jnelson

I do see a real possibility of this continuing as we successfully survived distance for a period of time before. Also I will be travelling next year (graduating this year) and would lilkely be able to visit her a period of time...she will also only be gone for 1 year at the most..

So I recently started hanging out with my one time ex of 5 years...its been about 2 years since we were "together" although we have been unofficially on and off ever since. I used to go to school on the other side of the country and she was coming out to visit me even when we weren't together on a regular basis. This year it turns out we are in the same city for school....in September we tried to work things out and be together but it just wasn't working...for the rest of the year (up until about a month ago) we didn't speak 1 word to each other...and then somehow we ended up talking again (she called me) and we've been hanging out since....we are 22 and 21 When we were together we had a great and active sex life...we usually had sex on a daily basis and things were fine...any time I initiated anything she responded...never had any problems at all. Now that we are hanging out things are a lot different....like I said we have been talking/seeing each other almost every day for the last month....we have spent the night together probably 7 or 8 times but have actually had sex only 2-3 times in the last month. If I initiate she usually puts an end to it, and now I'm to the point where I don't even bother initiating anymore. She says she feels like all I want to do is have sex with her.....this isn't the case - we have had great times together (went out of town to shop/catch an NBA game, out to a club with her friends etc) in the last month without any sex at all and I have told her this. I am wondering if this problem stems from how she views herself or if I actually am trying to have sex with her too much. Does she have some emotional issues she has to get over? I really don't know anymore. By the way, she is going away for the summer (starting in two weeks) and then away to China for a year. What do you guys think of this?

Hello, Well...I have been in a mess with my ex gf for a couple of years now...we were together for 4 1/2 years and broke up due to distance about 2 years ago....since then we have been on and off multiple times....everytime she said she wanted to 'give things a try' i believed her, but she never REALLY gave things a try...I always felt she stayed reserved and protected herself from getting hurt by me again (I was the main reason we broke up in the first place)... we have been in the same city now since september but its obvious things just arent going to work out....not now anyway...I really do love this girl but im not sure if that is due to our history together or not....she has definitely changed since we dated seriously and i don't like it.... unfortunately we had a big argument a week ago and i told her off....in no way have i ever abusive towards her (except maybe this time) but she was being a complete b*tch to me and i told her about it, and told her to f*ck off, i have had enough....i felt terrible afterwards but i felt it was something i needed to do at the time... i told her i didnt want her in my life anymore and i was moving on....this is the opposite of what i really want but i don't really have a choice now...i was thinking about packing up all of our pictures together, letters from her, tickets from events we were at together etc. and giving them to her...i'm thinking this might help me get over her, and also show her that i am serious about moving on.....is this a good idea? the problem i can see with this is if she throws all of that out..i mean, i wouldnt really care right now, but one day if we ever got back together or if something happened and i wanted that stuff back, i might regret giving it to her....what do you think?

man, this girl is crazy..no offense but she seems really immature...i think you would be better off giving her space. i guarantee you she will be back..

Hey man....how long have you guys been together? I'm assuming it hasn't been that long since shes just finding out she pregnant (fooled around with a different guy) and you havn't slept with her...... The good news is you don't have any obligation here. If she decides to have an abortion life would be easier for you, but if she has it I would definitely get out of there....I know it sucks hearing your gf might be pregnant from some other guy but in a way you should be relieved...

"me", not my...

Thank you all for your advice - you are right. I am not handling this situation well at all and I need to get rid of her for good. She will call my crying and begging in about a month and a half..thats a guarantee...and when she does I suppose I will have to do as you guys say and ignore her for good.

Okay..I have had enough of waiting and wondering what is going on with me and my ex gf of 5 years....shes been off and on etc. for the last while.....one month she says she wants to be together, the next month she acts completely different... We are apart right now (2 hours) and she says she is too busy with work to talk to me on a regular basis...she calls about once a month.....pretty bad excuse..even if she works 70 hours a week (which she says) there is still nearly 100 other hours in the week...I am not looking for a long phone call....5-10 min every other day or something..........we will be in the same city in September for the rest of the year.... Here is what I am thinking...since I am tired of not knowing whats going on/waiting for her etc. I want to make a move.....she has told me to enjoy my summer and we will work things out come september.......I don't want to wait until then and I really don't want her to feel (I guess she already does) that she can come and go as she pleases....I am thinking of avoiding all the games and telling her straight up I want to be together and see what she says. I don't know why she wants to wait until september to figure things out but I am not putting my life on hold any longer.....I want to tell her straight up...either she's with me or she's not but at least I will know the answer for sure one way or the other.... what do you think?

Good advice...I think you may be right...it's just a hard thing to do when they continutally tell you what you want to hear. I think I am going to tell her straight up what I want/expect in a relationship from her or anyone for that matter and if she can't find time for me then I think I have my answer...... Kind of ironic how she told me on the phone yesterday to "keep in touch"...Hah..that's what I've been suggestiing the entire time...yet she can't seem to make a call once or twice a week.....

I'm not sure what to think...even if she is working 70 hours a week that still leaves plenty of time for a quick phone call here and there....I don't think there is another person involved but I could be completely wrong..thats just a feeling I have.... What would you do come September then? I do still really like her...but I'm torn on this...

I'm looking for an outsider's view as it is sometimes hard to see what's going on when you're involved in the situation yourself..... Dated girl for 5-6 years...last year or so have been on and off....I should also add that the last 2 years of those 5-6 were long distance....neither have us have dated during our time off... Now my schooling has taken me to a nearby city where we could easily be together. When she first found out I was going to be near her in September she was really excited and said she wants the give things another try and she misses me etc.... Here is the problem... we have basically been apart from each other (living in different cities - 1000 miles away) for the last 3 years....she says she wants to be together but now she is acting strange. We are currently lilving in different cities for the summer (we'll be in the same city come September) and she claims shes "too busy" to call as shes working nearly 70 hours a week. After a month of NC which I initiated (I'm not interested in any sort of relationship with her if she is "too busy" - if someone is important enough to you, you will make time for them) she calls today. She called me regarding a text message which I did not send at all...the text said something about being in another city or something, I have no idea where she got it from, I didn't send it. Anyway, she told me to do my own thing this summer and to "keep in touch" and we'll talk about us in September. She loves to play these games where she comes and goes on her terms and I've pretty much had enough of them. I still really care for her but I don't know what to do. If she can't take the time to call me even once a week or let me know when she has time off to possibly see each other, I have no idea how she honestly thinks I should be waiting to give this a try in September. It's pretty frustrating...she turns into a completely different person in the summer. I guarantee she will be calling me in tears come first week of September but I'm not sure what to do. Am I asking for too much here? I would get back together with her now but I feel she is not showing me any respect and I don't want to deal with it anymore. What would you do?

I am now walking away...at first I believed her and thought things would change...I know better now and I don't have time for her anymore.

Hey buddy...I have been where you are about 4 or 5 times myself.....I think you have to ask yourself what it is you want from her now. I don't know any details regarding your breakup and why she broke up with you but it appears she is lonely and wants you back in her life. If you want her back that can be good...but don't just allow her to run back and forth as she pleases...just keep responding politely as you have been and wait for her to make the next move. She's the one who broke up with you so if she wants you back she'll let you know. In the meantime I wouldn't sit around waiting for her or worry about her...keep busy and talk to other girls.

Tell her to make a move on you...that way you just have to go along with it....shouldn't be that difficult! hah

In this situation I wouldn't assume anything...my ex gf used to call me a lot and I thought that meant she wanted to get back together...I was wrong.... I really think you should clearly tell him how you feel and go from there.....just make sure you are fine with whatever response he gives you