priudias

Thanks guys! I don't think it could cause an argument, we are not mad at each other... However, I am afraid that it could get emotional... We haven't shown lots of emotions to each other yet because it could be harder that way, but I know I've been emotional in private, to my friends and family. My emotions are like a rollercoaster, which for what I've been reading here is normal in a break up situation. Sometimes I feel calm and rational, and other times I'm crying non stop. That's what I'm most afraid of, to not get a hold of myself and for him not to get a hold of himself...

My ex bf of 6 years (so weird to say that) is moving out today and tomorrow. I was planning to be out of the house because I was terrified to watch it, however, in my way to work this morning I slipped and fell on the street and sprained a ligament in my knee, and I had to go back home after going to the doctor. How messed up is that? I called my friend to be with me because I was afraid to be alone and starting crying and so forth… Our break up is very recent, a week on Friday. However, it needed to happen because we have different lifestyles and choices for the future. I’m conscious that it will be better for us, and even though I still love him very much, I can’t see us as a couple anymore. I’m on a stage of grief…I’m grieving the loss of the life we had as a couple, and the fact that we’ll never have the same kind of relationship again. I also wish I knew we were gonna break up, because it was so sudden. We’ve been having underlying problems for a while, but I personally didn’t expect a break up, it was his choice, although I understood and agreed. But my problem is that we’ve been having very little contact since the break up, we chose that way. We’ve been texting and emailing to talk about the moving, bills, phone line, etc.. All these things that need to be taken care of. Our texts and emails are very business like, and we haven’t really talked about our feelings in person since we decided to end our relationship (he’s been staying w/ a friend). Today he got in my apt, said a really dry hello, and went on packing his stuff. All day we didn’t exchange a word and thank God that my friend was with me. When he left, he didn’t say goodbye, but later he texted me saying that he was sorry if he was rude, but he can’t handle speaking face to face yet. I wrote back saying that I understood, that I feel if we talk now it will be emotional and it may feel like we are breaking up all over again. However, he’s coming back tomorrow morning for the rest of his stuff. I can’t get out of the house because of my knee and my friend won’t be here. Tomorrow is the real goodbye…I’m undecided if we should talk, or if we shouldn’t say a word like today. I feel we own each other kind words, because after all, we are not mad at each other. This is so hard. Should I say goodbye tomorrow and tell him some of my feelings? Or should I just ignore it… It was a 6 years relationship. I feel if I don’t say anything, we won’t have closure, but I’m afraid of talking to him, and feel like we are breaking up again. Please tell me what you think. Thanks for reading, Priscilla.

Thanks Suzy. It is nice to see a friendly response. I needed that. You made my day a little better.

I know exactly what you are talking about. Yesterday I was walking around the city and it felt that everywhere I looked I had a memory with my ex. It is awful.

My bf of almost 6 years and I are breaking up and he is moving out. It is one of the most difficult thing I've ever felt. I feel in my heart that the relationship is over, but it is still so sad to think that he's never gonna be part of my life in the same way again. I'm grieving his loss, and the loss of his family. I'm from another country and my family is not here with me, so I felt as though his family was my family. I wrote them an email for closure, and it saddens me that I'll probably never speak or see them again. I still love him very much, but I know that this is the best decision for us. He and I have different lifestyles and while I’m thinking about a future partnership that includes marriage and children, he still has doubts. We both understood why we should break up, but the final decision was his. I felt that we could work things out, especially because it was so sudden and it really caught me by surprise. We had problems with the differences of choices in our lives, but I see so many couples that have different lifestyles and because they love each other, they work things out. Anyways, I’m just trying to vent a little. There are times that I feel rational about the whole thing and understand that it is the best option for us. However, some other times I’m so overwhelmed with emotions that I feel this pain is gonna last forever. I’m trying to avoid contact with him at all times, but we still need to do some arrangements for him to move out. I don’t want to watch him leave. It’ll be way too painful. I really hope this gets better. Thanks for reading. Priscilla.

That is an interesting point Vert. Thanks for showing me a different perspective... Please, keep them coming.

I am so sorry if I might offend some, but it is just how a feel. Lately I've been looking at men like "animals". Like if they are always trying to find their mates everywhere. I've heard that biologically it is a fact that men tend to look for mates, since they are born to spread their "seeds" and all, but can't some men be more civilized? Note: I am not trying to generalize that to ALL males out there, but let's be honest, most of them. I have a bf and we've been together for around 3 years. We are both pretty jelous people (both scorpions - for those like me who believe in astrology), but we get along just fine. We've grown together this time that we've been in a relationship, and we really, really learned how to communicate. I always thought that we had a pretty honest and opened relationship actually. But anyways, about a month ago I found something that I really didn't like. You see, my bf is a musician, which requires a lot of travelling around in tours for months at time. I got pretty used to it by now, and respect his love and devotion for his music. But last year he was on a tour in south america (I'm from south america, and I can say that women are hot down there ), and everything went well. We missed each other, talked when we could and, of course, being a jelous person, I'd always repeat to him: "stay away from girls"... In his band, he had a friend who's single and was looking forward to have a little fun, which I knew to begin with and always joked around about it. When he came back he showed me all pics (as I thought) and everything was fine. Last month though, I was at his place while he was at a gig and went to his computer. You see, I have this problem, that I am really, really trying to get better at, but sometimes it's hard. I am too curious + jelous, which equals to insicurity. So, I found some pictures in his comp of some girls dancing and what not in their hotel room, and in the car giving them tours of the city they were at and etc... The problem is not that I think he cheated on me with the girls, but it's because he never showed me those pics. He hid them from me and it bothered me a lot... actually still does. I, of course, confronted him and he said that the reason he didn't show them to me was because he wanted to avoid that fight we were having. I see his point, and he understood that I was upset, I was mad at him for several days, and then we made up... but I still have questions in my mind that we talked about 100 times, but I can't get over. What if he cheats (or cheated) on me and reather not tell me to avoid a fight and a break up? Even if it was only once?? He sweares he never cheated on me... how to believe it now though? So anyways, my point for this topic is, why do men do things like that? Obviously I am very upset (my bf knows that by the way)... He is away now in another tour, and I am super insecure. Before anyone says that, I know that girls also lie and cheat, but don't you think that the majority of the cases are from guys? What I've found is that when girls cheat is usually because they are emotionally confused, or for revenge, or for other reasons other than just because they cannot control themselves when they see a hot body. Does it happen too? Of course, but not as much as guys. Please, if there is a nice guy out there that can change my point of view in how men act, and to let me know that there are guys who believe in fideliy above all, give me some light. I really need to build my trust in men again. Thanks for reading. And once again, I appologize for offending anyone... I just needed to let it out. P.

Hi kaloo! I went thought a similar situation w/ my bf in the beginning of this year. We've been together for a little more than 3 years, with great moments, and horrible ones as well. We, like you and your bf, have very different schedules. he's a musician and i go to school full time and have a full time day job also, so basically he's going to work when I'm ready to end my day, and when I start my day, he's most of the times asleep. it's crazy, but that's how it has always been so we are used to it. Even though we are both very busy people, we have always made time to each other. However, past December we felt very distant from one another... We both weren't sure if we were still in love, so we decided to take some time apart. but what happened was that I was just devastated. The same day we broke up, I realized how much I loved him and called him to see if he was feeling as horrible with our decision as I was. He said that he was comfortable with it and that he was sure that it was for the best. With that answer, I was sure that he definitely had fallen out of love with me. Some time passed by and we talked few times, but always with that feeling that we were grieving our relationship. I kept asking myself what had gone wrong... nothing... there was no one or nothing to blame, he just wasn't in love with me anymore. A couple of weeks passed by and one night he called me, even after we agreed that we wouldn't speak for a while. He said he missed me, so I invited him over to my place because I missed him so much too. From that moment on, we knew that we were still pretty much in love and that the time apart just made us realize how important we are for each other... After that we compromised to always make time for each other and not to let the romance die in our relationship. Now we ALWAYS go out in dates (like in the beginning of our relationship), try to look sexy for each other and do small nice things as well, like call each other in the middle of a busy day just to say "Hi! I'm busy, but I'm thinking of you". It's funny because just few days ago we were talking about it and how tight we are now. Maybe if we never had taken that time apart, we would've never realized how important are the roles we play in each other's lives. Our relationship is so much better now. So, if I could help you with anything is to advise you to try to make things better... If you are sure that you still love your bf, try to do what he suggested. Go out in dates, try to keep your relationship as fresh as you can. Sometimes we think that we can't do that, but believe me, it becomes fun after a while. Also, try to invite him to participate in the things you enjoy, like stay at home, read a nice book together, or rent movies and just have a relaxed weekend. After all, relationships are made with compromises. I'm sorry I wrote too much… But I hope my story helped you in some way. Take care of yourself… things will work out. Pri