Cadence308

Thanks for sharing these stories. They are something that we all should remember.

This is a tough one. You could avoid her, but that would make things really awkward at work. I would just answer her call next time she calls you and let her know that you value her as a friend, but that you are really into your career right now and are only interested in having a plantonic friendship.

Wow, sounds like you have a bundle of relationship issues on your plate! As far as I know, cucumbers don't have social skills! LOL Nice description. I'm not sure what I would do about the almost-stalker guy. I would tell him that you are beginning a new relationship and ask him not to contact you any longer, as you are not interested. I think when you make it that blunt and he keeps pursuing you then you should document all contact that you have with him, in case you need to do something serious about it. I do think it's strange that your female friend seems to be in a serious relationship with a man who is financially savy, yet she wants to go away with you to grad school and be roommates and make all these plans traveling. Those are the kinds of things that people do with their significant others and maybe occasionally travel with a friend. Your friend sounds like she could be harboring deeper feelings for you than just a friend or a possible roommate. She sounds like a closet lesbian to me. I am saying this because as you describe your friend I am thinking of myself. Even when I dated men I preferred to be with women. I was just naturally attracted to women. I would have dogged a date or a guy that wanted to date me to spend time with my women friends (even when I was totally in the closet and even when I viewed my female friends as platonic). Also, why is your friend so vague about her boyfriend? Some of my friends have asked me if I was a lesbian and when I asked them why they asked me that they have said because I never talk about men as romantic interests. The fact that she has this serious boyfriend that she rarely talks about is interesting. Do you know if she's ever had a girlfriend or a crush on a woman? I would ask her. As for the questions about plumbing and such, I wouldn't think too much about it. If my female friend would tell me such and say that I was lacking the necessary plumbing I would just say, "There's always double-sided dildos."

It sounds to me like when she told you that she had feelings for this guy that she slept with that she provoked insecurities within you about the relationship, which made you question how important you are to her. I don't agree with her telling you about this other guy that she had sex with. However, I guess it's too late for that. If you two are going to remain in a relationship I would try to sit down and talk to her and find out where she's coming from and where you stand with her. She does sound very confused. Maybe suggest she see someone professionally.

Yes, there are girly lesbians. I am a girly lesbian myself, but call myself femme. Lesbians come in all shapes, sizes, colors, styles, etc. I prefer femme women, as I find them sexy and beautiful.

I think it's quite common for guys to be nervous their first time having sex and to not be able to get it up or to go limp. My brother told me that this happened to him his first time. I didn't ask and it was WAY too much information. It seems like the two of you are moving quite quickly into the sex. If you have only been together for a couple of months and have only dry humped, why not try groping without clothes on, hand jobs, or BJS? It could lead to new things without the stress of pregnancy and STDs right away? Speaking of which, be sure to have condoms and multiple methods of birth control are better than just one.

If you are posting this question, "Should I lose my Virginity," on this site, the answer is NO you should not. It sounds like you are feeling like you should lose your virginity because all of your friends are. That is not a very good reason. Sex requires a lot of responsibility, as there is always the risk of pregnancy and STDs. I don't feel it's a topic to be taken lightly. I'm actually still a virgin at the ripe ol' age of 28. It's easy to feel like you are missing out on all of the fun, but there's many more important things to spend your time on than just sex or worrying about the lack of. If your friends are teasing you about your virginity then maybe it's time to get some other friends who will respect you for who you are and your values.

Most guys I've met find it a turn on if a girl hasn't been with many men. I guess they like feelings like the stud!

No, she's hot, so thanks for the compliment! I've had a few people tell me I resemble Sharon Stone and someone told me that I could be Leonardo DiCaprio's sister. I wouldn't mind being as hot as Sharon Stone.

LOL Those kind bug me, too. I just wanted to say that I read your thread and I can only imagine how you must be feeling. You have to be who really think you are inside and not what others want and think you should be or you will be miserable for the rest of your life. I think Ilse gave good advice about the trained professionals who determine whether you should be eligible for the gender change or not. You are really young, so hopefully they take you seriously and don't make you wait until you are in your 20s. It probably wouldn't hurt your parents to seek some counseling from professionals to learn how to deal with this and be supportive of their own child. I hope everything goes the way you want it to.

Well, there are similarities between the poster's story and my own. I'm also 28 years old. I've been on many dates and had many kisses and a few make out sessions here and there. I am still a virgin and just have serious fears of intimacy, rejection, and sex, in general. I can relate to you about not feeling confident and attractive. I haven't ever really had a boyfriend since I was like 15 years old. A lot of my fears and problems with getting involved in a relationship with a man is because I'm a lesbian. It really sounds like discos and night clubs are not going to be the best places for you to meet your type of person that you would date. They were never my type, either. Have you thought of joining a book club or some other organization like a volunteer organization? These are pretty social things where you could meet people of similar interests and open up the possibility of meeting someone to date? Have you considered online dating? It's a cheap, easy way to meet people that you wouldn't normally meet in your day to day activities. It's also not face to face so it would eliminate most of the fears of rejection. Of course you deserve to be touched and have an intimate relationship if that's what you choose.

Oops! Sorry, did not realize you were a woman. Just assumed that you were a man since you posted in the gay and lesbian section. If it's acceptable in UK to date and marry 2nd and 3rd cousins and your family has no problem with it, then it doesn't sound like a problem. I guess the problem is that for one this guy is gay. Another thing that you should think about is that if you two ended up together, since you are cousins and do have similar genes and mutations in your genes, there is still the risk of having a child with deformities as a result of this. That's why many cultures do not accept cousins at any level getting together. It's an evolutionary thing. Since I live in Utah, there are some people who still practice polygamy and marry their uncle or someone within their own family. These children have many mental and physical problems. It costs our government so much money, but that could be another post.

Sounds like you both need to mature a bit and stop the games!

I have no idea who came up with the idea that fasting is a good way to cleanse your body and soul. I'm wondering what the physiological basis is for this? A good way to cleanse your body of toxins would be to consume enough fiber on a daily basis. I think experts are now saying 40-50 grams of fiber a day is needed to prevent colon cancer. Fiber is the best way to clean the GI tract. It binds and carries with it toxins and takes those out of the body since humans lack the enzyme to metabolize fiber.

I don't completely understand your thread. Is your friend straight? If she hasn't been involved with men at all or been attracted to them since you've known her then I would say that there's a good chance that she could be a lesbian or bisexual. It's also not clear to me why she was always telling you how much she loved you and meant to you, etc. It's something that you might do occasionally with a friend, but not all of the time. Hugs are something that I think are sexually somewhat neutral. It kind of depends on the nature of the hug, what the circumstances are surrounding the hug, how huggy the people are who are involved in the hug, etc. A kiss is much more intimate. Have you ever slept with your friend or do you know if she's ever been with a woman?

Sounds like you better get interested in and start taking up masturbation and porn or you are going to be in trouble. When I was 15 sex was the last thing on my mind.

It hurts to be in love with someone who no longer wants to be with you. You didn't mention if you two are still in contact as friends. It sounds like it since you know that she's been out socializing. I think you should go NC to get her out of sight and out of mind. Give yourself some time to grieve. Then do some things for yourself that you never had the chance when you were with her. Find yourself again. Nothing we say here can take away the pain. It's all just a part of loving and losing. I hope you feel better soon.

I have to admit that it's strange to be getting it on with a cousin. It's a 3rd cousin, but I'm not used to giving advice on incest. They do say incest is the best! I think you should just forget about the kiss and try not to see him. It sounds like he's jealous of your relationships and the two of you have already ventured into dangerous, off-limits territory with the kiss. He's your 3rd cousin! Just thinking about how I'm related to my cousins is enough to turn me off. And what would your family think or say or do if they found out the two of you were having an intimate relationship??? Do you think that you were maybe realizing that you were gay when you first met him and had the kiss and maybe you look up to him and idealize him and are confusing those feelings with lust? For your sake, I hope so.

Sounds like you were too rough or she was not lubed enough. If she's not used to being penetrated with a finger or anything else it would make sense that she was sore and bled. If this is persistent I would recommend she see a doctor.

I would wait a few more days and then take it again. Your period might just be late, esp. if you have been stressed out lately over something like your boyfriend coming in you. The take home pregnancy tests are REALLY accurate. They detect a hormone called hcg that an embryo secretes, which is the same hormone that is detected when you go to the doctor and they perform a blood test.

The other website I mentioned is the American College of Sports Medicine. The website is: link removed I'm not just giving you information because it sounds good. I actually have a master's degree in this stuff and I have ACSM and NSCA certifications.

link removedHere's a blurb that I copied and pasted from the National Strength and Conditioning Association. The website is: link removed link removed Health Aspects of Resistance Exercise and Training Resistance training may enhance cardiovascular health by mitigating several of the risk factors associated with cardiovascular disease by producing such changes as decreases in resting blood pressure, particularly in individuals with elevated pressures; decreases in exercise heart rate, blood pressure, and rate pressure product at a standard workload; modest improvements in the blood lipid profile and; improvements in glucose tolerance and decreases in hemoglobin Alc in patients with diabetes mellitus. [*]Resistance training may result in improvements in body composition by maintaining or increasing lean body mass and producing modest decreases in the relative percentage of body fat. [*]Resistance training can produce increases in bone mineral density and may help delay or prevent the development of osteoporosis by reducing the age-associated loss of bone mineral density. [*]Resistance training may reduce anxiety and depression and may result in improved self-efficacy and overall psychological well being. [*]Resistance training can reduce the risk of injury during participation in other sports and activities. When performed correctly and properly supervised, it is in itself a safe activity with low injury rates. [*]Resistance training increases muscular strength and endurance, resulting in an increased ability to perform activated of daily living, and reduces demands on musculoskeletal, cardiovascular, and metabolic systems.

You can't just decide that you want to lose fat and do that phase first for a few days and then decide you want to build muscle and do that for a few days. Your body does not work that way. Your body has a genetic predisposition for where fat is stored and taken off. It will automatically begin using more calories once you begin exercising. Calories will be burned during aerobic activity and calories will be burned doing weight training activity, although much of the calories will be burned post-weight-training activity during the rest phase. As I stated before: It all depends on your GOAL! If your goal is to bulk up then spend more time on weight training. If your goal is to run a marathon then spend more time running or doing aerobic activities. If your goal is to be more fit overall then combine aerobic activity with weight training. But, the more muscle that you have, the more calories that you can and will burn at rest. So some weight training is always a good idea no matter what the goal. And that is what they teach us in college and these professors who teach us have Ph.D.s and they are the ones doing the research. At least the credible research!

oops sorry 2 posts of the same comments were posted

To lose weight there needs to be a total caloric deficit. Whether that comes from eating less or being more active or a combination of both. Simple as: calories in minus calories out. Not necessarily. Once you start weight training, which is the best way to significantly increase muscle mass, your body will automatically require more calories to increase protein size (muscle mass). It's also thought that the muscle breakdown occurs during the actual weight training and that rebuilding occurs aftrwards with food and rest. Muscle mass is very metabolically active, so the more of it you have, the better off you will be in terms of burning more calories and esp. at rest. Yes, this is possible with a program combining weight training and endurance type aerobic activities (running, cycling, walking, swimming, stairmaster). If your goal is to burn fat and gain muscle mass and just to be fit then 3-4 days of weight training combined with 3-4 days of aerobic activity will be sufficent to accomplish this. It really depends on your goal. You mentioned professional weight lifters and they spend more time on weight training than on aerobic activities. Diet also plays a big part in all of this. Another poster talked about weight. I wouldn't waste any time worrying about your weight and the numbers on the scale. Muscle is more dense and compact than fat and thereforeeee, weighs more. So it's very likely that a hard-core weight training program will increase your body weight. I would get your body fat composition taken prior to beginning an exercise program. Doing this gives you something to compare as you progress in your program and should assist you with goal setting. Universities offer testing or your local recreation center or gym should for a small fee. Hydrostatic weighing is the most accurate. If that's not available try to get a skinfold caliper body done. Studies also show that drinking a lot of water increases your metabolism at rest. I'm not sure where you are getting your information, but it's not sounding the most accurate. I actually have a couple of degrees related to physiology so I know the information I'm giving you is correct with what the scientific community recommends. Feel free to PM me with any questions. The American College of Sports Medicine is the gold standard in exercise physiology and the National Strength and Conditioning Association is the gold standard for athletic training, including weight training. There's articles on these web sites. I would suggest going there for further information.