Hello, everybody. I'm sure you've seen topics like mine about a couple hundred times already, but I'm going to throw it out there anyway, because I'd appreciate some "professional" advice.
Almost a month ago, my girlfriend of eight months broke up with me. She basically said that the reasons for this were because she had become too "comfortable" in our relationship, that she had grown to depend on me too much, and that she no longer loved me as much as she did before.
I was very clingy during our relationship, without even realizing it. I used to get mad when she wanted to go out with her friends instead of me, I'd ask her to go out almost every night, and I'd get pissed at her when she'd do things that I disapproved of at the time (mostly drinking alcohol). Her resentment for me grew, and I could sense it. I would ask her if there was anything wrong, but she would always lie and tell me no; I suppose because she was afraid to confront me.
The breakup itself was a mess. I was in emotional shambles, and I begged her not to make that choice, which only reinforced her resolve to do it, I've come to realize. I talked with her over IM about two weeks after we broke up (she IMed me), and I told her how much I missed her and how much I'd still like to be with her (again, big mistake on my part). I asked her to see me so we could talk, and I convinced her to consider it. So a week went by without us talking at all (I intentionally stayed off of IM so I wouldn't run into her), and I sent her an e-mail (ugh) asking her if she wanted to hang out in a week, just to have some fun. She agreed, and I went out with her a few days ago. I thought this was okay, since I was feeling much better, and I thought that showing her that I didn't need her to be happy might get her to consider getting back together with me.
Of course, I only started reading about the "no contact" rule and other such tactics after I contacted her, so I saw the mistakes I made already. So I resolved to start applying those tactics from that point forward. So here's how our first in-person contact since the breakup went:
In the e-mail I sent her, I told her that I'd call her the day we were supposed to go out between 4-5 PM. Instead, I decided not to call her, and to see if she'd contact me to remind me of it. At about 7 PM, she called my cell phone, and left a message asking if we were still going to go out that night. I waited about ten minutes, then called her back, getting her voicemail. I left her a simple message asking her to call me back when she got that message. So about half an hour goes by, and she calls me back. I answer the phone, apologizing to her for not calling earlier, because I was "caught up" with something and forgot to call. She asked if we were still going out that night, and I said "sure."
So I picked her up at her house, and chatted with her mom and dad for awhile (they both adore me). I took her out to teach her some moves I'd learned in my kendo class (which I started taking shortly after she broke up with me), and she seemed to be having a lot of fun swinging the sword around and learning what I was teaching her.
Afterwards, she said she wanted to see a movie, and I refused, saying I didn't feel like seeing one that night (which is the opposite of what I would've done when I was going out with her). Instead, I took her to a bookstore, we got some coffee, went around looking at books (we love books), and chatting. After the bookstore closed, we went to an arcade/bar/dance club/pool hall that was nearby. We played some arcade games for about half an hour, then shot pool for another hour or so. All this time, I made sure to smile a lot, and just enjoy the time I was spending, not putting any pressure on her or anything. We were laughing and joking around the whole time. It felt great.
Well, when we tried to leave the parking lot afterwards, I found out my car battery had died. So remembering an old trick about aspirin and batteries, we hiked over to a convenience store, bought some aspirin, and I placed it in the battery, starting up the car just fine. She was really impressed by this (hardly anyone seems to know this secret), and kept saying how cool it was.
Then I brought her back home, and told her there was a personality test that I'd found in a book that I wanted her to take. Since it was pretty late by that point (about 2 AM), I told her I would completely understand if she wanted to call it a night. But she thought about it for a little while, and said that she wouldn't mind staying up longer. So we went up to her room, and I showed her how to take the test, which she spent the next two hours reading about and taking. During this time, I fell asleep on her bed, and woke up occasionally to see her still reading. Occasionally, I saw her looking at me. Then I awoke to her poking me, and telling me that she had finished it. Then we talked about the test for a little while, and she suggested that we go outside and talk, since she was afraid we would wake somebody up with our chatter.
So we go outside to where my car is parked, and we sat down next to each other. The sun was coming up by that point, and she commented on how beautiful it looked. I agreed, and noticed that she seemed a little bit nervous. I reached over and gave her a quick hug, then told her that I was going to go. We stood up, and I gave her another hug. I squeezed her, and then something happened. She started to fall into me more, and didn't pull away. She squeezed me tight, and I could hear her sniffling. She was crying. I managed to hold back my own tears, and pulled her closer, telling her that it was okay. We stayed like that for about 15-20 minutes, just standing out there hugging each other. I told her that I didn't have any bad feelings toward her for the decision she made (which I don't), and that I was there for her if she needed someone. So I finally broke our embrace, smiled at her, looked her in the eyes, kissed her on the forehead, and told her next time to call me and ask me out. She said she would, and I got into my car. I noticed that she lingered at the front gate of her house, watching me (probably making sure my car would start okay), which made me smile. So I drove away, and that was that.
So, how was that? I guess it was a pretty amicable first contact, although I should've been more in control of myself near the end. I couldn't help it though; I love her dearly, and I knew this was hurting her as well.
Anyway, any advice or comments would be appreciated.
