camilla67

i just get the sense that he's nursing a heartache through little signs here and there...he seems to have a bit of baggage about the female gender that comes out in our conversations here and there... and i am not going to pour my heart out to him. #1 - I'm interested in getting to know him better. There's isn't anything that's so overwhelming that needs to be poured out to him. #2 - everyone's right about IM/Texting not being an appropriate form of communication. at his age, he should know how to ask a girl out properly..he did it when we first met, he can follow up on that. #3 - like i've said, since my last breakup, i've been vulnerable and after a couple mishaps, i'm realizing that dating in your late 20s is so different from college, when things were simple. Back then, two people liked each other and you were bf/gf. Now there's so much baggage to deal with...and people are jaded and become callous with other people's emotions...so i have to learn to protect myself and not be so vulnerable and trusting so easily... *sigh* Too bad i'm still an idealist and hopeless romantic...

Lily04 -- So I've looked back on my past relationships and realize that I've been friends with all of them before becoming a couple. And since my last bad breakup (2 years ago), I've also noticed a new pattern of wanting that intimacy and commitment right away and they have all ended disastrously. Since I actually sorta like this guy for who he is (and not for what he can be for me), I think I'm okay with continuing with this friendship for now. I also think he is nursing a heartache so I don't want to date anyone on the rebound...and think this may also be a factor in why he's being flaky. Either that or he really just wants to be friends...and since he makes me laugh, that's cool...

the 67 is just a moniker..I'm 29. Thanks for all the responses...I think I get the picture now...

honestly, the more i think about this, the more i think that he's interested but he's not interested enough to step up and make a move in the right direction. he's a grown man! almost 30 -- he should know by this age how to approach and date a girl...and by not expressing his interest, he's just expressing what he truly feels.

ok, so i woke up xmas morning and got a text from him...something cute. i texted back something flirty and haven't heard back! what's wrong with this guy???

so odd that all my friends think that he should have called...and everyone online thinks that he's interested but shy...i'm confused. anyway to minimize the risk of looking too interested? he's been MIA from IM..haven't communicated in over a week now! Happy Holidays everyone!

well, actually, i had replied to his text with a simple, "ok." that was me telling him to make the next move...and he didn't. that was a week ago too. so can't text him now. and haven't seen him on IM. figured i'd just go about the IM chatting like normal...see where it goes from there....

well, i gave him hints about me being in town...i just figured he should make the move and the ball's in his court...especially since I sent him the text to initiate...IMs are only slightly flirtatious...but maybe b/c I'm not a very flirty person...haha...

Ok - so I met this friend of a friend of a friend about 2 months ago in a town 2 hours away from where I currently live (but I'm moving to that town in about 6 months permanently). He asks for my number and calls me two days later but I have to go home. So we talk briefly and he says we should hang out next time I'm in town. Next day, he asks for my email and we start emailing back and forth for a week. Then it progresses to IM, but the conversations on IM were never that long or meaningful. Finally, after a month, we end up having dinner, which lasted for three hours (I'm thinking he could have ended it sooner if he wanted to -- not order dessert, remind me that i need to get going to my concert). Anyways, after I get home, we start IMing alot more, and it becomes more fun and casual... So I went back to visit some friends in his town last week...He even asked when I was coming back and I told him but he didn't ask me out. I thought he was sorta shy at dinner...so I texted him to have a quick drink after he gets off work. He texts back that he didnt get it until he was already home and that we should meet up sometime when I am free. I never texted or called him back b/c I expected him to do so if he was really interested. So is he giving me the friends vibe? Just wants to be IM buddies? Weird!

Ok -- so after 2.5 years, I'm finally over the ex! However, haven't really been dating much...started grad school and been pretty busy and stuff...However, I spent the summer in a city 2 hours away doing my internship and the last week before I left town, I started dating this guy. I actually knew of him for years b/c he's my friend's cousin but never really KNEW him. Anyways, we saw each other almost everyday and he even helped me move back to the town I am currently attending school. He offered to drive me and then drove back the same day! So I asked him if he wanted to continue seeing me after I move back and he said yes. He called me everyday while I was away for 2 weeks, visiting family. He'd ask me about my values, if I wanted kids, etc. I'm 28 so he knows that marriage is on my mind. Initially, I wasn't sure if we were compatible but then his efforts really touched me and I decided that it was worth a shot. We even planned our schedules to see when I could come visit next. He is a resident at a hospital so is really busy with work and studying so it seemed like we would see each other once a month. Anyways, we decided on a date. But then I decided last minute to visit the weekend before as well (meaning 2 weekends in the row) and he called and told me that he would need to study alot that weekend so if i came, he wouldnt be able to spend all his time with me. But as it turned out, it ended up being difficult to study...A few days later, the text messages stopped...he used to text every morning and every night, no matter what and now they've stopped. Then we talk and he basically asks me where I see the relationship going. I thought we were exclusively dating but not yet bf/gf but he just dropped the ball on me and told me he wasn't ready for commitment b/c he's just starting residency, his parents moved away recently, and he just got out of a relationship less than a year ago. He said he wanted to continue talking but i told him i didnt see a point in having LD casual relationship. So I did NC for 1 week and he was begging to talk to me...SO i figured, "Let's see what he has to say..." So he basically said that he didn't mean that he didn't want to see me ever, but just to take things slowly b/c everything happened so fast. I told him that I could only be ok with that if we could, after each time we see each other, determine when the next time would be. So that's how the call ended. He texted me 3 mornings in a row - trying to set up a date so that he could drive down to see me! Alright, so I definitely feel that the dynamics of our relationship has changed since the talk -- I'm more guarded now. I'm so hurt by this b/c I never expected him to do this -- he's such a nice guy! And everyone knows that he's a commitment type of guy and a good boyfriend to his exes. Anyways, so 3 days ago, he texted me and I didnt reply. I felt bad so I texted him 2 days later. We have IMed a bit since...But I haven't spoken to him in 6 days. It's very strange to me. And I'm not really sure what "taking it slow" means. A part of me just thinks that he's unsure if he wants to be with me and if that's the case, it's unacceptable. But then again, don't relationships take time to develop? And we sort of speeded things along b/c of the distance... So the set date for him to come see me is in two weeks but I'm not really sure if that will happen...It just seems so different now...And I'm not sure I can handle this b/c it feels like a break-up...not slowing down...But I tend to overanalyze things and wonder if I'm thinking too much and if I should just be a little bit more patient (at least until I see him again -- if he comes!) and just see from there... Oh! One more issue: he always wanted to marry/date someone of his ethnicity and his religion and I am neither of these. So i asked him if it was an issue but he told me that he wouldnt have pursued this if he didnt think he could get over it...but i'm not sure about that... So what gives? Is he really freaking out b/c of the stress in his life plus the time/energy commitment of a long-distance relationship? Or are there other fundamental issues? What exactly is taking it slow? And how does he act like he wants a long-term thing (talking about values, marriage, kids) and then just change his tune all of a sudden? And how should I deal with this? I didnt realize how complicated this entire thing was until I wrote this entire post...SORRY IT'S SO LONG!!! Thanks for any advice anyone can give with this...(at least i'm over that ex right??)

Go for the new girl. You never know where it will take you. Don't think too much about the future and just enjoy the time for now. If you and your ex are meant to be together, you will eventually.

Question: If you still had feelings for your ex-gf, what would have more of an effect: her telling you that she still loved you and wanted to work things through or doing no-contact?

So her telling you her feelings actually had an effect on you? Did NC have an effect on you?

No, the move is definite but its only 2 hours away...I just don't want to close the door on this...

Just wondering if anyone has gotten back together with the ex after over a year? I'm scared to do NC b/c I am moving away and may never have the chance with my ex again.