.

If it makes you feel any better about getting started, some of us on this site are still virgins! Yes, I'm 28 years old and STILL a virgin and I'm proud of it. I've had lots of offers, but I'm waiting for a better one because I respect myself and want to be in love with the other person. I also have commitment and intimacy issuses, but I'll save that info for another thread. Others are right, if you want to stand out then be funny, be cute, be fun to be around, be kind and caring. There's more to you and liking you than just having sex. It's not a race and you are too young and immature to fully understand the repercussions of sex and what comes with it. If you are suffering from low self-esteem and are desiring the attention of men, try getting involved with something that you care about like yoga, pottery, dancing, a book club, drama club, or something else. Those are the kinds of things that will help you build healthy self-esteem, not just having sex and being with a lot of people. Think about your future because you have a lot of it to look forward to and you don't want a child or an STD to be part of your future.

I agree that this situation is not fair to you. You are feeling bad about it because you are a woman and sex is more emotional for a woman, esp. if you have been in a relationship with the person. You need to decide what you want and then implement it! It seems like there's one of two choices that need to be made here: either no contact and no sex or get back together.

LOL slightlybent. That's the best advice I've heard all week.

Maybe, maybe not. Do you have fantasies about being sexual with a man? Have there ever been any men that you have wanted to get closer to either physically or emotionally (like the mailman)? Do you have a preference in terms of attraction? Have you ever acted on a physical or emotional attraction to a man? These are the questions that you should be asking "yourself" to determine if you are gay. It's too hard to say, esp. from the lack of information that you've given us.

I think my first realization was in about third grade. There was this girl, two grades lower than myself that I was really attracted to. I saw her on the playground and she had long, curly hair (it was big curls like rolled in hot curlers like my own at that age). Her name was Christy and I saw her playing alone. I really wanted to be friends with her and didn't really understand why. It wasn't until my attraction to a much older woman about 2 years ago did I consider the possibility that I was a lesbian. She would flirt with me, look me up and down, and tell me how beautiful I was all of the time. I was so turned on by her, but in complete denial for the longest time. It's been and continues to be a coming out process.

I'm not a guy, but from a woman's perspective, I WOULD NOT have sex if I were not ready to do so. If the guy is frustrated then there's always masturbation. Men are probably always really sexually frustrated through the teen years and some of the 20s...it's a hormonal thing. If he can't wait then he's just not worth it. Sex in a relationship is about both people being ready, sharing a commitment and a bond, not just about one person being ready and getting their rocks off at the expense of the other. I don't think that I would sweat it out too much if he hasn't brought it up, yet. I also wouldn't dwell on the thought of making him sexually frustrated. When I dated men, after a make-out session with me they probably always felt sexually frustrated since I'm a virgin and wasn't about to give it up. One guy I saw on and off through high school and 5 years in college and still never gave it up to him. I'm sure he felt pretty sexually frustrated. But, the fact that we were seeing each other very sporadically and only when I came home during holidays and an occasional weekend, I felt like it was not a committed relationship and I didn't want something that was just sex and no strings attached. He never gave me the commitment and emotional security that I was looking for, so he never got sex from me! Take your time and move at a pace that's comfortable for you. If he's into you then he WILL wait. If he brings it up or asks then you just have to be honest.

My best suggestion for you is to have some self-respect. If you are getting sexual urges, try to get to know your own body and what feels good before wanting it with someone else. Sex has a lot of risk and shouldn't be taken lightly. thereforeeee, just liking someone is not enough to have sex with them. The best thing for a relationship is to not let it be built on just liking someone or sex, but a good relationship should be built on trust, communication, respect, including self-respect. Sex should make a relationship better. It's like icing on a cake. You wouldn't ice a cake that wasn't baked all of the way. You will get a reputation for being a * * * * if you aren't careful.

blueangel, I just read your thread and it had me scared, sitting on the edge of my seat. I can't imagine the emotions that you must have been feeling and the trauma that you've been through. Your friend, Amanda has been traumatized too. I'm glad that you've made a friend who understands you because she has been through something so similar. It sounds like you are feeling better. I've been on some antidepressants and you are right, a lot of them speed up your heart rate and can actually make you feel psychotic because they act as serotonin and norepinephrine, which is a catecholamine that does increase heart rate. If you are not feeling well with your meds, you should work with your doctor to find an antidepressant that works better for you.

Well, lanty, I'm definitely in your situation, although you are a few years older than me. Sometimes reading the threads on this site make it hard for me. Sometimes I'm glad that I haven't give myself away like a lot of people have to a lot of people. For me, it's a little about pride that I have something that no one has experienced with me, yet. At the same time, I am often embarrassed to admit to friends that I'm still a virgin and quite inexperienced at being close, intimate, or sexual. So, when these talks come up, I don't have much to contribute, naturally. I've also recently (in the last 2 years) come to the conclusion that I'm a lesbian. So the issue of where and how to meet women who are also interested in dating women becomes a second problem. Ultimately, I have a very real fear of being close to someone. I've had my heart broken before and it's been almost too much to bear. I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone and having them cheat on me or no longer be attracted to me, or even them breaking up with me. It seems like I would crack emotionally. Do you want to be intimate with another person or do you just like your space too much? If you do want to be intimate with another person, do you put yourself in situations that allow you to meet someone that you would potentially be interested in in a partner?

I can see how the porn habit would be annoying and it sounds like it is an addiction, thereforeeee it probably is hard for him to control. The internet just makes it worse with the easy, any time access. As far as chatting with women online about your private life and sex life, you are right to be PISSED about that. That sounds like it's opening the doors for infidelity and I would make him get counseling and maybe consider not having internet access at home. If he wants to be online he can check his email at the public library where there is usually about an hour time maximum.

If you were unaware that the two of you were having an exclusive relationship, then you were not having a relatioship, regardless of what this guy thinks. I dated men in the past who expected me to read their minds when it came to relationships. One guy even told me that I was cheating for going out with another guy friend to a play. I wasn't even sure if we were together! A relationship and the terms within it are agreed upon by both members of that relationship.

People die alone ALL of the time EVERY day. Think about the senior citizen who lost their spouse before their own time...they die alone. It's probably really depressing to think of all of those who die alone, but it happens.

Don't shave usually stops the itching. Laser hair removal might be effective for removing the hair and the itch.

Sounds like the poster wanted to vent and get some advice on how to handle his situation with his boss? Am I correct? I was in a very similar situation to yours about 4 years ago, but with a professor who was supposed to write me a positive letter of recommendation to graduate school. I asked her in mid-November and the letters were due Feb. 1. I thought that was more than sufficient time. I also gave her the addressed envelopes with stamps on them, so they were all ready to go once she wrote the letter. I followed up twice in Jan. and she still hadn't gotten to them. By the end of the first week of Feb., I was getting letters in the mail and emails from the graduate schools, telling me that they were missing a letter of recommendation and told me which ones they had. This professor had every excuse to not have my letters done. She was busy, out of town, etc. I was upset, esp. when she told me that she would write me a positive letter of recommendation. I found out much later that the letter that she wrote me was negative. I didn't get accepted into the graduate school of my choice. Then this professor invited me to her office, made me an offer to be her graduate student, offered me a stipend that included tuition, etc. To make a long story short, it was a big mistake on my part to trust her and to try to work with her. Things did not work out. Back to your story...why is your boss procrastinating filling out your evaluation? Is this for a class? Will you get credit for it? Are you close to graduating? Does your boss have a motive for keeping you around longer? I don't think your boss is dependable and sounds like my professor who ultimately didn't care about me or what I was trying to accmplish? Is there anyone else that you can get to fill out the evaluation? If so, I would recommend having them do it. If there's not, I would be as sweet as pie to your boss and explain to him how important this evaluation is to you and just ask him WHEN he can get it filled out and tell him when the deadline is. GL!

I think you want it to be more than just friends with Jane. It seems as though you do have a good friendship...it's an emotional affair. I agree that if your significant other can't give you what you need and want in the relationship and you are desiring Jane, get a divorce. I do feel bad for both of your significant others. It is cheating because neither of your partners knows the extent to which you and Jane spend time together and sneak off together.

Sounds like the feelings have a good chance of being mutual. I think I remember your thread from about one month ago. Good to hear that you have waited until she broke up with her boyfriend before actually moving forward on anything. You will drive yourself crazy if you don't find out soon how she feels about you. Then if the feelings aren't mutual, it will take a lot more time to get over. This is what I would do: Next time the two of you are having a moment of staring at each other and feeling horny, I would just get really close to her and ask her if you can kiss her.

I agree that he's immature. He can't let his friends down, but it's okay to let you down even though he claims to still be in love with you. Do NOT let your guard down and allow yourself to be used for sex because that will be all that he wants with you! Have some self-respect and make it an all or none event with you. Either he commits to getting back together again and you have a normal sexual relationship or you stay broken up, in which you have no sexual relations. It sounds like he's calling to make sure that you aren't dating someone else.

I'm a woman and never can recall a time when a doctor stuck anything up my vagina during childhood. My docs were always really respectful about my private areas even when checking my heartrate. This is definitely sketchy and I think you should report it. If he did this to you, he's probably doing it or more to some other girls.