SwEeTLiLGuRL

We started our relationship based on a one night stand.... Clark and I started dating just over 9 months ago. He was a really good friends brother, and I knew Clark for about 4 years, not very well though. Clark went through a divorce about 3 years ago, that pretty much tore him apart. The relationship was an abusive one, but it was his first love kinda thing. One he likes to say that he was stupid for doing and has gotton only the wiser from it. From this marriage he had a little girl. She is now 6. The ex has another girl who is 10, who Clark raised as well, real dad is not in the picture at all. Oh and just for information, Clark is 28 and got married when he was 21 divorced when he was 25. Now me, I am 23, if you have read my previous posts I'm not new to a longterm relationship. I've practically been through my own divorce, however I did not bring kids into a bad relationship. I've always been fully aware of what I was getting into with Clark. While sleeping together in order to get us together is never usually the best thing, I think we've really made it work. I love him with all that I have. I help him with the kids as much as I can. All the while I go to work for 35 hours a week and go to school for 6. Lately though I have been feeling restless. I feel like I've been getting upset over some stupid things. I don't feel very much like myself lately. Clark has been helping his ex through a rough time in her life. She split with her boyfriend and then got back with him and is now moving. So he tries to be there when she needs him, but I feel as if he is not there when I need him. He says that he does this because it makes her and him tolerate each other better for the kids sake. In my eyes there is nothing he can do to help that relationship. She is a viscious person and yells at him all the time. He gets angry but then he just puts up with it. I understand that there are things he NEEDS to do in order to maintain a healthy relationship for the girls sake. But how much is too much? I am not worried about Clark getting back with his ex. He isn't dumb enough to do that and has already done the back and forth for about a year after they split. Clark has always told me that us being together has been great for the girls. He says it shows them what a loving relathionship is supposed to look like, because there mother goes through boyfriends like they are a pair of jeans. So my question is how do I know what is a reasonable amount of time that he needs to be concentrating on this relationship with his ex? It's affecting us because I feel he isn't there when I need him, so how do I present this without making him mad? and defensive? Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this post. I appreciate any help you can offer...

Sweetie I want to share a quick story with you.. I am in a relationship with a former cutter. He didn't really "cut" himself all the time so to speak, he more took sharp objects and stabbed himself. He does have cut scars on his body as well as wounds from inflicting pain on himself. His reason behind doing this were simple. He had split from his wife, she was keeping his little girl from him, she had cheated on him, all this from a person he spent 7 years with and married. Clark and I started dating 7 month ago, and he has expressed that he couldn't be happier. He loves me and I love him. He has explained that the cutting was only a temporary resolution, he also went to drinking and getting arrested as well. (I am not suggesting this in ANY way) He is not the same person that I've heard about from his family and friends, he is better, and you will be too. Things may seem tough and you may feel like there is nothing else in the world to turn to, but just think there are complete strangers that are taking the time out of their day to think about you. We care and we want to see you succeed, becau se we know that you have the strength and power to do whatever you want to. Your possibilities are endless. Surround yourself with someone that can offer you support in person as well, there is ALWAYS SOMEONE.

Through the help of all my friends and being able to discover myself with a year of being alone, I am exactly where I want to be! Paul and I still talk from time to time, just to catch up. He just got finished with boot camp and his MP program, so no actually seeing of eachother, (probably good for both of us!) We may meet up sometime down the road, but I am fine with how things are now. I have found a true knight in shining armour. We've been together for about 7 months now, been living together for 5 of them. I have to say it was rough at first. We moved a little quick into our relationship due to the fact my roommates were moving and the long distance thing was just TOO hard!! I love Clark, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. My past relationship with Paul has just made me a better girlfriend for him. I've realized some of my mistakes, and some things that I needed to work on. There is still some things I haven't overcome (I love to raise my voice) But there is so much of a difference with this relationship. We communitcate our thoughts and feelings, a new thing for me. And Clark likes to yell back just as I like to. But we can get in the middle of the thick of it and realize "Wow this is just dumb." Clark is 3 years out of a divorce from an awful relationship (honestly MUCH MUCH worse than my own ex-relationship) I have some issues with this from time to time because the 2 of them have a daughter together. But I know that Clark loves me. He's expressed this in many ways that are brand new to me! I have to say that I am greatful for my ex in that my experience with him has taught me to be a better person and girlfriend all around. Good Luck all, I wish you the happiness that I have found!

Ok some history...My best friend Fia and I met almost 6 years ago working at Cingular. Our boyfriends Cameron and Paul got along and so did we so everything was GREAT. About a year or two of knowing eachother we started "messing around." Some kissing, touching, having sex in front of eachother, basically all the swinger stuff with no full swap for sex. Everything was cool with everyone. Well Sofia and Cameron ended up getting married, with Paul and I witnessing and everything. Unfortunately (well fortunately for me) Paul and I ended up splitting about a year and a half ago. Cameron and Sofia sided with me saying they never really liked Paul, but that never created problems cause to this day Paul and I stay in contact and there is no anger between us. Cameron and Sofia had moved to North Carolina around the time of our breakup, but were still great help in getting me through a tough time. I visited them a few times and they kept telling me to move up there but in the end they ended up returning to FL in August. Early on when they had returned the 3 of us went up to St Augustine for a weekend of Cameron's Army Drill. Well drill got cancelled and we ended up spending the weekend doing tours and such, however one night we all got a little freaky and had a threesome. This time Cameron actually did have sex with me. Pictures and such ensued. Everything still seemed great, Sofia and I hung out all the time. The 3 of us joked about that night and there was some flirting going on. Well while Cameron was at National guard on duty Sofia and I went to Cameron's family's annual Halloween Party. While there I started chatting it up with Cameron's brother Clark, and ended up sleeping together that night. I knew that something like this might hurt my friendship so I kept quiet about sleeping together. But I really liked Clark and it had been a year since my split, so I really felt like I wanted to continue on with it to see where it would go, he felt the same way. So we started dating, which Cameron was completely against. He told me that he wouldn't accept the fact we were together. Sofia she accepted it but always said that it was a little weird. Well I came clean with Clark immediately on that night with Cameron and Sofia, cause I did not want to keep him in the dark on that. Sofia did confront me one day about sleeping with Clark that first night, which she liked to say I lied about, but understood why. After Clark and I dated for 2 months we decided that the 3 hours between us was too much and decided it would be best if I moved in with him and a friend of his. Cameron and Sofia also were coming to live with us, but this was to be a short time thing. So we all moved in together January this year. Things were ok. Clark and Cameron were working together. Clark had said Cameron was complainging alot about how Sofia treated him like crap and such. But even Clark and I had a lot of problems at first, a lot of getting to know eachother stuff that honestly we kinda skipped right past, but we were working through it. Sofia, Cameron and my relationship was weird at times, they even offered to have another threesome. I nicely declined explaining that I was in a relationship with Clark and that I would never do that to him. Cameron persisted more often than Sofia though, often wanting me to "go down on him" which I explained that it would never happen. Plus he liked to say "what COULD have been" if I were not with Clark, and "Nice Choice." Friendly flirting went on, and yes on some druken night there were some incrimitating pictures taken mostly just between Sofia and I, and some thong pictures, but like I said I had been honest with Clark the entire time, and explained I would never cheat on him, which he had no reason to doubt me. So about a month ago the 4 of us move out getting rid of the friend because we realized that the friend had some jealousy issues about the time Clark spent with me..Over and done with and in the past I say..So 2 weeks ago Clark and I get in an argument on the way home. Cameron and Sofia were following us home as well. We stopped at a gas station and Cameron and Sofia realize we are fighting. Once we leave Cameron starts text messaging me telling me nice choice and crap like that, so I (basing what Clark had told me about Cameron's complaining at work) message him "that he should F**king divorce Sofia and then his life would be perfect." Well Sofia ended up seeing the message and completely blowing up at me saying she couldn't believe I crossed that line. I tried to explain that I only said what I did in retaliation! I would never actually mean anything like that, cause I never had any of those kind of feelings towards Cameron. I tried to resolve things in the morning, in which Sofia wouldn't have it. We had it out again the next night when she found a picture on Cameron's phone on me in my thong that I had sent him. Something that looking back now was dumb but I thought the 3 of us had that comfort level. They had 100's of pictures of me on their computers! Clark has supported me and tells me to forget the relationship since Sofia is rotten anyway, but I know she isn't. Anyway I've tried to talk to Sofia since, and she will not talk to me, stating our friendship is over for good, and that we just need to get through living together. I can't help it though, I want my best friend back!! Any advice would help.. It's been 2 weeks I figured a "cool down" period was needed, I really thought she would come out ot it by now, but she won't. We are borderline civil but we are no where near the relationship we had. PLEASE any help??

Yes that is me smiling! and I never knew it to be possible. It's unimaginable that it is one year ago that I felt me life was over! But now I can't imagine what my life would be if we had stayed together. Let's see Paul did move in with his GF about 4 months of being together, which was hard. I tried No Contact and tried the friends thing. For awhile we just went back and forth being nice and being mean to eachother. We still had sex up until July, cheating jerk... But obviously I hadn't cared all that much, because hey I felt that she broke up my family. There are many things that helped me get to where I am now though. In April, my fellow co-worked shared some strong feelings he had for me, told me the most wonderful things in the world...BUT he had a GF, and I was not about to mess up that relationship! But it helped me realize that another person could care for me just as much if not more that my EX, My co-worker and I are still the best of friends since this, and he is getting married soon, things were just not meant to be for us, but I think things worked out for the better! But the real kicker to helping me get over my ex is to see the hurt that I was putting my family and friends through. They were so upset with me for keeping contact and still having sex with him, so much so that my best friend and I had a HUGE argument one weekend. That was a severe wake up call. I stayed away from Paul for 2 months, and not until just recently been speaking with him, but the only reason he is wanting to speak with me is because he and the new girl, just split, surprise, SURPRISE! Coulda called that one! So he keeps wanting to hang around me and be all lovey dovey, by holding hands and trying to kiss me. And he wants to know why we can't have sex since they are not together anymore!?!?! I can't believe I spent 6 years of my life with this guy! I haven't had a relationship with anyone since, but I am enjoying my single life. I mean I've been with someone since 16, I did not get to do the single thing all through high school. I have reconnected with many of my friends that I never got to really spend time with. And realistically they are the BEST things to have in the world to get through this! I did not lose a single friend in all this but I might have if I had continued my destructive relationship with Paul. All I can say is that if I can get through this, and be where I am now then anyone can! It also doesn't hurt if the guy is kinda jerky to help make that realization! Remember this person is the one that loved you enough to say they didn't want you around anymore. And moved on to another relationship that he thought would be better. So in closing...Keep your head up and realize the more important things in your life.

I completely understand what you are going through, I have my own story posted on here as well, but same thing we were together almost 6 years and then we had a stupid fight and it ended it all. But there was more to it then that of course. But after the break we had to finish out our lease for a month while I got to sit home and see him go out and date. Well 2 months after the break up and he told me that he really likes this girl and they are exclusively in a relationship. Even after telling me that though we still fooled around. But honestly it's probably the worst idea in the world, and that is why you are dealing with it now 10 months later, cause you never had to deal with him not being there in the first place. This was the hardest thing for me to realize and it's been 3 months since my break, but not talking to him and not seeing him helps. My ex told me these exact words "He knows for sure of many things in life and one of those is that we will NEVER, EVER get back together." Mind you yes people say things in anger, but you can't hold onto that and just need to take it for face value. Keep in mind he may still try to contact you, my ex still does about the stupidest things. I believe in No Contact to a certain extent. I really don't think you should ignore them as this person did hold a special part in your life. But you have to remember it is just that a "part" not your whole life. I'm going to be honest with you though, I'm not up at 4 in the morning for anything. Jusy recently my ex let me know he changed his phone #, and you know what he didn't give me the new one, and since I haven't contacted him in over a week, he had to let me know that. And I guess this is bothering me cause I keep thinking about him being with this girl, and never having a thought in the world about me. But it's their little way of keeping an upper hand. So really I know it's hard, but you just need to move on with your life. Get a black box and whatever momentos, pictures and things like that you still have put them in there, and put it somewhere you won't touch it, even a friends house. Then go out and hang out with friends and do the things you enjoyed before the relationship. I have such a new appreciation for my friends that I feel they really got neglected cause I put so much energy into the relationship. And for me my family really helped me with this. Surround yourself by people you know that love you. I can't speak for the future as I'm not even at your 10 months yet, but people have told me it gets better, and you deserve nothing less!

All I can say is that I really wished I had initiated NC...But it was so hard to. We live so close to eachother it is just to easy to go to eachother's houses. Things were fine for a little while we would talk fine, and yes we were still messing around... (NOT GOOD TO DO) but it got to the point where I was frustrated that are bank accounts and cell phones and stuff like that was still linked after asking him since the week after the breakup this needs to get done. Well I lost it one night and we had it out publicly. He said that he is embarrased to even know me, his sister who i got along so well with hates me now. Plus after all this, and after him tellling me he needed space from relationships and all, he is now serious with this girl he's been sleeping over with. It just sucks so much cause he felt that I needed to hear about how he repects her for not having sex with him yet, and how there relationship is based on so much more. He even tried cheapening our own relatioship and told me that in the very beginning our relationship was based on too much physical stuff. I spent 6 years with a guy to tell me that!?!? We were 16 what relationship isn't physical then?! But in addition to all of this Paul has said that there is one thing he knows in life and that is he is never going to come back, He said that there is nothing that can change that will make him. It's sad to hear him say this but it doesn't kill me like I would think it would. I just want to get on with my life now. I don't want to ever look back, he has brought sooo much pain in my life that I don't look at him in the same light again, does anyone have any advice or tips for me, on how to go on and how to stay away from him?

Update: Well we have moved out of our apartment as of last week. We still have contact with each other though almost everyday because we have so many things involved in each other's lives, unpaid bills, cell phones, insurance. All things that need to get taken care of. He calls me up to let me know of some things he found that are mine and asks me to come over and get them. Everytime we are around each other though we end up messing around, not sex though cause he says that we can't do that. Well last night he came over to drop some things off. I stood my ground. I told him no this is not good for us, and it doesn't help our situation. He is still "dating" this other girl. I told him that if the other girl was giving him what he wanted then he wouldn't even be there asking me for it. He denies this fact. I told him that he is not a one woman guy and told him that if he needs to do his guy thing that he needs to go out and find it, but that if he wants it from me he knows what he needs to do and I will make him wait like I did the first time. I don't know why he is playing these games. I obviously should get this guy out of my life as soon as possible but I still love him, and ever since the day we met knew we were meant to be. It's just a feeling that I can't explain you just know, and he has told me the same things. So I am hoping that this is a rough spot, but what can I do to help my situation now?

Sadly my story is not too different from most. Paul was my high school sweetheart and we'd been together almost 6 years, I am now 22. If interested you can read my entire story here... link removed I just know that we are meant to be and I really can't explain how but it's like when I first met him we both just knew, cause you have that feeling of completeness, and your heart feels very full, there isn't anything you wouldn't do for this other person. Gradually though we started argueing a lot about a year after moving in with eachother. Recently the argueing and yelling (from me) got to be too much for my boyfriend and he says that he has gotten to the point where he is fed up, and doesn't want a relationship with me anymore. Now 6 weeks later I am here. I haven't been able to do no contact as we waited til our lease was out on our apartment as of last Monday. So we haven't been under the same roof in just over a week now, even though the break up was 6 weeks ago. We both know our wrong doings and have discussed them and both of us are working towards improving our faults. However I truly believe that this is something that we can work through. My question about all of this is how am I supposed to apply this to my situation now. We have a lot of loose ends with bills in eachothers names, and cell phones and insurance stuff, so we've had to keep in contact to deal with all this stuff. He calls me to come get some of my stuff from his place and we usually end up messing around. Now my ex says that we can't sleep together but he still wants to mess around. Last night I told him no because that will not do any good for our situation. He is very persistent however, but I stood my ground for the first time. I do want him back dearly and I've been struggling this whole time. How am I supposed to apply this technique to my situation?

I completely know what you mean. I KNOW I lost my soulmate. it just really sucks. I have my story posted on here. My guy has to sow his wild outs before settling down it seems. But how do I live with that thought in my head of my soulmate entangled with some other chick in the sheets? I'm trying to do day by day, but it does hurt. But try to keep a positive head on your shoulders, and definitely turn to God, He is the only one that can direct you in the right path.

I thanks you for all your words. I just really wish this guy hadn't changed as much as he did. He's all about going out now to clubs (things i like to do) and now he's all for it. I just really feel like I was lead on. I mean he promised me marriage a futute everything. He says he is just fed up now with everything. How do I make this easier for him? I really believe we should end up together. I just think he is trying to get the "going out" out of his system. Sorta sow his wild outs i guess. It just really hurts to see someone you still love sit there and fan themselves when a pretty girl walks by. Unfortunately I am the only one in the world that knows him best and I can understand why he is doing this.

Hello, I need help... Some background info, My boyfriend Paul and I were together for almost 6 years. We started seeing eachother when I was 16. He has been my one and only. I have told him that, because that is what I believed in. I don't believe in sleeping around. I believe that should be for your one true love. Paul and I have had a GREAT relationship, however we have put things off in order to continue staying with eachother. We moved out when I turned 18 together, and have both been working full jobs since. It wasn't until this January that I started going to college to start working towards a future I dreamed of. Well last year he and I moved to North Carolina to feel things out cause we didn't think things were working out the best for us here in FL. We tried that and it wasn't the best decision. We ended up coming back here to Fl and now live in Gainesville. Now we have had so many problems trying to get back on our feet, we spent almost $11,000 in moving from FL to NC and back, and we will never see that $$ again. THis has caused a lot of frustration on my part cause I take care of all the bill and trying to get ends to meet when they just won't is very stressful for me, especially since I do it alone. So I end up yelling at Paul and we get in these terrible arguments. He always said that it would destroy us. It now has destroyed us, he told me 2 weeks ago that things are not working anymore between us, and that I stress him out too much. He says that we need to move on our separate ways and do what we need to do to accomplish the things we want out of life. He says that he is just one of those guys that can't strive to do things when he is comfortable in a relationship. I mean almost 6 years of my life and it's ALL DONE?!?! I'm experiencing so much heartache right now, that i just cry uncontrollably. I've never been so miserable in my life and I am having such a hard time dealing with this. To make things worse we are still living in the apartment together til our lease is out on Nov 30th. I tried doing the friends thing, but it seems that all he keep doing in running. He keeps going out with all these differant girls and I can't help getting that feeling that most of the reason for the breakup is because he wants to experience things like "college life" in Gainesville. I've talked to his real close friend and he believes that Paul will go through this and he will be fine and we will end up getting back together. But I am so hurt by his actions of going out on dates, and spending late nights over this one girls house that he so "conveniently" just met the day after we broke up. I'm just miserable and I know that I need to get out of her cause he is just basically rubbing it in my face with these girls. He said that is how he needs to deal with things. But what about the girl he promised a future with and promised to marry, how can he just throw that all away, and turn his back so suddenly. I know he's worn out from all the fighting, and I regret my yelling at him so much. It's just that I was raised in a house that was like that, and that is all I now. My parents are still together regardless. His parents fought all the time too, and he says he will not live in a house like that. His parents divorced when he was 12 and my friends believe that he may be carrying this with him cause he seems so scared of marriage. Even so I do love him dearly and I want things to work out, even though they can't now...but what can't I do in the meantime?? Please help.