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Rizby

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  • Birthday 07/04/1969

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  1. Go talk to him about everything and why you did what you did then...be frank and honest and try to make amends...as you seem to value his friendship and good friends are hard to come by....
  2. You should just come out to him and be open....I relate so much to this especially abt being jealous when he talks abt girls....have been in love with a straight guy for a year and its a torment...
  3. He's being explorative, curious. Befriend him, then ask him out on real date...
  4. Dear dangerouslyinlove, I'm afraid Toggle is right. I'm in a similar situation, and I know exactly how you feel: that keen sense of frustration, of moribund inaccessability, of unrequited love. Being in love with a straight guy who has clearly established his straightness is unhealthly and unfair to you. You are in fact prolonging and deepening your agony and exposing your heart to additional wounds by spending more time with him, particularly in a one-on-one study session environment where you might make the unintended pass and where the physical proximity renders the sexual tension unbearable. In my case, I've explored many similar ways to spur situations that would make me find myself alone with my "man". I would organize extended working trips where it would just be me and him, I'd find excuses to repeatedly go over unnecessary work things with him (he's my surbodinate at work), and lastly I actually managed to coax him into cooking dinner for me at my place and he agreed to do it! (But has yet to do so). It's really wishful thinking on our part. Ironically as gay men, we find ourselves inadvertently attracted to the qualities normally found in straight men and herein lies our dilemma. You are still young, hence many ample opportunities lie before you to uncover true love. Do not despair, you have the key to someone's heart but it just may not be this guy....
  5. Sorry to hear about your first sordid experience. Are you sure however that he "turned you gay"? Time will erase and restore your self-worth. Chin-up, Happytown.
  6. I think we are both in a very similar predicament. Incorrigably, irreversibly in love with an inaccessible individual - a straight guy. My experiences to date mirrors yours with dramatic similarity. Likewise, my friend is touchy and doesn't mind me flirting and touching him either. But his straightness is clearly established and he has a current girlfriend whom he loves. In your case, because of your comparative youthfulness, your friend might very well be confused and has not realized his sexualt orientation. It's advisable that he not be cajoled into coming out prematurely, but to search and solidify his own sexual identity. He may be in fact straight but is uncertain and hence is on a subconscious level being experimental and explorative. I know, my friend is the first person I think about in the morning when I wake up, and my last sleepy thoughts at night are always of him. It's a tragic situation, but you have to deal with this issue in your own way. No gay guy should ever have to grapple with this kind of dilemma - to be in love with a straight guy.
  7. I must have watched BBM five times, and cried finally on the fifth time as the movie's tragic universal love story finally hits home hard. Initially I had been drawn into the movie by it being the first true gay romance, and the visual imagery of the movie's stunning setting. Of course the romantic interplay between the protaganists Jack and Ennis and the ensuing sensual kissing scenes drew me into the sexuality of the production. Strangely, as I watched it critically for the fifth time, the universal love theme of the film envelops me and I watched the closing scene with tears in my eyes. The movie expounds the notion of love between two people and that these two people just happen to be men. One cannot watch BBM and not be moved or affected by it in some profound way and this applies to straight male viewers. One confided in me that despite some preconception he was shocked at how good it actually was and planned on seeing it again!' The touching scene where Ennis and Jack part ways at the culmination of their summer at Brokeback mountain reaches deep within my core as it profoundly epitomizes my struggle for my identity and place in society. As a gay man I strongly related to Del Mar's wracking grief as he convulses in uncontrolled sobs, sandwhiched between two solid unyielding brick walls (metaphorically reminiscent of society's rigidity closing in later on his life) as he drops his belongings and keels over weeping. He punches the wall in vain, in an attempt to deflect and assail his feelings of non-acceptance and his own self loathing, and at his own indifference at letting his one love slip through his fingers and himself walking away as if he didn't care. Interestingly enough, before I watched the movie, I was sure Gyllenhaal would be my screen favourite with his gorgeous hunky physique, mesmerizing clear blue eyes, and that engaging sexy grin. However, Heath Ledger's superlative, unbelievable performance utterly and completely blew me away. It was such an honest portrayal of a repressed gay man coming to terms with his inner struggles and his confrontation with societal norms that reaches out to all of us. Ledger expresses this fluidly with subtle nuances in eye movement, awkward shy glances and mumbled speech. We really feel his great pain and sorrow and his unrelenting fear at being found out. In the end I felt so much more attracted to Ledger's tragic character than that of Gyllenhaal's and we realize that this is much more Ledger's movie than anything else. Heath Ledger should have won that OSCAR, moreover so with that amazing passionate kiss (the best Hollywood has ever seen in 30 years of cinematography) when he embraces Jack again after a four year hiatus. It was so poignantly dismal to watch a much older, shattered Ennis discover his missing shirt from the fight that summer in Jack's old room (after Jack's untimely death) in which Jack had lovingly enshrouded his bloodied shirt over Ennis's and more poignantly so to see during the closing scene that Ennis had carefully reversed the order and had placed his shirt over Jacks symbolic of an eternal, everlasting embrace. I know that I'll be watching BBM for many more times to come, and each time I know the movie will touch me differently expressing itself on many levels. I just had hoped that there had been more tactile tenderness in the movie, more touching romance, more cuddles. What does "I swear, Jack" meant at the end when he touches the picture and looks at the shirts again...what could he have meant? " Jack I swear that I'll scatter your ashes over Brokeback Mountain as you wished"....or "I swear Jack that I'll never forget you" or "I swear Jack, why did you love me so and make me like this"..... Whatever the answer is, it would be as ambiguous and as mystical as the movie is meant to be....and that whatever it is one should remain true to oneself and to that quest to find one's undying, everlasting true love..... Yeah and my favourite scene is the one with that flashback insert depicting Ennis lovingly cuddling Jack by the fire and mumbling....what? Can someone tell me what he was saying? Something abt mothers and lullaby....Anyway, his play of expressions were a classic....and very tender. A great touch by Ang Lee.
  8. I've posted a reply before but can't remember when. Anyway, back to what Jinx wrote - there are ways to extinguish or at least discourage his obsession. Remember, in my case the roles are reversed, I'm the gay guy hopelessly in love with a straight guy. The object of my affection has kind of devised ways to ward me off. Like putting pictures of sexy women at his workstation. Talking excessively about other hot women in the office. Expanding his circle of girlfriends tremendously. And the crowning glory: talking about his impending marriage and doing side jobs to pay for it.... That seemed to do it for me. I still am obsessed but have kind of accepted his inaccessability. In time I will open my heart again to someone else....
  9. Ever since my close female friend said she wanted to set me up with her very hot and handsome gay male friend, I have been mulling it over in my mind whether I should agree to it. Despite the titillating prospects of having a "trophy" boyfriend, I cannot let objectivity cloud my judgement and not let lust take precedence over suitability. I'm no hottie, although I am considered above average looking. But, I feel strongly about being paired up with someone who's much better looking than me. I imagine this is my insecurity kicking in, but ultimately this kind of lopsided pairing will just end up with one getting really hurt, that is the less good looking will one will find himself partnerless when the other dude with so much more arsenal in the physical attributes department move on smoothly into a more compatible relationship. It is this sensation of insecurity in the relationship that renders this kind of discrepant union so fragile. Yet, as my friend seems so sincere and enthusiastic, I wonder if I should actually give this guy a try. Also, he's 8 years younger than me (I'm 37) and that's another cause for insecurity. I just don't want to get hurt (as I have been before in this kind of lopsided relationship) and it doesn't help that I still have strong feeling for an officemate (see other posts). Should I just tell my friend that I'm not interested and move on or is this thing worth it at all??
  10. I used to have this massive crush on my gay boss years ago though of course it being hugely inappropriate to make any kind of moves, I just kept silent. He stopped being my boss and moved on to another department in the organization after a few years. But guess what? He's baackkkk. So, should, should I not?? How does one hitn on a gay boss subtly so that it's not too obvious but yet he would sorta know what my intentions very discreetly?
  11. As Tigris has eloquently described....befriend him first, then work upwards. You have to be friends first before anything can happen. I'm in a similar predicament. Don't let this consume you.
  12. This particular entry is dedicated to the delicate, cathartic experience of coming out - a key transcendental experience and an emotional apex during a gay man's life. The painful process of coming out could be en masse to an audience of several friends simulatenously at a social gathering, or it could be done surreptitiously in hushed confessional whispers behind closed doors in a dingy dorm room to one's wide-eyed shocked roomate. Or it could be done premeditatively employing the right precise moment, rehearsed well before hand and orchestrated fluidly so that the person or friend at the other end recevies the news with much buffering and fine-tuning. Coming out is an art to be mastered and intelligently crafted to ensure its emotional impact is minimized to the recipient of the news. After undergoing its process several times a person develops an innate faculty to style his own quirky methodology on coming out. It is unique and different each time, and strikingly disparate and dissimilar with different individuals. I racked my mind and tried to constructively recollect the various coming out experiences I've endured.....with my former college roomate, it was a quiet confession behind closed dorm room doors during an unevental Saturday evening as we toyed with leftover pizza slices. With another, it was more difficult and I had to employ an indirect, tangential technique to come out to her without the stark, brusque impact of a one-on-one declaration. I had obliquely said something to her that a certain common friend "seems to be acting strange to me ever since he found out that I was gay" (without me ever actually coming out to her in the first place first) and hence it would appear to her as if she should have known it but had not known it/overlooked it somehow. I know it all seems muddling, but I felt at that time this method was the least caustic and the most accomodative way to tell a close friend. Sadly enough I never really did come out directly to one of my other dear college friends (somebody incidentally I've totally lost contact with), and she had to "discover" my status through inference and third party information. Not a good way to found out and certainly does not boost friendship. With another straight female friend, I had resorted to e-mail, not because I had actively avoided a face-to-face experience with her, but mainly because we were no longer in the same office and I felt that email provided me with sufficient detachment with her as truthfully at that time I was unsure how she would react. She took it rather well, and todate has put up with my many, weird and wacky gay idiosyncracies. With a straight male friend - he had bluntly asked me outright "Are you gay?" during one Saturday office day as I sat looking at him stunned into silence. So far he has been the only person at work to ask me this and immediately I felt tremendous respect for him in this regard ie not taking for granted that I was straight (so many people both men and women do this). Of course I answered him in the affirmative and todate he to has put up gamely with my gay acting upness and odd behaviour. With Anitha Pita Sativa Standameeupperah I had told her in her face at the office while she looked at me and pretended as if she already sorta knew....hmmmmmm... Coming next Sat, I am about to undergo the same cathartic routine. I have decided that it is time once again to take charge, be myself and have a close friend accept me for who I am. I've decided to come out to an office colleague. I'm supposed to meet her for lunch at Chili's MVM. I've already drop hints here and there and to be honest I think she has an inkling on what's coming so I hardly have to surprise her. It'll need some rehearsing of course but I guess I'd start off my reciting/recapitulating our friendship's length and how I wanted to take it up to the next level. I've already told her that I wanted her to be part of my special "circle of friends" (ie the friends who know I'm gay). I hope she does not get the wrong impression/wrong inference. Coming out to her would be a great weight off my mind....a brightening up of my day just like the somber grey day in the picture changing to that incredible blue beach panaroma. I keep on thinking about my very first coming out story,when I spilled my guts out to a boarding school mate in Geneva, Switzerland. He was so straight! Hahahahah! I just remember him looking at me glumly and telling me to join support groups for gay people in college (this was right before I went to Bard) as there were groups like this in the US. It felt good coming out to him then, and I'm sure it'll feel good with Dina. It's all about feeling acceptance, validation, and being true to oneself and to your close friends...I feel it's time..... So should I do this or what????? Advice....pls
  13. Foxlocke, Foxlocke, do not despair... You knight in shining armour will swoop in someday And there you would be, emerged from your lair and you will have so much more love to give and to say... So Foxlocke, just how handsome and cute are YOU?
  14. It never crossed my mind that cooking/baking things to bring to the office to allow colleagues to partake could have some sort of stigma to it. I'm an incidental cook, enjoying to dabble in may culinary adventures and often my office colleagues become the guinea pigs for my new recipes. I'm sort of the boss there, which makes me weird and unconventional. But I always think conventional is boring anyway. So the other day, I had brought this sinfully rich, chocolately, delectable cake to the office and after the mandatory reticence, my co-workers delved hungrily into its sugary goodness. When I related this story to my straight female friend, she advised me cautiously that doing such things was kind of "gayish." Is it?? Is there anything gayish about wanting to show off one's cooking talents? A lot of celebrity chefs are male anyway...and a guy who can cook is a big bonus in my books. (I'm gay and open to a specific circle of friends - including this straight female friend of mine). But wanting to share in my splendid recipes has got nothing to do with my sexual orientation! I made a lot of other dishes since and today I baked the most unbelievable apple pie with prunes and nuts in it. It was fantastic! Or should I listen to my friend, be boring, and refrain from bringing my potluck surprises?
  15. It spiralled into something a bit creepier the other day. I had taken a longer lunch break than usual, going out to the ATM near a shopping mall near my office, doing a little banking, paying bills and feeling generally good about keeping myself busy. I had earlier that morning replied this girl's SMS curtly by stating that I had not used any legal document or whatever when I traded in my car. Period. Certainly not inviting. Well, she did not reply for ages UNTIL just about towards the end of my lunch break when she text messaged me again! Quote "Thanks for the advice...btw, I was with your office colleague just now at the mall and she said she saw you there..." YIKES! I mean I guess she knows what I look like but I have no idea what she looks like. This was so CREEPY. I feel indirectly stalked....
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