LonelyGirl

It is very frustrating for the other person (your ex) to have the upper hand and be the strong one so to speak. I'm in a similar situation and needless to say I'm the one who gives in...ALWAYS! I have to move out this weekend and I'm upset at him because he's out on a two day excursion with friends or something partying. Why do we need to be so jealous and emotional when the other person isn't? Why can't we just say goodbye and actually mean it!? I'm so frustrated and I totally understand your situation. I call him on his cell phone every so often but he NEVER calls me unless he needs a favor. It's also way too easy to let that feeling of comfort overwhelm you. It has already happened to me about a million times and we only broke up at the beginning of May. I do agree with you that the NC rule should be adhered to no matter what even if it's hard as hell. The longer you stay away the closer you get to being independent. I've done it before but I can tell ya...this stage SUCKS!

Well, I have to be out of my apartment by the end of the month and hopefully into my new apartment before June 1st! I know there are other people who have gone through this sort of thing and are going through it but it feels so lonely. I guess that's how it goes. I feel hurt, depressed, lonely, wasted, etc. I can't believe he just let me go that easily, too. I also know that he's got someone else and most likely had this person before our breakup. That crushes me. It is the worst pain to have on top of the heartache of a breakup. No wonder he didn't try to change my mind. I probably saved him the trouble of breaking things off for himself...if he would actually have the courage to do so. What did I do to deserve this? I gave my love and he took it for granted. I know it's for the best but I hurt so bad. I did the breaking up part but I still feel like I was the one who got dumped.

I know this is for the best and I have constant reminders as to why I am leaving. I guess I just expected him to be more remorseful and at least try to get me to stay. However, I guess it's better that he didn't because I don't know how that would have turned out. I'm leaving him and just can't wait to get into my apartment. The days are dragging and this month has felt like an eternity. The sooner I can get my butt out of here the better. My advice to anyone out there...If there are any sort of red flags that you see during your relationship then pay attention! I didn't and it took six years of my life. I'm going to be picky and I will pay much more attention the next time around. I'm thankful for this experience because I know what I don't want and ways to spot it before it's too late!

Well, I broke things off with my boyfriend of 6 years. We live together and all that fun stuff. I've posted here before so some of you may know my story. It was better than I thought at first (when I broke up with him) but now it's as if I set him free and he's out every night and treating me like absolute dirt. I feel like the bad guy for breaking up with him. He's treating me like I am such a bad person for doing so. The trust was gone from our relationship (at least for me) and I couldn't get past that. That was the big thing. A few years ago he cheated on me with someone close to me and I tried to work past it. However, it changed my outlook on our relationship and I never regained trust in him. All along he kept saying that if I didn't trust him that it was MY problem and there was nothing he could do. Gee, thanks! Then there's the strip club obsession. My ex spends lots of time in strip clubs even before we broke up. I expressed my feelings on this but he just responded by saying that every guy does it whether they're married or not and that he wasn't going to change. I felt disrespected. I told him that it hurt me and that I didn't like the fact that he went. He gives these women tons of money for something he could get for free at home and that hurts. If he were to tell me it hurt him if I did something I would do my best to change for him and show him I care. However, I guess I wasn't deserving of his respect. He would frequent these clubs on a weekly basis and I'm sure now that I broke things off it has increased. It's so damn hard toughing each day out until we move out. We have until June and then we're on each on our own. It started out friendly enough but now he gives me attitude and stuff. I guess he's starting to realize he has to do some hard work and get packed and moved and is taking it out on me. I told him that just because I broke up with him that it doesn't make me a bad person. What am I supposed to do ? Stay with him just because it's easier than packing and moving out and starting over? Well, anyways...I just don't know how to deal. I loved him. I still love him but know that this move was for the best. The hard part is dealing with him acting like he's free and treating me like dirt. I wish I had just left him a "Dear John" letter and been rid of him from the start. I guess his reaction and current behavior should only serve as reminders to why I broke things off.

Hi everyone...I've posted here before so I won't go into all the details. I just don't know what to do now. I live with my boyfriend and we've been together for several years. I love him but sometimes I guess that's not always enough. Basically the biggest problem is the lies. He lies to everyone he knows. Including me. I do not trust him and he knows it. Even the most trivial thing he will lie about...Even if he doesn't have to. It's almost as if it's just a natural reaction for him. I'm sure I've overreacted but I can't seem to help it anymore because I know he lies. I've become this jealous machine, too. I hate it. The second biggest problem that I know about is his strip club compulsion. I know he goes and spends outrageous amounts of cash. He lies and makes up excuses and thinks I don't know. I told him I know I can't stop him from going but I don't like it and feel disrespected. At first it wasn't as often...now it seems like he goes at least once a week...sometimes more. From what I've found a typical 'visit' costs him at least $100 and up. He also tries to hide receipts from me. There have been other questionable purchases but he always lies. It's driving me nuts. BUT what I am posting for is on how to leave. Like I mentioned before we live together and I do love him. But i know his behavior isn't going to stop and it could most likely get worse. I don't know how to come out and say "I'm leaving you". It makes me feel sick to my stomach and stressed when I think about how to even approach him. I'm scared to go through with it I guess. Some people tell me to pack up and leave without notice but I don't think I could do that. I don't hate him and that would be a nasty way to go. However, I don't know how to do it so that he won't be angry or retaliate somehow. I guess want to avoid a mess. Our lease is going to be up shortly and I haven't signed the new one yet. So not only am I at an unsure point but time is against me too. I don't know what to do. Is there anyone out there who dealt with a similar situation? I'm at a loss.

The proof is in the receipt I found for that night (from the place he went to). I have gotten upset with him before when he's gone out but those times were also suspicious. Like one time he went to the same place for a good 7 hours and he said he was by himself. It seemed weird to me! ALSO...In the past when confronted with proof and the truth he still tried to lie and deny. So what am I to do?! Sitting down and talking about it will only result in the same thing.

Never get involved with a married person or someone who is in a relationship. Why would you want to put yourself through that? Why would you want to inflict pain on others (i.e. their family, etc.)?

Listen...You don't want to hear this but...You're barely a teenager. You're young and your hormones and emotions are out of whack. They are in a place that they'll never be again in your life. You will get on with your life and it sounds like you might need to get over your boyfriend and find someone else. You are so young and the chances of you meeting more guys (and better guys) is GREAT. Let me tell ya! Don't waste your time. It's too precious to waste being stressed about a boy. Especially someone like that. Have fun and make sure you're happy. Stop worrying about him and take time out for yourself. When other people see you happy it really attracts others. Do yourself a favor and take care of you first. Don't worry about this guy.

I just have one thing to say...Why do people come out and say things to their significant others like that? IF it didn't really mean anything he should have kept it to himself! He probably should have kept it to a one dance minimum especially if he's "taken". OR there are some more serious issues here.

Okay, I'll try to make this as short as possible! My boyfriend and I have been together for several years. We've had our hardships and appeared to have gotten through them. However, he still lies about little and some big things. I have a very hard time with this. Trust is hard to come by and I just don't trust him. He lies about trivial things (for example he says he doesn't smoke but I find a pack every now and then in his pockets) but sometimes he lies about bigger things. Last week he lied to me about him going out. I know for a fact that he did (long story but I've got proof) and he took out a good amount of cash for the outing. I asked him and he said no and that I was crazy. I asked him if he was interested in someone else and he said no. I don't understand why he lied and said he didn't go out. I had my suspicions when he went to work that morning dressed up more than usual. But let it pass because I gave him the benefit of the doubt. But when I found out he went out he still denied it and that was that. Why would he go out and lie about it if he wasn't up to something? This makes me feel like I am really crazy! I can't stand not trusting him and I don't want to worry about where he is or what he's up to all the time. I never used to be like this but he doesn't give me any reason to trust him.

It seems to me you do have reason to be jealous. If my boyfriend came out and said that he'd like to have one night stands (for whatever reason) I'd be suspicious, too. USUALLY jealousy comes from somewhere. I know there are people out there who are that way by nature but for most of us we become jealous and insecure because of things our significant others do or say and/or how they are acting. The fact that he says you're insane is a flag. In my experience when responses like "you're insane" or "you're crazy" are used it usually means they're on the defensive and probably just trying to turn the tables on you. Putting the spotlight on you rather than on them. I've been through it. I've also noticed that if I've mentioned things in the past the reaction is amicable and reassuring only if they haven't done anything! So use your best judgement. You need to sit this boy down and have a good talk. Try not to be confrontational. That just makes them defensive from the getgo. Try a different approach from what you've been doing. Never let things boil up inside and explode. You need to be calm and collected! Good luck.

I'm in a bad relationship currently and want out. You just need to say goodbye. I know I shouldn't talk but if you don't live with him, you're not married and don't have kids...Get out before it's too late. You'll just get more and more attached and more hurt. I'm going through it all and have been going through it for years. My boyfriend sounds similar to yours. It hurts you and I know that! Him not wanting to talk about it is something he won't change. He won't change anyways. I've learned. A person won't change unless they want to and sometimes that doesn't even make it happen. Go out and leave this guy. I want to to do the same but have a few loose ends to tie up unfortunately. Remember a good relationship takes two. He doesn't seem to be thinking about your feelings and you're part of the relationship. If he can't see past his own shoes then he's never going to. Leave 'em. Good luck and keep us posted.

I'm just unhappy!

UNHAPPY UNHAPPY UNHAPPY UNHAPPY

Well, everyone was very helpful and I appreciated responses. However, I guess I should make some additions. First of all he's 30 but this behavior has been going on for the past couple of years. Different excuses are brought up from time to time. The last time we talked about it he said it was easier to masturbate and he didn't have to worry about me. I kind of took it in a bad way. He then came out and said that if I want something I need to suck his dick. Only he was very mean about it. I don't get any sort of real foreplay and he definitely doesn't come out and just lick me! I've started before and in that manner. So it almost seems like if this isn't something I do all the time then I won't get it. The way he said it doesn't exactly make me want to go ahead and just do it. You know? He was being a jerk when he said it. I mean we don't even really kiss (other than when we're leaving for work or coming home) because he doesn't like to do that unless it's during sex. That sucks for me and I mentioned it and he said that's just how it is. Is that fair? Why do I have to work around him all the time? I need some loving and I can't just always accept that I have to please him in order to get things going...The foreplay is lacking and when I tell him this he doesn't get it. I guess he thinks kissing is good enough. But yet I should suck his dick. Doesn't sound very into me, huh? Even though he denies that. I'm just at a loss. He goes to strip clubs regularly and says everyone else does even though I haven't heard the same when I've asked friends and co-workers. He also said that it's not going to stop...I know it's his right to go to a strip club...But it doesn't feel right and it makes me feel bad. What if I went out and had some guy dancing in front and all over me and was constantly throwing money away for it??? He says he wouldn't care. That's just to justify him doing it. The last time he went out he came back with something that looked like make-up or cover-up on his shirt. That made me upset. I asked him if he got lap dances...Of course he says no...and that it must have been a stripper who brushed by him. However, it wasn't in that sort of position. It made me feel bad. I love him but don't trust him because he obviously lies and I can't stand it. It's easier said than done to just pack up and leave. I'm not in the position currently.