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Cadence308

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Everything posted by Cadence308

  1. Cadence308
    I agree with Melrich that people go through times in their lives when they are not ready for a relationship and just want to be responsible for themselves. This is how I've felt at many times in my life. Now that I am single again I am feeling this way again. I go to school and work, just got out of an emotionally draining relationship, and just want to focus on me again. I would have to meet someone that I was absolutely crazy about to change my mind about wanting to be in a relationship and wanting to make time. I think she's telling you the truth. The best that you can do is respect her feelings, maybe be a friend for her, and see what happens.
  2. Cadence308
    Congrats! I can't believe he blantantly asked you if you had a boyfriend. At least you know he's comfortable in his own skin. Keep us posted on how it goes! I have never been to a "gay" club that was mixed or just for guys, but I've been to all women clubs. The ones I've been to I didn't like too much. The one in Seattle had a lot of butch women, which isn't my type. I like the femmes. Then it was hard for me to chat up with some of the women because a lot of them were there with their girlfriends and their girlfriends would get jealous and they would actually leave the bar. LOL Sort of funny. I think guy ones are probably different. There's probably many, many single guys there. It sounds like it will be fun. Wear something that you feel comfortable in, that you know that you look good in, and that is a slight upgrade from your normal every day wear. You want your date to think that you look sexy. GL!
  3. Cadence308
    I read your thread. Welcome to enotalone. I can tell how much you love your mom and that you are hurting because of what she did to herself. I hope you know that it had nothing to do with you. I think you should share your poem with your mother to let her know that you are hurting as well. I think it could help remind her of someone who loves her so much and someone who is worth living for.
  4. Cadence308
    Honestly, it sounds like you are doing WAY too much and worrying WAY too much about this. You are a 4.0 student and your grades will speak when you apply to colleges. It's great that you are trying to do everything, but it sounds like you are doing a lot of things that you do not enjoy and are getting stressed out and burned out in the process. You will probably be offered scholarships if you keep your grades up. If I were you I would put most of my energy there. Maybe keep the class presidency and the assistant editorial thing if you really enjoy it. Ditch the rest for right now. Try to have some fun. If you have balance in your life you will be less likely to get burned out and you will be able to maintain your grades. I had a friend who studied her brains out in high school. She only got one B in a cooking class her whole high school career. When she got to college I think she was pretty burned out and started slacking off, cutting classes, smoking weed, and she ended up dropping out. She eventually returned and finished her degree. But, I think she resented the fact that she did not have a life in high school and was completely consumed with her grades and getting into a good school. So, it's really okay to tell a teacher that you are too busy. I'm sure she will understand and will probably still write you a letter of recommendation. She is just asking you because she thinks highly of your abilities. That doesn't mean that you have to do it.
  5. Cadence308
    Have you and this guy that you have started dating agreed that you are exclusive? Or have you just been out a few times? If you haven't verbalized this then I would think that the field is open for play and even if he were doing something with another woman then it wouldn't be cheating. That's still rude of them to invite you over and proceed to be all over other girls in your presense. p.s. Tell his roommate that he needs to get a life! Find some feature on him and make fun of it.
  6. Cadence308
    It sounds like you are confused about your sexuality because you are possibly attracted to this girl. However, you do have a serious boyfriend, so I wouldn't try to pursue anything more with her other than friends while you are in a relationship.
  7. Cadence308
    Wow, that's a tough one! If it were me I know that I would be holding back from telling him, just in case and in the hopes that he would stop paying for premium adult memberships to online sites and would quit giving out his number to women online. To me that just means that he's looking for something better. If he knows that you are the one for him then why is he still looking and pursuing other women? If you confront him about it then he will just be more careful about deleting his internet history because nobody in a relationship wants to find out their significant other is contacting women online or giving out their number. That is setting the foundation for cheating. I'm sure you also don't want to hold this inside because you are having trust issues with him now. I know that I would not want to be with someone who was spending this much time on the internet jacking off or looking for other women.
  8. Cadence308
    It really sounds like you are grappling with the kind of feelings that gay people deal with. The first step is admitting the attraction of the same sex to yourself. Then when you feel like you can't handle the secret any more you end up confiding in someone, etc. It may be that you are bi-sexual, too. And you may also have a low sex drive. I have concluded that I am attracted predominantly to women and I also have a low sex drive with little desire. I think it takes a long time to find someone that you are really attracted to and have those feelings be reciprocated. I wouldn't worry about your age and being a virgin. You aren't totally sexually inexperienced, as you've told me, so you aren't completely in the dark on that one. Just keep dating and learning more about yourself. It is okay to question and if you weren't questioning then I would be wondering about you!
  9. Cadence308
    I was in an age gap relationship. She was 46 yrs old and I'm 28 yrs old, so it was 18 yrs. I think the age diff bothered her more than me even though she wouldn't come out and admit it. She didn't come and meet my family like I would have liked and I think a big part of that was because she is closer to my parent's age than mine. We are no longer together. It wasn't because of the age gap. I actually prefer older women. I think I like the maturity, where they are with their lives and careers, and I tend to have a lot in common with them, esp. the intellects.
  10. Cadence308
    B...I like it a lot. I get sex head when receiving. LOL
  11. Cadence308
    I have issues with feeling comfortable sexually, too. I talked with my therapist about it and she suggested that I spend time alone in my room naked so that I get used to my own body. She also suggested that I masturbate, but I already do this. lol
  12. Cadence308
    I think most women would be flattered that you haven't been around the block many times and if the interest is mutual they will be willing to be your first. Many people get nervous going on a date, so I wouldn't worry about being nervous about that. Just take things one step at a time and the rest will come later...
  13. Cadence308
    LOL Well...I met my girlfriend on link removed. There were tons of women who were winking at me on there. Some of them were pretty hot, too. I totally know about trying to meet sane women, though. Most are the U-Haul lesbian type!
  14. Cadence308
    Just because you felt that you were wrong about things in the past does not mean that you are wrong now or even in the past. Relationships change because people change and sometimes people grow together and sometimes they grow apart. It sounds like this happened with your marriages. It also sounds like you had some unexplored areas within your sexuality and it takes guts to pursue that (being with a woman). I'm sorry that your family can't accept that you are in a relationship with a woman and will be getting married to her. Maybe they will come around and maybe they won't, but if they don't then that is their loss. It might be fun to have a wedding somewhere exotic and fun with just a few good friends and some family...something to think about. I tend to think big weddings are over-rated. Then again, the whole being married thing does not sound appealing to me.
  15. Cadence308
    I don't think that genes explain everything. However, everything that is related to development, the way we look, our phenotypes, and certainly many of our personality traits and behaviors have a genetic component. I don't think there's a gene that causes someone to compulsively masturbate. However, maybe high testosterone levels (controlled by genes) make you more horny and thereforeeee you choose to masturbate to get some release. The ability to like spicy food is the ability to tolerate pain. There's no taste buds on our tongue that are specific to spicy food. So, the ability to tolerate pain (spicy food) is very much physiological, and yes, coded in our genes. It's related to the levels of epinephrine (adrenaline) secreted by the adrenal medulla, which are controlled by genes. I believe there could also be a gay gene. It's much harder to prove the connection between genes and behavior because behaviors are also influenced by our environments. The way we look (our phenotypes) are not influenced as much by our environemnts and if they are it takes many of years for that mutation to show up in a population.
  16. Cadence308
    I don't think that you should contact her regarding the credit cards or pay on them. She knows that she has these credit cards that she should be paying on and it's her responsibility. Your name and credit are not affected by her actions. I would just let it go, as hard as it may be...
  17. Cadence308
    Genes control all hormones!!! Genetic regulation controls EVERYTHING THAT IS PHYSIOLOGICAL! That is a fact. All one has to do is go to pubmed to see the effects genes have on physiological function.
  18. Cadence308
    There are certain environmental factors which can turn on and off certain genes. Everything from the way we develop, the way we look, the way we learn, and much of our personality is coded in our genes. Sure, there are nurturing factors that play a part in who we are, but it all starts with the genes. Certain genes can be knocked out of an animal's genome and the responses studied. Genes can also be inserted and the effects observed.
  19. Cadence308
    I think it depends on your comfort level with the other person. It also depends on the emotional investment, which could also be time dependent. The more emotionally invested, the better the relationship, and hence probably the longest relationship.
  20. Cadence308
    For argument's sake, why would you even ask this question? Have you ever taken a biology course, maybe genetics? Everything about each of us is coded in our genes and there are different factors that turn on those genes and some factors are environmental. However, there has to be the gene and thereforeeee the predisposition for being gay or getting cancer or osteoporosis, etc. So, we are predisposed to everything that make us who we are.
  21. Cadence308
    Since you work together then you can get her phone number, right? That's what I would do and then call her when she gets back from vacation. Let us know what happens.
  22. Cadence308
    If she's setting you up then it sounds like it's one date and you really shouldn't decide before you go on the date about whether you will get hurt in the relationship in the end. Go on the date, get to know the guy and then the two of you can decide whether you both want to get more involved. You have nothing to lose by just going. You might find out that he's very good looking, but that he's not your type or you don't like his personality.
  23. Cadence308
    I have to admit that I don't know the answers to your questions. I wanted to commend you for thinking about your actions and how that could impact your family and his. It sounds like the attraction is mutual and he is probably feeling the same emotions that you are. I'm not sure if it's being realistic to continue on in this way. It seems that something is likely to happen from the amount of contact that you have with him. I think if you really want to be safe then you should not spend any alone time with this friend and do not divulge/confide intimate details about your significant other. It also seems like the attraction may get more intense because you are already thinking about it.
  24. Cadence308
    We're all holding a good thought for you! You will get through this and who knows what is to come. Take a hot bubble bath and listen to some relaxing music. This does wonders for me when I'm down and out!
  25. Cadence308
    You can buy body wax and that works well. It takes the hair at the root and leaves skin smooth. However, it does kind of hurt. But, once you get used to it I think it's worth it.
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