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Zipp

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  1. Zipp
    Hey girl. It's really hard to let go of someone you love but sometimes it's necessary. We end up waiting for a reunion that may or may not happen and in the meantime we aren't making any progress, so we become people who stay too long at the party. Once you move on, you'll feel better and if at that point he does try to reconnect with you at least you will be in a better place emotionally. I have good and bad days so I know how it is, but I also know I have to give myself a break and let some sun shine in so I won't go crazy!
  2. Zipp
    I feel the same way about my ex. You should be worried about yourself right now not him. My ex came home today after a fight on Sunday becuase he missed me. He pouted all morning, but I had to remind him that this situation was his doing not mine and that I just couldn't feel sorry for him. I am heartbroken and I still worry about him, so I know it's hard but we need to let it go. They are both grown men that are capable of taking care of themselves. My ex is moving at the end of the month, it isn't what either of us wants, but I deserve better. He asked me to marry him and we talk about what we want our lives to be like all the time, I feel like I was lead on too. I know that this move will hurt me but it's the best thing right now. The same is probably true for you. One thing I have learned is that you can't force things, if it's meant to be it will be. Sounds silly but it's very ture. Be patient with yourslef, it took me a few months to get to this point and I still have trouble with it sometimes. I'm sure once he's gone I'll be a basketcase, but I have to move past this and so do you. Things will work out girl, just take it a day at a time.
  3. Zipp
    My guy and I broke up in July and continued living together trying to be friends. He dated others and it hurt. Men find comfort in using women as a distraction, this has no reflection on you. The worst part was that I put myself on hold for him hoping he would wise up. Please don't make this same mistake, if it's meant to be things will work out. We got back together at the end of September but just broke up again this Saturday. Basically he wasn't ready to be in a relationship and blamed me for being mad when he did things, even though now he can admit my reactions were justified. Living together beyond our break up was hell sometimes, but I made it through. When we got back together I was very happy, but a part of me knew there hadn't been enough time for anything to really change. I love him very much and although we have been together for 2+ years he wants to be single. Everyone is entitled to be happy but not at the expense of someone else's happiness. You guys definitely need some time and space. My ex and I made the mistake of thinking love would fix everything, it didn't. It's sad that $$ and so many other outside forces can cause problems, but they do. Splitting up may be difficult but it will put things in perspective for you both. I hope things work out for the best. Keep an open mind about what that may be.
  4. Zipp
    I was in the beauty salon yesterday and read in Glamour magazine that genital warts/HPV in some forms can cause ovarian cancer. So even if the procedure is painful you should do it just to be safe. If it turns out to be negative great, if it's positive I definitely think you should tell any future partners. I agree that it was irresponsible for your Dr. to suggest anything else.
  5. Zipp
    I think you should leave her alone, for your own well being. She sounds like she is playing games. You will drive yourslef crazy trying to figure out WHY she did any of the things she did. I agree with the other posts, she wants you to want her, and not be with anyone else. That attitude would be ok if she was willing to step up and be with you, but she isn't so it's BS. Don't call or text her anymore, let her pursue you, and if she doesn't just let it go. She needs to grow up and think of how her actions effect you. She will continue to do this if you allow it. Maybe if you guys have NC for a while she will realize what a gret guy you are, and if she doesn't then you don't need her. We all deserve to be with someone that sees how special we are, not someone that takes us for granted.
  6. Zipp
    My situation is kind of different and a long story. But to answer your question, yes things had pretty much returned to normal, with me doing most of the things I used to do (hanging out with friends, family, dating, etc.). Like I said it definitely wasn't easy (dating sucked because I wasn't ready) but once I stopped trying to put on a show to win him back it got easier. I know that I don't have all the answers and don't necessarily always make the best choices, and just being able to admit that relieved a lot of pressure that I was putting on myself. Right now the toughest thing is for me not to rush forward but to just keep healing like I have been. I have spoken to him since my last post and we know we are getting back together, but by taking it slow it will be as emotionally healthier people. I wasted the first few weeks (maybe a month) after the break up, feeling so sorry for myself. I would advise anyone going through a break up to skip that phase becasue when it's over you don't have anything to show for it. It's very important not to lose yourself in a relationship because if it ends, where does that leave you? This whole thing is a battle, and mine isn't over. I'm 29 and I thank God this isn't the finished product, I'm still growing as a person.
  7. Zipp
    People effect our self esteem and happiness because we let them. If you give that much power to someone else (and I have in the past) chances are that they won't be careful how they use it. You have to fight to regain control of your feelings and your life. No one is worth your life, especially someone that can't make you see the value in it. Live for the day when you will realize that you allowed these things to happen and now you won't allow it. You can grow from this and learn to value yourself as you were meant to. Talk to your Mom about how you feel.
  8. Zipp
    I agree with you Slushie. Immediately after my break up I spent a lot of time crying, moping and feeling sorry for myself. I had created my own little hell, complete with pictures and mementos. My eyes were puffy day after day. Then after listening to advice from someone that was in just as much pain as I was, I behaved as if I was happy when I wasn't, and yes it got my ex's attention but it was too hard holding onto that fake smile. I finally realized that I had to get myself together because if I didn't, who would? Over the next few weeks I started getting back into the things I used to enjoy before I let my pain consume me. It wasn't easy but it was definitely worth it. I think everyone should grieve after a break up, but at some point you have to say enough. It's been a couple of months since my break up and I'm doing much better. Last week my ex sat me down and told me why he broke up with me and all of the things he had been going through. After hours of conversation he said the words that a month ago would have had me shouting on a rooftop, he asked if we could get back together. The most surprising part of my healing process was the fact that I learned that I would be fine with or without him. I know now that although I love him with all my heart, that my mate should compliment me not complete me. I want us to be a couple again, but I also want to take things slowly. There are somethings about myself that I want to change, and being alone has given me the necessary time to focus on those things. I have some growing to do and this break has given me the chance and motivation. We want our partners to have all of these fantastic qualities, but we hardly ever ask ourselves, "What am I bringing to the table?" I want to make sure that once he and I get back together, that I do my part to make sure we stay together. Falling in love is easy, but staying there takes work, and you have to be willing to commit to it. I think that's what people mean when they say, "What happened to the person I fell in love with?" Sometimes people get comfortable and don't put forth the same effort that they used to, whether it's in appearance, activity, affection, etc. My ex used our time apart to make some positive changes in his life and even if things don't work out between us, something good came of it. Like I said earlier I love him and want us back together, and by doing it this way, we'll have a better chance of making things work.
  9. Zipp
    You are not alone. Although every situation is different, we all have days when we wonder why are we still here. You are not disposable, you sound like you are surrounded by people that can't see you for the person you really are. People you don't even know would miss you, you are part of this site. We all come to this site for support and advice, and if you weren't around that would be one less link in our chain. Things will get better, so when you need to vent we are here. Take care of yourself.
  10. Zipp
    I have cheated and been cheated on. When I cheated I did it because I could, I was 19 at the time. It definitely wasn't a mature move, but I learned from it. I think it seems like more men cheat because they get caught more often. Women are strategists by nature, men sometimes seem to stumble into things and don't necessarily cover their tracks (though not all men or women fall into these categories). It takes a certain amount of finesse to cheat and not get caught, and a person must be selfish enough to consider their needs above anyone else's. I (thank God) grew out of thinking I should do things simply because I could do them. Opportunity presents itself on a regular basis and I think as you grow and mature it becomes habit to bypass most of it. As for the opportunities we hesitate to pass up, that speaks to your commitment to your partner and your level of repsect for yourself.
  11. Zipp
    Tiger you did make me cry and I agree with the other post your life isn't stupid. The fact that you have enough courage to be that honest is proof in itself that you are a good man. Very classy ending.
  12. Zipp
    I definitely think love makes you blind to certain things, if it's real anyway. My ex has love handles and I think they're cute. No one is perfect, the goal should be to be happy, healthy and surrounded by loved ones. Please don't let his crass insensitivity effect you any more than it already has. As time passes all of us change physically. I understand that we sometimes have to work to keep our mates happy, but that shoud not include surgery or anything really drastic. Love should never be based on someone's appearance. He sounds like he enjoys putting you down and this could be a sign of his own insecurities. Sometimes women put up with way too much in the name of love. I don't know you but you have to be an absolute angel to put up with him, but girl don't make yourself a martyr.
  13. Zipp
    We lived together for almost a year, and continue to do so. We broke up because he wasn't really ready to be in a relationship although moving in was his idea. Yes I think moving in made his problems with commitment more obvious. He cheated on me right before we broke up, if he cheated before we moved in I wouldn't know because we weren't toegether everyday. We were not engaged but had definitely talked about marriage in the future.
  14. Zipp
    Cheer up friend. I think you should tell her how you feel and even if she doesn't return your feelings, at least you tried. She sounds like a nice girl but maybe not with the best taste in boyfriends. She may hide things from you that she feels are embarrassing or awkward to discuss. If that's how she described her boyfriend I can't see their relationship lasting very long. If you are in love it's a good and a bad thing. I'm sure most people on this site can tell you it has it's ups and downs and doesn't always work out. All you can do is take a chance, just like the rest of us.
  15. Zipp
    I agree that you deserve much better. I think you gave the ring much too soon and even if she accepts the ring, it doesn't mean she will change as a person. She sounds selfish and unsure of what she wants. Don't drag yourself through that with her. Definitely try NC and give yourself some to heal. If she is silly enough to throw away 3 years for a fling then you don't need her.
  16. Zipp
    After a break up things can sometimes get blown out of proportion. Don't think that things are OVER, but be prepared if they are, you will be ok either way. I agree that you are being too hard on yourself. Maybe you over reacted but you are probably stressed out, it happens. Just give him some space and when things have calmed down let him know how much you value him and that maybe you need some extra attention, you deserve it.
  17. Zipp
    I am a romantic and I truly believe that people can change. You loved him once, it's possible that you both still have strong feelings for each other. This will give you the opportunity to get to know each other as you are now. Even if a relationship doesn't develop at least you can have a better relationship as parents for your kids. Take a chance.
  18. Zipp
    It doesn't sound like he's ready to get back together, but it definitley sounds like he cares for you. You guys should take your time, if neither of you are seeing other people, what's the rush? You should give each other time and space and things will work out. It sounds like there is a lot of love, just be patient.
  19. Zipp
    Just wanted to thank you guys for helping me get through a really bad day. I am still not making the wisest choices but I'm trying. He came home today and one thing lead to another #-o (probably not a good thing, but you know how it is). I kept my emotions to myself and realized that if things don't work out it won't be the end of the world. He told me how he feels about me and our situation, but in the end they are just words. He asked if I still liked him, this is a conversation we have somtimes because you can love someone but not like what they are doing. So I told him no I don't like you, and pretty soon I might not love you. He's getting cold feet about us moving. At first I didn't want to move but after he told me how unhealthy it was for us to live together, I listened. He said he didn't want me sitting around crying over him because I should be happy and if I got away from him I would feel better. So I'm doing my best to stick to my guns [-( , we are still moving at the end of September. I just repeated all of the things he told me because they made perfect sense. That's brave talk and I just hope I can back it up. I love him very much and I know he loves me, but love isn't always the answer. Right now it seems like he values his "freedom" more than me, so be it. Thanks again for all of the advice, it's helping. I'll keep you posted.
  20. Zipp
    Would it be possible for you to stay with another relative? Don't ever let someone's actions make you want to harm yourself. Please try to talk to someone, a relative, a couselor at school. You deserve better, this is your mother's problem you haven't done anything.
  21. Zipp
    If you don't trust your boyfriend things will only get worse. If you guys can sit down and talk then you should try to work things out. If not everytime something seems out of the ordinary you will wonder what he's up to. Constant suspicion will drive you both crazy. Trust is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. I think you should trust your gut, it's usually right.
  22. Zipp
    After almost 2 years my ex and I broke up. We broke up in early July but still live together (we are moving at the end of September). As you can imagine the past weeks have been very emotional. He has been seeing someone (met her about a month before we broke up) and they went away this past weekend. I went out of my way to find out their destination, he took her to a place we used to go that I introduced him to. It took some praying and 2 hours of crying to get out of bed this morning. I know that I deserve better than I've gotten from him, but seeing someone you love go on as if nothing ever happened hurts. I know that things will be better once we move, but today is killing me. He has this inhuman ability to lock his feelings away when things get tough, he says that just because he isn't crying doesn't mean he isn't hurt. We love each other and he isn't ready for a real relationship. We can both see that we should have broken up months ago and it would have saved some hurt but we didn't. I walked around our apartment today and cried because it was like moving through a graveyard. I love him and feel bad because he turned his back on me. We would have broken up whether there was someone else or not, but it's still hard not to feel like he left me for her. He wants a girl that is ok with being casual, no commitments, that's not me. After he left he called to tell me that none of this was my fault and he was sorry he hadn't handled things better. That he loved me and we would always be friends, if I would allow it. When we broke up he told me he wants to marry me one day but wouldn't want me to wait because I should be happy now, not some day. Why do men take women that they love through so much? Do all men cheat? Are they all selfish? If I know I deserve better why do I still want him so much? He has a lot of trust and self esteem issues. It seems like the man I fell in love with got swallowed up by a 16 year old version of himself. He was one of the sweetest men I had ever known, and then he changed. I want us to be friends one day but that possiblity doesn't seem very likely since I still love him. I'm rambling but I'm sure you all understand. So many conflicting emotions. He is one of my best friends, I know that sounds crazy but he really is. I thought the worst was behind me but when I woke up this morning and imagined him somewhere in a hotel waking up with someone, the pain started all over again. I have to get through the next 30 days without driving myself crazy. What can I do not to fall apart? I have no where else to go and neither does he until this time is up.
  23. Zipp
    For now, I think you should keep doing what you're doing. It's great that you are doing things to better yourself and have made plans for your future. Things can't go on this way forever, something will change, either your feelings will change or hers will. If you guys can't work things out then at least you can continue the friendship you had before the relationship. And on the off chance that everything stays as is, moving might turn out to be a great thing. It will give both of you some space and you an opportunity for a new start.
  24. Zipp
    It sounds like you are having a hard time just discussing seeing her, imagine what it would be like to see her. You probably need more time before you guys try to meet face to face. My ex wants to be friends, but I can't see that happening. We still care about each other and are physically affectionate when we're together. I love him and being friends does not compare to what we had, hard to accept but I have to let him go. Sometimes things just don't work out, no matter how much we may want them to. You need to look out for your own well being. Sadly sometimes the people we care about just don't think of our feelings as much as they do their own. Keep us posted.
  25. Zipp
    You don't have to pretend that you don't care. But you should understand that winning someone over takes time. There will probably be days when you guys are close and days when one of you pulls away, just expect that. It sounds like things may work out for you, so just be patient and cautious just in case they don't work out.
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