yy99

renaissancewoman101, I have been thinking exactly what you said. She is being very careful to trust me and put all into the relationship. I guess knowing she has a safety blanket doesn't help the issue. Would time be the best solution?

Yeah, I had a hard time believe she can't see it. She does really care about him though. Now I am beginning to feel I should just let it go. I do appreciate the way he treats her and glad he makes her happy. Should I ask her what she wants first? Like having me as a bf, but keeping him as a best friend even though we all know what he is thinking?

Thanks momene, renaissancewoman101. I will try to talk to her.. I understand it's hard to let go of her best friend, it will feel like a breakup. And also they work together, so it's not too easy.. Haha onmyown... I do wish I can make them dissappear, I am definitely not happy what he is doing right now. I can see he is very actively trying to get her, but she thinks he is just being really nice. It's kinda obvious what he is up to, but she just can't see it. Yeah, he is like a safety blanket. If it doesn't work out with me, she always has him to fall back on. Would this make her take me and him for granted? I hope the way I am feeling is reasonable...

Thanks eyes! I will tell her how I feel. She knows how he feels very well. As he confessed twice. But yet she still keeps him around. Ofcourse he just gets sucked in more and more. She said she doesn't want to loose him, since he has been there for her. And I told her already that she has to let him go so he can better off. Should I tell her again?

Thanks renaissancewoman101. I don't mind her having guy friends, i think it's good to keep ur friends, helps out the relationship too. I am uncomfortable with him since I do think he is just waiting and waiting.. he did wait for 2 years, and he hasn't giving up yet. He offered to take her to work and stuff, even though she drives and going opposite way. I told her if u need to be picked up and dropped off, he will have to line up to do that for her. Just little things like that..

Haha.. I do have a friend I can introduce him to. Should I ask her what she thinks for me to hook him up? I doubt he may be interested though since he is crazy about her. I am in a little disadvantage since i know there is someone waiting for the opportunity for our relationship to have a problem. So feels like I have to constantly make sure she is happy even if I am not sometimes.. But I will tell her that I'm a little uncomfortable with him since I know how he feels. Would it be ok if I also say to her that I do trust him as a friend, but just don't give any wrong ideas since it may damage the friendship or something more? Thanks!!

Hi!! I want to ask before I over-react... Sorry it's a bit long.. My girlfriend had told me about her best friend, he is a guy and he has been liking her ever since they met. They know each other for 2 years. He has been there for her and he knows everything about her. They work together so they see each other. I told her before if you don't think of him more than just friends, you should let him go and so he can feel better and move on. He will come back if he can be just friends. Last night I asked her about him, just to see how things are since they work together. she said he makes her happy and she can feel how much he likes her. She said she usually can't feel how much a person likes her. I told her that's good, and I am happy that he makes her happy. She told me more about him, and I can see how much this guy really likes her. I wanted to be supportive so I told her he is really nice and I trust him. She said she doesn't want to loose him and I told her she won't. I myself really not comfortable with them being so close since I know the guy doesn't treat it as a friendship. But at same time I don't want to take away her friend. Did I do the right thing, being supportive? Or I should tell her how I really feel?

Lol... I know what to do now, sometimes it's nice to review the things u have done.

Thanks guys!!! She is really amazing, I will try to be cool and let her come to me.. Just talked to her on the phone, her friend is having a concert tomorrow and I will go pick her up tomorrow to go watch together. Maybe I will finally start to meet her friends, and it should help me getting closer to her. Her parents were out of town for 5 days, coming back today. At first she wanted to stay at her friend's place because she is scared to be alone. I offered her to stay at my place or I can stay over to keep her company. But she declined, she said still too early and don't think it's a good idea.. it's reasonable and right thing to do, but the friend she wanted to stay over is a guy's place. She said not too worry, but still makes me wonder why she can't pick her female friend's place instead..? She can sense me acted different, since no matter how cool I wanted to be, I can't hide that I was a little concerned.. so she tried to get her brother to come home to stay with her. First night her brother said to stay with him instead, however his roommate acts weird towards her and she doesn't like it. So I said just stay at home then, I will stay outside in my car until the morning comes. Ofcourse she said no but then we ended up staying in my car until the sky started to get lighter.. never thought it would feel so nice to be able to just sit there and hold hands, listening to music for 5 hours.. Second night she stayed at home again, except she came over and we watched a movie before I took her back.. 3rd night I didn't see her, she had class and stayed over at her brother's place. She felt bad making me stay up so late, but I really didn't mind it since I rather to see her safe than me sleeping.. Last night she stayed at her friend's place, but she didn't tell me who.. although I was dying to ask her, but I didn't.. Didn't want to apply pressure. And plus she is fine. I do want to ask sometimes however, not interrogating, but really want to know what she likes to do and make conversation.. I will not bring up the attack or anything that will reference to it. Although she did showed me the mace her dad bought for her, I told her I have 3 of them, for my sisters and mother. Use it if u need to. Hopefully the bad memory will fade away eventually from her and be happy to enjoy the new life. She is young, I did tell myself one day she might change.. And I might get hurt. But I took the chance, I see her at age 21, but she seems to know what she wants.. she is different than other girls.. if it works out, we might be still holding hands when we are old.. if not, at least I tried even with the pain I am not regretting. It would be a nice memory to have and good learning experience. I might create a puzzle for her to figure out on the plane ride, maybe a secret message.. any creative ideas? Just got a txt from her while I am typing away.. she says she misses me.. first time she said something like that.. Never knew I am able to wait this long just for these words..

Sorry if this is long.. hope the more details can help.. I posted about her before, but it was too short and didn't really said much.. sorry about that.. I have been dating this girl for 3 months. I met her at a restaurant, she is a waitress there. I wrote her a note and asked her if I can get to know her. She just smiled and didn't know what to say, I told her she can think about it. At the end of the dinner, I asked her what she thinks, she asked me if I am a friend of Y's? Y's is a friend and part of the group I was having dinner with.(We had a large group so Y was sitting on the other end of the table) So I said yes, and realized how embarrassing it was for me hitting on a friend's friend. I apologized and told her she can talk to Y about me if she wants, and told her maybe we can hang out sometimes. She talked to Y and few days later we set up a double date the following Sunday. So we hung out all day on Sunday. But I had trouble starting conversation for her, I told stories, asked her things about her, like what she likes and all the good stuff. Her response was yes, I do, no, oh really?.. very short and she won't asked me anything. As normal reaction, I thought she wasn't interested.. at the end of the day, she asked me so should I call you or..? I was surprised but said sure, and we exchanged numbers. We have been going on since then, usually we see each other once a week. I learned that she is very busy, she is full-time student and works 5 days a week. Pretty much her schedule is full. So when we go out, she takes days off for me. Even though, I still have trouble to get her opened up.. still me doing most of the talking and she still won't ask me questions.. she does ask me how's my day though.. So a lot of times we just hold hands, she will lie on my shoulder, and silence.. at first i thought it was a little awkward since silence is never fun, but now it becomes a regular i thought it's actually nice to be quiet and just enjoy the company. The thing is, she does talk, she talks to her friends, her boss and everyone else, but not the same when she is with me.. She said she never felt this way about anyone before, she thought all the guys are the same.. she told me she feels childish when she is with me.. I told her I don't think you are childish, just be yourself, I want to know you, don't have to act differently. Then she asked me anything I would like her to do for me? I told her when I know I will tell her. Even we are close right now, but not completely.. she is holding something back, always thinking hard when I see her.. that's why we are not yet official in bf and gf status. I finally asked her what is it that is holding you back and not able to open up to me? She said there is something I need to know or else it will never happen. She had a lot trouble telling me what, because she said she is afraid of loosing me once she tells me. I told her she will have to since it's that important for us to move on. After a long time of consideration, she finally told me. It's about her past, she had a horrible experience and that's the reason she broke up with her ex. She was attacked on the train late at night, her ex couldn't get over it and she had to break it off. It was a big thing for her to tell me that, I told her it's alright, I don't think any different towards her. I like you the same amount no less and no more. Although I have new respect for her afterwards, how she is able to stay so strong. She is young and a very independent girl, even after what happened, she said you would think she would change, but she still very independent. I am 29, she is 21. After she told me what was holding her back, things changed a little bit.. although still, she still doesn't talk.. lol.. and i am still not sure bf and gf status btw us right now because I didn't ask again and I can still sense something else is still holding her back. My brain tells me to give her space, keep myself occupied, ask her out still but be patient, don't rush into anything.. let her come to me and let her be the one wants to start a relationship. But my heart wants her to be mine right now, ask her to be my gf and let me take care of her. Which one should I listen to? What should I do to make sure I will follow the right way? Should I not call her? As u can see I am battling in myself back and forth.. She is leaving for japan this weekend for 2 weeks.. Before she leaves, anything I can do? Write her something like a letter so she can read it on the plane? Or just leave it? Thanks for finishing it!! Thanks for all your inputs! Be harsh if you want, I like honest answers. Hopefully soon I will be able to settle my feelings and able to give some back.

Thanks Momene! Well said, if they want to cheat, they'll find a way to do it regardless of any restrictions. It definitely helped me realizing it. I'll tell her it's cool she can hang out and have fun with her guy friends, but if she does anything wrong, she'll loose me. I can only control what I do.. I did tell her what I thought she can say to the guy. Just be honest and hope he will understand. Maybe I should get to know all of them too, keep the enemies closer.

Thanks for the replies! In my previous relationship(3 years together), I trusted my gf. She had a lot of guy friends, I didn't mind at all. I know most of them, and we're always cool hanging out. I thought we all just friends, and it made her happy too since she gets to see her friends. I did let her hang out with them or just with one person without me sometimes, I thought it's no problem. Eventually she cheated with one of them, I had to find out in a hard way, so it made me unable to think the same way again. This new girl I've met, we are still fairly new into the relationship(3 months). I like her a lot. I won't force her to see certain people only, it's always good to keep your friends. I don't know those guy friends of hers yet, but I am cool to meet with them eventually. I just have slight trouble of trusting her or those friends, since i dont' want a repeat. Especially I know some of them are looking for more than just friendship, and it doesn't help when she doesn't know what to tell them. Is it too early for me to think this way? Should I just be cool about it and hoping for the best? Should I help her what to say to those guys or let her decide?

Just wondering how many guys here are okay with their gf to have best male friends? Would most those guys be actually thinking they are just best friends or they have other intentions? When should I be concerned? I hate to be jealous or feeling insecure, but it's getting there.. Because her best male friend just confessed(again), along with few others, she doesn't want to loose them, so she doesn't know what to tell them. What should or shouldn't I do right now and in the future regarding this stuff? What would u do? Everyone's opinions plz. Thx!!

Thank you all for the advices!! I am feeling better now. Yeah, I do prefer in person or call her instead too, but since she is too busy so I thought texting her so she can take her time to think..

Thanks michelleth! I might have asked too early.. After reading the text msgs over, i sound stupid.. at night is tougher to think straight.. Should I tell her sorry about the msg, and tell her just wanted to take care of u. or somehow tell her i rushed it? Here is the msgs: Last night: From me: How's work today? They keeping you late again? From her: i got home.. Im not feeling well tonite.. guess i caught a cold. gtg sleep now, good nite. From me: A cold? Hope you feel better. Do you still want to meet tomorrow? (we scheduled to meet today) From her: depends on how i feel tomo.. but i think i better stay home.. sorry. From me: Ok. I want to take care of you, if you let me. From me: I like u a lot. let me know how you feel about me and what I said. Good night~